"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters." -Looking For Alaska, John Green
Nora Keilee
The sun was just barely rising over the horizon. It was beautiful, how the dark blue of the northern California sky faded into a mixture of pinks and purples and oranges. It was like a painting. It made me wish that I could take a picture of it, but I didn't have a camera, and my phone was in the car.
I took a mental photo of it, not wanting to move to go get my phone. Hoping that I'd be able to remember every detail of it.
Luke's arm was just barely brushing against mine, and it felt weirdly good. His skin was soft, yet rough and calloused, a light splattering of blonde hair over his forearm. He wasn't a very hairy man. From our time at the lake together, I could tell that he didn't have any chest hair, or barely any. His chest was marked with a light amount of muscle, the perfect mix between muscular and lean. However, I wasn't really paying attention to his muscles. What had really captured my attention was the splattering of scarring that started under his shoulder blade and spider-webbed over the nape of his neck. It was mixed in with freckles and a slight amount of acne. It was... beautifully destructive. I wanted to know what had happened, but I felt as though it wasn't my place to ask.
"Nora?" Luke asked, his eyelids fluttering shut. His long eyelashes rested over his cheekbones, his lips barely parted.
"Hmm?" I hummed in reply, looking over at him.
"What are you thinking about?" His face turned towards me, the side of his head pressed against the glass of the truck and his legs spread out in front of him.
I felt a blush cover my cheeks. I had just been thinking about how attractive he was, and the thought of revealing that made my temperature go up a thousand degrees.
"Nothing," I coughed. "You?"
He shrugged, looking back to the horizon. "You."
"W-what?" I spluttered.
"You're interesting. It's weird. You've got this... thing that I just can't place my finger on. You're guarded as hell, and you don't tell anyone anything, and it wouldn't surprise me if you were keeping secrets from Kailee."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "You know Kailee?"
"Sam's really into her," He nodded. "And Emma tells me about her sometimes. She says that they party together."
I swallowed thickly. Not only had Kailee been hanging out with Emma more often than she was with me, Luke was also into her. I felt myself turn red over the fact that I found him attractive. Emma was older. She was prettier. She was perfect. And so was Luke, which would make sense as to why he would be into her.
"Yeah, they do," I said.
"You don't party a lot, do you?" He asked, but he said it more like he knew.
I shook my head. "I'm not into it like you and Kailee and Emma are."
He rose a brow. "Who says I'm into partying?"
"You're in a frat," I looked at him dumbly. He turned his shoulders so that his body was facing me.
"What, so just because I'm in a frat suddenly means I'm into partying and drinking till my liver decapitates?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "That's basically what fraternities are."
He snorted. "You need to stop watching TV. Frat houses are more than that. As cheesy as it sounds, it's a brotherhood. I help some of the other guys with their homework and they help me with my shit. Like when I—" He cut himself off, shaking his head. "It's something more than just that. We help each other out."
I nodded. "Okay."
"Are you gonna rush for any sororities?"
I shook my head. "I don't have time to bake cookies and host car washes. I've got a scholarship and I need to keep up my GPA."
"I've got a scholarship, and I'm holding it up just fine."
"You have a scholarship?" I guffawed.
"What? Did frat-boy surprise you?" He said with a smirk.
I shoved his shoulder. "Shut up."
A beat of silence passed. As much as Luke teased, he was right. I was surprised. I knew that Luke was smart, I just didn't know he was that smart.
We stayed silent until the tow-truck came, but it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was... nice. Comfortable. I felt like I could stay like that forever.
-
Two days. It had been two days since Luke and I had gotten back to UCSD. Once the tow-truck had come with a barrel of gas, and Luke had driven us back to college, we had awkwardly parted ways and we hadn't spoken since.
However, that didn't mean that we hadn't seen each other. I had caught him with Emma on the floor of our dorm and had swallowed down a lump in my throat every time he'd so much as cracked a smile. There was something about Luke, however cold he was, that enticed me. He was interesting. He was new. He was older. He was... different.
I hadn't broken my promise yet, though. I promise I'll leave you alone once we get back to uni. That was stupid. It really, really was. I was just starting to get comfortable around him, and then... poof. It was over. The progress we'd made over our stay in my hometown was gone. He had gone back to his girls and I had gone back to my books.
