reminders:
- you guys have so much beauty within yourselves, don't let anyone else or your own mind tell you otherwise.
- don't let yourself get trampled over ! I promise you that if you stand up for not only yourself but others as well, the outcome will the best. The feeling you'll get will be the best.
- "Mirrors are just glass and you are more than that."
- HOW DID WE END UP HERE WILL FUCK YOU THE FUCK UP LIKE I JUST GOT DONE WATCHING IT AND OH FUCK
I CRIED THROUGH MOST OF IT
- DON'T LISTEN TO THEIR DEBUT ALBUM AND THEN SGFG AFTER WATCHING THE MOVIE, I DID IT AND IT WAS THE MOST GRUESOME EXPERIENCE YET
I walked along the concrete pavement, the cool morning breeze nipping at my skin through my pants. My fingers were tangled together as they were placed inside of the pocket this hoodie had.
I felt sort of... happy? Not entirely, of course but the fact that Calum and I will remain in each other's lives makes me feel better than before.
I prefer to be his friend than be his girlfriend and lie - possibly even cheat on him - than anything else.
Now, despite of his attempt of implying that he's okay, I know he's not. I am aware of how he feels, I am aware that the void I left may or may not feel hollow on some days, I am aware that he might even be scared to fall in love again. I am fully aware.
If there was anything I could do to make him better, I would do it. But I can't.
I was the one who created a massive destruction to his beautiful city and then made all the perfectly built buildings crumble to the ground. I was the one who took control of his little heaven and brought hell upon it. I was the one who broke him, hurt him, destroyed him.
And fuck, do I regret doing it.
And fuck, now I realize that these regrets are my punishment.
And hopefully, he will find someone better who might rebuild his beautiful little city or make his heaven return back to the way it was, or fix him and keep him intact.
I want nothing but the best for him and unfortunately, I am not the best. I am the worst.
"Estelle, hurry the fuck up." He hissed at me as I started to walk up the front porch steps.
To annoy him, I took my sweet time walking into the house but that only resulted in him gripping my forearm and pulling me inside of the house.
I was confused as to why he was suddenly doing this.
"What the hell happened?" I asked, taking my hands out of my pocket.
"You should be more careful with what and who is around you when you're alone." He said and ran his fingers through his hair as he walked up the stairs and into his room, having me trailing behind him with furrowed eyebrows.
He slightly pulled the long - stretched curtain to the windows aside, taking a peek outside before retreating and looking back at me. I ask, "Is there something out there?"
"Did you not see or hear that black car following you?"
"What?" I slightly push him aside and take a peek outside, seeing a seek, black car parked across the street. "Doesn't that car belong to the people that live there?"
"No, oh my god. That car was following you, Estelle. Whoever the fuck was driving, they were going really slowly. I honestly don't understand how you couldn't have noticed it when it was right there next to you." He threw his hands up in the air and sat down on his bed, putting his face in his hands as his elbows rested on top of his knees.
Thinking back to when I was walking, I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings. I was too deep into my thoughts.
"Maybe it was just a coincidence? Y'know... a car driving right beside me." I tried to make up the best sentence that I could but I clearly failed. I was now petrified and couldn't come up with anything.
"Has Anna or her sick - bald headed man made any attempts to contact you? Interact with you?" He asked, now looking deeply into my eyes. I felt as if he was looking into my soul, though.
"No, but do you remember when a brick was thrown through the window about two years ago?" I waited until he nodded to continue. "I have a strong feeling she had something to do with it."
"It was her, Estelle. It was her exact handwriting on that note attached to the brick." He sighed and stood up from the bed. He tugged on his hair and let out a frustrated groan, "When you left... that same night, I came back over here and I just broke everything in sight. I threw the glass cups everywhere and the chairs as well, but when I threw an item at the door, something fell from the top of the door frame."
He stopped talking for a little bit, "It was a micro-camera." My breath got caught in my throat, making me have a coughing fit.
"She was fucking watching us the whole time, Estelle. She has proof of us and she could show the police and you'll be taken away from me -" His voice cracked and I rushed over to him. Despite my mind racking with thousands of negative thoughts, I forced my lips to form in a sympathetic smile, tugging him close to me as a single tear slipped from his right eye.
It had been such a long time since I saw him cry and it hurt as much as the first time I did. He showed no signs of weakness and now, with him in my arms, his body shaking and lips letting out choked sobs, I knew that he also had a weak side.
And it hurt like hell seeing him like this.
"I d-don't want to l-lose y-you, Estelle." He sobbed. "I don't want t-to lose you a-again."
"You won't." I did my best to reassure him, moving the hand that was placed on his back in circular motions.
"How are so sure? Are you aware of what Anna is capable of? She's a manipulative bitch." He spat out, wiping away the fallen tears but he remained where he was positioned with his head on my lap.
"Stop thinking so negatively, Luke."
"That's like telling someone to stop breathing." He retorted, lifting his head up from my lap. He leaned back on the bed with his elbows, his muscles being prominent. I let my eyes trail up and down his arms for a little bit, snapping my gaze back to his and hoping that he didn't see me checking his arms out.
Luckily, he didn't. For he was too busy staring at the window. It seemed as if he was deep in thought and I wanted but to surf through his mind, discovering his untold sentences or newly featured assumptions.
"I won't let anyone harm you, Estelle. It's going to be hard doing that but I promise you, I will do my very best to protect you." He said quietly and stared blankly at the window.
I felt bewildered but I didn't question his statement, I only nodded and let him take my hand into his, his thumb drawing parallel lines over my knuckles.
He couldn't protect me of everything, exactly. I know I will have to face some things on my own.
this was written at 1 a.m by a very sleep and an agony filled lisette so I apologize if it sucks.
i just wanted to say thank you so much for 800k+ !!!
You are all beautiful angels, I love you so much.