Chapter 4: Reaching a Decision is Harder than it Sounds.
Allison's POV
I expected Connor to take the sensible route, and say we had no choice. To say that we needed the money desperately and that it wasn't that bad. But for once, I was taking the responsible approach. And Connor was the one who needed talking down.
He had this crazy idea in his head that we would be sacrificing our dignity if we listened to them. "Look," I said after half an hour of arguing, rubbing my temples slowly. "I really, really get what you're saying. But you and I both know that we need that money."
"Oh, really? Well, it could be the last money we ever make! What law firm is going to take me seriously when they hear that my parents in law dind't even trust me to plan their funeral? They could think I forced them to merge the law firms, that this whole marriage thing is a sham. Do you want that to happen?"
I shake my head and leave my hand on the top of my head. "Of course not, but do you really think that could happen?"
Connor sighed and rested his head against the back of his chair. "It could! We have no idea what could happen."
"Connor! Listen to yourself! That isn't going to happen. And have you thought about how long it would take for us to work off our college loans on our own? Years! We'd be deep in debt, lose our home and cars, and maybe start living off the streets!"
He smiled a little and took my hand. I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the table and facing his chair. He was sitting in the brown recliner and holding a mug in his hand. "We would get through it. I just don't think that this should happen."
"We don't have a choice! You heard your dad!"
"My dad doesn't know squat." He took a drink out of his mug and shuddered. "And besides, what would everyone say?"
"We could just tell them we were honoring them." The words sounded stupid as they came out of my mouth.
Sure enough, Connor smirked. "Yeah, right, because they'd believe that. We'd be marked by this!"
"Marked? Isn't that a little harsh? Please, Connor, look at this sensibly. Mom and Dad wanted us to do this, and they've got our hands tied. Besides, it could be interesting, seeing all the old relatives again. What's so wrong with that?"
Connor started to respond, then changed his mind and took a drink from his mug. He swallowed once, winced, and swallowed again.
I looked at him, concerned and tried to see what was in the mug. "Um,Connor? What are you drinking?"
His eyes flitted away and he set the mug on the table away from me. "Water." He coughed and took another drink. When his eyes met mine again, I noticed his pupils were dilated. Standing up quickly, grabbed the mug off the table and took a sip. I gagged and spat the dark liquid into the sink.
"Coffee? And vodka, I'm guessing?" When he didn't answer, I knew. "You promised me you wouldn't do this."
"I just needed something to help me focus!"
I shook my head and threw the rest of the drink into the sink. "Don't give me that! You're drunk, that's why you're not making any sense!
"I'm not drunk! That was my first drink today, okay? Just chill!"
"Don't you tell me to chill, Connor Brian Danielson! Your'e the one drinking at four o'clock in the afternoon! While your two kids sleep just a few rooms away and you talk about your parent-in-laws' funerals! What is wrong with you?"
Instead of waiting for an answer, I left the room quickly. First, I headed to my bedroom. Then I realized there was no lock on the door. Then I went to the nursery, but I couldn't wake the kids up, not over this, they'd just get scared.
So where did I go? The music room, of course. It seems like my only sanctuary these days. I thought about going to the piano, but realized there was only so much Connor had taught me so far. So I grabbed my guitar instead and settled down into one of the stools in the small recording stuido. The walls were soundproof, so this was perfect. I wouldn't be able to hear him. Before I started to sing, I locked the door.
"I used to think one day, we'd tell the story of us.
How we met and the sparks flew instantly.
And people would say, 'They're the lucky ones!'
I used to know my place was the spot next to you.
But now I'm searching the room for an empty seat.
Cuz lately I don't even know what page you're on.
Oh! A simple complication, miscommunications lead to fall out.
So many things that I wish you knew. So many walls up I can't break through!
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
And I"m dying to know, is it killing you, like it's killing me, yeah.
And I don't know what to say since the twist of fate
When it all broke down.
