I met Lexi by my car & she put a picnic basket in the backseat as I smirked at her. "You have an actual picnic basket." I chuckled as I opened her car door & let her climb in.
"I go to the beach a lot & I like picnics." She pursed her lips & raised her eyebrows at me as I closed the door. I leaned down & kissed her, quickly.
"I think it's cute." I said, then walked around & got in the car.
"Do you know what's not cute?" Lexi gave me a sideways glance. I looked at her as I started the car. "The fact that you're wearing a long sleeved shirt & sweats to the beach."
"I have trunks on underneath. I told you I don't wear shorts often because I don't want people to stare at my scars."
Lexi sighed & shook her head. "You're self conscious for no reason, you know that, right?" I grinned at her & she leaned to change the radio station. "Your scars aren't that bad. And if you wear your dog tags, no one will even think twice, because they will know you got those scars being a hero."
"If I wasn't head over heels in love with my best friend, I could totally fall in love with you. You're so sweet to say that." I smiled at her, then backed out of the driveway. I drove us to the beach, going to where Lexi told me to. I carried the basket & Lexi grabbed the blanket she brought, as well as our towels. We found a spot on the beach & laid out the blanket. Lexi took off her shirt & shorts & was adjusting her hair when I grabbed her & threw her over my shoulder, so I could run toward the water, her screaming the entire way there.
Lexi tried to pretend she was pissed at me when she broke through the surface of the water, after I dove in with her in my arms. She started splashing me as I laughed, then I grabbed her & dunked her in the water again. We splashed around in the water for a little while, then headed to our spot on the sand. We both were smiling as we dried off, then I sat down on the blanket. "You hungry yet?" Lexi asked, squeezing her hair with the towel. I nodded, shrugging as I brought the basket closer & opened it. Lexi sat next to me on her knees, looking into the basket. I pulled out the sandwiches she made, smiling because she made my favorite, peanut butter & black raspberry jam.
While we watched people on the busy beach, Lexi pulled out our lunch, then she poured us two glasses of sweet tea & after handing me mine, she leaned her head on my upper arm & sighed. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm actually happy. I love being friends who benefit." She threw me a glance, then giggled as she brought her glass to her lips.
"It does have its advantages." I said, then kissed her temple.
I sat my glass down on the sand, then leaned back on my hands so I could watch the waves crash on the shore. It was one of the things I missed the most, being in Iraq, since there was sand everywhere, but no water. I longed to see & hear waves crashing & spent many days, imagining that very thing. Now, watching this & hearing the sound, was bringing me peace. I was trying to be grateful for my life. I had to trust that God had a plan for me. He had to have a reason for making Demi not return my affections. Maybe one day, I'd thank him for the unanswered prayers, just like my favorite Garth Brooks song said.
"I do consider you a friend, ya know? I mean I know we're fucking, but you're my friend, first." I said.
Lexi nodded, sipping her tea. "I feel the same way, actually. Friends who benefit. Nothing could be better than that." She chuckled.
"Joe hit Demi, the other night." I blurted out, after there were several minutes of silence between me & Lexi.
She turned to look at me, her mouth hanging open. "Oh my God, are you serious?"
I nodded, took a deep breath & told Lexi the entire story of the night before, including how Demi & I ended up having sex. I know I had told Demi I wouldn't tell anyone, but I needed to tell someone & Lexi was my friend. I also told Lexi about Demi hearing us having sex that morning & our confrontation that happened right before I met her, to come to the beach. Lexi listened, closely, letting me talk & vent. "So... she blames me for Joe breaking up with her." I finished with a sigh.
Lexi's mouth twisted a little as she narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you think he broke up with her because of you?"
I chuckled, looking out at the water. "I may have informed him that I know how to kill someone & make it look like an accident & also that I know how to dispose of a body so no one can find it." I smirked at her & she grinned, nodding her head.
"You did her a favor & one day she'll realize that."
"I'm not sorry he is out of her life, that's for sure." I reached for my glass & took a drink.
"Well, duh. He's an asshole. Why would she want to stay with someone who hit her?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no idea, actually. She never really had boyfriends when we were in school. She never seemed interested in high school boys until we were seniors, then she dated a guy who was in college. She found out he was cheating on her & he broke up with her. Come to think of it, she's never really broke up with any guy. It's like she's afraid she won't find someone better."
"Maybe that's the problem. She isn't confident enough to think she deserves better. Was she abused as a child?" Lexi asked, leaning on her hand.
"No. She had an amazing childhood. I mean as far as I know she was never abused. She probably would have told me at some point, right? I mean I've been her best friend since we were six."
