Chapter Twenty
You are so not going to do that again, Ian!" Daze rolled her eyes while creasing her eyebrows. Ian laughed and palmed her face.
"Aye-aye, signorina." He kissed the top of her head.
"Baby girl, did you see the way I twerked? Ang galing ko, 'di ba? Uto-uto kasi 'yang sila Zade kaya nang binulungan ko sa backstage na change of plans ay nagsisunuran naman at sumayaw talaga silang lahat!" Kuya Vane laughed while wiggling his eyebrows at Ate Xiana. Nakauwi na kaming lahat, at ngayon ay nandito kami sa malawak na sala ng Monteverde manor, nagkukuwentuhan, nagbibiruan.
"Vane, feel na feel mo." Ate Xiana gave him a smile and he smiled back as if she was the only woman in the universe.
"Hay nako, Alexander! Kahit kailan talaga ang tigas ng katawan mo." Ate Blythe snorted before flipping her middle finger at Kuya Xander. Napangiwi ako sa ginawa niya pero nagtaas lang ng kilay sa kanya si Kuya. Then he leaned forward and mumbled something on her ear. Her eyes widened and she quickly shoved him away.
"Ang bastos mo!" tila nae-eskandalo niyang sagot dito bago ito pinandilatan, pero ngumisi rin siya ng nakakaloko. "Pero gusto ko 'yan, Aldeng."
Kuya grinned and quickly carried her wife upstairs.
Tumingin si Ian kay Daze at ngumiti ng may laman. "Mole time, baby?"
Daze hit his arm. "Magtigil nga you!"
"Ano 'yung mole time?" nakakunot ang noong tanong ni Kuya Vane sa kanila. Ian just grinned and Kuya seemed to understand. Tinawag ng helper si Ate Xiana dahil umiiyak daw si Vera at ayaw tumigil kaya agad na umakyat sa kuwarto ang dalawa. Matapos ang ilang sandali ay tumayo na si Ian at nagpaalam para umuwi.
"That was one helluva proposal, dude," baling nito kay Zade.
"Thanks for the help," sabi naman ng huli na nakahawak ng mahigpit sa kamay ko. Nagtanguan sila bago inihatid ni Daze si Ian sa labas.
Zade and I were silent.
Then, as if we could sense each other's emotions, we both blurted out the same thing at the exact same time. "I love you."
Napangiti ako at tinitigan ko ang singsing sa kamay ko. It glinted with a beautiful light and it looked perfect on my hand.
"Hindi ko akalaing gagawin mo ang mga ginawa mo kanina, Zade. Maraming salamat." Nagsimula na namang mag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko pero pinunasan niya ito.
"Hey, don't cry. Ginawa ko 'yon para mapasaya ka. I want to always see a smile on your beautiful face," he whispered. "Because you deserve happiness, Sam. The best kind."
Inilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kaniya at sinakop ang labi niya. Umungol siya at hinatak ang baywang ko. I whimpered and he groaned while we kissed passionately. We were both ablaze and I can feel the heat our skins were emanating.
"We should go inside my room, don't you think?" pabulong niyang sabi sa akin habang naghahabol ng hininga. I laughed and agreed. Binuhat niya na ako at dinala sa itaas. Pagkatapos ay ibinaba niya ako sa ibabaw ng kama.
Nginitian niya ako bago tinanggal ang t-shirt na suot niya. Initsa niya ito sa isang tabi at pumunta sa kabilang ibayo ng silid. Pagkatapos ay tinitigan niya ako at nakakalokong kinindatan na tila may pinaplanong kalokohan.
"Zade, what are you doing?" natatawang sabi ko. He put a finger on his lips as if to say shhh. So I shut my mouth and just waited. He unbuckled his belt and removed his pants. My cheeks were blazing as I stared at his boxer shorts. He started flexing his muscles and I laughed at him.
"Macho dancer ka na ngayon? Akala ko nerd ka lang?" Nagpipigil ang ngiti na pang-aasar ko. "Zade Gulapa."
He snickered. "Ako ang macho dancer ng buhay mo."
Napahagalpak ako ng tawa sa sinabi niya pero agad din iyong natigil nang magsimula siyang magsayaw. Ginaya niya ang mga sayaw ng mga lalaki sa bar. Sa kalagitnaan ng sayaw ay tumigil siya para dilaan ang pang-ibabang labi.
"Parang may kulang," he commented and I frowned.
"Ano naman 'yon?"
"Wala akong poste, babe." And all of a sudden, his face lit up. "Sandali lang."
