Hermione's POV
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that
something else is more important than fear." ― Ambrose Redmoon
"There you go Mr. Malfoy, how does it feel now?" Poppy asked, pocketing her wand.
"Dandy." He replied, rolling his shoulder. I huffed. He looked over his shoulder at me and cocked an eyebrow.
"We're getting late." I told him, as he got up and walked over to me. We both left the hospital wing and went to our respective dormitories to change. I searched through my trunk and settled for casual attire. After changing into my clothes, I stood in the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
"You can do this Hermione." I whispered to myself. My skin seemed to have paled even more and my lip was slightly quivering. I tried to take long, calming breathes. I realized then that I was scared. Of what, was yet to be determined. But no matter how much I tried telling myself, I knew I wasn't ready enough to go back to that place.
Nothing during the war had traumatized me as much as the incidents at that house had. Bellatrix's assault had brought with it many lingering emotions and thoughts. And one of them had been the anxiety. Those moments, while I was trapped on the floor as Bellatrix carved the words 'Mudblood' into my arm were horrifying. For the first time in life, I had felt truly cornered and hopeless. Being defenseless had killed me a little from within. I had learned to never ever let my guard down. That night, I had sworn to never let anyone that near me again. That night the false sense of security my wand and magic had given me, had died, along with my bravado.
I knew it would take time to be able to let things go and get back my self-confidence and strength. It had taken me five months prior returning to Hogwarts to even think beyond my comfort zone. Fortunately, a little bit of myself that I had lost that night had mostly returned but now I feared going back there would weaken me again. I had been trying so hard to figure out the mystery that was Draco Malfoy, along with everything that had happened in the past few days that, I had misinterpreted my drive for knowledge to be my strength. I had believed the weakening of my resolve to be fatigue.
Guess I was wrong. And for the first time, it didn't pain me to admit it at all.
Suddenly, I didn't want to go at all. I wasn't ready. I couldn't face Narcissa Malfoy, I couldn't be in the same place where once I had almost lost my life at the hands of a mad woman. Breathing labored, I stumbled out of the bathroom and the dormitory, making my way out of the common room at a fast pace. I needed to find Draco. I couldn't do it, not yet. I looked everywhere for him for a while before I found him standing outside McGonagall's office. He saw me approaching first and called out,
"About time Granger, I thought you were going to bail on me."
I stopped before him, panting whilst clutching the stitch in my side. He let me gain my bearing before saying, "Right, we're getting late. If you want to be back before Dinner, we'll have to rush. Knowing Mother, she'll force us to have dinner with her, so you better hurry up."
He was halfway over the threshold when he turned around to find me still standing in my place. He walked back over to me. "What's wrong?" he frowned.
I was overcome with anxiety then, and I did the only thing I could think. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck, taking long shaky breathes. I could tell he was shocked by the way he had frozen into place but I didn't care. He let me cling to him for some time, waiting for my breathing to perhaps calm down before pulling me off him. His eyes raked over my face, concern shining through them. I could tell he had noticed the panic in my eyes. I was in hysterics, bordering wild actually.
"I don't think I can do this." I told him in a broken whisper, tears threatening to spill over. My fists were clenched by my side. His frown deepened, and he reached down for my hands, taking them in his own and unclenching my fists.
"Granger.." he began, looking into my eyes.
"No Dr-Draco, I.. I don't think I'm strong enough." I confessed, looking down at my feet,embarrassed. I couldn't face him. I couldn't bear to show him anymore of my own demons from the war than he had already witnessed.
He stood still for a moment, watching me cry silently before him. I felt completely out of my element, breaking down like that in front of him twice in a few days but right now, it seemed irrelevant. I couldn't understand what had happened in a matter of minutes. I was okay the day before when I had flooed his mother.
"Hermione," He spoke softly, and at first I didn't hear him so he repeated again. I looked up into his stormy eyes and felt my breathing calm down a little. He unclasped my death grip on his hands and put them on my shoulders, pressing down a little whilst looking me dead in the eyes, "Listen to me."