Lexi inhaled, slowly. "Well, that's not something a person would share willingly. My cousin was sexually abused by her brother's best friend for a few years when she was younger & she never told anyone until she was in high school & even then she didn't like to talk about it. It's humiliating." Lexi bit her lip & scrunched up her face. "You're also a guy. You are probably not someone she would feel comfortable telling something like that to."
"True."
"Is there someone in her family you could talk to? Maybe someone who would know?"
"I don't know. I don't want to pry into her life, though, ya know? I don't have a legitimate reason to be asking."
"If you think she's obsessed with a guy who is hurting her, that is a good reason." Lexi lowered her chin at me, eyeing me from under her lashes.
"She's not with him, anymore." I simply said, then took a drink of my tea. Lexi & I talked for a little longer, then went back in the water. We packed up our stuff & headed home around dinner time. When we got to our building, I didn't want to be alone, so Lexi invited me to hang at her place & we ordered a pizza & hung out.
Demi seemed to avoid me over the next few days & when we did cross paths, she barely acknowledged my presence. One day, I came home from work & Demi was in the shower. I happen to see her phone on the counter, in the kitchen, when the screen lit up, then the phone vibrated. I looked to make sure it wasn't a phone call I should answer, but when I looked at her phone, I was shocked to see a text message from Joe. "Fine. I'll meet you tomorrow night for dinner. I miss you, too, btw." The text was punctuated with a few kissing emoji's & heart eyed emojis & I wanted to punch a wall.
I went to the fridge to get a beer & leaned on the counter to drink it when I heard the bathroom door open. Demi appeared a moment later, looking relieved when she saw her phone on the counter. She jumped when she saw me. "You're meeting Joe? So have you been desperately trying to get him to take you back for the last few days? Are you fucking stupid?" I couldn't contain my anger as my voice bellowed.
Demi scowled at me as she snatched her phone off the counter. "Reading my messages? What the fuck, Nick? Who do you think you are?"
"Your best friend. That's who. Demi, why are you trying to get back together with a guy who gave you a black eye? I really want to know."
Demi rolled her eyes. "Because I love him & I know he would never hurt me again, in his right mind."
I slammed my beer on the counter as I took a few steps toward her. "Don't you dare say you love him. There is no way you can love a man who would do that to you. Unless... you think that's what you deserve. Is that what it is? You have no self esteem & think you can't do better than that douchebag?"
Demi's eyes rolled toward the ceiling. "So now you're a psychologist? You're gonna analyze me? No thanks, Doctor." Demi clicked her tongue & started to walk away.
"Demi!" I called out after her & she turned around, sighing, loudly. "I'm just worried about you, that's all. I know you can do better than Joe."
"Well, maybe I don't want anyone better. Maybe I love him for who he is." Demi said, then turned & went into her room, slamming the door. I didn't like what was happening with us. I didn't like what was happening with her. I didn't like that she was saying she loved Joe.
Denny came home the next day & was staying with his parents until he could move into his apartment that weekend. Demi was too preoccupied with getting Joe to take her back, so she didn't help Denny move, or even hang out with him. I helped, along with his dad & a few of Denny's friends. After everything was moved into Denny's apartment, which wasn't too far from where Demi & I lived, he passed out beers to whoever wanted one.
Several beers later, Denny & I were sitting on his porch, alone, since everyone else had left. "Denny, can I ask you something?" I asked, leaning on my knees.
"Sure."
I gave Denny a quick run down on Joe, leaving out the part where he punched Demi, but told him about how he was a douche & I was pretty sure he was cheating. "So do you have any idea why Demi would want to stay with someone who was a complete ass?" I kept my eyes averted so Denny wouldn't see that I was keeping something from him. I figured Demi would be upset if I told her brother about Joe hitting her.
Denny squinted at the horizon as he took a drink of his beer, then he looked down at the bottle in his hands. "She just has low self esteem."
"Why?"
Denny took a deep breath. "You can't tell her I told you any of this."
"Okay." I swallowed, feeling a little bit of fear come over me.
"It came out a few years ago. She was dating this guy who was mentally abusive. It was right after you left for boot camp & she only dated him for like six months. Anyway, he was controlling & jealous & one night they got into a huge fight & he broke up with her. It was for the best, but Demi didn't think so. She had a breakdown after that. It was so bad that my mom took her to the hospital because Demi was threatening to kill herself & wasn't eating & all she did was cry. I guess it came out in a therapy session that Demi was bullied in junior high & kept it to herself. There was a bunch of girls that said awful things to her & they didn't stop until Demi's self esteem dwindled down to nothing."