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Next chapter."
From the window at the front of the studio, I see Connor open the door to the music room and hesitate. When he hears what song I'm playing, he opens the door completely to stand and stare at me as I start the next verse.
"How'd we end up this way,
see me nervously pulling my hair and trying to look busy.
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us.
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here.
But you held your pride like you should have held me!"
Connor glances away. I smirk.
"Oh! I'm scared to see the ending, why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how.
I've never heard silence quite this loud!
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
And I"m dying to know is it killing you, like it's killing me, yeah.
I don't know what to say, since a twist of fate, when it all broke down.
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
This is looking like a contest.
Of who an act like they care less.
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now.
But I would lay my armor down if you say you'd rather love than fight.
There's so many things that you wish I knew, but the story of us might be ending soon!
Now I"m standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
And I'm dying to know is it killing you, like it's killing me now.
I don't know what to say, since a twist of fate when it all broke down.
But the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy no-ow-ow!
And we're not speaking.
And I"m dying to know, is it killing you, like it's killing me, yeah!
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate,
cuz we're going down. But the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
The end."
I put down my guitar and stared poignantly at Connor. He frowned and looked at his feet, face as red as a beet and guilt written across his face. I smirked and pushed past him out the door. Before I could even pass through the threshold completely, he grabbed my elbow and held tight. I turned to glare at him, but my face softened when I saw his soft blue eyes filled with guilt. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that, but... I needed a release."
I avert my eyes and stare at the ground. That seems to be one of my quirks: I look away when I"m angry.
Connor's POV
Yeah, she's angry.
She's doing that thing where she won't look at you. After six years, I know when she's pissed, and pissed she is. I let go of her elbow and expect her to leave, but she stays rooted to the ground. I'm silently thankful. I really was sorry, it was stupid. And it obviously hurt her a lot. She's been going off lately on the littlest things, but this was kind of a big one. Drinking in the middle of the day, after her parents died? Bad move, Connor.
I smiled grimly at her and pull a strand of her hair playfully. "Hey, I really am sorry. And that was a nice song."
She doesn't answer but I see a corner of her mouth twitch. I wasn't lying, though. That was a really, really good song. She picked the perfect one, too. I heard the lyrics, they really applied to what happened. Which of course made it that much harder to hear. I let go of her hair and pull her into a hug. She hesitates for a second before she grabs me tightly. "Just don't do it again," she says through tears. I chuckle and smile against her hair.
"Never. Now, are you hungry? Let's get something to eat and watch a move, shall we? I vote for Finding Nemo."
"For Cameron?"
I shake my head and pull her against me again. "No! That's my favorite movie ever. That Dory just cracks me up every time, you know?"
She smiles at my joke and leads me up to the living room. I look longingly at the kichen as she makes us some popcorn, knowing I can't cook tonight. No matter how gay it sounds, I love cooking. As a guy, food has always been my favorite thing ever, but making it? Even better. It's hard to explain.
We curl up on the couch and Allison leans her head against my shoulder. I put my arm around her and pull her closer so that she's sitting on my lap and kiss her hair softly. I inhale and smell her green apple shampoo, my favorite.
We really were meant for each other, I guess. If she can forgive me for this, maybe we can make it though the funeral. Maybe.
*****
DONE! After my first day of school, none the less!!! School is not a fun place to be, even when you have the best friends in the world, like I do. But seriously, learning makes my brain hurt. No thanks!!! Buut anywhoo, was this an awesome chapter or what?? Yeah, I'm gonna go with or what. Next chapter will be better, though, promise! By the way, check out the comment by andiaye on the epilogue of "An Arranged Pregnancy with a Jerk" and tell me if you guys agree. It was an AWESOME comment, and it really helped me. Also, I'd love some critiques in the comments!! that is your comment question, whether you agreed and what you would change. Thanks!!!!!!
WRITE ON!
<3 SnazzyReader