But does it feel like you're already dead?
And do you feel like your brain stopped delivering?
Yeah break my finger, shoot out my black eyes
What does it matter if everyone dies?
Kemosabe ~ Everything Everything
Troye
Too much was happening.
Number One: I found out I was a test subject unwillingly
Number Two: Korey was Khanye-Knot's son
Number Three: Grace had died before my very eyes.
And Number Four: I watched the love of my life get shot in the head.
Everything in my mind was affright - a befuddling mess that screamed me into hysteria internally. I couldn't make sense of anything around me with all the noise in my head. The screams intensified along with my pounding heart as I looked on at the remains of Number Four on that list. On and on it went. I thought it eould never end. That this purgatory would be eternal.
I closed my eyes. Breathed. Relaxed as much as I could in that state. In and out. Deep lung-fulls of air. The screams lessened - echoing on and on, but no longer prominent in my grey mind. I had to begin to make sense of it all. Starting with number one - the one I'd got to term with first: the truth behind my powers.
I was horrified to start with, grappling the back of my neck as if to swat an insect. I'd had the truth with me the whole time, as clear as day, buried underneath my hair. Falsehood had enriched my life for years - lies I'd never thought to question: the prolonged hospital experience with an odd feeling in my veins for months to come; the moving from country with little contemplation; the bond that so readily formed between a fire and I; that crazy chemistry between us that I had pinned to soulmates rather than science. Knowing there was more than meets the eye had me believing I'd been blinded until that point. It was a horrifying thought and yet that's exactly how it was.
Opening my eyes for the first time with knowledge of my powers, I saw rain. A drizzle of qualm. A hurricane of factuality. I felt as if I had been kept inside a house, closed off from reality until the moment they'd found the barcode. Now I was alive, in reality, and wishing I was cosy and warm within the house of naivety once more.
All of what had been said made sense... I just wished it hadn't.
Next there was the Korey situation. That was... unexpected, to say the least. The fact that Khanye-Knot was idiotic enough to hate the very group her son was apart of was amusing, in a dark sort of way. In wake of that, there was also Connor's double treachery, that surely turn heads. No one had expected it. Especially not Korey. In my numbness I was acutely aware that something deeper had torn between the two of them... Whatever it was, it had been neatly wrapped by the president, to stop our prying eyes.
Then there was Grace.
Fuck Grace.
What a treacherously snake she turned out to be. We'd trusted her. After our first conversation, I placed my confidence in her. If she had a place in Hannah's heart, I saw it fit that she had one in mine. But her innate loyalty flourished in her own heart. It'd been blooming into something no other love could erase. Ultimately, it was that love that meant more to her. And she'd been killed for it.
With time to reflect upon the events, I would've seen that she would've been killed regardless. Had she stayed by Hannah, she'd have been destroyed. No doubt about it. Phil would have shot the gun and that would've been that. She might've died a martyr, but woule have wanted that? So many others were martyrs in this place, she'd just have been a name in plaque in years to come, forgotten by all. And even then, we might have grown to loathe her. Thought her death just one to end her own suffering and prolong our own. Wondered what she could've done if she'd sided with the president, even just as pretense. Perhaps that's what it had been - that she was being disloyal as a trick... Perhaps.
In the end, we were all victims of a game, where there could only be one winner. And that was looking more and more like the president.
That was never more obvious than when Tyler got shot and fell and bled so much-
Deep breath. Concentrate. Let's go back to the beginning of the end.
Tyler had been talking - trying to console Korey. He was in the midst of making him conscious to the web of lies he was entrapped within. Korey's self-awareness was practically non-existent. The path to having his own thoughts had never been on the president's agenda. Ever. Why would it? A self-thinking son? Even the notion!
Khanye-Knot observed it all. She came up with a plan to get rid of the problem the best way she knew how: with chaos- with destruction-
With murder.
I hadn't noticed her plan in time. Khanye-Knot wasn't in my field of sight. I'd been watching Korey's face be distorted with varied emotions. He didn't know fact from falsity- and it was torturing him. Not knowing where your loyalties should lie causes a trauma of a distinct nature. The reverberations of it left a deep scar remaining long after your bones become brittle. The steady current that moved within you became rapids with whirlpools and tidal waves thrashing wildly. It made you unsteady, wary of all that was in front of you.
It was awful to watch, knowing fully well I'd been there. I wore the scars. I knew the troubled waters he drifted in at that moment. I was going to butt in, say something to clear his head. To calm the sea. To heal the scars. Tyler's tactic wasn't working. It's weakened Khanye-Knot's hold but for how long? A different approach was needed. If nothing else I had to try.