He hurried toward his mini bathroom and when he went out, he was already holding a mop. Tawa ako ng tawa nang sayawan niya ang walang kamalay-malay at kaawa-awang mop na kanina ay nananahimik lang.
"You're so unbelievable, Andeng!" Naiiyak na ako dahil sa sobrang pagtawa pero tuloy pa rin siya sa ginagawa niyang pag-giling.
He is by far the hottest macho dancer ever, I'll give it to him.
"Tinatawanan mo lang naman ako, Maria Samantha! Sayang ang effort ko," wika niya bago isinandal ang mop sa dresser. He dropped himself on the bed next to me.
"Nakakatawa ka naman talaga. Saan mo naman 'yan natutunan?"
"Tinuruan kami ni Vane."
"That's insane."
He was catching his breath while I just lay there and listened.
"When do you want the wedding to happen?" tanong niya.
"Mmm..." I paused to think. "In a year?"
"Isn't that too long of a wait?"
"You want to get married na ba as soon as possible?"
"I do," he replied confidently. "I am sure of us."
"Gusto ko na rin naman. Kaso Zade, hindi ka ba nahihiya na—"
"Ayan ka na naman." Nabakas sa tono niya ang pagtatampo. "Sam, babe, how many times do I have to tell you na hindi kita ikinahihiya o kahit kailanman ikahihiya. I don't care what other people think, what other people say. It's not their happiness at stake. It's mine, it is ours. So, no, I don't give a shit about them. You're the only one I care about."
"Thank you for loving me the way you do. And I want you to know that I am as sure of you as you are of me, Zade."
"Do you want to get married pagkatapos ng therapy?"
He said it in a casual tone, the way one would ask a friend out to dinner. And I had tears in my eyes as I nodded and agreed, the way one would when you have no plans for the night. All in all, this was a beautiful moment and it is something I never ever want to forget.
Tumahimik ako. Instead of saying anything, I just gazed up at his ceiling.
"Do you remember the last line of Michael Faudet's Smitten?" He asked randomly.
"Two foolish fools," he started. "Falling in love—"
"With love." I ended. I felt his hand grasping mine and I held onto him, too.
"That's what we are, I guess. Two foolish fools," bulong ko.
"Possibly." He yawned and draped a leg over me. He pulled me close and inhaled my scent. His face searched for a comfortable spot and when he found the noose of my neck, he buried his face in there comfortably.
We enjoyed a few minutes of silence before we were interrupted by a loud, beautiful, hysterical lady who barged into his room.
"You filthy woman!" She was seething. I wasn't able to register more of her features before she quickly made her way toward me and gave me a hard, crispy slap that threw my face sideways. "Ang dumi mo."
Malakas ang tibok ng puso na napahawak ako sa pisngi ko. I felt the burning sensation her slap had caused. Nang makahuma si Zade mula sa pagkabigla ay iniharang niya ang sarili sa pagitan naming dalawa.
"Elaine!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Paano ka nakapasok?"
"Paano ako nakapasok? Malamang dahil ang alam pa rin ng mga guards n'yo ay ako, at hindi ang babaeng 'yan, ang girlfriend mo!"
Nakita kong may dumaang maid sa labas at agad na sumigaw si Zade na tumawag ng guards. Nagmamadaling sumigaw ito pababa.
Elaine... So that's what her name is.
Zade's... girlfriend before we got back together. I couldn't bring myself to think of her as Zade's ex dahil naging gano'n din ako. Tulad ng sabi ko no'n, I feel for her. Nakasakit kaming dalawa kaya Elaine has every right to be this furious.
"You have the audacity na dalhin ang babaeng 'yan sa pamamahay ng mga magulang mo, Zade? Look at her." She glared at me. "LOOK AT HER!"
"Elaine, so... sorry," anas ko.
"Sorry? Para saan? Para sa katraydoran na ginawa niyo sa akin ni Zade? Para sa pakikipagsex sa kanya kahit na alam mo naman siguro na hindi siya single? Para sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayong biglaan siyang nagpropose sa'yo kahit kaming dalawa ang maraming planong binuo? Sorry?" She balled her fists. "Kulang pa ang sorry mo!" She tried to reach for me again, but Zade pulled her back.
"Please, calm down... Please, E."
"No!" Sinugod ako uli ni Elaine pero itinakip ni Zade ang sarili niya kaya siya ang napagbuntunan nito ng galit. Elaine started sobbing while hitting Zade's back and I.. I couldn't even say anything because of too much shock, too much guilt.
