They wait on a bench at the park for a cab to come and pick them up. Cas stands at the curb and Rylan sits with his jacket resting over her shoulders.
"Cas." Rylan says, her throat dry and sore.
"Yes?" He asks, giving Rylan his full attention.
"I don't want a hospital."
"Rylan, you're in pain. There might be some damage we can't see. You need a hospital." Cas glances at Dani and Tuck who are now listening intently.
"I don't care."
Dani tries to reason with her. "Rylan, you were just attacked--"
"I'm not going to the hospital." Rylan says with finality.
"Alright....we'll take you home." Cas amends. Dani frowns, but otherwise doesn't say anything.
"You can't take me home."
"But Rylan—"
"You can't! My dad will be there!" Rylan hurriedly argues.
"That's kinda the point, isn't it? He can help you decide how you want to handle this."
"I don't want him to see me like this." She chokes up as tears well in her eyes. She blinks them away.
Dani elbows Tuck, imploring him to speak up and say something--anything--that will change Rylan's mind.
"Rylan, he's your dad. He can help. If you won't go to the hospital, you need to talk to someone." Tuck points out.
"I don't want him to know."
Cas shakes his head and sighs. "Where do you want me to take you?"
"We should be taking her to the hospital, Cas!" Dani answered him angrily.
"No!" Rylan states firmly. "I'm not going to the hospital and I'm not going home either." She looks each of her friends squarely in the face. "If my father finds out about this, it will destroy him. I have to handle this on my own."
"No, you don't." Dani persists. "You have us and we'll turn those fuckers in to the police."
Rylan shakes her head. "Have you heard a damn thing I've said, Dani? If we go to the police, I'll have to go to the hospital and then they will call my dad."
"They can put Blake, Liam, and Tyler away! They won't be able to hurt you." Dani insists, growing frustrated with Rylan's attitude.
Rylan sighs and holds back a whimper when the sudden release of breath contracts the muscles in her face. She flinches at the memory of Blake's hand swinging towards her face. "Blake will go away for what? A few years? And Liam and Tyler will get even less if they get in trouble at all. Jail won't keep them away for long and then they will come back and be even more pissed off at us. What good will it really do, Dani?"
"Then what?! What do you want us to do?" Dani demands.
"Dani, calm down. I think we've all been through enough today." Tuck pleads. Everyone quiets down.
"Let's just go to my house." Cas finally decides. It is a few more minutes before the taxi appears, but then Cas, Tuck, Dani, and Rylan all pile in. Somehow Rylan ends up tucked under Cas's arm. She doesn't tell him how much it bothers her. She knows he means well and only wants to comfort her, but it doesn't have the desired effect. Rylan really doesn't want anyone touching her at the moment.
The contact makes Rylan anxious and very aware of the fact that both Cas and Dani's knees are also touching her. Are they afraid she's going to disappear? Rylan craves the space of outside. Everything about the taxi makes her feel claustrophobic.
When they reach Cas's house, Tuck and Cas pool money to pay the driver, and then Cas moves to assist Rylan to the door. Rylan flinches when he reaches out to support her. She instantly feels bad, but Cas pretends not to notice her hesitance. He waits for Rylan to take his arm. After a moment, she does. Her body aches too much to make it inside the house on her own.
Once inside, all Rylan wants is someplace she can be alone. Her face stings and she feels grimey all over. She doesn't want to think about the bruises she'll have all over her body by the next morning.
"Can I use your bathroom?" Rylan asks quietly. She feels awkward around her friends now. Will they treat her differently? Pity her? Thankfully, Cas's parents don't appear to be home. At least she didn't have to lie and pretend around them.
Cas glances at Rylan worriedly. "Of course. It's down the hall to your left."
When Rylan finds the bathroom, she closes the door and locks it, sighing in relief. She's finally alone. Rylan wanders over to the shower and turns the knob on full heat, then searches for a new bar of soap. After finding one under the sink, Rylan relaxes against the wall and lets herself slide down to the floor. She wants to scream and cry and tear her hair out, but she can't decide what to do first, so in her frustration she breaks down and sobs. Her entire body shakes. Rylan is thankful the sound of the water drowns out the terrible noise coming from her broken soul.
How had things gotten so out of hand? Moving here was supposed to be a fresh start. So much for that plan. Her life has been shitty ever since moving here. Rylan misses her old friends, not that she had many. She hates herself, hates her life, hates her school, but most of all, she hates Blake. Rylan mops her face with her hands.
