Chapter 23
I felt like I was completely alone. Just sitting there crying; no one even cares. Why would anyone care about me? No one likes me so why would they care? The simple answer is that they wouldn't. Sure, some people might but I don’t really want those people all over me, trying to make me feel better. The only person who can cheer me up is Cole and he’s probably with some kid at the moment.
After a while Mr. Markham came out to check on me. Isn't he kind? He just stood over me and stared at me; not exactly a comfortable moment for me at all.
“What’s the matter?” he asked me in an angry voice.
Why is he mad? I haven’t done anything wrong. He just hates me as much as I hate him. That must be why because there isn't anything else it could be.
He knelt down so that he was at my level then he made me look up at him and give him eye contact.
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Look, Zack I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. Is the class bothering you again?”
I looked up at him and shook my head. No one had been talking about me today, well, not that I know of. Then again I wasn't actually listening to anyone, I was having a flashback. The school could have blown up and I wouldn't have noticed.
“Are there problems at home?” he asked me, looking sincere but still using his monotone voice.
“No,” I sniffed.
“Do you feel ill?”
I nodded weakly at him. I didn’t feel ill ill, but I certainly didn’t feel any good after reliving that. My body was actually aching. It was like I wasn't just seeing it all again but I was feeling everything to. And let me tell you, it hurts just as much the second time round.
“If you go down to the office I’ll get Liza to bring your bag down for you in a minute, okay?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled as I got up to my feet and limped over to the office.
When I got there they said they’d need to talk to my head of year first to see if I can go, which is fair enough, I suppose. I mean they can’t just let me leave, but they can’t really stop me from just walking out either. I wonder what would happen if I got up and left. They might tell me to sit back down but they can’t make me.
As I sat there, my tears had stopped falling however my eyes were bound to still be red and puffy. Most people have probably heard about it by now anyway, so I don’t need to try and hide it anymore. I cried, so what? We all do it!
I noticed a boy who I hadn’t seen before, looking at me from where he was standing at the office. He had wispy black hair that stuck out at the bottom shaping his face. He was pretty good looking. Man, his eyes looked so delicious; chocolate brown!
He smiled lightly at me and for some reason that made me angry. He was only doing that because he knew I was upset. Wait, that’s a good thing isn't it, maybe he wanted to cheer me up. Or maybe he was trying not to laugh. That’ll be it.
“Are you alright?” he asked me.
“Why wouldn't I be?” I answered him sharply with a question.
“I was just asking,” he sighed then turned back to the woman in the office.
“Well, here’s your timetable and a map of the school. If you get lost feel free to ask anyone for help,” the lady smiled at him.
“Thanks,” he said nervously.
“You have maths with Mr. Markham now,” she told him and gave him directions to the room.
He’s new then, cool. He’ll most likely be filled in about me as soon as he gets into maths. Oh that Zacky Mondale is a right cry baby, that’s what they’ll tell him.
I watched as he walked down the corridor. He hadn’t received his uniform yet by the looks of it, unless he just choice not to wear it. He was wearing a black short sleeved shirt that showed the muscles and tone in his arms. He had black skinny jeans on too and God they were tight, I couldn’t help but smile. He’s definitely not sore on the eyes; maybe I could get use to seeing him around. We’re not likely to be friends; he seems like the complete opposite to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t just look at him. Not in a perverted way. Wait, it sort of is in a perverted way, isn't it?
Strangely, I felt better now. Maybe I should stay in school for the rest of the day, it can’t be too bad. Then again, everyone’s going to be talking about me and I’ll have to face them sooner or later. Every single stinking one of them! Be brave Zack! You can do this.
“Erm, I'm feeling a bit better now,” I told the lady at reception. “Can I go back to lessons in a bit?” I asked her.
“Sure, do you want to wait a little longer just in case?”
I nodded at her then went back and sat down for a bit. As soon as the bell went I decided to go back to lessons. I’d missed maths now so I was pretty happy about that. PE next though, I can’t believe he’s making me change in his bloody office. It’s ridiculous.
