Luke breathed heavily as he was seated on the couch in the living room. He ran his fingers over the small wine red velvet box in his hand and bit his bottom lip as he studied it.
A folder was placed in his lap, filled with papers who could either make or break Luke's life. After a two hour long meeting with his lawyer - who was surprised Ashton wasn't with him - Luke had signed all the papers all by himself, shaking when letting the pen hit the paper.
"It will be fine, Luke" she had told him and smiled warmly, but Luke wasn't sure if that was true. He wanted to believe that everything would end up fine, but he was still unsure. He didn't know if Ashton would ever forgive him.
But Luke knew he couldn't live with Ashton leaving him. He couldn't make it out alive with another broken heart.
He put down the velvet box and took a deep breath before running a hand through his hair. He was nervous of the outcome of all of this. Luke loved Ashton so much, and it pained him to have to work so hard for making up for such an idiotic mistake.
The mistake could easily have not been made, but of course Luke had to mess everything up to the point where he no longer could see his future anymore. The only future Luke could focus on now was making it through the day.
Michael and Calum had helped him though. They had talked to him and boosted his confidence, even though it was just a bit. They had picked up the kids and went to their apartment, making sure Luke would have time alone with Ashton; to talk and to make things clear.
To make Ashton sure Luke was all his.
Luke held his breath and stood up from the couch when hearing the lock on the door getting unlocked. Luke quickly reached for the velvet box and put it in the back pocket of his jeans before hearing the door opening.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before walking out to the hallway and watched Ashton take off his jacket and shoes. Luke watched the older boy with his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down harshly to not let his nerves show.
Ashton finally hung up his jacket and turned around to stop in his movements, getting slightly surprised seeing the blonde stand there and watching him. Luke didn't say anything, so Ashton pursed his lips and looked around the apartment to avoid the blonde's eyes.
"Where are the kids?" Ashton asked and walked past Luke to get to the kitchen. Luke bit his lip harder when following Ashton, and cleared his throat before answering him.
"They're with Michael and Calum"
"Why?" Ashton asked and turned around to furrow his eyebrows at Luke.
"Because, um," Luke started and ran a hand through his hair, feeling the velvet box burn in his pocket, before speaking again, "Because I wanted some time alone with you"
Ashton stopped what he was doing and leaned against the kitchen counter, putting his head in his hands and sighed heavily.
"Why?" he asked again, making Luke's chest ache.
"I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you. I have some things to come clean about. Please" Luke pleaded and watched Ashton rub his face with his hands.
"Haven't you told me what you wanted already? I don't need you to repeat what happened, I can't take hearing it one more time" Ashton mumbled while keeping his eyes locked on one of the drawings Peach and Leon had done. He was still avoiding Luke's eyes, making the blonde sigh quietly.
"It's not that. I need to tell you something important and you deserve to know about it," Luke said and looked at Ashton with soft eyes, "And I have something to give you, so please just let me speak to you"
Ashton straightened up from his crouched position before slowly turning around to finally meet Luke's eyes. Ashton's eyes were tired, and Luke knew it was all his fault.
"Fine" Ashton said before sitting down on one of the barstools and looked at Luke to silently tell him to talk. Luke sighed and nodded his head before sitting down beside Ashton - not too close yet not too far - before clearing his throat again.
"I don't know how you're feeling now, so I can't put myself in your situation, but I'm feeling fucking awful. I'm okay with that though, because this is all my fault. I made a mistake I could have easily not made, but I was stupid and lost in time to not know what I did and what I thought. I now know what I did though, that's why I'm standing for it, but I'm far from proud of what I did" Luke started and looked at Ashton the whole time.
Ashton was biting his bottom lip and looking down at his hands that were placed on the kitchen island. His fingers were tangled with each other, trying to keep his emotions in check while Luke was speaking softly.
"All I want is you, and if you don't want me back, I'll have to live with the fact that this is all my fault. But I want to talk to you, to make you understand some things. I'm not trying to excuse myself, because I know there's no excuses, but I just want to tell you some things that I should have told you in the beginning of our relationship" Luke spoke again, causing Ashton to lift his head and look at him with furrowed eyebrows.
Luke swore he could see worry in the older boy's eyes, and Luke didn't know if he should feel sad for making Ashton feel like that, or feel happy that Ashton still cared for him like that.
"When I was 16 I started dating a friend. It was silly and stupid and I didn't really think it would grow serious since no one really liked her. It was ridiculous really; she was judged for something her parents stood for, and she had no choice but to act just like them, so she was actually a real bitch. But she was hot though, and as the horny teen boy I was, I slept with her and she got pregnant. After having to spend over 9 month with her, I fell in love. And it wasn't just a normal teenage puppy love, it was some obsessive dependent love" Luke mumbled and shook his head.