I shook my head, feeling a little heartbroken over our lost contact. It was awful, how he made me feel. It was like I was on fire, and he was pouring freezing cold water over me, causing this terrible reaction that resulted in boiling hot steam, bubbling over in my stomach as it tried to escape through my mouth.
It was Tuesday, which meant that I had Advanced Literature with Professor Hilly. Which also meant that my morning was free, considering she had told me not to come back into her class until next term, when she would grade the essays Luke and I were supposed to write. I found it weird how she gave us this as an ultimatum. I also felt like she wouldn't have given it if it had only been me who had gotten in 'trouble'. She seemed to be maternal towards Luke, and I didn't know why.
I still wasn't sure if Luke was going to write the essay, considering how off-put he was by it before. Though, as he had told me that he was a scholarship student, I figured he would. It made sense for him to, because I had overheard a few conversation between Emma and him about her grades and how he would help her if she helped him.
I had found out through the month that we were at school that Emma knew Luke because they were neighbours, and they went to the same school. She had failed her sophomore year, and Luke was a senior by then. He had graduated as she did her sophomore year for the second time, not knowing that she had failed. Then, she took a gap year between her senior year of high school and her freshman year of college, traveling the world throughout the twelve months she had off. That was why she was almost twenty, and Luke had only turned twenty-one during the summer.
I laid in my bed, The Woman In White open over my stomach, drool pooling near the corner of my mouth.
"Nora!"
The booming voice shook me to life, looking around the room in confusion rapidly.
Once I spotted the familiar tuff of curly brown hair, I evened my breathing out.
"Ronan," I breathed. "Don't scare me like that."
He laughed, leaning down so that he could fit under the bunk bed and into mine. He criss-crossed his legs like he was about to start chanting a mantra, and looked up at me. He was wearing a fitted navy t-shirt and a pair of mesh shorts, and I saw his running shoes scattered across the floor of the dorm. I figured he had just worked out, or gone on a run, and I noticed that his hairline was slightly wet from sweat.
"How'd home go?" He questioned, the easy smile on his face warming me. I hadn't seen him since I had left for the weekend, which was well over five days ago. Too long. It was nearing the end of September, and I felt like I had only seen him a handful of times throughout the month.
"Good. Dad's doing well," I bit my lip.
"And mom?" He asked, the smile faltering slightly, but still there. More forced, but still.
I nodded. "She's doing okay. She's having a bit of trouble breathing now, though, so Holiday put in one of those weird breathing things, and she sleeps with it on. It's like—" I positioned my fingers over my mouth in a triangular shape, covering my mouth and nose. "that. And it's weird because I can hear it from my room. But yeah, she's doing well. As well as a cancer patient can be doing."
He bit his lip, nodding. "That's good."
I nodded. A moment of silence took hold of the air, almost suffocating, but not quite.
"And—" He cleared his throat. "—and what about you? How are you doing?"
I pushed my duvet off of me, feeling the cool air come over my pyjama covered legs. I sat like he was, facing him. "I'm doing... good. I think."
He let out a breath of air. "You know, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here for you—"
"I'm fine, Ronnie," I rolled my eyes, picking a few strands of hair away from my face. "Really."
"You know I worry about you," He frowned.
"I know," I said, "Don't, though. Anyway, what's up with you? I feel like we haven't spoken in ages."
"Don't do that. Don't just change the subject when we start talking about—"
"I'm fine, Ronan," I said, the sentence coming off more harshly than I intended. I breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm myself down. "Sorry for snapping at you, I just... I don't really want to talk about it right now."
"Okay," He whispered quietly, playing with his fingers. I put my hand over his, intertwining our fingers as I looked at him.
"Hey, I'm sorry, okay? Tell me about what's been going on, though. What's happening with you? How's soccer?"
He grinned at that. "Soccer is great. I'm doing really well, and we've got a preseason game coming up in early October. It's, like, next week. And if everything goes well I think I might be first line."
"That's great, Ron!" I expressed. "When did you find out? Oh my gosh, that's so great!"
"Shh," He hushed me quickly, the grin returning to his face as I continued to freak out. "It's not official yet, but the older players on the team told me that I have a really good chance at it. Which is, like, super cool."
"I'm so proud of you!" I said, leaning over to hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck and his arms fell around my torso.
