My mind raced back to the day two years ago. The awful sensation of hanging in midair, my stomach rolling in my body, gravity forgetting to kick into action, and then the sound. I remembered the sound of hooves beating over and over again, the sound of my horse’s last whinnies of surprise and the sound of the crowd going from excitement to horror. And then I hit the hard earth with a thud and the breath was knocked out of me for what seemed like eternity. I couldn’t hear anything or breathe at all. My lungs weren’t working and my head hurt. I wanted to scream but my lack of air prevented that from happening.
“Brie!” Ian’s voice sounded far off, as did his horse’s hoofbeats. Everything was black again, I was once again blind. Boots hit the ground and scurried over to where I sat struggling for breath.
“Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt? Brie, you looked pretty wigged out back there!”
I pushed him away, clutching my eyes still. “Back off!” I snapped. I felt like ripping my eyeballs out, maybe it would be less painful just to do that.
“Hey!” Callis, running by the sound of his footfalls, shouted--more like a scream--at the top of his lungs, I never heard him more mad before in my life.I put my head between my knees so I could breathe better. “I thought we agreed that this wouldn’t happen!”
“The horse just took off and jumped the fence!”
“Well you--”
“Shut up!” I yelled at them. I turned to where Callis was and spoke quietly. “Callis, I could see. Really, I mean it! For a split second I could see!”
“Brianna, what the hell you talking about? You’re blind.”
“No, Callis, really. I saw--I saw Ian, I saw Mr. Prince! I saw the barns! It was real!”
“I’m sorry, Brie. Just stay here. I’m gonna go get your mother.” And before I could stop him, Callis was making a cold dash for the house. Ian moved closer to me.
“Did you really?” was all he said. He believed me!
I nodded. “Yeah. Really.”
“Are you okay?” He said, scooting closer yet. I didn’t object.
“Yeah. My eyes feel like a little bit of hell, but.....” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that with you here, with Callis’ threat hanging over your head. I just didn’t think anything would happen! I should--”
“Brianna, it’s okay. But I’m guessing this means you lied about training?”
Before I could answer, Kevin’s voice barked across the yard. “Get away from my sister!”
Ian stood up, and I heard Kevin’s fast approaching footsteps. When they were so close I thought I was about to be trampled, I heard the sound of fist hitting jaw.
“Kevin!” I yelled. He ignored me.
“Who do you think you are, taking my sister out for a little race?”
“Kevin, he didn’t--”
“She’s blind!” He yelled at Ian.
“I know that!” Ian spat back.”She has potential. You guys keep her away from horses, you’re going to ruin her life. I don’t want to be the one who crushes her dreams!”
There was a second where I thought I misjudged Ian, but then Kevin punched him again.
“Stop it!” I screamed, standing up. “Grow up Kevin! If I didn’t want Ian here right now, he’d be on the ground with sore nuts! And I’m the one who went riding. Ian didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to, and it was me who kicked Mr. Prince into a gallop.”
At this point I guessed Kevin scowled and turned on his heel and trudged off. There was a moment of silence.
“You really would kick me in the--”
“You should go home Ian. I’ll have Callis put your horse away. She’s pretty by the way.”
So he left, with no hesitation, and before long, Callis had joined me.
“Why?” Was all he said, but I knew what he meant.
“Because you’d have never done it without Dad saying it was Ok, and Ian was stupid enough to buy the story.”
“Brie, he’s a city kid, he barely knows how to mount a horse!”
“So? At least he believed me!”
“Oh, not this,” He grumbled.
“Callis, just listen to me! I could see! Really, I know it sounds crazy, but--”
“That’s just it, Brie.” He interrupted. “It is crazy. There’s no way it could’ve happened.”
“But it did!” I insisted, taking a step towards him. He suddenly grabbed me by the arms and shook me.
“It’s impossible!” He yelled. “Don’t you get it? What you say is not possible! It can’t happen!” Tears broke through a barrier, and I pushed away from him.
Though he had realized what he had just done and called me back, I kept going, past one barn, and into the one that was red last time I saw it two years ago. I climbed into the hayloft. Five minutes later Callis found me. I hugged my knees and tried to ignore him.
“Look, I’m sorry Brianna. It just doesn’t make sense.”
“You know what, just forget it, Callis. I can’t...” I stopped myself.
