Joey gazed at Adrian as he held her hand across the table. It was Wednesday, and they just had lunch at a cozy upscale restaurant near Sunway Mall. There were only a few diners on that day, so Adrian removed his sunglasses and baseball cap and set these aside on the table. Joey noticed one or two diners from a nearby table stealing glances in their direction. It was obvious that they recognized Adrian, but they didn't make a fuss. Instead, they whispered about it to their companions, perhaps out of shyness or in keeping with quiet ambience of the place. Trying not be bothered, she shifted ever so slightly in her seat and smiled faintly at her boyfriend. This was their first date away from the relative privacy of her uncle's house. And if her reaction at this very moment was any indication, she wondered how she would feel if she witnessed, firsthand, Adrian being literally mobbed by screaming, eager fans. It never occurred to her, until now, to search the web for videos of his past shows. She made a mental note to do so once she got home.
"A peso for your thoughts?", Adrian quipped, interrupting her reverie.
She shook her head. "Nothing...... but you have some curious fans at the next table."
"That's okay." He shrugged and let out a lopsided grin. "They're probably admiring my gorgeous date."
"You're a sweet talker, Adrian Kho."
He went silent for a moment, as if in deep thought, and simply stared at her. She arched her brows at him, trying to read his mind.
"Can you say that again?", he said at last.
"Say what again?"
"My name."
She creased her brows this time, wondering where this was leading to. But she gave in to his request, just the same.
"Adrian Kho.", she said.
He smiled the sweetest smile. As far back as he could remember, he never thought of his name any differently. But coming from Joey, it sounded like she was saying 'Adrian ko'. Directly translated, it meant 'My Adrian'. The thought tickled him pink.
"And I'm all yours, Joey ko."
She smiled back, quickly catching on to his play on words. 'Kho' versus 'ko'. Omitting one letter spelled the difference between an ordinary surname and a declaration of ownership. Ownership! She rolled the word over in her mind as if it was a new dish to be tasted. This was all new to her – to be labeled as someone's own and to reciprocate the labeling. Ever since she moved in with her grandparents, she had been independent, always marching to the beat of her own drum. Now, having Adrian in her life meant being ever mindful of her actions and his consequent reactions. It meant constantly thinking of his whereabouts and welfare --- not that she was complaining. Their relationship was only four days old and it felt like their heads were still up in the clouds. Everything Adrian did or said was thrilling or romantic or sweet. Every new thing they discovered about each other was adorable and endearing.
After lunch, they set for home while the rain started pouring. Adrian drove carefully along the drenched streets. In between shifting gears, his right hand would rest on top of Joey's left hand which rested on her thigh. When they stopped at a red light, he leaned over and asked for a kiss, and Joey willingly obliged.
"By the way, Joey, I forgot to tell you....I talked to my mom last night and I told her about you...about us.", Adrian said.
"Really? What did she say?"
"She's happy for us, of course. Next time I'll introduce you through Skype."
"Sure.", Joey replied. In truth, she suddenly felt jittery at the thought of being introduced to his mom, but she dismissed her feelings for the meantime. She'd cross that bridge when she gets there. Adrian glanced at her, weighing her would-be reaction to a question burning in his mind.
"Uhm, Joey.......your dad...does he know?"
"I'm sure Uncle Laom would tell him.", she replied in a monotone. Adrian gave her hand a gentle squeeze but said nothing. He drove on, thinking of her dad's business card carefully tucked inside his wallet.
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Two days later, Joey sat beside Adrian in front of the piano in her uncle's gallery. They were just hanging out after dinner. Adrian had planned on going out for dinner but the heavy evening downpour forced them to stay indoors. It was just as well as he had a little surprise for Joey. It kept him awake the previous night and although it still needed some more work, he couldn't wait to let her hear it. After all, it was a breakthrough for him. He had felt that sudden urge to create something, like an underground spring bursting through the earth's surface and gushing forth. And there was no other reason for his renewed energy but her.