I was staring at Denny with my mouth hanging open. My thoughts were scanning my memory, thinking of the time while I was in boot camp that I didn't hear from Demi for a period of time. She didn't really start writing me until I was stationed in Iraq, but she still called me or texted me, while I was in boot camp. I did remember a time when I didn't hear from her for a few months & now I knew why. "Jesus." I let out in a breath.
"Yea, it was bad, but she got the help she needed & was better after a few weeks in therapy. Well... she was better. I hope she's not back to feeling as bad about herself. She stopped going to therapy after several months, claiming she was fine. During those therapy sessions, though, something else came out that she doesn't know I know about." Denny's face got serious as he looked straight ahead, then took a deep breath. "Apparently, when she was five, until she was seven, our step grandfather was sexually abusing her. He never had sex with her, but he touched her. I guess it only happened a dozen times in that two years, but it fucked her up, nonetheless. My mom wanted her to keep seeing someone, but Demi insisted she was fine & over what happened to her. The only reason I even found out was because I overheard my parents talking about it. No one knows I know. My grandmother divorced that guy, so thankfully, he wasn't in our lives anymore. I feel helpless that I couldn't protect my little sister."
"I know the feeling." I said as I put my hand on Denny's shoulder. It was all starting to make sense as to why Demi was with this asshole. It made sense as to why she thought she couldn't do better. The sad part was that I couldn't really do anything to convince her. It was something she would have to come to terms with, on her own & want to get the help she needed. I also couldn't say anything, to her, about what I knew. I'd have to keep this to myself & just hope that she finally wised up one day. Sooner, rather than later.
I spent a lot of time with Denny over the few weeks, helping him get settled into his place, but also trying to stay away from Demi. Her & Joe were spending time together & I couldn't watch. I couldn't stand to be around him. Demi insisted he was incredibly sorry for what he did, but I still couldn't stand the dude.
As the weeks went on, I was finding it difficult to be at home, so I made up my mind & decided to find my own place. There was an empty apartment in the same complex as Denny, so I filled out an application. I got accepted, pretty quickly, so I had to tell Demi that I was moving out. I needed to put distance between her & I so I could stop these feelings I had for her.
Things between Demi & I were better, but they weren't the same as they were before. We never hung out together, anymore & we didn't have conversations that flowed like they used to. We weren't fighting, but we also weren't as close as we were before we had sex. I was busy with my job & hanging out with Denny, while Demi was spending all her free time with Joe.
One day, I was in my room packing up some of my things, when Demi walked by my room. "Hey. What are you doing?" She asked, looking confused.
I wasn't expecting her home, so I stammered a little. "Oh... uh... well... I'm packing."
"Why?" Demi asked, her eyebrows knitting together.
"I got my own place. It's in the same complex as Denny."
"You're moving out? Nick, you don't have to move out."
I took a breath, as I closed up a box I had just finished filling. "I can't watch you & Joe anymore. Not to mention, things aren't the same between us, so we need some distance."
"I don't even really bring Joe over here." Demi stuck her lower lip out.
"I know. But I still know you're with him & I hear you talking to him on the phone...." I let my sentence trail off as I picked up the box & put it on top of another one that was on the floor. "Even still, Demi, it's been weird with us & I don't like it. We never hang out together & we don't have deep conversations anymore. We need to have some time apart so maybe we can get back that friendship we've lost."
Demi came toward me. "Nick, our friendship isn't lost. It's just a little hiccup & we just have to push through it. We'll do stuff together. We'll plan a night every week, just you & I will do something. And I'll try to be home more."
"Demi, I'm not asking you to cater to me. I just need some time away from you. This will be better, in the long run."
"I don't understand. Why do you need time away from me? Are you not wanting to be friends anymore?" Demi's voice was shaking.
"Of course, I want to be friends." I ran my hands over my head & took a deep breath. "We'll always be friends, Demi."
"Why would you want to be away from me, then?" She reached for my arm. "Why would you want to move out & put more distance between us? We should be pushing through this, not pushing each other away."
"I need..." I was frustrated & feeling cornered & I wanted to say so much, but I didn't want to make things even more awkward between us.
"You need to what?"
"I need to do this, Demi. I have to. I don't have a choice. I need to not be around you so much right now. For a little while, anyway, I need time away from you.." I turned away from her.
"Why? Why would you say that?" Demi's voice shook & I could tell I had hurt her.
I turned to look at Demi & something about the expression on her face made me say it. "Because I'm in love with you." I blurted out, then pressed my lips together as her eyes grew wide & her lips parted. She stared at me like I had three heads & I held my breath, mentally kicking myself for admitting how I felt about her out loud.