Luke sighed as he watched Ashton clench his jaw, and turned his head to stare into the wall when knowing Ashton wouldn't meet his eyes again. Luke took a deep breath before continuing.
"I don't know how it started; I think it was because I was just painting up a picture of a future with a baby and her and that we'd all be a family. I loved that image, so I grew in love with the fantasy rather than her," Luke spoke softly and bit his lip when his eyes started to burn. "I was also so hung up on the fact that she was my first love, that I thought it would last forever"
Luke laughed dryly and shook his head as he ran hand desperately through his hair, "It's something so ridiculous with first loves, because they make you believe a barely existing relationship at 16 will turn into a loving family that will last forever. But my love for that thought turned me into a fucking idiotic fool"
Ashton was sitting quietly as Luke spoke. Luke didn't notice how hard the words hit the older boy, but they did. Ashton was biting his lip harshly and blinking his eyes when listening to Luke, having a hard time hearing Luke speak about him loving someone that wasn't Ashton himself.
"But then she left, and the picture of the future I was so deeply in love and obsessed with, disappeared. It became nothing, and it turned me into absolutely nothing" Luke started again, making Ashton breathe shakily.
"I was gone, completely gone, and I knew then that my obsession over what would be perfect, had become something dangerous. Like, I was so sure my life would turn out perfect, and then everything just fell apart and I became so depressed that I didn't speak for a whole week. I just laid in bed and ignored all responsibilities I had in life. Leon being one of them"
Luke was frustratedly running his hands through his hair before rubbing his face. He stared at the wall before turning to Ashton, studying the older boy's profile before reaching out and placed his hand over his. Ashton didn't pull his hand away, but he didn't hold Luke's hand back either. The older boy relaxed at Luke's touch though, and it made Luke feel a bit of the weight on his shoulders lift.
"You know the scar I have right here?" Luke whispered and pointed at a spot in the middle of his ribs and hipbone. Ashton nodded.
Ashton remember seeing it once after Luke had taken a shower. It was a one or two inches long scar left to Luke's belly button, and after Luke had explained the reason for it, Ashton hadn't cared about it anymore.
"I told you it was because of an accident when I was a kid, but that was a lie," Luke whispered and Ashton finally lifted his head to meet Luke's eyes again. He was frowning, and Luke squeezed his hand before speaking again.
"When I was 17 I tried to kill myself. Dani had left me and Leon was about 2 and a half weeks old. Because of the depression I shut my whole family out and I lost my friends. I absolutely hated myself and I knew I couldn't take care of a baby, so I tried to end the misery for everyone"
Ashton's eyes were wide as he looked at Luke with fear. Luke's eyes were glossy as they looked straight into Ashton's, hating that he made the honey-blond sad.
"Luke" Ashton breathed out and moved his hand to intertwine their fingers, squeezing gently while watching Luke with glossy eyes. Luke only smiled sadly.
"I failed though, and everything became so crazy. They wanted to take Leon away from me and they wanted to send me away. They wanted to feed me will pills, they tried everything, and I was so lost. I believed that when I lost my first love, there was no opportunity and no chance to love again. So I didn't see a point in living anymore.
"But I was wrong, and I'm so glad I failed, because now I have everything I could ever ask for" Luke spoke softly and squeezed Ashton's hand before bringing it up to his lips and placed a soft kiss on it.
"I love you, Ashton. I love you so much that sometimes I think I have grown obsessive again. But this time it's different, this time it's real love. With Dani I was in love with what we could have had, but with you I'm in love with what we have. I love our family. I love how much you love my son like if he was your own and I love your daughter like she was my own. I love it all.
"But most importantly, I'm in love with you. You may be my second love, but you're the love that's gonna last, and that's the only thing that matters. You're the one who taught me to love again, you're the one who taught me to live again. You're all that I need Ashton, and I know I lost you by fucking up, but just remember that you're the only one for me"
As Luke was done speaking, he looked deeply into Ashton's eyes as he kept the older boy's hand by his lips. Ashton was watching him intensely and after a few seconds Luke noticed a tear running down the beautiful boy's cheek.
Luke reached out and wiped the tear away with the pad of his thumb and let his hand stay on Ashton's cheek. Ashton was breathing heavily and sniffed before leaning in to place his forehead against Luke's. His arms slowly wrapped around the blonde's neck, pulling him closer.
"I didn't know" Ashton whispered and held onto Luke tightly.
"Of course you didn't, baby. I've tried to keep it a secret for so long, but you deserve to know," Luke whispered back, "You also need to know that I'm sorry and that I will never in my life will do anything this stupid again"
"I know" Ashton breathed out and let his fingertips play with the hair at the back of Luke's neck before leaning closer to breathe against Luke's lips.