"Ready?", he asked Joey. She nodded expectantly, watching his long fingers poised above the piano keys. He smiled fondly at her and started to play the intro. The slow, delicate melody reminded Joey of cool, breezy afternoons by the pond in the park. Then, with his eyes half-closed, Adrian started to sing.
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Lonely nights with no end in sight
Trying so hard to find the light
Through this quiet road, from out of the blue
Who would've known it would lead me to you?
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Adrian gazed into her eyes as he went into the refrain.
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I can see in your eyes how the fireflies dance
I can hear in your voice the songs of romance
If I'd only known you'd set my heart aglow
I would have found my way to you long ago.
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Joey blinked, completely moved and fighting back the tears. No one had ever written a song or even a poem for her.
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I was but an empty canvas
Dull and gray, until there was us
You brighten my world with your gentle touch
Who would've known I would love you this much?
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I can see in your eyes how the fireflies dance
I can hear in your voice the songs of romance
If I'd only known you'd set my heart aglow
I would have found my way to you long ago.
Who would've known?
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As Adrian's deft fingers completed the trailing notes of the song, Joey felt the tears on her cheeks. He gazed at her with concern and brought his hand to her face to gently wipe away her tears himself.
"Hey, why are you crying?", he softly asked.
She let out a faint smile and shook her head. "It's beautiful."
He smiled and pulled her closer to him. "It helps to be inspired."
"Sing it again?", she asked. He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead and gave in to her request. With gusto, he played and sang from his heart, meaning every word. She listened intently, letting the words and the melody drench her soul. But for some reason, she suddenly felt an inexplicable sadness. Though puzzled, she gave herself a mental shake and dismissed the unwelcome emotion. She leaned her head against his shoulder and focused on his singing. She was feeling too happy to entertain any other thought.
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Joey's attempt to bury that nagging sadness proved futile, however. Over the next two days, she just couldn't shake off the feeling. Like bubbles in water, it kept rising to the surface, demanding acknowledgement. She kept it from Adrian. Until she could explain it, she found no reason to tell him. But things have a way of falling into place when least expected. They were having a quiet send-off dinner for Kenji that Sunday evening when she got her answer. Kenji was telling them about his plans of pursuing his master's degree once he got back to Japan when Adrian excused himself to answer his phone. Joey pretended to listen to her cousin's chatter as she watched Adrian slip quietly through the kitchen door. She immediately sensed that that phone call was related to his work, not in school, but in music. That was his real work.
After a few minutes, Adrian went back into the house and reoccupied his seat beside Joey. She looked at him, trying to read his mind but all he gave her was a weak smile. She said nothing and let Kenji and Uncle Laom dominate the dinnertime talk. During a lull in the conversation, Adrian dropped the bomb.
"Uhm....my handler called.", he said. "I have to go back to Manila in two weeks ...three weeks at the most."
Uncle Laom stared at him, fork suspended in mid-air. Joey stared at the leftover grains of rice on her plate. It was only Kenji who came up with an audible response.
"Oh.", he said.
An almost interminable silence followed. Joey looked up to see all three men watching her, waiting for her reaction. She cleared her throat and forced a smile at Adrian.
"That's to be expected, right?", she said, letting out a tiny shrug. "Sooner or later, you have to go back."
He gazed at her, searching her face for a clue to her real feelings. He sensed that she was holding back in deference to her uncle and her cousin who were both eyeing them with curiosity. He, himself, was still trying to absorb everything that Ate Rocky had told him over the phone. A foreign record company had taken interest in his work and had started sending feelers to his bosses. Rocky was already in the thick of initial negotiations. All she needed now was to get Adrian into the loop as soon as possible. That meant only one thing --- work, work and more work. What that would do to their relationship was something they had to face.
"You need to talk about it.", Uncle Laom said, addressing both Joey and Adrian. "Technically, that will be like having a long-distance relationship . I think you're both aware of the challenges."
"Yes, sir.", Adrian nodded as he reached out underneath the table for Joey's hand, interlocking his fingers with hers. She glanced at him as he gently squeezed her hand. She said nothing. At that very moment, she felt her life changing right before her very eyes and she felt helpless about it. Her mind went back to that moment when her mother left home. The feelings were exactly the same.