I had the words at the tip of my tongue. I inched forward. The weight of the simple metal contraction brought me down, but my conviction in his redemption compelled me to carry on. "Korey, you need to-"
The gun fired. It lurched sporadically in the hands of a petrified Phil. His face wasn't what was important. Not when the trigger had been pressed. A dull, dead orb sped past me. Faster than any warning cry I could make. The bullet made a sound a moment later. When it was all too late.
Tyler's body jerked a the impact. As if his puppet master had dropped the handle. His legs started to buckle beneath him. He looked bewildered. Then in agony. Then his eyes rolled. Whites going black as he floated down. Silently. The way night descends upon a sunset sky. The way sleep descends upon a child. The way a boy who'd been fighting his whole life decends into defeat.
He hit the floor.
I didn't react immediately. It's not like the films, where a person screams out and sobs hysterically. I was frozen, watching the very last breath leave his body. I stood with eyes wide, mouth dropping open as death leapt into my heart.
Then I was charged with an affliction more intense than I could ever comprehend. As if there was a tear in my heart, and it was being turned inside-out. It burst apart. Along with a scream that escaped my chattering lips. A scream that had the guard holding me flinch.
They're weakened grip was my chance. I lurched out the arms of the guard. I felt the hooks of the device pull out the detector, but the hooks themselves remain latched onto my neck. I didn't care. I just ran. Over to the fallen body. Over to the lifeless body. Over to the one person I'd give my own life to if I could.
Dead dead dead dead-
I ran for a lifetime. A cycle on repeat. Feet pounding against the tiles. Heart pounding in my chest. Sweat pounding down my face. The crack of smile rise on the president's face. The fall of Hannah as she lost another hope. The blank expression of Phil that shielded the hell within. The shock of Connor's face as he began to see it has his fault.
I reached Tyler's side. Touched his freezing cold cheek. Caressed it the way I had done countess times. I wished I'd counted. I wished I knew how many times we'd kissed. How many times we'd held each other- I took a hold of his shoulders. Pushing our heads together as a single tear threatened to land on his pallid face. A token of sorrow I didn't want him to feel.
"You can't leave me. Not like this- Tyler you said- you said you wouldn't. Not again. Please just-"
The tear fell. He didn't respond. Not even a twitch. Why would he? He was as cold as I.
With a noose tightening around my neck, my mind whirled into a frenzy of chaos. I wanted to bring the familiar spark back. That flame within him. It could be lit.
Of course it could.
I pressed my hands against his chest to do compressions. No heartbeat responded.
I gripped onto the back of his neck. The lack of pulse had my own blood turn cold. But I ignored it. I pressed my lips against his. It felt wrong. As if kissing a shadow of him. The familiar shape no longer fitted against mine like a puzzle piece.
I pressed my power into his heart, oozing energy into him. But it was to no avail.
He was dead.
I lifted his head to my chest. Cradling him as if he was just sleeping. As if this life was just a faint reality. I was trying to sedate my mind in it's cage. If only I'd been looking at him. Or Phil. If only I'd reacted to the bullet passing, made an enchantment to stop it. Or protect him. If only I'd cared more for Tyler than Korey at that moment. If only-
I stopped. Breathed. What did it matter in the end? I couldn't rewrite time. He was gone.
Dead.
What an odd word it was. Dead. Even the sound of it was final. The harsh beat a reminder of reality I faced. There's no way to make it gentle. It's just that. No façade, no comfort. Just that. Just dead.
Khanye-Knot clasped her hands together. "What a sickeningly sweet scene. That's always the case with star-crossed lovers, I'm afraid. It never works out. You'd have thought you'd learnt that much by now.'
Star-crossed lovers. I remembered Phil mentioning that early in the year. Speaking of the myths and legend's that surrounded other Fire and Waters. Neither of us truly heard the words at the time, when he said it never ended well. We'd been warned from the start. And we'd never listened. We'd been fools. We'd been too optimistic.
I felt myself freeze. Optimism. That wasn't a term I often thought of, when it came to this mess. But we had had hope. We'd thought the future would be good for us. And why shouldn't we have done? Had she not existed, we'd have had a chance. We could've been happy. We could have done more than just another legend of Fire and Water.
A net of darkness came reeking over me. My eyes narrowed down onto the worn face before me. I hated her. A hatred I'd never tasted before. Bitter storms of winter mixed with ash. A thick ash I wanted to spit out. It leaked down, poisoning me to the core.
