The feast was the same as it was every year. The food was great and plentiful and Dumbledore made his speech that all ended well and that they were lucky to have one another. One thing that he didn't say every year was for the students to take care, to trust their friends, and something that got Harry's attention, as well as every other person's in the room.
"Dark times lie ahead." Dumbledore's tone was solemn and authorative. "Soon we all may be faced with the decision of doing what is right and what is easy. I hope that you all will make the right choice."
Harry looked at Hermione and Ron, who were both looking at him. Their expressions mirrored his own: worried.
"That was cheerful," Ron commented, his voice full of sarcasm, as they walked outside a few minutes later.
"Nothing is going to be cheerful ever again," Harry told him. "Not with Voldemort around."
"I still can't believe my rat was a Death Eater. It's a thousand wonders we aren't all dead. Where's Hermione?"
"I don't know. I haven't seen her since the feast. She said she was going to Gryffindor tower to get something she left."
"Well," Ron said slowly, "I'm glad I got you alone. I wanted to ask you what happened."
Harry shifted uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"
"Between the two of you."
"We were infatuated, Ron. We're better off just friends. We told you what happened between us."
"I know. That's what Hermione said. But I didn't feel like I was getting the entire story. Did she tell you about Ginny?"
Harry's head snapped up. She had asked him not to tell Ron about it. "Yes. But how did you know?"
"I weaseled it out of her last night. We were up for a bit after you went to bed. She told me that she thinks you loved her."
He swallowed. "I- She was my friend, but I'm not sure if I loved her. I never thought of her in that way until she told me she liked me."
Ron smiled. "I hoped you would have told me. You don't have to give Hermione up because of Ginny."
"I know. I just think it's best. I don't want Voldemort using her against me, Ron. Her or anyone else. It's bad enough that Mum and Severus are so close and that I'm attached to the both of them and you. You're all in danger because of me. Pettigrew made me realize that. He could have taken any of us out, at any time, and no one would have been the wiser. It makes me wonder why he waited."
"Because Voldemort told him to. Why else?" He grinned. "Besides, the Order of the Phoenix will nix him. I know they will. I know that's why Mum and Dad are here."
Harry frowned. "I didn't see them."
"They came in with Dumbledore before the feast started. I'm going home with them."
"Oh."
They stopped when they came to the Hogwarts Express. Molly and Arthur were standing there with Fred and George. They motioned for Ron to come and join them. He said his final goodbyes to Harry and ran over to them. Harry stood there for a moment watching them. There was something...no, someone missing. His mind flashed to Ginny, and for a second, he was overcome with sadness. Tears formed in his brilliant green eyes. He hadn't thought of her much the last part of the year. He was too busy with concern about Sirius and his fate. Suddenly, there was a strong hand on his shoulder. He whirled around.
Severus was standing there. He saw his reflection easily in Harry's eyes. They were filled with tears. "Harry, what's wrong?"
Harry wiped his eyes quickly with his sleeve. "Nothing. It's nothing."
"Everything turned out okay. Pettigrew is in Azkaban and Sirius is innocent. You saved his life. Ron is okay. He's walking with a slight limp, but he'll heal completely. My head feels fine. Your mother is safe and sound. What are you sad about?" He bent down so that his eyes were level with Harry's. "You can tell me."
Harry glanced over toward Ron and his family. "Ginny. I was thinking about her. I don't understand how I can still miss her."
"Grief is a long and tiring process. You'll probably never forget her, Harry. I can't imagine why you would want to."
"I don't. But this is different. This feeling is...different."
"Guilt?"
"That's part of it. And I think I might have-"
Severus stared at him. The look on Harry's face was the exact one he had years ago. "Loved her?"
Harry held his gaze and nodded. "I tried so hard to forget what happened that I never really faced what I was really feeling. I jumped into a relationship with Hermione because I wanted to feel that way again, but it was a fluke. Then Hermione told me Ginny had a crush on me and I started thinking about her a lot."
He sighed. "Harry, you were twelve years old. You probably wouldn't have recognized love if it come and slapped you in the face. Are you sure that's what it is?"
"There's some reason I can't stop thinking about her other than she was my friend."
"Well you never know how precious something is until it's gone."
Severus stood up. He wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him close. He held him there for the longest time, until Alaina joined the two of them.
"What's going on here?" she asked.
Harry raised up. He had been crying.
"Harry, are you alright?"
"Yes, mum. I'm fine. I just realized something that made me sad."
She looked at Severus.
"I'll tell you on the train," Severus promised. "Is that okay with you, Harry?"
Harry nodded. "Fine." That would keep him from having to explain.
Alaina frowned. She had no idea what was going on, but judging by the state her son was in, she had a feeling she wasn't going to like it. The three of them boarded the train and found their seats. Hermione and Harry sat together, along with Neville and a girl named Luna they had never met. Alaina and Severus went to their usual compartment.
"Okay," Alaina said as soon as they sat down, "tell me what Harry was upset about."
Severus sighed. "It's Ginny."
She frowned. "I'm not sure I get it. He's sad over her death, right?"
"No. Well, yes, but it's more than that. He thinks he loves her. Loved her. That's why he and Hermione were together."
