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[ B L A I R E ' S P O V ]
The next day, I wake up with a throbbing headache.
I groan loudly, my hand flying over to my head, as if it somehow possessed magical powers to heal the pain. I try to get up into a sitting position, my elbows supporting my weight, only to realize that they meet with a cold hard surface.
It suddenly hit me that I've been sleeping on the goddamned floor.
What the fuck?
My vision soon comes into focus and my eyes widen when I see the state of the room.
Fuck, it's completely trashed.
The headboard of Jax's bed has completely fallen off, leaving just the mattress. One side of the curtains lay in a pile on the floor and I'm fairly certain that if I tugged the other side, the entire curtain pole would collapse.
Our clothes are everywhere—hung over the doorknob, thrown over the chaise and I'm pretty sure that's my bra on the chandelier.
Sweet mother of god, how freaky did we even get last night?
Everything comes flooding back to me, hitting me so hard I almost collapse back to the ground. Memories of Jax and I together last night make me dizzy.
I've lost count of the number of times we did it.
I remember him fucking me slowly in bed, and at some point during the night, he promised that he was going to fuck me on every single surface of this room. And god, I let him. He had me pinned against the wall, making love to me from behind. Fuck, that felt amazing. It was quick and dirty sex. And it didn't stop there. He bent me over the chaise of his room and took me swiftly again. I got my revenge, tackling him to the floor and riding the both of us to exhaustion until we were too tired to move. Hence, the reason how I ended up passed out on the floor with him.
I remembered how good he made me felt—definitely the best sex I've had. Ever. When my lips met his, all of my doubts disintegrated to nothing. I felt like I was being suspended in air, floating, flying, with nothing else weighing me down. My heart felt light, all of the burden fell from my shoulders, and in that moment, nothing else mattered but him.
He kissed me good, like I was experiencing my first kiss all over again. He kissed me breathless, stealing all the oxygen from my lungs. He kissed me dizzy, making my mind spin off-axis, crazy, crazy for him. He kissed me ferociously, like he had made up his mind about me and he wasn't backing down from it. Not now. Not ever.
His body—oh god, his body—is a work of art. I love the way our bodies joined together, as if it was made to fit. I love the way he responded to my touches, his skin burning alive under my fingers. I love the sound he makes when he's close to coming, his pants and his groans getting sexier and louder, making me lose it too. I love his mouth, his fingers, his tongue and what he can do with all three on my body.
Let's not even start with the monstrosity that he packed in his pants. I can't believe I managed to withhold from him for so long. I've been really missing out these past few weeks and it makes me pissed off as hell.
God, Jax's cock is a masterpiece. It was like it was made for me; it knew exactly how to make me spiral off the edge. My pussy ached for his cock and it simply could not get enough of it. Just thinking about it makes my damn mouth water again.
Fuck, I'm so fucked.
I grip the sheets tight against my body, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed about last night. Dammit, I was not supposed to let this get out of hand. I told myself that I was not going to get involved with Jax. He fucked with my mind, my feelings, and now... he fucked me. Hard. Good.
Fuck, Blaire. Get a grip!
I seriously need to talk to someone about this. Otherwise I'm going to explode.
I have no idea what to do now. I feel like I've lost a sense of direction. I have no idea where I'm going now, my path is blurry and I can't see clearly anymore. I need someone to put me back in check.
I glance over to my side and sigh when I see Jax sprawled next to me, the sheets only covering the lower half of him. Half of face is buried in the pillow, his lips parted open slightly. He seems so peaceful and I realize I'm never seen him like this before. He always had this burden that he had to carry on his shoulders, but now, looking at him like this, I no longer see it at all.
"Jackson," I murmur, nudging his shoulder. "Wake up."
I wait for a response, but it doesn't come. He just continues snoring, shifting his position so now his back is facing me.
I roll my eyes.
Idiot.
Realizing that it's no use trying to pry him out of his sleep, I throw the sheets away and retrieve my discarded clothes as quiet as possible. The bra on the chandelier is the trickiest. I had to drag the chaise into the middle of the room and tip-toe on it to get that son of a bitch. Not cool. When I'm done, I make my way out of his room and the first thing I do when I'm in my own room is to lunge for my phone on the bedside table and dial Belle's number.
"Hello?" she answers groggily, her voice hoarse.
"Belle?" I say, wedging my phone against my shoulder as I brush my teeth. "It's me. Blaire."