As if on cue pain shot through my arm. I glanced down. My veins had gone black.
They'd never done that before.
The president hadn't finished her monologue of good. "Still, that's one down."
She laughed. As did the guards, with an uneasy tremor in their throats. They laughed on and on, like hyenas in the moonlight.
I wiped my eyes, ignoring the way my pulse quickened. My eyelashes felt heavy, clumped together from the tears I'd been shedding. I turned away, face burning, yet fingers ice cold.
And for once, I wasn't the only one.
Across from me was Korey. His eyes were locked on the corpse and I, lips quivering as fidelity for his mother began to abandon him.
"Look alive Korey. Time is ticking on. We have much to do."
"You didn't have to kill him," Korey whispered.
The president cackled louder than sirens. "Well of course I did! He wanted to destroy us, and all of our work. He didn't understand the importance of it all. Not loon you and I."
"But he wasn't bad."
"He was bad from birth. All elementals are. They're just vermin that need to be eradicated."
"Including me?"
For a moment her lips formed a soft "O" shape. Then her eyebrows slanted pitifully, mouth pulled up unhappily. She could easily lie. Comfort him the way no one else had. Tell him all of the things a mother should tell their child.
But that would go against her nature, her beliefs.
"Perhaps."
Korey's face dropped. "But I'm your son!"
In an instant Khanye-Knot's expression evolved into one of enmity. She began to speak, laughter scratching through her words. "Don't be daft! You're no son of mine! We share a few genetics, nothing more. Blood is weak, and your's is overpowered with elemental poison. How could I ever be related to someone like you?"
I saw water prick in the Fire's eyes. "But I've work with you for years."
"The destruction of a race against themselves is far greater than any other war. You willingly hurt your own kind for approval from superiors. And that's a thing of beauty."
"Well I'm not on your side now am I?"
Mission success... a success that had come too late.
"What does that matter? You're of no use now. You're broken. I don't need the broken for the victory."
Korey didn't speak for a while. A long while. He stood with squarry shoulders. His hands open and closed, rhythmically clenching as if there could be some violent solution to his pain - if only he could find it. A shiver ran down his shoulders and caressed his spine. I knew it all too well. He was waking in this nightmare. He was seeing her properly for the first time.
"This "war" of yours is almost over. And I will make trophies out of your spines! Never shall I have to face the defiance of reckless youths again-"
I stopped listening. I had to act. I stood up, mirroring the emotionless face of the president. Chains of grief weighed me down. But I managed to stand. I knew I would have to. To drag life on, carrying the lengthening, heavy chain that was made from links of suffering. I would carry the chain. For Tyler. For myself. For all of us.
"No you won't. I won't let you."
She grinned with lips fashioned by cruelty. "You think you can stop me? A petty water. You've lost so much already. Are you sure you want to risk you're own life? Just one against my army?"
"Might as well. I'm dead anyway, aren't I."
"And he's not alone."
The president frowned, casting glares around as she tried to find the source of the voice. I was the same. Except I recognised the voice.
Out of nowhere Caspar came spiralling from the ceiling. Lightening spun out of him. Khanye-Knot recoiled. Lost her hold on Phil. The guards leapt back. Hannah was free from their grasp. The lightening zapped around excitedly. It just missed Khanye-Knot's shoulder by a centimetre. Caspar landed like a trained acrobat. Face straight, but determination shining through his eyes. Connor rose up behind him, no longer being watched by the guards. One by one the five of them stood by me.
And suddenly I wasn't alone in this fight.
We'd all lost a part of our hearts that day. I'd lost Tyler. Hannah had lost Grace. Phil had lost Dan. Caspar had most likely lost Joe. Korey had lost his family - and Connor? Connor himself had lost everything.
All because of Khanye-Knot.
She had taken too much from us just to win like this. Walkijg over us as if we were nothing more than pebbles. But pebbles are strong. They endure. We'd endured her for long enough. Our story couldn't end like this. She was far from winning - not whilst our hearts were still beating.
One by one we surged with power. But we didn't strike alone. In the hubbub around us our energies began to tie together. Water, Fire, Earth, Wind - and a bit of lightening that crackled every few seconds. A spectrum of colour radiated around us - until it formed a barrier. A barrier of fire. Protecting me - us - better than any shield. It wasn't a fire from Korey though. This one had the familiar yellow flicker beat I was all too familiar with.
It was Tyler's fire.
