Zayn and I sat on one blanket while the other was draped around our shoulders. He held me tightly to his side, running his hand up and down my arm.
"What do you think?" he asked after a while of silence.
I gazed at the beautiful sunset in front of us. The cold air felt good against my cheeks, and I let my toes dig into the sand.
"It's beautiful," I said.
The waves shimmered as they crashed against the shore and the distant sound of laughter made me sigh in relaxation.
"Thank you," I said, leaning my head against Zayn's shoulder. "I never would have thought the bad boy from Bradford could come up with something like this."
"I've got a few tricks up my sleeve." He smiled, pouring another glass of non-alcoholic cider.
I thanked him when he handed my the glass, and I lifted it to my lips.
"Do you miss him, T?"
The question, unexpected, had me furrowing my eyebrows.
"Harry?" I asked. Zayn slowly nodded his head. "Why?"
"I don't know," he shrugged again. "Sometimes, he looks at you when he thinks no one's watching, you know? And I don't know, I guess I'm just wondering how you feel about me. About us."
He laced our fingers together.
Why would Harry look at me, I wondered. I shook my head and lowered my glass.
"Harry loves Nancy, Zayn," I said.
"I know that, T. But—"
"But nothing." I dug the glass into the sand and said, "I'm tired of everyone acting strange every time Harry and I are in the same room. I know Nancy still thinks there's something between us. But we're not in love anymore."
Zayn said, "I guess I just want to know how you feel before I end up forgotten again."
I frowned deeply.
Holding his hand tightly, I said, "I'm not going to forget about you." I touched Zayn's face with the other hand. "I'm happy, Zayn. I don't know what the future for us will be like in a year, or six months. But right now, I am happy."
Zayn leaned into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed. When they opened again, he smiled.
"Taissa, you have no idea how crazy I am about you."
I couldn't help but to return the smile.
Hearing someone say they were crazy about me was something I wanted to hear for a long time. And it coming from Zayn only added to the punch.
Perhaps there was a chance for me to finally find acceptance. To feel loved the way I used to.
"I really like you," I said. "And as much as I do, and as much as it shouldn't matter, the thought of Harry finding out scares me. I don't want him to be upset with you."
Dropping the subject, Zayn ended it with a kiss. Once the sun had completely gone down and our food had been eaten, we sat and talked till we could no longer bare the cold. Zayn, although he didn't want to, said we should go home.
"You wanna come over tomorrow when I get off work?" I asked when he had walked me to my door that night. "Nancy's coming but I'm sure she won't mind the extra company."
Zayn wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head.
"She'll have to deal with me anyway, as long as I get to see you."
He kissed me goodnight before leaving, taking his time to whisper "I'll miss you" before disappearing around the corner.
I decided to take a quick shower and change into something warm and comfortable. It was nearly ten o'clock but I wasn't tired yet. I kept thinking about our date. I had fun, despite the turn of conversation.
Was it wrong of me to have feelings for Zayn? He was my ex-boyfriend's best friend; wasn't there some unwritten rule about that?
I would always love Harry. He was always going to be the one that got away. But it was finally time to move on; to each be with someone who made us happy.
But was Zayn my happy ending?
H.
"I said that I wanted the Grand Hotel reception area reserved for June 11th of next year," Nancy fumed over the telephone.
She'd been having trouble securing a place for the reception and couldn't get a proper reservation for the date.
I ate my TV dinner at my tiny table in the living room, trying to hear the TV over Nancy's voice. I wasn't a fan of TV dinners, but ever since Nancy had actually started planning, she hardly had time to do anything else. The laundry had began to pile up; dinner was never done when I got home. I never said anything, but I had started to become aggravated.
I worked ten to twelve hours every six days out of the week. If I weren't so tired, I'd do all that myself. The work Nancy did at home was appreciated always, and I understood that she was overwhelmed with looking for a job and planning our wedding, but I couldn't do all the house work by myself when I worked full time.
"Please figure something out," Nancy snapped. "It's my wedding, dammit!"
That's all Nancy had been saying; my wedding, her wedding. Apparently, weddings were only special for the bride, not the groom.
Nancy hung up the phone, sighing as she laid on the sofa. She closed her eyes for a moment and I almost wished she would ask me how my day was, or even curl up beside me. I wanted to talk about my day with Nancy like we used to. I wanted her to rub my shoulders and back and I'd ask how her day was.