“No, what?” He said, encouraging me to continue my thought. “I want to know what you were gonna say.”
“I can’t believe a guy I hardly know believed me, and you still don’t.” I blurted.
“It’s not logical...”
“Yeah, well, it’s not ‘logical’ that I lived that horse accident!”
“Brianna,”
I rolled my eyes, hopefully so he could see it.
“Okay, fine. Say a miracle did happen and you did see around you for a little bit, but you can’t see now can you?”
“No, but, Callis--”
“Stop Brianna, you have to stop fooling yourself! Look, if you did see, great! Fabulous! But what does that do for you now?”
That made me stop and think for a moment. He’s right. That doesn’t mean much at all! It happened for what? Ten seconds?
“I--I--”
“Chill, Brianna, I know what’s going through your head,”
“I can’t see what’s gonna happen, it’s so scary!” I burst, tears suddenly rolling down my cheeks. I leaned into his arms and lay there, as he stroked my hair.
“I’m sorry, Brie, I wish it could be something that we could build on, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
***
“Good morning Brianna, today is going to be sunny, partly cloudy with a twenty percent chance of showers. The temperature is now 68 degrees Fahrenheit.”
I hit the phone and it shut off. I rolled over, pulling the sheets up to my chin. “C’mon, Brie. It’s Friday. Get up.”
I rolled out of bed, grabbed a pair of jeans and plain Tshirt. After eating I walked up to the end of our driveway. It took another half hour after that for the bus to come.
Kids were screaming and throwing things, one even had the nerve to insult the bus driver, who was way too soft to the kids. I swung my palm in the direction of the insult and smacked a kid.
“ow!” The kid whined. “I didn’t do it!”
“Good.” I said. I found an empty seat and sat down, ignoring Kevin as he sat next to me. The bus ride was one of complete silence between me and my brother, and we didn’t speak for the rest of the day either.
“Why, Brianna, won’t you sit by us?” Shawna’s voice trailed after me.
“Nope.” I answered swiftly. Champ stopped suddenly, and a whole table to my left went silent. My dog stepped over the kid’s--Comrad James--leg, while i kicked it hard. “Grow a life.” I snapped.
I sat down at my table and immediately fed Champ the mashed potatoes. I had specifically told the woman ‘no’ but what did she do? She smacked them onto my plate. I scooped up the corn and swallowed it in four bites. I was not in the mood for chicken today so Champ had that too.
“Wow.” Ian’s voice said from his normal spot, I wondered how long he’d been there. “Either you are on your second helping, or you’re not in a good mood at all today...”
I clenched my fists. “Why do you sit here?”
“Hmm? Oh, you mean at the table with a blind crude insolent girl? Good question. I have been beginning to ask myself the same question...”
This took me aback. “What?”
“Are you ever polite? Do you ever treat people considerately? I’ve seen how you treat people around this school. You don’t talk to anyone as though you have the slightest bit of respect for them, and--”
“Because I have no respect for them. That guy over there; Comrad James, yeah, he was about to trip me because I’m blind! Shawna only wants me to sit by her so that you will, and o she can flirt with you, and the teachers all sypothyie me to the point of insanity.”
I heard him drop his fork and put his elbows on the table. “Okay, so what about everyone else? You’ve named the teachers, and two students. What about me? You treat me with loads of disrespect...”
What was this? This respect freak?
“Look, I don’t know what your problem is, but--”
“Oh, it’s not me who has the problem...” He said, standing up and walking away.
That was completely out of the blue....
I finished my lunch and threw away the leftovers. The rest of school dragged by slowly and Ian didn’t show up for tutoring.
I called Kevin who reluctantly came and gave me a ride home, found Forgotten’s stall and sat in the corner with her and cried.
This is pathetic. I am sympathizing myself. Absolutely pathetic. Ian was right. I had no respect for anyone in that school. I used to. Before two years ago.
The horse beside me nickered softly and brushed her muzzle down my arm. I smiled and rubbed her nose.
“Why are you forgotten?” I said. “You’re not. I remember you. From yesterday. But what’s that? A blind girl remembering you? You’re probably begging me to to leave...”
Then I stood up and brushed off. I went over and grabbed a halter from the rack, and a carrot from the box near the barn door. After climbing back into her stall, I coaxed Forgotten to me. Then i gave her a nibble of carrot, and quickly--clumsily--slipped the halter on her.