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Uncle Laom was right, Joey thought. It was going to be sort of a long-distance relationship, but it was more than that. Joey had heard and read about an LDR's challenges among 'ordinary' couples. In their case, Adrian's celebrity status was an added complication. She had seen the videos of his previous performances and interviews. She had read dozens of articles about him and his work. Simply put, her boyfriend was very famous and desired by almost every female in this part of the world. And if the deal with the foreign record company pushes through, his popularity could very well reach global levels.
"Joey, talk to me, please." Adrian interrupted her reverie. They were sitting on the wooden bench in the dimly-lit art studio – the exact spot where he confessed his feelings for her. Uncle Laom and Kenji were both upstairs, the former to do some reading and the latter to finish with his packing. From the moment Adrian announced his impending departure, to this very minute, Joey was unusually quiet.
She peeled her eyes off Paglaom's Madonna and Child and turned to him. "What do you want me to say?"
"Anything. What are you thinking? Are you angry.....what?"
"Why would I be angry? I have no right." She forced a smile. "As I said, it's to be expected. You have to go back to your real world."
"Real?" He arched his eyebrows. "And what we have now, isn't?"
"You know what I mean."
He fell silent and pulled her closer to him, his arm wrapped around her waist. His other hand covered her hand as it rested on his thigh.
"What if.....you come with me?", he blurted out.
"Huh?" She pulled her head back in surprise. "You know that's not possible."
He let out a loud sigh and fell silent again. Joey knew that he was torn between her and his career in Manila. She knew that as much as he wanted to offer a solution, if any, he couldn't. His hands were tied. So she took it upon herself to articulate, for both of them, whatever it was that was churning in their minds.
"Let's do it this way.", she started. "I know you'll be very busy......but there are a lot of ways to keep in touch. Cellphone. Skype. If you're free, you can pay me a visit....or I can go to Manila."
"You'll visit me there?" His face lit up.
"Yes.", she said tentatively. "If I'll be allowed."
"Why wouldn't you be?"
She paused and regarded him intently. Her gaze travelled from his thick eyebrows, to his expressive eyes, down his straight nose, to his pink lips, to his strong jawline and his five-o-clock shadow. Oftentimes, she had to remind herself that this was a face that graced many a magazine cover or a billboard along major highways.
Adrian arched his brows in curiosity. "What's with the scrutiny?"
"I'm just curious.....if you weren't in showbiz, where would you be?"
"And I thought you were simply awed by my gorgeous face.", Adrian frowned.
Joey smirked and pinched his nose. "So conceited!" He chuckled softly as he caught her hand and held it gently. "That was a serious question.", she added.
"Fine.....if I didn't discover music, most likely....I'd be studying to be a doctor.....'cause I have uncles who are doctors. And you?"
"Me too! I wanted to be a doctor, too. But then I really loved drawing ever since."
Impressed at her revelation, Adrian gazed at her fondly. "Wow. Imagine, if we were both medical students, we could've been in the same school. You think, we could've hit it off if that were the case?"
"I doubt." She frowned and shook her head.
Taken aback, he widened his eyes at her. "Why not?"
"I would've totally ignored you.", she said serenely, stifling a smile.
"Yeah, right!", he teased. And he proceeded to tickle her, poking her sides playfully. She tried not to squeal and poked him back while trying to thwart his 'attack'. They struggled for a moment, keeping their laughter down until she called for a ceasefire to catch her breath. He gazed at her, as if memorizing each delicate curve of her face, lightly brushing his thumb across her cheek. Joey could have sworn she felt the Madonna nod with approval as Adrian pulled her into a passionate embrace.
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They say, time flies when you're having fun. But to Adrian, time seems to fly at the speed of light when you dread D-day. That is, Departure day. At times, he felt like it was going to be Dooms-day. Ate Rocky was insistent that he shorten his stay to less than two weeks. But he was adamant to stretch it to three weeks, no less. If he could stretch it even more, he would, but the network bosses would wring his neck and Rocky would surely give him a good whipping. He was not about to risk his career that way.
