Feelings
We were out of school that Monday due to a holiday or something. My house was right next to Darrell's as a matter of fact our bedroom windows faced each other. Darrell and I used to always climb out our windows and go to each others house as kids, and though we weren't kids I wanted to climb out my window and cuddle in my friends arms. But it just wouldn't be right. As I stared in his window, I watched as he came in with with a skinny kid I couldn't stand named Joseph. Joe was always a pain, whining like a girl, wearing odd clothes, but Darrell always had a personal interest in him and now I knew why. Joe must be the guy he was seeing. I immediately felt myself start to get jealous as I watched the two of them together.
They started off talking I just wished I could have heard their conversation. But then everything started to change, Darrell started appearing to be upset, his arms were flying as he spoke and he paced back and forth in front of Joe. There voices were getting louder, but not loud enough that I could make out what they were saying. I sat and watched the two of them argue. Joe would try to hug Darrell, and Darrell would push away and shake his head. It was a heated argument. At some point Joe started crying, and Darrell wrapped his arms around him to comfort him and then they started kissing. I felt myself getting angry possessive. He was supposed to be kissing me not scrawny pain in the ass Joe. Just as I began to fume, I saw Darrell look over at me our eyes met and Darrell closed the blinds, I felt like such and ass he knew I was watching. I wanted to walk over there to explain, I also wanted to pull Joe away from Darrell. I wanted to be in Darrell's arms. It was the strangest felling I had ever had. If I didn't know better I'd think I was falling for my best friend.
Tuesday morning came fast. We all took turns driving, today was my turn so I sat in my car extremely tired waiting for everyone to pile in. I had spent the entire night trying to figure out how I was going to explain my peeping tom moment to Darrell. I also wondered if he would bring it up or just dismiss the whole incident. I sat in my car dreading this conversation. Charlotte who lived across the street was the first to greet me. She came over first and hopped in the backseat as usual.
"Good morning" she sang in her all too happy morning voice. "Seen loverboy yet?" she asked referring to Darrell.
"Yep, he's with Joe?" I asked dryly, trying not to show emotions.
"Yeah. How did you find that out?” She asked seeming a little shocked that I knew.
“I saw them together last night. They were arguing. I think.” I told her, trying not to make it too obvious that I was spying on Darrell.
“They are horrible together, he has been trying to break up with him, and now he really wants to after this weekend."
"Really!" I was excited hoping it was because of me.
Charlotte laughed, "Yeah really," she pulled her self forward so she was right to the side of me. "He is really crazy about you. And I know you are unsure about all this homosexual stuff, but he doesn't think of you as gay or straight he just loves you." she said.
We waited a little longer and then we both watched Darrell leave his house with Joe, get in Joe's car and leave. I turned back and looked at her, "Love my ass, Joe spent the night with him." I was so upset I couldn't talk to Darrell for days.
Two weeks went by and Darrell and I hadn't spoken to each other and apart from off and on random gazes we rarely looked in each others directions. We continued the avoiding each other on our morning rides. In fact Darrell stopped riding with us completely.
Things started getting real rough between me and Tonya, I was losing interest in her and she could feel it. One early morning I got a breakup text from her.
I still wasn't talking to Darrell, and now without Tonya it basically was Charlotte and me everyday. Spending time with Charlotte was fun, but I was truly missing my best friend. Surprisingly though I was fine without Tonya.
"Go see Darrell tonight, he loves you and he is waiting for you to make up your mind." Charlotte urged me one morning. "This is a big step for him trying to be with his straight best friend. And he knows you saw him with Joe that night. He says nothing happened with Joe, they broke up kissed and they watched TV and fell asleep. Just go to him Martin you are crazy about him, why pass it up?" she asked.
"Come with me, I'm afraid." I told her.
She quickly shook her head, "No! This needs to be about you and him. Got to him, talk, do whatever the two of you need even if it means just being friends again." she pushed me on and she actually convinced me to move forward with Darrell.
Late that evening shortly before 9 I slipped out my parents' house to Darrell's, I knocked at the door his mom answered .
"Oh, I'm sorry, is ahh...Darrell awake?" I asked trying to be as apologetic as possible.
She stepped aside, "He's in his room." she waved down the hall, "You can go down if you'd like or I can call him out here." she offered. “He loves you Martin, please don't hurt him."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. His mom was fighting for her son's gay relationship. My mom is going to turn and run when she realizes what I am doing. How was I going to tell my parents I was falling for a guy.
