POV Bella
What was I suppose to do? Call him?
No, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The coward in me, refused to get hurt again and it wouldn't feel right if I just asked him over the phone. It just didn't feel… right.
So I stood in Seattle afraid to pick up the phone or look at emails. I was afraid if I thought I heard him asked me was true. So instead I hid like a coward all the way across the country. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him.
It's better for you Bella!
I told myself that over and over again but it didn't feel better for me. How could I just avoid him after what we had been through? How could I just avoid him after he asked me that? How could I?
The sad thing was I had no answer to that question. None at all.
The phone rang again and I heisted my hand over the phone, whether or not to pick it up.
I sighed and finally picked it up.
"Hello?" I said holding my breath. I heard a gasp on the other end. Did he just…
"How could you!" Jake shouted over the phone. I held it arms length from my ear.
"How dare you come to Chicago the one week I'm not there?! Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe I would want to see you too? But, no dear old Bella decides to come the one time I go Pennsylvania to visit Lizzy's family. She doesn't care about little old Jakey!" he continued to shout and even with the phone at arms length I heard every word loud and clear.
I wasn't going to bring the phone any closer unless I was sure he wouldn't bring an out burst.
I heard a softer muffle on the phone but I couldn't make out the words and I was too afraid of permanently damaging my ear drums to bring the phone to my ear. I heard a huff and then Jake said, "Fine."
"Bella it's okay you can bring the phone to you ear," I heard Alice yell.
Slowly I brought the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I said softer and braced myself for Jake's yelling but I heard only a sigh.
"Where have you've been? I haven't been able to contact you for a week! The only thing that kept me from calling the FBI was when I called your work the assured me that you were there just were really busy. I've sent you like fifty emails I think I even wrote a letter but with snail mail it probably won't get to you until, January!" Alice lashed out on me. Not in a voice as loud as Jake's but still you could tell she was holding the phone away in order to shout in it.
"Alice I've had a lot on my mind and…I just couldn't talk to anyone," I said in a soft sigh.
"Couldn't talk to anyone or avoiding someone?" Jake asked.
"Do you have me on 3-way?" I asked.
"Yes," they both answered.
"Look right now is just not the time," I said.
"Bella you can't run away from everything! You might think you're doing it for the better but deep down you know that you don't have to. The only reason you're running away is because you afraid to get hurt," Alice said softly as if sensing I was about to hang up the phone.
I just stared at the phone stunned. What?
"No I am not." I said harshly.
"Bella you're only hurting yourself by doing this! Just because your afraid of being happy." She spat and then I heard a sigh.
"I am not! I did it because no matter what it will not work out for me!" I said feeling my temper flare.
"Um, girls…"
"How do you know? You won't even give it a try!" she shot back.
"Girls, I think I'm just—"
"Why bother give it a try it a try if it's not going to work out!"
"You know what, I think I'm—"
"You don't know that! Stop being such a coward!" she snapped.
"Yea I'm just gonna go—"
"I am not a coward," I said but I could feel that it wasn't the complete truth.
"Then why won't you try to work things out! Why do you seem to run every time things start to look up for you?"
"Oh yea, things were really looking up for me when I told the man of my dreams that I loved him and his fiancée was right there? Things were really looking up when I thought she was pregnant and things were all the way on top when I was caught in a freaking love triangle!" I snapped and I heard a soft sigh.
"Okay I give you that! But you came back and things were going perfect everything was fine. He loved you back and then you find out that Tanya still has feelings for him and you flee. She's an ex. Of course there gonna have feelings for each other but Tanya broke up with him. Not vice versa. So why did you run?
"You ran because you knew things would end up working out in your favor. You knew there was a slight chance you could be happy and you left!" she shouted and I felt the anger leave me.
"Alice I didn't leave because she had feelings for him. I left because I was the reason she broke up with him. I can't be with him when I know I'm the reason that she's not with him!" I snapped.
"No Bella, she left him because she couldn't live with the fact that she was keeping both of you from happiness. It was her choice and she doesn't regret it, but you just can't break up with him!"
"Yes I can! And I did"
"But why? Things would have worked out, you knew that!"
"Because…because I can't do it. It feels too good. I feel too happy and I know it can't last. That it's going to come crashing down and it's gonna kill me if that happens. I just can't do it Alice!" I whispered in the phone and felt myself break into a sob.
"Oh, Bella," I heard Alice sigh and I clutched the phone with both hands.
She was my life line and I wouldn't, I couldn't let her go.
"That won't happen. When things are meant to be they just happen," she sighed and I sniffed.
"But I'm so sick of it Alice. But it's the thing that keeps me sane. I hate living this stupid heart breaking life, but when I feel happy I keep feeling like it's not going to last. Like's it going to just fade away and then I'm going to be left alone and the pain will be a hundred time worse than what I already felt," I said and my eyes watered.
"No, Bella. You can't live in unhappiness forever. It's gonna get better but that's only if you let it and feel happy about today and don't think about the future," she said and I laughed a little.
I heard Alice sigh in relief that she had made me feel better and I wiped my eyes.
"I love you Alice," I sighed into the phone and I could picture her get a big cheesy grin over her face.
"Hey, Bella?"
"Yea?" I asked.
"Where's Jake?"
It was quiet for a moment but I heard no other voices or sounds.
"I think—"
"He hung up on us?" Alice shouted and I broke in a mountain of giggles.
--
I hated Sundays.
The small diner had no costumers in the morning and that was my shift. I much rather have the lunch shift. People got out of church and that meant a lot more money for the day.
Instead I would probably walk out of here with a total of twenty bucks in tips.
"Would you like more coffee?" I asked the old man who sat at the corner of the diner. He came in every morning, had a few cups of coffee and left.
The other waitresses complained he was a bad tipper but I always got a ten dollar tip from him and he ordered was 3 cups of coffee's. He never spoke and he never smiled. He didn't even meet my eyes. He just nodded and I pored more coffee into his mug.
"You weren't here, for a while? Isn't a bit too early to go on vacation? I mean you just started," he said in a deep rough voice. I had never heard him speak to anyone before. I was stunned. I quickly recovered.
"I was visiting some friends back in Chicago," I said and placed the coffee down on the table and he looked up.
His twinkling blue eyes met my own and a soft smile played on his lips.
His eyes were filled with a some sort of pain I didn't understand.
"I like you. You've seen a lot and you may be young but your eyes are ancient. As though you've seen the world over and over again," he said softly and I titled my head. I looked around the diner and I knew it wasn't busy. Besides there was another waitress on shift with me.
I sat down across from him and folded my hands on the table in front of him.
I just sat across form him unsure what to say but he spoke up.
"You remind me, of Griselda," he said and I scrunched my brows.
"Who's Griselda?"
"You ask too many questions," he grumbled stood up and left.
I was shocked. I only asked one question. I stood up and realized he hadn't paid but when I went to take his mug I saw a couple bills on his seat. I smiled and picked them up. He may be a strange grouchy old man but he made my day.
Still I wondered who Griselda was.
Maybe she was his wife. Maybe she was a lost loved. Maybe she was his daughter.
Yet something told me that she was some one he loved. Someone he didn't get to love. Maybe that was the reason for his strange behavior. Maybe that was the reason for the pain I saw behind his eyes.
While I was pondering this new information, I wasn't paying attention to my feet. Before I knew it my feet got tangled and I was falling forward but instead of hitting the floor like I was expecting to I fell into some one's arms.
My eyes, which had closed tightly while I was tripping, opened and I was met with a pair of stunning green eyes.
Edward?