Tough choices. Here he was on the verge of a new high in his career and yet he had to leave the love of his life behind. Yes, the love of his life. This early in their relationship, he just knew that she was – is. In a parallel world where they'd be would-be medical students, he need not choose. They'd be moving within the same circle. But this was the here and now and he had no choice but to choose. No choice but to choose. Adrian laughed desperately at the irony.
They were midway in his remaining three weeks. In fact, he had exactly ten days before he had to leave for Manila. And so the countdown began. He and Joey agreed not to think too much about it. They agreed to take it one day at a time. Just enjoy each other's company while they could. Still, Adrian couldn't help worrying about how things would inevitably change once he gets back to the whirl of his showbiz life . And he was amazed that Joey seemed to be so calm about it. Either that or she was completely clueless about the complications he was about to bring into her life. Being in the limelight wasn't easy. But being closely connected to someone in the limelight could be just as difficult. One day at a time, he reminded himself.
Adrian sighed quietly as he strummed his guitar under the acacia tree in the park. He paused and watched Joey as she hunched over her sketchpad that was pressed against her thigh. Her hair was piled haphazardly atop her head and stray tendrils framed her face and neck, giving her a raw and carefree air that Adrian found so adorable. From where he was sitting and from the angle of her sketchpad, he couldn't see what she was drawing. All he could see was the other end of her pencil moving back and forth across the pad. She glanced up at him and smiled faintly.
"What are you sketching?", he asked.
"It's a secret." She let out a Mona Lisa smile.
"Secret? I'd see it anyway." He lay down his guitar beside him and inched across the mat to get closer to her.
"Wait.....let me finish this.", she insisted. He waited patiently as she put in the finishing touches to her masterpiece. A few seconds later, she stopped and gave her work a once-over before handing the sketchpad to him. "What do you think?", she asked.
He stared at her work. It was a drawing of him, from his head down to his shoulders with his face angled to the left but his eyes looking straight at HIM. It was like looking at his twin brother, if he ever had one, straight in the eye. Her drawing was so perfect and so detailed, capturing him in an alert but pensive mood. It was disconcerting. He could line this up with all the digital photos taken of him and no one would know the difference, at first glance. But this would stand out precisely because it was done by her.
"Is it any good?", Joey asked doubtfully.
Adrian looked at her in disbelief. "Joey, why are you doubting your talent? Do you know how good you are?"
She shrugged. "You're biased.....but thank you, anyway."
"Seriously, you should have your own exhibit."
"Someday.", she said vaguely. "Anyway, keep it.....when you look at it, you'll remember me."
"Thank you....but I don't need anything to remind me of you."
Joey narrowed her eyes at him, unsure what to make of his last statement.
"Because you're always here." Adrian pointed to his temple. "And especially here." He then pointed to his heart.
"Cheesy." Joey grinned. "Come here."
She inched closer to him, into his outstretched arms. With heads touching and arms wrapped around each other, they listened to the wind rustling through the leaves above.
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Adrian dumped his huge backpack onto his car's backseat and carefully placed his guitar next to it. Suddenly remembering something, he rushed back to his temporary room in Aunt Ning's house. On the bedside table lay a huge brown envelope. He opened it and carefully pulled out the single sheet of drawing paper. He let out a faint smile as he stared at his image once again. Once he arrived in Manila, placing Joey's drawing in a proper frame was on top of his to-do list. On his way back to his car, Aunt Ning handed him a plastic bag full of native cakes and goodies.
"Here son, please give this to Rocky and your helpers." The elderly lady forced a smile up at him.
"Auntie, thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me stay here. I promise to pay you back somehow."
"Hijo, that isn't necessary. Just take care of yourself. You're welcome to come here any time."
"Thanks again.", Adrian nodded. Aunt Ning watched him as he placed the goodies and the brown envelope on the front passenger seat. Just then, he felt a gentle nudge on his leg. He turned to see Edward wagging his tail eagerly at him.