***
I dumped my bags down in his room and unfastened the buttons on my shirt as I searched for my PE top in my bag. While I was looking I noticed the door open and Mr. Baker walked in. I jumped at first because I didn’t really expect him to come in. Not until he thought I was changed anyway.
He sat down in a seat that was next to a cupboard that was covered in posters and smiled at me.
“I can’t believe you’ve won so many competitions and only ended up as a PE teacher,” I told him while looking around the room admiring his accomplishments.
“I’d rather teach and pass on my knowledge and talent,” he smiled and then locked his eyes with my eyes.
I quickly looked away feeling really uncomfortable. Then I went back to looking for my shirt which I eventually found right at the bottom of my bag. Typical!
“You know, you could be as good, maybe even better than I was if you put some effort into it.”
I nodded but not because I agreed, just so he’d shut up about it. I’m good at sport, yeah, but I struggle now. I don’t have the energy or the time and confidence now. And whose fault is that?
I slipped my arms out of the sleeves on my shirt and then pulled my PE top over my head. The whole time I was doing that I could feel his beady eyes on me. When I turned back to him he was still watching me, kind of creepy
“You’ve got a bruise on your shoulder,” he mumbled.
“So?” I hissed.
“How did you get it?”
I knew exactly how I got it. It’s from when dad basically yanked my arm out of its socket.
“I just got in a fight,” I mumbled thinking back at how painful it was.
“Who were you fighting with?”
“You wouldn't know them,” I told him, sniffing a little.
“So it wasn't at school then?”
“No,” I sighed and pulled out my shorts. “It wasn't at school.”
I looked at him and he gave me a sincere look of support.
“Did someone at home do this to you?”
My heart leaped! How could he guess that?
“No!” I snapped but my voice ended up squeaking it out instead of saying it. Again! I almost thought I’d stopped doing that.
I felt my eyes tearing up as I saw how his facial expression changed. It looked upset and stunned all at once. He obviously knew what was going on.
“Zacky,” he whispered as he came towards me and pulled me into a hug. “Why didn't you tell me?" I shrugged my shoulders at him. "Look, my parents beat me up a few times after I told them about my sexuality too.”
“You’re gay?” I sniffed as I cried into his chest.
“No, I'm bi, Zack,” he sighed. “I know what it’s like living in that kind of environment. So, you can talk to me if you want and if you want me to let some higher authority know about it, I will.”
“Please don’t say anything,” I begged, spilling tears everywhere. “He’s going to stop now. You don’t need to tell anyone!” I cried panicking as my body went into shock and wouldn't stop shaking.
“It’s okay, don’t worry,” he said softly as he rubbed my back and pulled me closer to him to try and comfort me. “I had a feeling there was problems at home,” he sighed. “You were coming in late. You’ve looked pretty warn out as well, as if you haven’t been sleeping. Then there was how much weight you’ve lost and the lack of energy you have. When I found out you were gay I assumed you’re parents might have had problems with it and then the bruise on your shoulder. I'm glad I worked it out mate,” he whispered. “I can help you. You can talk to me.”
“Okay,” I sniffed.
He started stroking my hair and then he smiled down at me, looking into my tearful eyes.
"It'll be alright you know," he whispered. "My dad abused me in many ways and I've turned out fine," he smiled as he started moving the hair that was stuck to my face with tears away.
Part of me was glad someone knew but the other half was petrified. What's going to happen now? God I wish I knew.
“I’ve got to make sure the rest of the class is ready now. You can carry on getting changed and then join us on the field when you’re ready, okay?”
“Yeah,” I whispered as I started fiddling with my shorts with my hands. “Thanks,” I sniffed.
“It’s my job Zack. If you need anything, just come to me.”
“I will,” I whispered.
When he walked out I dropped down to my knees. Mr. Baker knows! He can’t know, what if he tells someone? I know he said he wouldn't but teachers have to say something if a student tells them something like that, don’t they?
He won’t tell. You can trust him; it’s Mr. Baker; your favorite teacher. He wouldn't tell anyone else, not after I told him not to. No one else needs to know.