"What-" I hear shuffling in the background. "It's like 7 in the morning, bitch. What do you want?"
"I... I did something, Belle. Something...bad, " I tell her, gurgling and spitting into the sink, then drying my mouth with a towel.
"I always knew you were a murderer," she whispers. "I mean, it's pretty damn obvious. You are a bat-shit crazy psychopath—"
"Jesus, Belle. I am not." I roll my eyes. "I swear I'm not."
"Then, what is it?" she asks. "Because if it's nothing important, I'm going to hang up on you. I need my beauty sleep, babe, and I'm not going to sacrifice it for something that I don't give a damn about—"
"I slept with Jax Deneris last night," I murmur, holding the phone.
A long pause ensues.
"Like sleep? Or like sleep sleep?" She asks softly.
"Jesus, Belle. Do I have to get specific with you? Jax and I fucked last night," I clarify. "We fucked. A lot. There was little to no sleeping involved."
I hear Belle take a deep breath. "I'll meet you at Caffeinated in fifteen minutes. And you're going to tell me everything, Blaire. Everything, you hear me? You do not leave a single detail out. I'll come over as fast as I can."
And then she hangs up on me.
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I order two cups of Caffeinated coffee for Belle and I, and then take our usual spot by the window.
I feel a lot better now that I've taken a shower and put on some clothes. But everything still reminds me off what Jax and I did last night. The hickeys on my neck is proof that he has already made his mark on me. I had to cover those up with concealer—not that it's really helping anyway. Someone can probably see it from a mile away. I couldn't even look at the kitchen counter on the way out—knowing that I let Jax give me head there made me blush really hard.
When I spot Belle entering the cafe, I immediately come to her aid. I notice her Ben walking her to our table, and I meet them halfway.
"Hey," I whisper to him.
He stares at me, hard. I can't believe it's been almost a week since I've uttered a single word to him, let alone seen him. And I got to admit, I do kind of miss him. Not the same way I ached for him when he was just my friends with benefits. But I do miss his companionship.
I wonder how he's doing. Whether he's missed me. If he got over me. The questions are on the very tip of my tongue, but I hold back. I need to put as much distance between us so he can move on without me. Maybe, when the time is right, I'll talk to him about it.
"Thanks," I murmur to Ben, "I got her."
When Ben realizes that I'm talking to him, he smiles a little, and lets me hold Blaire. "Alright," he says. "I'll come fetch her in about two hours. Is that enough time for you guys to catch up?"
"Yes," I say at the same time Belle says "no."
He chuckles and kisses his sister on the cheek. "Just call me if you need me."
"Whatever," Belle mutters and I'm pretty sure I can see her rolling her eyes through those shades of hers.
That's my best friend.
When he's gone, I help her settle down on the seat opposite from me. I nudge the coffee in front of her and she shakes her head.
"You don't want coffee?" I ask, frowning. "I bought that for you-"
"Just cut the shit, Blaire and tell me what happened," she says, interrupting me. "You have no idea how excited I was when you told me you and Jax fucked-"
"Fuck, Belle. Can you like, I don't know, tone it down a notch or a thousand?" I hiss. "There are people here."
"Right. Sorry. I'm just so... happy," she squeals. "I've been waiting for this moment since you first told me about him. So, details, bitch. Or I'm going to die."
"Fine," I say, laughing slightly. "I'll tell you."
I start off with the night I first kissed him, leaving him with major bull balls. I tell her about how kissing him terrified me because I was afraid of my feelings for him, and I tell her about how he confronted me about it, then one thing led to another, and I ended up having sex with him the whole night last night. When I'm done telling her about, my mouth is so dry I need another sip of my coffee.
Belle tries to take in everything that I've told her. She leans back against her chair, her mouth hanging open, her arms folded against her chest.
"Dammit, Blaire. Why didn't you tell me about the kiss sooner?" She reaches over to swat my arm. "That would have made my entire week!"
"I know, and I'm sorry," I murmur. "I just—I didn't know what to do. I thought ignoring what happened was the right choice."
"Then, you're more stupid than I thought you were," she mutters, taking a sip of her coffee. "I don't know what to do with you, Blaire."
"Me too," I say. "So? Thoughts?"
"I don't know what to say," she breathes. "I guess I'm happy that you got laid by a sex god. Judging from the damn hickeys that you told me he gave you, you must have enjoyed last night a lot."