I shook my head, not at all in the position to hear out any sort of arguments. He gave me a little jerk, trying to get me to look at him, "You can do this, you hear me? You are so strong. You aren't going to fucking walk away from this opportunity."
"I- I.. N-no.."
"Yes. You're Hermione fucking Granger. You're the brightest witch in the history of Wizarding World. You've taken on dragons and fucking death eaters, head on. You've helped defeat the vilest bastard in the whole of Britain. You've punched me in the face and didn't even flinch once when my psychopath of an aunt tortured the shit out of you. You're bloody fucking brilliant, and you can't fucking let some bad memories and incidents from the war destroy you. You're better than that, do you hear me?" he ranted, pulling me up close and glaring at me. I felt the wind get knocked out of my chest.
It wasn't so much the words that rattled me, but the fierceness in his eyes that finally brought me back to my senses. I stared at him, flabbergasted, my mouth slightly open in surprise. He was right. For the first time in my life, I had to admit that he was actually fucking right.
"Granger?" he asked, when I didn't respond for another minute. I snapped out of my thoughts.
"I.."
"Don't do this right now Granger." He gritted out and I saw it then, the same look of uncertainty flash through his own eyes. It struck me once again, the fact that I wasn't the only one damaged by the war. There were others who were fighting just as tirelessly as myself to make things right again; to find closure. There were others who were also trying to fight their demons and begin again. There were others who were trying to start a new chapter of life, full of love, joy, and peace. And bury the war in the past.
"You need this. I need this. Merlin's balls Hermione, we need this. Don't let your head scare you this way. You know you can do it. I promise, if you can't stand it, I'll floo us back." His voice was strained now, as he bit out desperately.
I nodded, willing my body to stop shaking so much. "Okay," I told him.
He raised a brow at me. "I'll go. I need this, if I want to stop having nightmares, I need to go there. I will go there." I clarified, taking in a long calming breathe and squaring my shoulders. He examined my face for a long minute, looking for any cracks in my resolve but I wouldn't have it. I was acting like a coward and that wasn't me. I was strong; I was a Gryffindor for crying out loud!
We both stepped into McGonagall's office together to find her working at her desk. She looked up when we greeted her. Putting down her quill, she sat back and clasped her hands before her on her desk.
"Before you both go, I have to tell you something. First of all, there will be a team of Aurors outside the Manor for as long as you remain there-"
"But Profe-" I protested, but she raised a hand, making me bite down on my tongue. I waited for her to finish.
"This is not just for you Miss Granger. You should know well that the task you're set will be an important asset for our generations to come. This book that you're working on will be read by every Wizard residing in Great Britain and beyond. It is a reflection of our past. A door to the world of upheaval that we've survived and thus, it is, as the Minister said, their foremost responsibility to make sure you two get the proper protocol."
She waited for me to say something, but now that I knew her perspective, I couldn't think of anything to say. She continued, "Narcissa will be answering your questions and she has asked me to let you both stay for dinner as well. I told her it was upon the two of you to decide. If you do agree later on to stay, please inform me. Now," she stood up and came around the desk to stand before us,
"I want you both to be on your best behavior. Mr. Malfoy, I think you should go first." She told Draco. He nodded, before glancing at me. I nodded for him to know that I would be fine and with that, he walked towards the fireplace, palmed some floo powder that was put aside for him and shouted, "Malfoy Manor" into the fire before disappearing with the flames. I turned back to look at Professor McGonagall once he was gone and found her staring back at me thoughtfully.
"Miss Granger. Are you alright?" she inquired, pushing her spectacles back up her face. That reminded me of Harry and I wished he was here right now to boost me up.
"I'm fine, thank you Professor."
"Mister Potter wanted you to know that you will be alright and if you need him just 'shout out to him', I don't understand what he really means by that, seeing as you will be in Wiltshire which is far, even for a wizard to hear over the distance." She informed me, with a half-smile. Moments like these were the reason I loved my Head of house the most. She was a tough one, but when need be; she had the best things to say, in her own brisk way. I smiled at her and nodded. I bid her good bye and walked up to the fireplace as well, taking some floo powder in my hand and throwing it into the fireplace. I voiced out my destination, stepped into the green flames and in a dizzying moment, found myself facing, what looked like a floo room.