And yet, it wasn't. There were parts that weren't fire. It spat ice because of Hannah and I. It blew stormy winds because of Phil. It began to lift the tiles from the ground because of Connor. And lightening zipped through at regular intervaps bcause of Caspar. All our powers. All together. As one. In harmony.
It wasn't there to kill. Vengeance was on our tongues but blood wasn't. It was there to deter her - nothing more.
But even that terrified her.
"This isn't possible."
"Well it is."
Her eyes narrows on Phil. She trenches out her hand. Twisted it. Phil shook. I could see the self control he hung onto. His fingers twitched relentlessly. Yet his face was tranquil. He was determined. For Dan. To stop anyone else facing the same fate.
It was he who began to form the orb to strike her with. Everyone was quick to follow suit. And soon there was a cast, glowing brighter than the sun.
We aimed it.
"You can break people. Tear them down till they're nothing. But that's only physical. And elemental power is so much more than that. It's so much more than you'll ever understand."
The energy crackled in our hands.
"This is for everyone you've tried to break. This is for humanity."
We let go of the spell.
This world she'd created began to crumbled the moment she tumbled to the floor.
But she wasn't the only one.
With my hands falling uselessly to my sides, I staggered. Backwards and forwards like a drunk sailor lost out at sea. Swaying left and right as I clinged to the image of a sweetheart left in the shores of a land far away from here. Someone held onto me, to keep me on deck. But it was too late.
I fell to my knees. To my chest. Sinking with my ship to rock bottom. My heart was heavy. Carrying a burden greater than ever before. And my heart wasn't whole. It had been beaten to the point of barely beating at all.
I landed on the dusty floor, far away from the other cold bodies in the room. And I didn't have the strength to get back up. The chain was too much. I heard mouths making foreign sounds, as if speaking tongues, but it was hard to focus. I couldn't. All I could hear was the drumming of my heart fading out.
Someone had a hold of me. A rough grip, one of stability. Then I was rising. For the briefest of moments I wondered if I was rising to heaven. If I'd even get to heaven after everything I'd done. But it wasn't that. I was being lifted. Weightlessly into another's arms. I glanced at Caspar. Who's expression was grim.
He spoke in a tone I couldn't hear. But the words on his lips were clear. "You're going to be okay."
Words that had once held so much meaning now rang hollow in this room of death. How many falsities had been spoken in the cell? Too many, was the answer. It was fitting that they should be the last to stay with me.
Everything was fading away. Colours drained, like paints that's been watered down into dim hues. Everything melted into grey - into nothing. My soul was becoming unravelled from this shell of a body. My fivers twitched for something. But I felt the emptiness I was now becoming.
My veins crackled. Like they used to before. I smiled, relishing the history of us - of our love. And with those thoughts a word accompanied them - Soon. Soon I'd be gone like him. Perhaps we'd be in the afterlife together. Or we'd be born again, and I'd have the chance to love him the way I never could in this life.
I closed my eyes. Death held onto my hand - a silent guide to the afterlife. I followed. There was nothing left of me to stay for.
But something began to stir within. Something not death-like. A burning. Within my veins. My heart. It was tormenting, torture - alluring. It made death disappear. It had my soul flowing around my body once more. It made me desiring more of its warmth.
After a moment I got what I wanted - a heat reached my face. Softly blazing. Growing more intense. Like a roaring fire.
His fire.
With all my might I mustered the power to open my eyes. My body was still in Caspar's arms. In a room that was shaking. With haunted shapes cast at the newly coloured walls. Colours of warmth - of home.
I caught a glimpse of a fire, that was raging ferociously as time ticked on. And in the midst of it all, there was a phoenix in the fire. A boy, with his eyes closed as the flames flickered at his fingertips, swirling and capturing his arms in a dance of light. He stretched out his arms, enticing me to enter the inferno. The sparks of his heart caught me, setting it on fire like gasoline. A gasp left my lips. I opened my eyes more, gaining a better look of the mysterious person - just to find it wasn't a mystery at all.
Tyler was rising like a phoenix.
A/N
Look at that wow I'm so good at killing off characters
MERRY CHRISTMAAAAAS AND HAVE A NICE TIME CELEBRATING WHATEVER IT IS YOU KIDS CELEBRATE
I'm sorry about the massive break I was on for a bit. Life got too hard to handle. It still is tbh, but I'm coping better. It's Christmas so let's just remember the positives.
(oml Blue Neighbourhood though can we talk about this? I love all of them but SUBURBIA and EASE are like top-notch)
Fun factoid: a year ago today this story hit 1000 reads
(2 chapters left.)
Emma x
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