Oh, Belle. You don't know half of it.
"I..." My voice trails off and I blush slightly. "I did but that's not the point. What's gonna happen now?"
"Shouldn't you ask him?" Belle shrugs. "What do you want, Blaire? Now that you've slept with him, what do you want?"
Isn't that the question of the day.
"I have no idea." I shake my head.
"Well, do you like him?" She asks.
God, I do. More than he knows.
"Yeah," I say with certainty.
"Then, there's your answer," she nods.
"It's not that simple."
"Oh, it is that simple," Belle tells me. "Jesus, Blaire. What more do you want? He likes you. And you like him. Just go for it."
"You don't understand, Belle." I shake my head. "I've... I've never been in a relationship before. I've had a couple of one night stands, sure, and I had your brother, but this? This thing between Jax and I? It's scary. It's daunting."
Belle merely blinks at me. I sigh.
"I've been alone for so long," I continue on. "I've only learnt to trust myself. But my feelings for Jax fucks everything up for me. For once... I don't know who I am anymore."
"Then find a new identity, with him," Belle reaches forward to link my fingers with hers. "Yes, you've been alone for as long as you can remember. Yes, you've been through some hard shit. Shit that I can never possibly understand. But now is your time to take a leap of faith. Being with Jax doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be something really beautiful, if you let it."
I take a deep breath, trying to ponder over your words.
"It's been a long time since you've let someone in, haven't you?" She whispers.
"Yeah," I croak out.
"You think you and Jax won't last," she says as-a-matter-of-factly.
"I'm only trying to protect my heart," I whisper.
"But why not you let someone protect it for you?" Belle's words strikes a chord in me. "Look, Blaire, just give it a shot. You deserve to be happy and I believe he can make you happy. Instead of keeping him out of your heart, try to let him in," Blaire tells me. "Don't be afraid, Blaire. Hell, you're one of the bravest people I've ever met. So take a goddamned chance."
What she says reminds me of what Jax said to me last night.
Stop trying to resist this, Blaire. Stop trying to resist us. Stop making excuses for why we wouldn't work and take a god damned chance.
I hate that they're both right.
I open my mouth to reply Belle, but the words get caught in my throat the second I see a mass of blonde hair enter the cafe. He looks like a god given mess. His hair is disheveled and his eyes look almost tired, like he had just woken up. Maybe he did.
But regardless, he still looks beautiful.
Damn, I got it bad for him.
Jax looks around the shop, his eyes scanning around quickly, his lips pressed into a grim line. My heart pounds when his eyes find mine among the crowd, and trudges over to me, an unreadable expression on his face. I'm almost certain he's mad at me, but he's trying so hard to mask his anger.
"Belle," he addresses my best friend first, a soft tone. Then, he turns to me and seethes. "Blaire."
"Who are you?" Belle turns to the source of the sound. Then, she turns to me and points to Jax. "He sounds sexy."
I roll my eyes. Way to boost his ego, Belle.
"I'm Jax." He sticks a hand out to greet her but then forgets that she can't see him. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really need to talk to your friend right now."
Belle whistles lowly. "Oh Blaire, you're in deep shit now."
"Thanks. You make everything so much better for me," I say sarcastically.
I glance at Jax and stares down at me with impatience.
"I'll be right back, okay?" I tell Belle.
"Please, don't rush on my account. Take your time." She turns to Jax and smiles.
"Sorry again," Jax murmurs, and then tugs on my arm, looking down at me. "Outside? Please?"
"Fine."
I follow him out of the cafe. When we're both out, Jax faces me, his fingers raking through his hair out of frustration.
"Okay, did I do something wrong, Blaire?" He asks me, his eyes locking with mine. I can see the worry clouding in his eyes. "Did you not want what happened last night? I swear, Blaire, I was trying to do right by you. I asked you if you wanted it and you said-"
"I know what I said," I cut him off quickly. "And no, you didn't do anything wrong."
"Then, what the fuck happened?" He snaps. "You just left this morning!"
"Well, in my defense, I did tried to wake you up," I shrug. "But you seemed to be sound asleep. I didn't want to disturb you."
"I... I'm sorry but that was the best sleep I've had in ages," he blurts out. "I... haven't been sleeping well because of the nightmares—" he pauses briefly and his eyes connect with mine. "But... that's—that's not the point. The point is, you still left."