"We're late Hermione," Draco spoke from my left and I jumped, startled. He shook his head at me and straightened up, brushing soot off his black suit. I took a moment to admire his towering figure.
"What is this place?" I asked, deciding it was better to act like a tourist in London than recall everything from my past visit. I was here for a clean slate, so might as well begin now.
"The floo room. There's actually an interesting story about it."
"What?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. The corners of his mouth turned upwards slightly, and I could tell he was amused by my curiosity, despite the earlier break down I had,
"Believe it or not Granger, my great-great grandfather was a merchant, back in the 15th century. He worked with the muggles, which meant, he always had muggles coming up to the Manor for parties, drinks and work. My great-great grandmother was a real gem though. She was as unMalfoy-ish as they came and loved to play pranks on the poor muggles. She would make things float, or fly around and scare the living daylights out of the women that would often visit," I giggled, imagining his great-great grandmother doing exactly that. Mischief seemed to run in their blood, obviously.
He smirked, "Of course, when asked, she would deny it. But this one time she almost gave a stroke to these men by flooing into the living room after a day out with her girlfriends. She had been planning to do that for ages but Xavier, my great-great grandfather, would always find a way to stop her but that day.."
"Oh God, what did your grandfather do then?" I asked, totally sucked into the story.
"Well, you know how back in time, muggles hated witches and wizards just as much as we hated Voldemort, so it was crucial for our family to keep our identities a secret. We were the only, other than a few pureblood families, who had survived thus far, and that day my dear old nana almost gave us away. Of course, the Ministry got involved and they had to obliviate the whole bunch of forty or so muggles that were present in the manor that day, but then rumors began to spread somehow. Xavier was pissed off, and he.."
"What did he do?" I whispered, my eyes wide.
"He killed his wife." He replied, sounding as disgusted as I felt.
"He what?" I gasped, horrified. He smiled ruefully at my expressions and nodded towards the door. We walked out of the door together while I was trying to process the information he had given me.
"You need to understand, Malfoy men, have always been this way. Nothing could ever come between them and their status or their power." We turned into a long corridor, which was lined with pictures, which I assumed to be of his forefathers. As we passed, each man in the portrait would glare daggers at us, but surprisingly no one said a word. As if their mouths were magically sealed.
"They won't say shit. Mother magicked them into silence after the war. They wouldn't stop cursing me every time I walked past and it was becoming exceptionally bothersome. You see, after Mother saved Potter's life in that clearing, my dear old folks have developed massive proportions of hatred for us. They call us traitors too." He laughed dryly.
I remained silent, taking in everything he was telling me. For the first time, I was forced to admit that despite everything that had happened in the past, Draco had been a more tolerant Malfoy than all the men before him. After hearing Xavier Malfoy's story, I was loathed to imagine what the others had done to anyone who messed with them. At least Draco hadn't tried to kill anyone. The mission to kill Dumbledore was proof of that. He had his chance, but he didn't. People would call it cowardice, but to me, it was the good side of him that stopped him from completely going over to the dark side that night.
We entered the living room and I had barely noticed until Draco reached out and shook my shoulder. I was pulled out of my chain of thoughts, and as I stared up at him in question, all he did was turn around. I then took a moment to observe my surrounding and with a gasp, I realized we were standing in the same place that I had been tortured that night. I felt my legs begin to shake as I reached out to grab Draco's arm. He turned back to look at me.
"Draco!" Narcissa entered the room then, and we both turned as she made her way over and engulfed Draco into a hug. She was wearing a long mahogany dress and her hair was pulled back into a nice bun. I stepped aside to give the two a moment, and tried not to pass out. I kept telling myself to get a grip in my head. I was here for an important task. I couldn't lose my focus now.