It's almost midnight and my mother and I sit at the kitchen table talking. We eat chocolate chip cookies and drink milk. She questions me about Caleb and I answer them all. "Are you pregnant?" she asks after a while.
I groan. "I already told you and Jason I'm not."
"I know," she sighs. "It's just weird. You never mentioned a boyfriend, then you show up and announce you're engaged. I'm just curious."
I gaze down at the cookies. "We haven't even had sex."
She gasps. "Didn't you say you've been together for over three years?"
"Yeah.," I nod. "But he made a vow not to have sex until he was married and refuses to do anything sexual."
"That's odd," she mumbles.
"I know. I've tried to get him to... let's just say the furthest we've ever gotten is making out. And he hasn't even said 'I love you'."
She shakes her head. "Something's wrong with that boy."
I shrug. "I don't know. He said if I really wanted to do it then we could fly to Vegas but I don't want to do that. It just feels like we're friends who make out. There's no intimacy between us because he won't take the next step in our relationship. I don't think he's really in love with me. I love him but I'm questioning if I'm in love with him."
We talk about this for a while longer before she says she's tired. I hug and kiss her goodnight before going upstairs. When I get to my door, I notice Maddox's bedroom light is on. I knock on the door and he yells for me to come in. "Hey," I say quietly.
He's sitting on his bed, only wearing boxers with his back pressed up against the headboard. "Hey," he replies.
Walking over to his bed, I sit on the edge. "How have things been with you?" I ask.
He sighs, looking away. "You don't have to pretend like you care."
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You haven't spoke to me in four years. There's no need to start now."
My hand sets on top of his. "Maddox, I care about you. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you but I thought it'd be easier that way. You needed to move on. I needed to move on."
Moving his hand, he laces his fingers with mine. "I didn't," he whispers. "I don't think I ever will."
Fuck. This is definitely not how I envisioned this conversation. I figured he'd tell me he was happy without me. That I was the biggest mistake he's ever made. But no. He had to tell me that instead. "Maddox, I'm engaged," I say quietly.
"Do you love him?" he asks but I don't answer. "Do you?"
"I guess," I sigh. "It's really none of your business."
He shakes his head, looking away. "It is when I love you."
I try pulling my hand away but he doesn't allow me to. "You don't," I insist. "You really don't."
"I fucking love you so much, Hadley. Seeing you with that spoiled rich prick kills me. He doesn't deserve you."
"And you do?" I snap.
"Baby, I haven't been with anyone since you left. You have my heart and there's no way I can be with anyone else. I love you. I do."
"No," I shake my head in disbelief. "You can't."
"I do and I think I always have," he says, gazing into my eyes. "Ever since I met you, I've had this weird attachment to you. Like, it'd literally pain me to be apart from you. I have waited four years to see you again and here you are - with another man."
Four years later and he's now telling me he loves me? Men. I can't believe he's waited for me. Part of me wants to feel those lips while another part wants to run. Run as fast as I can and have Caleb hold me in his arms. "What am I supposed to say, Maddox? I'm engaged and you're still my step brother."
"Tell me you feel the same way," he replies with pleading eyes.
I shake my head. "I can't. I'm with Caleb."
He looks up at the ceiling. "You looked so good tonight. All I wanted for dinner was you. I wanted to lay you on that table and push your dress up -"
"Maddox, please," I whimper. "Don't do this to me."
He let's go of my hand and nods to the door. "Goodnight, Hadley."
His words repeat in my head as I try to fall asleep. He loves me. Do I love him? Better yet, did I even love him back then?
****************************
The next morning I text Brooke and make plans to go over to her house for lunch. She tells me Adeline is at work so it'll just be the two of us. When I go back to the hotel, I shower and change into clean clothes. "What're you doing today?" Caleb asks, occupied with his phone.
"Brooke invited me over today. You can stay here. It might get awkward being with my family," I say, gathering my things.
Ignoring my words, he gives me a concerned look, setting his phone aside. "Are you okay? You look tired."
Thinking about what kept me up the previous night, I shake my head. "I'm fine. My mom and I stayed up late talking. That's all."
He nods. "Do you need anything before you go?"
"No," I shake my head. "I have everything I'll need. I'll see you tonight." He scrunches his face slightly and I freeze. "What's wrong?"
"Work called and we have some issues that need to be taken care of immediately," he explains. "I have to leave for a few days but I'll be back."
Crossing my arms over my chest, I frown. "We aren't even on good terms right now and you're leaving?"
He stands up and makes his way over to me. Placing his hands on my hips, he sighs. "I know there are things we need to discuss but I think it can wait. If this doesn't get fixed, I'll be out of a job."
"You know what, just go," I sigh, physically and emotionally tired. "Text me when you land."
After reluctantly placing a kiss on his cheek, I leave the room. I go to Brooke's place and knock on the door. When she opens the door, she hugs me tightly. "I've missed you so much over the years. This just seems so unrealistic. We may have drifted apart but I'll always love you. You're my sister."
I chuckle. "I love you too."
We go inside and she shows me around the place. After we've looked throughout the house, we settle onto the couch. "So tell me about Caleb," she smiles.
I sigh. "He's leaving town tonight because of work. You can meet him when he gets back."
"Okay," she nods. "So you really love him, huh?"
"I guess," I shrug.
"You guess?" she asks, furrowing her eyebrows. "I bet you say it all the time."
I shake my head. "We've never said we loved each other. It's just something he doesn't do, I guess."
She stares at me in disbelief. "You're telling me that your boyfriend of three years, your fiancé, has never told you he loves you?"
Slowly shaking my head, I say, "Nope."
"Do you love him?"
Silence fills the room as I try to think of a proper answer for her question. "I think... I think I love him but he makes it hard to love him. He vowed to be celibate until he got married. Brooke, the furthest we've gotten in our relationship is making out. But I don't think it's because of his vow. I just can't figure out what the issue is."
Her eyes widen. "Damn. I had Adeline in bed within a month. We started saying I love you around six months. I'm sorry to tell you this but your relationship isn't as perfect as it looks."
I frown. "I know."
It's silent for a long moment. "Have you spoke to Maddox?"
"Yeah," I breathe. "The first actual conversation we had, he admitted to loving me. I don't know what to do about him."
She squeals in excitement. "He loves you! You guys would be perfect together."
I furrow my eyebrows together. "We can never be together. Plus, I'm engaged. And I thought you didn't like him?"
She crosses her arms over her chest. "Engaged to someone who won't even tell you they love you. There is seriously something wrong with that fucking man. I mean, how could he not wanna sleep with you? You're his fucking fiancé!"
"Maybe just gives me something to look forward to, I guess." I shrug.
She rolls her eyes. "As for Maddox, we ran into each other at parties and talked about things. We're good now."
I decide to change the subject by asking about Adeline. No matter what we talk about, I continue thinking about Maddox. Do I love him?
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