She gave a surprised whinnie and I fed her a chunk of carrot. After flinging her head and snorting a lot, she settled back down and came back to me. I quickly praised her and retrieved a lead rope. I didn’t know if she was halter trained or not, but it seemed like Calis had worked a little on her...
I checked the time. “7:13 PM” my phone told me. I opened up the stall door and slowly led her out. Her small, but not tiny, hooves clacked on the cement until we reached outside. That’s when she perked up. I had to hold the end of the lead rope because she reared up on her hind legs, giving a whinnie of glee, and that’s when I began to run.
Living on a ranch for fifteen plus years taught me that when a yearling (or a filly older than a year in this case) rears up with a whinnie like that, it means they are about to start charging around the place. And sure enough, just as the rope was tightening up, it slackened tremendously and a horse was galloping past me. I had to stop her before she started dragging me with her.
“No.” I said in a strict tone. I could almost see her ears swivel back to mock me.
I pulled the rope back and her speed decreased. “Hoe,” I said and she stopped. I bent over to breathe better from the running. I chuckled a little. “Yeah, you like to run.”
“I already told you that.” Calis’ dry voice said from behind me.
“Did you halter train her?” I asked.
“‘Course I halter trained ‘er! Would you know me not to halter train a foal within the first ten months of his or her life? Why, I slipped that there halter on her a week after she was born!”
“No you didn’t!” I said, smiling.
“Did. I’ve got pictures to prove it...would you care an’ see ‘em?”
I laughed. “No. I don’t think that would help your case in the slightest.”
“What case? I don’t got no case!”
Pushing that aside, I asked him “How old is she?”
“Almost two years old.”
“Perfect,” I muttered.
“Yeah, perfect once you get the OK from your father. Otherwise, you’re hosed. Plus, it took you a year to train Stew.”
“Yeah, but now I’m experienced--”
“Wrong.” He said. “Dead wrong. You were experienced. Two years ago. And then you left horses.”
“Hey! I did not ‘leave’ horses. I was pulled away from them. I never said I don’t want to be near another horse again. Everyone just jumped to conclusions.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, you sure didn’t push to get back to them.”
I felt like punching him. “Now I am, so lay off.”
A silence developed between us, and Forgotten began to graze. I wondered if he was mad at me for letting that happen. For not even coming to visit him. He had visited me in the hospital, and even come in the house on some occasions.
“I’ll help you.”
“What?” Did he just say what I thought he said?
“Just don’t tell your father anything like it was my idea!”
My jaw dropped open and i heard Calis laugh. “Na-uh.” I said. “You’re pulling my leg...”
He took the lead from my hand. “Am not.” He said, a smirk in his voice. “I’m totally serious. I will help you. But tell me this; do you honestly think yer dad will allow you to race again? Even if you are still good? And say he does let you do it. Will you be as good as you were before?”
I thought back, envisioning myself on the second and first places. I remember it so clearly; my riding career. And I lost it so quickly. I had been amazing. I had strategy and skill. Most of all, I had Stew.
“Yes.” I said, definitely.
I jumped at him, for a hug, but evidently I was wrong on his location. He ended up being not so to the right than I had thought. But luckily for me, Calis is a quick thinker. He caught me with his left arm and swung me in, taking my hug.
* * *
I woke up and breathed in, only to smell musty dirty sheets. After detangling myself from my bedspread, I tried again and breathed inward. The air was cool and crisp. Beautiful. I loved the fall. I didn’t bother checking the time, if the birds were out, it must not be too awfully early.
I gingerly walked barefoot across my cold room floor and slipped on a pair of jeans. Then I put on a knit sweater and a vest and then a jacket over that, and then I went to my closet. I bent down and searched along the dusty floor for my long forgotten cowboy boots. My fingers hit box after box, and then, leather. I smiled and grabbed them.
I got to the kitchen and put a few granola bars and three apples and two carrots in a backpack. Adding a waterbottle to the pack, I slipped outside into the morning. I smiled, imagining the farm. To my right was the west pastures, to my left the east. And straight a head of me were the barns. Three of them. A red, a green and a white one. Great colors, I know. I headed for Forgotten’s stall right away and got a halter on her smoother than yesterday.
I led her out to the round pen and closed the gate behind us and let her lead off.
Let the bonding begin.