"What is that shiny thing in your purse?" Hannah points at a box I've never noticed.
What on earth is that box? I've never noticed the existence of this thing, it was tiny I'm not blind. I get it out from my purse and open it. Shock and surprise run into my spine, which makes me sort of shiver. There's a letter and a necklace inside of it. I first decide to read the letter, to understand what it has to do with this necklace.
Dear Jessica,
I know you wouldn't want this from someone like me, I guess? We stayed friends till middle school, where we'd not been to the same schools. Even though we've separated, your existence was always there for me. Because who forgets their first kiss? Or their first girlfriend? Definitely not me. I had met your mother at this photography exhibition, your mother and I knew the photographer personally. And I knew she was your mother, same accent, same actions, it was too obvious for a person that knew you like me. She has told me about you leaving London for good, so you can be closer to your boyfriend. Well, as much as it saddens me, I wanted to give you this necklace. I had to collect each and every pound of my pocket money for a year so I can get you it, when we were dating for sure. I haven't thrown it since. It has your birthstone, Peridot. I hope you like it.
Hoping you won't forget me,
your dearest, Luke Lancaster.
Why and what the hell? Is that why mom has been so suspicious at first? But I only dated Luke for a year and a half, and it was totally the kids type. The stupid one, the one where you hold hands and oh my god they're official. The necklace is so beautiful though, how did he get it out of one year of pocket money? I'm probably just going to keep it in my closet, Christian doesn't need to know about Luke's existence or else he'd kill me.
But, but, it's so beautiful I want to wear it. It's my birthstone for god's sake, I'll say it's from grandma or something. Christian doesn't know grandmother, he won't go and ask her or something.
"Oh, it's a gift from grandma." I lie to both, hoping they won't notice at all, or else I'm fucked.
They both know about Luke, but do you have any idea how crazy it sounds? Because saying that your boyfriend whom you broke up with over 10 years ago just gave you a gift is so normal.
"Oh that's fucking sweet of her." Oscar says, looking at the necklace.
"You wanna smoke on the roof? Or downstairs?" Hannah asks, not able to do anything but grin.
"I'll say hi to Tyler and join you on the roof." I excuse myself.
I had to accept, I couldn't resist not holding that cigarette anymore. I walk to Tyler, hoping not to interrupt his talk with that girl. If I do, I'll die.
"Hello big sis." He says, finally noticing my existence.
"Hello Tyler." I say, using a fake British accent. "How do you do?"
"British accents are my thing, okay?" He teases. "This is Jennifer, my friend."
Doesn't seem like his friend, let me just pass this.
"Hi." I wave, anxious.
"He has told me a lot about you, you seem cool." Jennifer says, fingers twirling around her hair.
"Thanks, you seem so too." I smile at her. "I'll see you in about fifteen, I'll go smoke a little."
"Don't overdo it please." Tyler pleads, looking worried.
I go to Christian, but he's no where to be found. I'll just text him that I'm at the roof. After that being done, I walk out of the apartment and use the lift to go up there. I see Hannah looking at her phone while Oscar is just looking around.
"Who has the cigarettes?" I ask, hoping for a clear answer.
"Hannah has the best ones." Oscar says, looking straight at her.
"I just finished them on my way here." Hannah sighs. "Let us have your Marlboro."
"Fine." Oscar says, rolling his eyes.
He gets out his pack and gives each one. The thing is I was drooling over these cigarettes. This is starting to get addicting what. I don't care as long as it numbs the pain.
"So, any jobs yet?" Hannah asks, blowing out smoke. "It's hard, you know?"
"Yes I know. The only university willing to accept me is UCLA, and you know how far that is." I say, seeming desperate.
"But that's on the other side of the US." Oscar states.
"Jess, honey, don't let your job be determined by your boyfriend okay? I mean if you wanna refuse UCLA, as you wish. But I don't think that's the right choice." She says, looking at me, sign of her honesty.
"Well, I mean the whole purpose of me leaving was to be nearer to Christian. But I can't live without working. I no longer take money from my parents, which makes me so middle class. Not that I mind, but if I won't work, I won't be able to live." I explain, trying to sound as calm as possible.
"Well, yeah, true." Oscar says, making us all laugh after blowing smoke.
"Even if you go to LA, I go there at least once a month." Hannah smiles, optimistic.
"Oh, glad I fucking found you Jessica." Christian appears, breathing heavily, as if he were running or something. "Your brother, he,"
"He what?" I shout, my eyes widening.
"He was talking with his friend, Jennifer, and he can't breathe anymore." He says, still out of breath.
"What the fuck?!" I let go of my cigarette and run downstairs.
I can't lose Tyler, no. I have already been on the verge of loosing him when I was 3, and that didn't feel good. First Christina then him, no I wouldn't allow that. Mom'd collapsed when the doctor told her the twins wouldn't live for more than 3 months, which Tyler proved wrong, and Christina not. I was so happy with her I remember, when I was 3. I used to take care of her as if she were my baby, giving her food and water. Wish I was there for her first steps, or first word, but she never got the chance to do any of those.
On the other hand, Tyler did. Mom took care of him so much before and after Christina's death. She was too afraid for anything to happen to him, and she thought she was a horrible mother because of Christina. She got him a paid mother, which is where he got his accent from. I used to come back from school to find her there, and I'd hated her, thinking she'd steal him one day.
I was so innocent and pure-hearted back then, I don't feel so anymore.
Arriving, I find Tyler, face red as fuck, lying on the ground. What the fuck happened so this does? I have no idea what to say, everyone around me is shouting. It feels so blurry around me.
Oh god not another panic attack. I breathe in and out, in and out, interior then exterior. I visualize how panicky this sounds to me, and an image of a viper in the first pops into my head. I feel like the viper at the moment, being chocked by that imaginary fist. I keep on breathing and thinking everything is going to be okay, hopefully.
"We gotta take him to the hospital." Jennifer, the girl from before, says and runs quickly out of the room, interrupting my thoughts.
You have no idea how the fact that I can lose something very precious that might never come back is stressing the shit out of me out. I think I do lose precious stuff all the time, like time, tick tock, tick tock. Oh my god I have to catch them at the hospital. This is too much pressure.
I go down the stairs as quick as I can, they're only two floors. I catch Jennifer's car before it departs, glad I did. I get in the passenger seat, the one at the back, next to Tyler, whose still not answering.
"Did this happen to him before?" I stutter, hoping I don't seem as worried.
"Once while he was shooting this video, but the doctor has told us not to worry about it." Jennifer answers, concentrating on the road.
"And are we going to that same doctor?" I ask, needing an answer.
"Well, I guess so. Since he knows about the first time and it'd be better to keep up." She says.
I hope you're fine Tyler. Shoot, I didn't tell Christian who I'll be with, I just stormed alone out of the blue without informing anyone. I decide to send him a quick test. By the time I hit send, we will have arrived to the hospital.