I went to investigate the crowd forming near the gate of Thorpe Park. It had to be a YouTuber, because there were no paparazzi near them. I honestly wonder how these kind of people can go into public to just chill without a tsunami of fans mobbing them whenever they go into public. I mean, shops and stuff are okay, but open places like Thorpe Park? Nah, that's 2004 Indian Ocean all over again. I got a glimpse of JJ in a BEAST tee and tracks and a Sidemen XIX snapback on his head. I immediately remembered the lyrics of his song 'Lamborghini' and stated rapping it out loudly.
"I be at home on the Xbox
Lord of the mics in the background, slewing MCs with dreadlocks
Snap that party, told this girl come round
Chick's long tempered but her head tops
She goes hard till my head drops
It's all eyes when we connect
Sounds like a playboy bunny from downstairs, upstairs sound like a pet shop."
"Yo take a breath man, you're going to make Eminem cry!" Several people shouted, including JJ.
JJ yelled, "Bro, take a breath, so I can go La-Lamborghini, La-Lamborghini
Yo, I know you see me in my Lamborghini!"
Everyone started laughing and JJ motioned for me to come over for a selfie. He stuck his hand out and said, "Yo, I'm JJ, but you know that. What's your name?"
"Yo, I'm Jon." I extended my hand and at the last second pulled it away and swiped it over my hair. "Bro, you got juked." We took a selfie and he captioned it, 'Met the coolest fan in Thorpe park today! Raps better than @p_money! #lamborghini'
"Yo, man, see ya at Insomnia!" JJ yelled after me.
I left that area, nearly squealing like a helium-stoned pig. Now that is an image we do not want to see. I just met JJ! OMG, I just met JJ! The real KSI! Well, this day turned out moderately well. I went on some more rides. Please don't ask me about it. I grabbed a quick omelette and coffee at a nearby restaurant-or I would have, if the restaurant sold breakfast food at 1:00. Wow. I guess I had no choice but to go to the hotel since their breakfast food is good for two reasons: It's available 24/7 and it kicks butt.
I drove back in my newly rented gray Toyota Corolla and went back to my room in the Roylott. I crashed on the bed and had half my stock of Orbit. The reason was :
a) I'm a gumaholic.
b) One of the rides did so many loop-the-loops I nearly threw up. Hell, I think someone actually did throw up somewhere near the back. I pity the cleaners.
That was why I didn't want to talk about it before.
I grabbed an omelette and a cup of coffee from the café and ate while scrolling through my cluttered as hell Twitter feed and saw that Simon had asked for questions to answer.
I hit reply, typing in my question and hitting the enter button. I chuckled to myself at what I had written and continued scrolling through Twitter. I had nearly finished my omelette and my coffee cup was bone dry. I took a bag of bagels as take away and threw on an Eminem hoodie with ripped black jeans. I wore my Rees and headed out the door.
Then, of course, I turned right back again to get my phone.
I looked around for my Samsung Galaxy E5 and I couldn't find it anywhere.
"Shit," I muttered under my breath as I kept looking for my phone. I looked everywhere. I even looked in the toilet bowl. That's how desperate I was. I. Looked. In. The. Fricking. Toilet.
So, that happened.
I left home, phoneless, and headed to the nearest taxi stand.
There was someone I had to meet.
Who does our hero have to meet? Are they a friend or an enemy? What lies in wait for him there? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ba-Nah, nah I'm just kidding. On we go.
X----------------------X
I hopped on and saw that the bus was going to Chelsea. I gave the conductor 9 pence and sat down in my seat, already untangling my headphone wire. I finally got them untangled after the fifteenth or sixteenth minute of work. Then, a thought struck me like a wild sledgehammer. Without the pain and fractures, of course. If shoelaces always untie and headphones always tangle, why don't we use headphone wire as shoelaces and shoelaces as headphone wire? I should probably approach Nike and Beats with this. This could be revolutionary! Hahahaha-no it can't. I switched on my rap music and nodded my head to Eminem.