I heard the door unlock, looking up to see which of my roommates was coming to join us.
When Luke's laughter joined Emma's voice, I felt my blood run cold.
My eyes locked with Luke's, and his laughter faded when he saw Ronan, instead being replaced with a thin line where his smile used to go.
"And then, she like, totally threw her glass at the guy— hey, are you listening?" Emma said, turning to Luke, noticing his stare stuck on me. "...oh."
"Hey," Ronan said, releasing me and offering Emma his charming smile. He looked so naturally effortless around people, while I struggled to make the ends of a conversation meet. "I'm Ronan."
"Hi Ronan," Emma said, looking between us. Luke stayed silent behind her, his jacket hugging his shoulders. "I'm Emma."
"Yeah, Kailee's told me about you," He nodded.
I turned to him, prying my eyes away from Luke's. "When'd you talk to Kailee?"
"Over the weekend," He shrugged.
"Do you talk to her often?" I questioned.
"I mean, yeah? She's my friend, too, Nora," He frowned.
"I know, it's just. It's weird. Like, I dunno..."
"I think what Nora means," Luke's voice spoke with a tone of harshness, causing me to look up at him. His gaze was focused on mine, and I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed against his jugular. "Is that it's weird that her boyfriend is friends' with her best friend."
"Oh my God," Ronan said, pretending to throw up. "I'm not her boyfriend. Ew, gross," He gagged.
I made a similar noise, agreeing with disgust.
Luke looked taken aback, not sure what to say.
"He's my brother," I answered to his confused expression. I could have sworn I saw his shoulders sag with relief.
"Oh."
"Yeah, 'oh'," Ronan said with a snort.
"But... you guys are the same age?" He said, his sentence ending in a higher pitch.
"I'm older," Ronan sang.
I punched his arm. "Two minutes!"
"Two minutes that I will take to my grave."
"Wait, what?" Luke asked, confused.
"For a scholarship kid, you aren't very bright, are you?" Ronan asked.
"Ronan!" I gasped.
"How do you know I have a scholarship?" Luke said.
"Your friend Calum. He's on the soccer team and he's basically in love with you," Ronan said with a snort.
"They're twins," Emma said, shrugging off her coat. "Ronan's on the soccer team."
"Twins?" Luke said with a frown. He seemed confused. I almost was, too; this conversation was going a mile a minute.
"Yeah, can't you see it through our dazzling smiles?" Ronan said, pushing his face against mine, squeezing our cheeks together.
"Get off of me, you stink," I said, pushing him off.
"Luke," Emma spoke, looking at Luke expectantly. "Are you gonna take off your coat...?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess," He swallowed. He seemed nervous, which was weird, because Luke always seemed to have himself together. He always seemed to know where he stood and what he was doing.
"So, Luke," Ronan said, uncrossing his legs and leaning off the side of my bed. "What do you do?"
"Uh," Luke said, "What?"
"What are you majoring in?" Ronan reformulated.
"Marine Biology and Business," Luke said.
"Why marine biology?" Ronan asked.
"Why soccer?" Luke retorted.
"Ah, you've got me there," Ronan grinned.
As the boys continued to talk, I turned to Emma.
"Do you know where Ming and Kailee are?"
She shrugged. "Last I saw Ming, she was hanging out with some guy. And Kailee's probably in some frat boy's bed."
I frowned. "Kailee doesn't sleep around."
Emma snorted. "Do you even know her?"
I was about to reply, Yes, of course I know her. She's my best friend, before I caught myself. Truth was, I didn't really know her anymore. She was almost a stranger, considering we hadn't properly talked in a month. Not since school started. Hell, not since what had happened during the summer.
It was partially my fault, I knew that much. I was hoping to get a word in with her some time soon. There was so much I needed to talk to her about.
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YOYOYO WHAT UP HOMIES
ok so i just wanna say smt
im super disappointed with last week's turnout of votes and comments. and like i get that yall dont have to vote for this and im super grateful about the following that i DO have, but it just doesnt make me wanna write this if i know that you guys are losing hope in this story, u feel?
so, yeah. things are sort of sucking for me right now on a personal level, and that might be seen thru this chapter cause it sucks lmao but yeah
pls vote and comment and have a good day !!!
sydney
date: february 27th 2016