She forces herself to stand and peels her clothes off her aching body. The blood stains on her pants make her feel like throwing up. She has never seen this much blood before. Rylan catches her eyes in the reflection in the mirror. It takes her a second to process the image. She hardly recognizes herself.
Her dark brown hair no longer frames her face. Rather, it stands up on end in random patches while other patches are matted against her head and skin. Her mascara has smeared from the tears and tracked down her face in horrific, spattered rows that have now been smeared slightly by her hands. Rylan wonders why the taxi driver didn't say anything. Her appearance is certainly terrifying enough to warrant questions.
None of the old Rylan presents herself in this image. She can't see innocence or confidence or happiness, but Rylan does see a spark of something else register in her eyes. It glints for but a moment, yet Rylan recognizes it instantly: grit.
Rylan is a fighter. If nothing else, she could push on. Blake may have shaken her courage, but he hadn't destroyed it. He still terrifies her, but courage isn't an absence of fear. Rylan can't let him win. She won't give in to him or anyone else.
That glint is all she needs to convince herself that she isn't completely broken. Rylan climbs into the shower and scrubs away all evidence of the events of today. She won't be able to forget it, but she isn't going to let it control her either. Blake will not hurt her like this again and Mr. Quinn will have to answer to a higher authority if he continues to mess with her.
When Rylan exits the shower, she feels different--lighter--stronger. The girl in the mirror looks more like the old Rylan, but she can also see the damaged pieces underneath that aren't about to disappear. She will have to work harder to make sure her dad doesn't see the damage. If she tells him about this, she'll have to tell him about everything: skipping class, getting drunk, Mr. Quinn. Although it would be great to get all the lies off her chest, she'd be in just as much trouble as she'd be saving herself from. Rylan can't tell him.
A sudden knock on the door sends Rylan's heart into a fast-beating frenzy.
"Rylan? I have some clothes for you to change into." Dani calls softly.
Rylan hadn't even thought about that. She can't wear the same clothes she'd left home in. Rylan calms her beating heart and walks over to the door. She unlocks it and allows it to open a foot. Dani gives Rylan a half-hearted smile, but Rylan doesn't make an effort to reciprocate with her own.
Instead she simply says, "Thanks," and then accepts the red t-shirt, khaki pants, and underwear and locks the door again.
When the lock latches tightly again, Rylan lets out the breath she's holding. It feels safer in the bathroom, by herself. Rylan pulls on the new clothing. The pants are a bit baggy, but otherwise everything fits. She can't help wondering where they came from. They can't be Dani's because Dani is about the same size as Rylan and she always wears form-fitting clothes, but they are made for a female. Perhaps they belong to Cas's mother.
Rylan exits the bathroom and walks slowly down the hallway. She doesn't really want to face her friends again, but Tuck was right, she has to talk to someone about it and they're the only ones who know. She also has to practice acting as normal as possible so her dad doesn't suspect anything. The thought makes Rylan exhausted.
"Cas, why aren't we going to the police?" Dani demands, obviously upset.
Rylan stops in her tracks. Cas and Dani are just around the corner, having a supposedly private conversation. The mention of the police sends terror through Rylan. They won't really go behind her back, will they?
"That's not what Rylan wants. And as much as I'd like to see those dicks prosecuted and Blake... I hate them too, but we need to respect what she wants." Cas replies, unable to finish his revenge sentiments.
"But we could do it right now. She's in the bathroom. Rylan may hate us, but eventually she'll realize we're doing what's best for her." Dani insists.
Rylan's breath hitches. Is Cas actually considering this? He seemed sincere about wanting to help her, but Cas has known Dani for much longer. Rylan isn't sure she can trust him, especially since they haven't been getting along lately.
Cas glances up at Dani from his seated position at the kitchen table. "She's your best friend, Dani. Do you really want her to hate you?"
Dani shakes her head as she considers his question, then cries, "Yes! Okay, yes! If it will get her to feel better and keep her safe, then I'm fine with her hating me for as long as she needs to." She looks Cas dead in the eyes. "I won't let that bastard abuse my best friend anymore. I won't!"
"Dani, you don't get it! This could destroy her! If there's anything left to destroy, that is." Cas challenges angrily. "She needs us to stand by her, not force her to do something she doesn't want to do."
"You're wrong. I do get it. You're speaking from your own experience, Cas. This is different. It's hard to tell your parents, especially when Rylan only has her dad. She doesn't want to hurt him, I know, but this whole situation is painful and terrible no matter what. It's going to get worse before it gets better. You of all people know that! And letting her take a shower? C'mon Cas, even I know that was stupid!"