"But they're not anymore. Do you think he's just confused?"
He threw his hands up. "I don't know. I honestly don't. He had that look in his eye. I've had it myself, like his heart has been ripped from his chest and he's just a hollow shell."
Alaina took a deep breath. "Harry thinks he was in love with Ginny."
"And that's why he can't bare to think of her or talk about her. If she had just been his friend-"
"Her death wouldn't have hit him as hard. Oh my Godric, Severus. How did I miss this?" She shook her head. She was his mother. This is something she should have picked up on right away, wasn't it?
He frowned. "How did I miss it? I went through the same thing."
Alaina pressed her lips together. "No wonder his guilt was killing him. What can I do to help him?"
"Just be there. Love him. Like you did for me."
She smiled. "I wasn't there very long."
"It was long enough. You gave me something else to think about." Severus kissed her lightly on the lips. "I can't imagine losing you now. I'd be mental."
Alaina's cheeks reddened. The truth of the matter was, she would be in the same condition if anything ever happened to him. "You would survive without me."
"I can't see how."
"Because you're strong and I want you to promise me right now that you would at least try."
Severus stared at her. "I don't know."
"Promise me."
He smiled, defeated. He could not deny her anything. "I promise."
"Me too," Alaina said. "I promise if anything happens to you I will try and get over it."
"Good." He chuckled lightly. His mind was at ease, for now. "Harry was twelve. Are we sure he's not mistaking love for something else?"
She smiled. "Maybe it was love at first sight, something that drew him in. It happened to me."
Severus blushed. He knew exactly what she was talking about. "True." He put his arm around here. "We'll just have to watch him closely."
Alaina planned on watching him like a hawk anyway. With Voldemort on the loose and able to go out into the world now, not one of them would be safe until he was no more.
~ * ~
Summer was nearly over before they knew it. The wedding loomed ahead, only a week away now, and things were better than ever. Severus and Alaina spent every waking moment together. The only thing they worried about was Harry.
Harry Potter had become very sheltered since they left Hogwarts. He would talk to no one hardly, not even them. He had repeatedly denied visits from Ron and Hermione, and he barely ate enough to keep him alive. They were worried sick about him. He barely came out of his bedroom.
"Do you really think this is still about Ginny?" Alaina asked Severus. They were sitting on the couch, watching television.
Severus exhaled slowly. He had moved into the house with them permanently, but his place on Spinner's End was still his and he kept it in good condition. He wanted to be close to his family. "I don't know what else it would be about, Alaina. He hasn't been out of his room much since two weeks ago. He barely says a word to us, barely eats. I think you should have him looked at."
She sat up straight. "And make him think he's insane? No. My parents did that to me."
"You turned out fine."
"Yes, but I'll never forget feeling like I was some sort of psycho. I won't do that to him."
Severus sighed. "You're probably right."
Alaina laid her head on his shoulder. She hoped that she was.
Up in his room, Harry sat back on the floor. He felt so guilty for eavesdropping on them, but he wanted to make sure they weren't going to ship him off somewhere. He felt awful. He hadn't been sleeping. In fact, he was afraid to close his eyes. That's why he stuck in his room all the time. He didn't want his mother or Severus to know what was happening to him, that something terrible was keeping him awake. He didn't want them to notice how tired he looked.
Harry took a deep breath and climbed into bed. He had never tried sleeping during the day. Maybe that would make a difference. He got under the covers and rested his head against the pillow. Before he had the chance to fight it, sleep came to him. His eyes hadn't been closed more than ten minutes when she came to him again.
It was like all the other times, every night, starting two weeks ago. It was the same nightmare. He could see Ginny lying there on the stone floor of the Chamber of Secrets. Harry saw himself run up to her and hit his knees at her side. She was already dead, cold as ice. He sat there and cried for a moment, sorry to see her go, feeling guilty that he hadn't gotten there in time. Suddenly, her head turned and her eyes opened.
"You could have saved me, Harry. Why didn't you save me? You could have beaten him. You're weak. You'll always be weak."
Her voice was like a knife in his heart. "Ginny, I tried. I did the best I could."
"And you let me die."
"I didn't want you to die, Ginny. I loved you."
"I loved you too, Harry. It's what I said in my diary. That's why he chose me. Voldemort. He knew I loved you. If I hadn't loved you, I would still be alive."
"No," Harry cried. A tear rolled down his cheek. "Please, Ginny. Don't say that."
"It's the truth, Harry. I'm dead because of you. I'll never see twelve years old. I barely saw eleven. I wish I had never met you."
"Ginny, I‑ Please."
"Voldemort took my life and it's your fault. How can you live with yourself?"
Harry felt his heart break into a million tiny little pieces. How could she say this to him? Because she's right, Harry thought. I killed her, and she has every right to make me suffer.
Harry's eyes opened. He sat upright, immediately, gasping for air. A cold sweat covered him. Tears formed in his eyes. He had to get past this somehow. He had to get Ginny out of his head before she drove him completely insane. He placed his hand over his heart. He just didn't know how to do it. Tears fell down his cheeks. Maybe it was time to tell someone.