"I'm knackered," she said, looking at me. "I feel like I've gotten no sleep at all."
"Really," I said flatly. "I'm tired too. And these TV dinners aren't exactly up to par."
I dropped the plastic fork onto the tray with an exasperated sigh.
Nancy sat up, a frown on her face.
"Harry, did I...? Did I do something?"
Not being able to stop myself, I let out a scoff.
"Actually, no. No, you haven't done anything. I mean, the laundry hasn't been done, the toilet's disgusting. I haven't had a decent meal in bloody days."
"Oh, that's not fair," Nancy whined. "I've been busy with our wedding, Harry, you know that!"
"Oh, now it's our wedding," I said, making Nancy gasp a little. "Nancy, all you've been talking about is your big day! Like you're marrying yourself or something!"
I was beginning to sound just like her. I was nagging, something Nancy did when I didn't pay enough attention to her or buy her what she asked for. Last I checked, she was the princess here, not me.
"Of course you do! I just thought...I."
Without realizing how angry I was becoming, all the pent up frustration I had in me from work, from home, was starting to pour out.
"Nancy, we've still got a long time for this. You shouldn't be stressing over this when we've still got time."
"I want everything to be perfect."
"I get that, babe, I do," I said. "But you're forgetting to include me on this. And not to mention how much pressure I feel now that you've decided we should have kids right after the wedding when you can barely even take care of yourself!"
"Well I've done a pretty good job taking care of you, haven't I?" She asked. "I have always made sure the house was picked up, and that there was a hot meal on the table when you get home from work, Harry! But the second I stop and take a breather, you're already down my throat demanding me to clean up after you!"
We were both standing up now, facing each other with our arms flailing in the air.
"Oh, don't make me out to be the bad guy here, Nancy. Just admit it. You don't wanna work and that's why you haven't made any real moves about getting hired. You're comfortable sitting on the sofa and looking pretty!"
Nancy gasped.
"You asshole! So what if I don't want to work! At least I'm not miserable at my job! What has gotten into you, Harry?" Nancy's voice was loud, but I knew she didn't want to yell any louder. She hated when we fought. "You've been so different lately. Why?"
Still fuming, I picked up my dinner and carried it into the kitchen. Nancy followed close behind and I continued to ignore her. But it was when she mentioned Taissa that I became angry all over again.
"You're upset because I'm getting along with Taissa, aren't you?"
I let out a ridiculous laugh, only making her more upset. She wasn't serious, was she?
"What in the bloody hell put that insane thought in your head?"
Nancy glared, clenching her fists.
"Harry, I've noticed it. The way you look at her when she's around. She said that there was nothing between you two anymore and I believe her. It's you I'm not too sure about anymore."
Her words ignited something in me. Anger. Frustration. Rage. I had never been the kind of guy to let things get under my skin but lately, it had been nearly impossible to not get upset over the smallest things.
I stood straight, my height towering over Nancy's figure. She wasn't much shorter than me but I was still pretty tall.
"Are you serious, Nancy? You think I have feelings for her? I'm marrying you for fuck's sake."
I had never raised my voice at a woman, never swore in anger. But it was so difficult to even have this conversation with her.
I pointed a finger at her and said, "If I remembered right, it was your idea to make her a part of the wedding! Why did you ask her anyway? Your other friends had better plans than to be at your beck and call, Nance?"
Suddenly, Nancy's hand flew up and made a harsh connection with my cheek. A stinging sensation was felt and my head was forced to the right. Nancy gasped again, surprised by her own actions. She covered her mouth with her hands and her eyes filled with tears.
"Harry," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
It wasn't the first time she'd slapped me. And it wasn't the first time I had deserved it. But this time was different. All those other times we fought, it wasn't over another woman.
Taissa wasn't to blame here, but I couldn't ignore that she was the reason for my mood swings. For my sudden feeling of cold feet.
I licked my lips and let out a sigh. Nancy watched me and begged me to forgive her. But she didn't need my forgiveness. I needed hers. Problem was, I was too prideful to ask for it, and too scared to tell her that she was right.
I was still in love with Taissa.
Not able to stand there any longer, I said, "You know what? I'm going out. I can't be here right now, I... I need some air. I need to think."
"Harry-"
"I'll be back later." I grabbed my phone and coat before walking to the door. I stopped and looked back at my girlfriend, her eyes full of hurt and anger. Before leaving I only said a simple, "Don't wait up."