Ito 'yung babaeng inagawan ko ng minamahal. Ito 'yung babaeng tinanggalan ko ng karapatang lumigaya. Ito 'yung babaeng tunay na nagmamay-ari kay Zade.
How could I get angry at her?
How could I fight back?
Alam ko namang ako ang nasa mali.
She had the right to hate me and hurt me, because I stole Zade from her.
"Itong pilay na ito ang ipinalit mo sa akin, Zade? Pinili mo ang dukhang ito na gusto ka lang namang perahan? How could you be so stupid? How could you turn a blind eye?" Hinampas hampas niya ang likod ni Zade kaya niyakap siya nito.
"Mag-usap tayo kapag kalmado ka na," he said without letting go of her.
"Kalmado? How can I calm down when your damn proposal was all over the news, Zade? Alam ng lahat ng kaibigan ko na ako ang girlfriend mo tapos bigla na lang nilang makikitang may gano'n? You made me look like a fool. You made me the laughingstock of my friends, my officemates and the source of my family's pity..."
"I'm sorry." Zade apologized sincerely. Nagsimula ng kumibot ang mga labi ko. Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko. I didn't want to hear anything coming from her mouth. Nahihiya ako sa sarili ko.
Paano ko naaatim na maging masaya habang siya ay miserable?
"Ikaw namang babae ka! Ang kapal ng mukha mo, 'no? You have the guts to say yes to him?You have the guts to look so delighted as he slipped a fucking ring on your fucking finger? Alam mo namang may girlfriend siya no'ng mga panahong nasa Ilocos siya pero nilandi mo pa rin! Bakit? Wala ka na naman bang pera?"
"It's not that..." nanginginig na sabi ko.
"You could have told me." She cried harder. "I could've given you money! Hindi mo na sana kinailangan pang magpanggap na mahal mo siya para lang makalikom ka ng pera!" She shouted at nanliit ako sa sarili ko dahil sa mga sinabi niya.
"Hindi ko naman siya pineperahan..." depensa ko. "Alam kong mali ang ginawa ko no'n, pero hindi ko na inuulit 'yon. Nagbago na ako Elaine. Na-realize ko na ang epekto ng mga kamalian ko noon."
"Oh, shut up! Sinungaling ka. You used Zade before and you're using him again, you gold-digging skank!" she hissed. Nakaalpas ang kamay niya at nahagip niya ang buhok ko. She pulled with all her might and I winced because of the pain.
"Damn it, Elaine!" Mariing tinanggal ni Zade ang kamay ni Elaine sa buhok ko. "Guards! Guards! What is taking them so long?" He shoved her away and shock registered from her face because of what he did.
"Sinasaktan mo ako para sa babaeng yan, Z?" she asked, her face crunched in disbelief.
"I will hurt anyone who will hurt her, Elaine. Even you. Kaya pakiusap, umalis ka na. Ayaw kong lalo pa tayong magkasakitan dito," Zade said in a deadly tone. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at matagal niya itong tinitigan. Then he gave a resigned sigh before facing Elaine again. "Look, Laine. I'm sorry, I really am. Alam kong sobra kitang nasaktan pero kung hindi kita hiniwalayan ay mas masasaktan ka kung patuloy akong magpapanggap. I care for you because at some point, I really did love you."
Hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa kamay ni Zade at naramdaman ko na lang na umiiyak na rin ako. Elaine's words are swimming inside my head.
Gold-digging skank.
"Nandito lang naman ako, Z. Mahal pa rin kita. Kaya kong tanggapin ito basta bumalik ka sa akin at iwan mo ang walang kwentang babaeng 'yan. Tulad ng sabi ko sa'yo, kaya kitang patawarin. Kaya kong umaktong hindi nangyari ang lahat ng 'to."
Nagtagis ang mga bagang ni Zade. "The woman you are calling worthless is the person who gave my life purpose. You call her worthless, but what you do not know is that she is priceless and nothing in the world can equal her value."
"Z, nangako ka sa akin, 'di ba? You said we are going to get married someday. But why are you marrying that gold digger instead of me?"
Napayuko ako. Kahit umiiyak si Elaine ay nakikita ko kung gaano siya ka elegante at kaganda. Kung magtatabi kami ay magmumukha akong alalay niya. She was that beautiful. Ngayon ay hindi ko alam kung bulag ba si Zade o ano. Why would he leave a woman like her for a woman like me? And how could he see my value when I myself can't feel it?