"He'll surely miss you.", Aunt Ning remarked. Adrian detected a slight quiver in her voice and smiled fondly at the elderly lady. He then dropped to one knee until he was face to face with Edward.
"So, this is it Edward." He scratched his four-legged friend behind the ear. Edward, seemingly empathizing with his mistress, gave out a low whimper and sniffed at Adrian's face. "Be a good dog, okay?", Adrian added.
He quickly stood up, gave Aunt Ning a tight hug, and hurriedly boarded his car. With a slight wave of his hand, he drove off before the tightness in his throat overwhelmed him. He drove slowly, taking deep breaths as he did. A block away from Joey's house, he pulled over.
He closed his eyes, willing himself to remain calm and composed. This was D-day and there was no escaping it. He and Joey had agreed on it. There would be no drama when it was time to leave. Joey couldn't promise there wouldn't be tears but she promised to be cool about it. It's not as if they wouldn't see each other again, right?
"Right.", Adrian whispered to himself.
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Joey was in her room, brushing her long tresses for the hundredth time. She pressed the rubber bristles against her scalp and dragged the hairbrush from left to right, from back to front, and back again. S he relished the tingling on her scalp, as if every stroke eased the tension she was feeling since last night after Adrian said goodnight. She could hardly sleep and was up before sunrise. And she had to keep busy. She had to keep moving. If she tried to sit still for just two minutes, she felt like her chest would explode. She cleaned the entire house, tackled the laundry, and had breakfast ready by the time her uncle woke up. They had breakfast in silence. Uncle Laom held his tongue while he watched Joey bolt her food and almost gulp down her coffee had it not been steaming hot.
Adrian wasn't due to arrive, and leave, in another half hour. Joey stared at her phone, fighting the temptation to call him. He was still probably busy packing his things and saying goodbye to Aunt Ning and Edward. She tossed her hairbrush onto her bed and started pacing her room. It seemed that the calm and composed front she had put up since Adrian announced his departure, was crumbling down like a stack of dominoes. She stopped pacing and tried stretching her body, taking deep breaths while doing so.
Her phone rang with a missed call. That was Adrian's sign that he was downstairs.
Uncle Laom was talking to Adrian when Joey came down. She waited quietly as her uncle dished out last-minute advice to her boyfriend. Shortly, Uncle Laom gave Adrian a firm pat on the shoulder and retreated upstairs to give them time alone.
She walked over to where he was standing in the middle of the gallery area. Dressed in a dark blue shirt and dark blue denims, he looked leaner, taller, and more handsome than ever. And, in a few hours, she would be sharing him with the entire female population, so to speak. She forced a smile and let him cradle her hands in his unusually clammy ones.
"Promise me you'll take care of yourself.", she said.
He squeezed her hands and nodded weakly.
"You, too.", he said, letting out a long sigh. "If only I didn't have to rush to a meeting—"
"Adrian", she butt in. "We've talked about this. Work is work."
He nodded again. "I'll call you when I get there."
She nodded.
"And I'll come back next week.", he said. "I'll make sure I have free time.", he added, in response to her questioning look.
"I'll be waiting here."
"I miss you already.", he whispered.
Joey swallowed hard. She didn't want to cry.
"You better go.....you don't want to be late."
He gave her a tight smile and quickly enveloped her in his arms. She hugged him back, burying her face in his chest, filling her lungs with his fresh, manly scent. They held each other tight, neither of them wanting to let go. After a while, he loosened his hold and cupped her face in his hands.
"I have to go.", he whispered against her lips.
She nodded weakly. "I love you.", she whispered back.
"I love you more."
He closed the gap between them, hungrily claiming her lips, quickly deepening the kiss. They parted to come up for air. And with one more kiss, he mustered all his strength to loosen his grip. He quickly turned around and walked out the door while he still could.
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Joey watched the door close and listened to the sound of his car as he drove off. She bit her lip, not wanting to cry.