"I'm sorry" Luke whispered again and Ashton nodded his head before leaning in and placed his lips on Luke's.
Luke responded right away and felt the pressure on his chest disappear as he moved his lips against Ashton's soft ones. Luke wrapped his arms around the older boy's waist and pulled him even closer, making the barstool screech against the floor.
"I love you" Ashton breathed out when he had pulled away from the kiss, still letting his lips hover over Luke's.
"I love you too" Luke responded before attaching their lips again. Ashton hummed against Luke's lips, and Luke had never felt so in love as he felt now.
"I-I need to ask you something" Luke said after a while of kissing, making Ashton look at him with curious eyes. Ashton's eyes were still glossy, making Luke smile sadly.
"Okay, what is it?" Ashton asked and Luke took a deep breath before standing up from his seat and looked at Ashton intensely as he reached for the small velvet box in his pocket.
"I was supposed to give this to you on your birthday, but," Luke spoke and eyed Ashton as the older boy furrow his eyebrows at him, but raised his eyebrows soon after when Luke brought up the velvet box and opened it.
"I made you a ring a few weeks ago. Customized it just for you," Luke said softly and watched Ashton eye the ring with wide eyes. "The kids helped as well. They got their fingerprints on it and I got the date of when we first met carved into it"
"Luke, I- why?" Ashton stuttered and lifted his eyes to lock them with Luke's.
"Because I love you," Luke breathed out and smiled softly at Ashton, "And I think you deserve a ring that's personal and meaningful enough to be worn by you"
Ashton eyed the ring once more before smiling and breathing out a soft laugh.
"You didn't have to, Luke"
"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to" Luke whispered before picking the ring up from box and slowly crouched down so he was sat on one knee. Ashton raised one eyebrow and smiled while chuckling softly.
"What are you doing?" he asked and smiled even wider when Luke took his hand in his.
"I've been an idiot ever since I thread that ring on your finger, so I'm starting over. I'll make sure everything is perfect just for you" Luke said and pointed down at his grandfather's golden ring before slowly taking it off Ashton's finger.
He held the golden ring in his hand before bringing up the silver one with the kids' fingerprints on. On the inside of the ring was the date carved in with cursive numbers. It was extremely beautiful and Luke thought it was more than worth all that money he spent, because it had turned out better than expected.
"So, Ashton Irwin," Luke started again and took a deep breath, "Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"
Ashton was biting his bottom lip and look at Luke with adoring eyes before studying the ring again. The sight of the small fingerprints on each side of the ring made Ashton tear up again, but now he was smiling.
"Yes, yes I will" Ashton breathed out and Luke breathed out heavily, feeling all that weight on his shoulders disappear.
He smiled big and thread the new ring onto Ashton's finger before standing up and pulling him in for a deep kiss. Ashton smiled against Luke's lips and wrapped his arms around his neck to press Luke closer to himself, breathing out happily as his eyes still formed tears.
Happy tears.
"I love you so much, you have no idea" Luke mumbled into the kiss, making Ashton giggle.
"I love you too" Ashton whispered back and sniffed as his tears kept running down his cheeks. Luke wiped them away with a smile on his face.
"This ring is amazing, Luke" Ashton whispered and Luke only smiled happily.
"I have another thing to give you" Luke whispered and Ashton raised an eyebrow and laughed softly.
"What now?" Ashton asked and held Luke close, feeling Luke's heart beat against his own chest.
"Come on," Luke whispered softly and took Ashton's hand before pulling him with him into the living room. Luke reached for the folder with papers and pulled out two papers before handing them to Ashton.
With furrowed eyebrows Ashton took the papers and let his eyes roam over them before his face softened again.
"I've already signed them, the only thing left is for you to sign them as well" Luke said softly as he watched a fond smile work its way onto Ashton's face.
"Adoptive papers" Ashton breathed out and raised his head to lock his eyes with Luke's. Luke smiled big and nodded his head before wrapping his arms around Ashton again.
"Yeah, I went and picked them up today," Luke said and leaned in to breathe against Ashton's lips, "I want us to finally be a real family"
Ashton eyed the papers again before leaning up to kiss Luke sweetly. Luke melted into it and they kissed for as long as they could, before Ashton pulled away to smile up at Luke again.
"Give me a pen" he breathed out and Luke's smile immediately widened.
"Really?"
"Of course," Ashton murmured and ran his fingers through Luke's hair, "All I want is you and the kids. All I was it us"
•••
ONE CHAPTER LEFT PLUS AN EPILOGUE
i'm sad this is ending because it's my child
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