''I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
To take a stand, to take a stand
Everybody ,everybody
Come take my hand, come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting ya know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road,"
Chelsea came and I got off, The Eminem Show's lead single, Without Me, blaring in my ears.
I sprinted from the stop all the way to the house where I had to pay a visit. The bag I had was banging against my leg but man don't care about all that. I went to the door and knocked hard. Ouch. The door opened and I briefly got a glimpse of a human standing in the doorway before a purple and white blur was enveloping me in a hug. "Jon! How are you here? When? How? Who what where?"
"OK Emily, can you not asphyxiate me? Thanks. This Monday. Plane. Me. I'm in London. Grimesby Roylott Hotel. Also, I brought bagels."
Emily Anderson. Junior writer. Part time psychologist. Compulsive hair dyer with purple being the default color. What more can I say? Oh yeah, professional fangirl. Need I say more?Oh yeah, she was wearing a Tyler Oakley tee.
"Also, I lost my phone. Can you call me?"
She whipped out her phone, an iPhone 6S "rose gold" ,(no matter how many times I say it's pink), and dialled me faster than you could say the fast part of Rap God. That's 15 seconds, to be precise. Almost immediately, the chorus of 'My Name Is' came from the general vicinity of my backpack. I searched every pocket but I found nada apart from my iPod.
Then Emily waltzed into the room and asked, "Found it?"
"Nah, can't see it. Well, I got bagels."
I opened the bag and saw it glowing.
It was......radioactive bagels.
Just kidding, it was my phone.
I cracked up as I realized that my phone was in the bagel bag all along. As comprehension dawned on Emily's face, she started laughing like a dolphin.
"Uh, you might want to breathe. That might be helpful. You know, to prevent the minor inconvenience of asphyxiation."
"I've learned not to ask. So what happened to film school?"
"Second in the uni. Lost to this nerd who studied 24/7. I'm a grad now."
I tossed her a bagel and she caught it in a single fluid motion and took a bite.
"Still got those reflexes, eh?"
"Yep, somehow." She spun the bagel around her index finger.
"So, I booked two tickets for The Martian. Wanna go?"
"OMG, yes!"
"And we've gone past the point of no return: professional fangirl."
We headed over to the theater 30 minutes later(why do girls take so long to get ready?) and found our seats without any hassle. Including popcorn. It was already 3:15 and the movie hadn't started. Then a horrifying thought struck me; what if we were in the wrong theater? "Oh crap, Emily, we have to go to another theater right now!"
We somehow made it , but not before Matt Damon got stranded on Mars.
The movie was about(Author i.e me slaps hand over Jon's mouth and laughs evilly)
It was so awesome that my brain was about to slide out of my nose and reconstitute itself on Mars. That would probably be problematic for my survival. I dropped Emily home, finishing the bagels on the way. I crashed on my bed and took a nap after remembering to take my phone out of the bagel bag.
X----A wild 1 hour timeskip appeared!-------X
I woke up suddenly and cricked my neck. Damn, that hurts more than we give it credit for. I then heard a crash from the other room. I also heard someone screaming. I knocked on his door and yelled, "Mate, could you be a little louder in there! I think there is someone on Mars who didn't hear you!"
Then the door opened and I found myself face to face with a guy with brown hair. My jaw fell open.
It was-
X----------------X
I am evil. Thanks.
Who is the guy? Winner will get a fistful of air. Really broken the bank for this one.
rash710 i need dem jokes yo.
Btw I want to tell you something I saw on the internet.
Take a heap of sand. If you remove one grain, its still a heap right?
So this has to be true for any number of grains. So when you remove all grains but one, either a single grain can be a heap or there is no such thing as a heap.
I hope your minds are jelly now.
Swags and magenta hashbrowns, the one, the only,
Ritwik.
Nah, I'm JT and see ya!