Chapter 22
I barged through the door to Cole’s office and quickly tried to make it up to him.
“Itwasn’twhatitlookedlike!” I panted, pushing my words out so fast that they all came out as one.
When my eyes met his I knew how much I’d hurt him, he looked absolutely heartbroken. I knew he was holding back tears which meant a lot to me. I know it sounds weird that I'm happy about this but it proves how much he cares about me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, taking the seat that was in front of his desk.
He turned away from me and acted that he didn’t want my apologies or excuses.
“Miranda and her chav bimbos were attacking her and when I was trying to cheer her up she got the wrong message and she kind of kissed me,” I explained giving him a sincere look. “And I really am sorry. I never meant it to happen.”
“You let her kiss you?” he sniffed, which was enough to break my insides when I knew how much pain he was feeling.
“I know and I'm sorry,” I told him truthfully looking him right in his gorgeous brown eyes.
“I over reacted, huh?” he sighed as he wiped some of the tears from his face.
“Yes you did,” I sighed. “So I had to leave Liza on her own after being beat up in front of everyone and being rejected by me. Now I feel like an utter jerk.”
“You’re far from a jerk Zack,” he said as he walked over to me and gently kissed my lips. “And I totally forgive you,” he whispered lightly into my ear making me shiver.
“Thanks,” I sighed and pecked his lips just as he did to me.
“We need to be more careful after last time,” Cole sighed. “No more kissing, hugging or anything like that at school.”
“What if we make sure no one’s around?” I asked, desperate to be able to do what I like with him whenever.
“Too risky,” he sighed as he sat down in his seat again. “But we can have fun before school if we meet up in the café a few more times, can’t we?” he said then winked at me.
I blushed lightly and he chuckled as he noticed.
“You’re so cute Zack,” he muttered.
He laughed harder as I blushed more.
“You’re adorable,” he cooed as he patted my nose. “But you get embarrassed way too easily,” he laughed.
“No I don’t,” I mumbled.
“You seriously are the cutest thing ever,” he said softly.
I felt so insecure right now but it was a good feeling to be out of my comfort zone for once. Sure I get complimented on my looks quite a lot but when it comes from a guy like Cole it just about kills me inside.
“Cole,” I whispered sounding more embarrassed than I wanted to.
“What’s up?”
“You know when I have to speak to you after lunch?”
“Yes,” he smiled. “I never forget my sessions with you,” he winked.
“Could I talk to you about that time I was...” my voice cut off before I could say it out loud and my body started shaking.
“You can talk with me about anything,” he said in a serious tone now.
“I was thinking about the guy who... raped me and... I think I'm ready to talk now,” I mumbled hoping that I could take my words back, even though I knew I couldn’t.
Cole just nodded at me and gave me a sympathy look.
“If you’re ready to talk, I'm ready to listen,” he said softly.
Hesitantly he let me leave his office and go back to break, even though I only had a few minutes left. After break I have maths. Oh what a joy! My favourite lesson! Maths! I couldn’t be happier; I frowned to myself as I walked back onto the yard. Ha! I hope you noted the sarcasm.
***
“I need a word Mr. Mondale,” Mr Markham told me in his dull monotone voice as I walked into his classroom, ON TIME! I thought I’d add that because it’s a first for me to show up at the right time for him.
He followed me out of the room and then continued talking.
“I’ve had a word with Mr. Sanders about how you kicked off last lesson,” he said.
“I didn’t kick off,” I grunted.
I hate Mr. Markham so much; he has to be the dullest and most boring person in the whole world. Ever!
“You stormed out Mr. Mondale,” he hissed at me.
Isn't he great at talking about sensitive subjects? Idiot.
“I was told you were very upset about what happened.”
Even teachers are mocking me for crying. They shouldn’t be allowed to do that and this guy should definitely pick his words better. I glared at him to let him know that if he wanted a reaction from me he was going to get it if he carried on like this.
“So I think it would be best if you sat at the front away from any distractions and so I can keep an eye on you.”
“No,” I grunted. “I don’t want to sit at the bloody front.”
“Language!”
“What about it?”
“You’re definitely at the front today,” he said in that same voice.
God! It was enough to drive you crazy!
“Didn't you hear me? I said NO!” I shouted at him and barged into the classroom and dropped myself down into my normal seat, making a scene as usual. And there was me thinking I’d changed. Ha! I'm still the same old Zacky, not even Cole can change that.
“Come and sit over here Mr. Mondale,” he shouted, still using that stupid voice.
God, what’s wrong with him? I decided to voice my question.
“Why is your voice so stupid? It’s driving me crazy,” I complained.
“Come and sit at the front!”
“No! I’ve already said I'm staying here.”
“Zachary get over here now!”
Normally people would have sniggered at him calling me Zachary, but not right now. The room was too tense and they knew if Mr. Markham didn’t have a go at them for laughing, I certainly would.
“Make me.”
“Get out of my classroom.”
“Why? I'm actually staring to like it in here.”
“I know you’re having a tough time but that doesn’t give you the right to behave like this.”
I stood up with my things and walked over to the desk at the front where he told me to sit in the first place. I can’t believe he just said that! He basically announced to the whole class that I have bloody problems. I told you he needed to pick his words better! I told you.
“Are you calm now?” he asked me when everyone else was supposedly working.
“No,” I mumbled but I don’t think he heard me, unless he just didn’t care.
“I’ll be speaking with Mr. Sanders and Mr. Baker again about today and in future if you’re not capable of sitting quietly and working in my lessons, then tell me and I’ll set you something to do somewhere else.”
I love his way of being supportive. If you’re not feeling good I’ll making it better by giving you algebra to do. That’ll make it all better. God, I hate him.
“Okay,” I whispered even though I knew he couldn’t hear me.
I looked down at my page but I couldn’t concentrate on it at all. Why is maths so confusing? So I basically gave up on it and starting panicking about what I’d tell Cole when I see him. I might as well try and remember it all now.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back into the dark alleyway and then pushed me against the fence that was soaked with god knows what. Everywhere stunk and it was awful. I was so scared and I couldn’t see a single thing which made it even worse. It was like I was living my greatest fear.
I remember it all happening so fast. I was crying so hard. I didn’t understand why he was doing that to me. I still don’t. I was so scared that I couldn’t even move. All I could do was cry and shiver from the sudden cold I was feeling.
I wanted to scream for help, tell him to get away. Anything would have been good but all I could do was cry and shake. I just wish I could have done more to stop him. I didn’t know what to do. He was going to rape me and I couldn’t stop him. So basically, I just cried harder. How pathetic was I?
I thought someone would stop him, but they didn’t. I knew people were walking past but they all refused to help me. Not one person tried to get him away from me.
I screamed for help, getting louder and louder as I even cried harder.
“Are you alright Zack?” Mr. Markham asked me, knocking me out of my flashback.
Crap, I'm crying! Not here. Please no, not in maths. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me and I knew I was bright red. I was crying in front of my maths class! I shouldn’t have thought about that here, I should’ve known how emotional I’d get.
“Do you want to sit outside?” he asked me quietly.
I nodded weakly at him as I walked out, trying to hide my face from everyone as the tears dripped down it. I was a wreck. I can’t think about my own life without getting like this. It’s not fair. I never did anything to deserve this!
When I was outside of the room I dropped down to my knees at the side of the door and then curled myself up into a ball to protect and hide from anyone walking passed. I just sat there and cried. It wasn't just because of the whole rape thing but it was because I'm really scared about what everyone’s going to say about me. I cried in maths! Rumours are going to spreading around the whole school and there’s nothing I can do about it.