"Kahit na ayaw ko, kailangan kong baliin ang mga pangakong 'yon."
Umiling ito ng umiling habang umiiyak. "Please, Zade, please. Let's start anew—"
"I am starting anew, Laine. Sana ikaw din magsimula na ng bago, pero 'yung wala na ako. You can't hold on to me forever. At one point, one way or the other, you would have to let me and our memories go."
Hindi ako makatingin kay Elaine. Wala akong masabi. Naririnig ko ang mga iyak niya at para itong sampal sa akin.
"Elaine, sana mapatawad mo kami..." Kusang lumabas ang mga iyon sa bibig ko. Nanlilisik ang mga matang nilingon niya ako at susugod sana siya nang may humablot sa mahaba niyang buhok.
"Not so fast," Ate Blythe said with a scowl. "Isang maling galaw, puputok ang ulo mo."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang may hawak na baril si Ate Blythe at nakatutok ito kay Elaine. She quivered with fear. Napansin kong ang gulo ng buhok ni Ate at naka roba lang siya na parang minadali ang pagkakabuhol.
"Here we go again with the fucking gun. Aren't you tired of theatrics, love?" tanong ni Kuya Xander na nasa likod lang pala ng asawa. Nasa likod nila ang mga guard na tila kinakabahan dahil sa tensyon na nangyayari.
Hindi ako makakibo ng dahil sa labis na takot. Ate looked like a murderess. There was an evil glint in her eyes.
"Ate... 'wag mong gawin 'yan," saad ko nang mahanap ko ang sariling boses.
"Hmm?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Zade... Kuya Xander... please stop her." Nanginginig na nakiusap ako. Zade stayed silent while eyeing Ate Blythe. Kuya Xander looked bored while rolling his eyes.
"Ate Blythe..." natatakot din ang boses ni Elaine.
"'Wag mo akong ma-ate ate at gigil talaga ako sa trespasser!" She shouted.
"Ate, tama na. You're scaring her." Zade stood up and she sighed as if she's had this conversation a million times before.
"Fine." She poked Elaine on the shoulder. "Bibilang ako ng tatlo at kapag nasa paningin pa rin kita ay hindi ko na alam... Isa."
Elaine quickly scampered away and the guards escorted her outside.
Ate Blythe grinned at me. Hindi naman ako makapagsalita dahil sa kabang bumabalot sa puso ko. She was still holding the gun. Itinutok niya ito kay Zade at kinindatan ako.
"N-no..." namamaos na sabi ko. "Ate... Ano bang ginagawa mo? Stop this, please!"
"Yes," she said before pulling the trigger. Hindi na ako nag-isip pa. I twisted our bodies and used him for support. Iniharang ko ang likuran ko para hindi niya mabaril si Zade pero masyadong malakas si Zade kaya hindi ko napagtagumpayang baliktarin ang puwesto namin. Pagtingin ko sa sahig ay may pellet na gumugulong.
I gaped at it.
Napalingon ako kay Ate Blythe na tumatawa.
"You guys always seem to fall for that, don't you?" she asked before walking out. Kuya Xander gave me an apologetic stare.
"She's crazy, I know." Then he walked out and followed her back to their room.
"You were willing to take a bullet for me." Zade's stare was piercing.
"I am."
My mouth was parched. There was silence. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit at ibinaba ako sa kama. Inilock niya ang pinto niya. Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko at hinalikan ang mga ito.
"Patawarin mo ako, Sam. Sa lahat. Sorry you had to witness that. Sorry about what Elaine said. Sorry about the stunt Ate pulled off. Sorry about being a jerk," he said sincerely.
"Kaya ko ngang sumalo ng bala para sa'yo ang patawarin ka pa kaya?"
His eyes moistened. Hinalikan niya ako ng marubdob. "For the record, I'm willing to take a bullet for you, too. Gano'n kita kamahal." Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko habang nakatingin sa mukha ni Zade. Alam ko at nararamdaman kong talagang mahal niya ako.
"Mahal kita, Zade. Pero pakiramdam ko ay mapanira ang pagmamahal natin sa isa't isa. I'm scared that loving each other will lead us to our own doom," I mouthed as I thought of Elaine and the sensible things that she said to me earlier. Pakiramdam ko ay napakasama naming dalawa ni Zade.
He stared at me.
"I love you so much. And if this love will only destroy me, then so be it. I am willing to face destruction, of any kind, for you."
I hope it doesn't come to that.
Because love, as much as it should hurt, should not be destructive.