I made it to Darrell's room and knocked on the door. My heart was pounding, palms sweaty, I was simply nervous as hell I couldn't wait to feel his hands and lips on me. The strange new feeling was making me want this guy so much.
"Yeah, come in." He called through the door.
I reached for the handle and turned. As I stepped into the room the first sight of him took my breath away, "ha...ha...hey you." I stuttered softly.
Darrell walked over to me slowly, "Hey you!" he replied sounding shocked that I was actually there. He reached his hand out and rubbed my cheek. "I missed you, our friendship, I wish I would have never told you my feelings" he said sounding so remorseful.
I grabbed his hand, "Dont say that, I appreciate you telling me. I see you now, and I see a new me. I think I am falling for you." I admitted as I held his hand in mine.
I stepped closer so our bodies touched. "Please don't do this unless you want me, you want us" he whispered as he lowered his mouth to mine.
I could feel his warm breath across my skin. My skin prickled and my body slightly shook at the anticipation of his kiss, "Kiss me, Darrell, please kiss me, I need to feel you." I begged.
Darrell didn't hesitate any longer, he captured my lips with his. The skill, the passion, and intimacy had me breathless and immediately wanting more. I pulled him all the way to me and I pulled his shirt over his head. I have seen this chest thousands of times, but for some reason this time I gasped at the sight he was even sexier right now. "You tanned, you look hot, Darrell" I said as I started trailing kisses down his neck.
"Martin I have wanted you since I was 12 and I have loved you since then." he told me as his tongue crept along my ear line to my ear lobe. I moaned loudly. It was so amazing how he knew exactly how to drive me crazy.
"Boy you drive me crazy" I whispered, and backed him to the bed. When he reached the bed he sat down and I straddled him. I sat on him and we made out for hours. At some point we fell asleep in each others arms.
The morning came quickly and we had a surprise just as I climbed on him and started giving him a few good morning kisses. His mother walked in the room "Darrell, what do you want for brea...oh god, oh boys I'm so sorry" she apologized, turning red and quickly walked back out the room locking the door as she left the room.
I rolled off of him so embarrassed. He guided me back to him, "uh ah...that was feeling to good get back up here." he smirked, "She will be fine, trust me she is happy right now."
After a nice make out session, we walked in the kitchen together, Darrell walked over first and kissed his mom's cheek, "good morning mom" he smiled and gave her a quick squeeze.
"Good morning baby" she said smiling and hugging him back. She looked over at me and smiled her face reddened and I am sure mine did too.
"Go morning Mrs. Nash" I said and gave her a hug.
Darrell's little 6 year old sister, Lisa, was at the breakfast table so Mrs. Nash pulled us into the dining room. "First of all I am truly sorry about this morning, but please lock the door from now on. And are you boys being safe, do you need me to buy you condoms or anything?" she asked hugging both of us. "I knew you would end up together."
Darrell blushed, "I can buy my own condoms, ma" he giggled and kissed his mom again and then left to go take his shower.
I sat with his mom at the breakfast table and ate after his sister left. "You're not upset he is gay?" I asked.
She shook her head "I, we love him, we've known for years. I just like seeing him happy. I knew after that camping trip he was finally with you he was so happy when he returned"
"How did he tell you, that he's gay?" I asked curious so I would know how to approach my parents.
She giggled, "His body told first" she smiled and held my hand. "His 13th birthday when all of you were swimming, you jumped on his back when y'all were playing water football. He got a little excited when he felt you on his back" she blushed. "He got out the pool and ran to his bedroom. Me and his dad followed and unfortunately, he started crying, cause you always seem to get him excited, and he said he had feelings for you. That was when we first
knew it may be more than a curiosity thing. And we hugged him and told him we accepted him regardless." she rubbed my back. "That was how we found out and once we accepted him, I think that's when he first started accepting it too. If you love him, just love him and be true to yourself, do what your heart tells you to do. It's going to be tough." she said and walked out the kitchen to finish getting Lisa ready for school.
I left to take my shower. For the first time in weeks I rode with Darrell to school. When we got to school, I did something so bold. I walked around the car, kissed my new boyfriend on the cheek, whispered
I loved him, and held his hand as we walked in the building. I expected Darrell to pull away but he just held on tight and smiled. This was definitely the start of something great