He frowns and my heart literally splits into two seeing the devastation written on his face. Oh god, now I feel horrible. He must have thought the worse and assumed that I had abandoned him.
"I'm sorry," I murmur. "I... I needed to talk to someone about... what happened last night. And Belle seemed like a good choice."
"Shit, I got so worried, you have no idea, I-" He says then pauses, looking absolutely baffled, like it seemed ridiculous that he was getting mad over this. "I thought I did something to piss you off." He looks down, as if ashamed of himself. "Did I scare you?"
"I... I was scared. For a while," I admit. "But I talked to Belle and I'm okay now. At least I think I am."
"Fuck, darling," He steps forward and cups my face in his hands, cradling it. "I... I'm sorry. I just—I really needed to see you. I needed to know if we're okay. I really didn't know how you'd react today after last night. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you-"
"You didn't do anything that I didn't want to do, Jackson," I grip his wrist, whispering. "I promise."
"Good," he says, nodding. "Because I don't want to take it back. None of it." That makes me smile a little. "You have to know, darling, that last night was the most extraordinary night of my life. I loved every second of it. And I'm not taking it back."
"I don't want to too," I breathe. "I just... I needed to think. About us."
I look for any sign in his face, anything, that would tell me that there is a possibility for us. Part of me thinks that what happened last night could be a one night stand. And I'm not sure how would I feel about that if it was.
Would I be happy? Knowing that the choice has already been made for me and I don't have to ponder about this... thing with Jax too much? Or would I be devastated? Knowing that the door has been closed for any future chance I have with him, no matter my hesitations on the matter?
He stares at me expectantly, wanting an answer. I stare into his eyes and they hold so many promises, so much hope. It's now that I realize that both of us know that last night was much more than just sex.
"So?" He searches my eyes for answers. "What's the verdict?"
Let it happen, Blaire. Don't be afraid, Blaire. Take a goddamned chance, Blaire, my heart sings. And for the first time in my life, I listen to it.
"This is my verdict," I whisper. And then, taking a deep breath, I step forward and place my lips on his.
The kiss reaches to the deepest levels in me, pulls open all of my nerve endings and makes me feel exposed and raw. And for the first time in a long time, I don't mind feeling like that. For the first time in a long time, I let myself be powerless to his kiss and let him drive me forward now when there is nothing else pulling me down.
I don't feel so hesitant anymore. I don't feel anything—no indecision, no tentativeness, no feeling that place doubts in my heard like earlier. Now, I feel... light. Free. And I'm ready a step forward with him, whatever that may be.
Jax casts me a panty-melting grin when he releases me. "You, Ms. Sullivan, are a very hard woman to read."
"And you, Mr. Deneris, are very hard." I say, laughing slightly as I eye the bulge in his pants.
"I can take you home right now and show you exactly how hard I can get," he whispers huskily and I grin. The Jackson that I know is back. I laugh again and punch him on the shoulder.
"I can't right now," I shake my head. "I need to spend some time with Belle. I can't just leave her here."
"I'll be here waiting for you." He winks at me.
"I don't doubt it."
And just like that, I have taken a leap of faith.
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A/N: I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT THIS LONG! I know it was torturous after the last chapter LOL.
Anyways, I'm back. For now. I still haven't overcome my writer's block yet but I'm slowly getting there. So I don't know if I can promise you another chapter next week. I just thought it would be nice to post this one because ya'll have been so patient with me.
So, how are we doing with JAIRE right now? Progress right? I'm so proud of them. And I can't wait for you guys to see how they work as a couple. It's pretty funny.
A couple of announcements here before I leave:
(i) The Wattpad Block Party Winter Edition is coming soon and I'm going to be featured in it! If you're not in the Dia-Hards Facebook page, I have announced that I'll be doing a joint interview featuring Kayden, Jax and Daniel. It's going to be posted on February 9th so make sure you watch out for it!
Link is on my profile so please add the book into your libraries so you won't miss out!
(ii) I've been thinking about wanting to do a Periscope broadcast on Saturday. The reason for this is because I miss connecting with you guys and I want you guys to know what I'm doing now in the UK. Please comment down below and tell me what suitable time I should do the broadcast so I'll be able to cater my broadcast to the majority of you guys.
I guess that's all. Hope you enjoyed this one! See ya'll soon, I promise!
Love, Claudia.