"There's no protocol for things like this, Dani. I'm doing the best I can."
"You're trying to do the opposite of what you did in the past!"
"Yes, because what I did was harmful!" Cas shouts.
"What if what you're doing right now isn't right for Rylan?! Huh? What if it causes more harm?!" Dani shouts over him.
This conversation has quickly escalated to a screaming match. The front door slams. Rylan backs down the hallway and into the alcove under the stairs just as Tuck saunters past the hallway towards the kitchen. He doesn't notice her eavesdropping. As soon as he passes, Rylan moves closer again.
"Enough!" He yells. "I can't take any more of your fighting! Don't forget that Rylan is just down the hallway probably terrified out of her mind." Tuck glares between Dani and Cas. "Yelling isn't doing anyone any good."
Tuck turns to Dani. "Dani, forget about what you think is best and just go along with what Rylan wants for now." Rylan listens as Dani tries to protest.
Tuck cuts her off. "Stop. This is not about what we want. Rylan was raped and she's trying to find a way to deal with the trauma. Talking to the police or telling anyone else is only going to distress her even more than she already is." Tuck cups Dani's face in his hands tenderly. "I'd say she's been through enough today."
Dani nods reluctantly, frustrated tears filling her eyes. Tuck wipes a few off her cheek as they try to escape.
"And then, if she feels the need to talk to someone later, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Okay?" He asks her. When Dani nods again, Tuck turns to Cas and waits for his agreement.
Rylan can't bear to hear any more. She waits a few more seconds, then walks out from the hallway as if she hasn't heard any of the previous conversation. Cas is the first to catch her eyes. Rylan looks away. His gaze is too much after all she just heard. Dani has turned away to compose herself. What did Dani mean when she said Cas was basing this on his own experience?
Tuck turns to face Rylan and gives her a small smile. She almost wants to thank him for sticking up for her. Almost. But that would mean revealing she'd been eavesdropping. The secrets just kept piling up.
"I think I should go home." Rylan says. "It's getting late. My dad will be expecting me soon."
"Okay." Tuck butts in before anyone else can say anything. "I'll call a taxi and we'll have you home, thirty minutes tops." He leaves the room, already dialing on his cell phone.
Rylan notices the look Tuck gives Cas as he leaves the room, but she doesn't mention it. She crosses her arms and runs her hands up and down in an effort to create more blood circulation and heat up her body. The atmosphere in the room feels awkward. Can she really pretend she hadn't heard all that? Should she? Rylan has so many questions, but now really doesn't seem like the time.
Dani finally turns around. She walks over to Rylan. "Look. I'm sorry I haven't been the best friend. I just... hate this situation and I wish this had never happened." Dani's eyes plead for forgiveness.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You've been the best friend you could be. Why are you beating yourself up?" Rylan asks, confused.
"I should have done something...I should do something now. I just sat by while he... "
"No. No, Dani, you cannot put this on yourself." Rylan grabs her friend's hand. "I am fine. I will be fine and you don't need to worry. If it makes you feel better, I'll tell you everywhere I'm going from now on. Okay?"
Dani nods, trying to hold back another flood of tears. Rylan pulls her hesitantly into a hug and Dani coughs so she won't start sobbing. Rylan's eyes water, but she refuses to cry. The two separate as soon as Tuck comes back in the room.
"The cab is here." He says.
Rylan nods. "Thank you. For everything." She starts for the door.
"Oh." She stops and turns. "I left my clothes in the bathroom..."
"That's fine. I'll take care of them." Cas promises.
Rylan searches his face for any sign of what he may be thinking, but he gives nothing away and his eyes are just as impassive as the first time she saw him. His mysteriousness interests her, but his tendency to hide things from her infuriates Rylan to no end. He wants her trust but isn't willing to give his own.
"I'll see you guys... " Rylan says, unsure when she will actually see them.
She hasn't decided if she will go to school tomorrow. Perhaps she can convince her dad to let her have a sick day or two before the weekend. She climbs into the cab and Tuck hands her her backpack and some cash to pay the driver when she gets to her house.
"Thank you, Tuck, really."
He smiles and says, "Call us when you get there."
This is a side of him she hasn't seen before. He's a goofball most of the time, but he cares deeply about his friends. Rylan sees that now. She feels closer to him, knowing that.
Rylan reaches her house around 7 P.M. and thankfully her dad isn't home yet. Relieved, she gets ready for bed because she can barely keep her eyes open. Hopefully she'll feel better in the morning.