Guy knocked on Katherine's door and heard her bid him enter. She was sitting reading a book as though she had not a care in the world. But it was obvious that she had been weeping.
‘Have you everything you need, Katherine?’ he asked her.
‘Yes, thank you.
Guy sat down without being asked. She closed her book.
‘You know why I am here Katherine? I repeat my offer of marriage to you. I love you.’
She shook her head and looked at him as if she could not believe his words. ‘What kind of man are you to think that I would tie myself to someone who had been instrumental in cheating me out of my rightful inheritance?‘
‘Katherine, you must believe me when I say I did not plan any of this ... the will ... the estate. I have only ever wanted you.’
She rose abruptly and walked away from him. ‘Even if you did not think of this, you are the Sheriff's right hand man. You have carried out his wishes. From that first night you both decided to ruin the de Beaufort family.’
Guy paused before replying, hoping to get his thoughts in order. ‘That is not true. I admit I wanted you on that first night ...I still want you, but I never intended to hurt you. ‘He ran his hand through his hair, ‘Katherine, I want to make you my wife; I do not view you simply as some woman to merely tumble into bed. I want to share my life with you. I will protect you, care for you, make sure you want for nothing.’
How could he explain to her that something which had begun as covetousness and lust had now consumed him so completely that he no longer knew what he believed in? That he was in uncharted territory; that she made him feel as though all he had previously achieved was nothing when compared with earning her approval?
He tried again, in as easy a tone as he could muster, ‘I know that I cannot replace all you had at Hindelford Manor, but perhaps we can build a life together that almost approaches it, at Locksley Manor?’
‘In another house you have stolen from its rightful owner?’ She almost spat the words and even though he knew he should be gentle with her, he felt his own anger rising.
He stood up. ‘Hood chose to be an outlaw, he forfeited the right to his title and to his home.’ He tried to rein his voice in, but he had shouted but now, as so often happened with them, all was silence.
He knew that if he did not say something, she never would. ‘Katherine. I am sorry ... I should not have come here now, you are still too upset.’
She nodded and he saw her swallow and wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be well if only she would stop fighting him.
‘I will return tomorrow,’ he said, gently. ‘We will talk again.’
When she did not reply he went over to her and took hold of her hand and just held it. He desperately wanted to raise that hand to his lips, but he did not. Just stood there enjoying the feel of her skin against his. He waited for her to pull her hand away, but he sensed she was too heart sore and weary to even attempt that.
And so they stood there for some while, her hand in his. Then he released her and bent down slowly and kissed the top of her head. Again he expected her to remonstrate and was not to know that he had done the very thing her father used to do when she was upset and that she found it, despite his proximity, immensely comforting.
‘Try to sleep,’ he said, ‘try not to worry. The worst is over now, if you would but see that.’
When he had left her she thought that if he had put his arms around her, she probably would have let him, so desperate was she for comfort. Instead she went to lie on the bed fully clothed and within a short time fell into an exhausted sleep.
The following day, she kept to her room, eating very little but thinking a great deal. She was plucking up the courage to tell them she was leaving to travel north. There were a few vestiges of her mother's family in that part of the country who might be willing to provide a home for a penniless widow.
She no longer entertained any hope of getting assistance from any of Sir John's powerful friends, suspecting that Gifford and Vasey would manipulate the law in such a way as to successfully drive away anyone who attempted to defend her.
With a knock on the door, in Gisborne strode again, seemingly unaware or unable to comprehend that she would never accept him.
And so they went through the whole dance again: the offer, the refusal, the hurt, the argument and now they were standing glowering at each other.
Katherine tried a different approach. ‘Sit down Guy and please listen to me,’ she said gently.
Guy looked surprised, she had never, ever called him simply by his first name and so taken aback was he that he sat down as meekly as a lamb.
‘Guy, why do you think that I would make you a good wife. Besides the fact that you desire me in your bed?’
He looked as if he was thinking, before he answered. ‘You are experienced at running a household and estate. You are kind, brave ... you can be gentle ... you are excellent company. You are obedient and courteous when necessary. And you would make an excellent mother.’ He chanced a glance at her then, and caught the look of pain that crossed her face at that last statement.
She was quiet for a moment and then leant forward, ‘I am flattered that you think me all of these things, although I must say you have had precious little opportunity to experience my obedience or my courtesy.’ She smiled at this and he smiled wryly back. ‘Now tell me why you think you would be a good husband to me.’
Guy licked his lips, and thought for a while, ‘I would love you, protect you, give you all that you desired-’
‘But what would happen if the things I desire are contrary to your wishes?’
‘I would expect you to obey me in all matters, but you would not find me unreasonable.’
‘But obeying you could very well entail me watching people starve so that Vasey could have a new horse; seeing people punished for events in Nottingham that in other places would be pardoned; watching you touch me with hands that only earlier had torn some poor wretch's tongue from his head.’
She could see that, once again, he was beginning to lose his temper and rushed to say, ‘Do not become angry with me. I am trying to explain why I would only bring you unhappiness and you would do the same to me. ‘
‘It is a wife's duty to obey,’ Guy said flatly.
‘I agree, and that is why it is vitally important that you should choose someone who is, from the outset, capable of living with the person you are, with the choices you have made. Someone such as Alice Curthoys or Constance Morgan. It should not be someone like Marian, and certainly not someone like me.’
She expected him to flare up with the mention of Marian but he did not. He was growing increasingly uncomfortable at her words. He knew with complete certainty that he did not want the Alice Curthoys of this world who would curtsey and say 'yes sir' and 'no sir' to everything he wanted. He knew he would be bored within a week.
As if Katherine was reading his thoughts, she asked, ‘Why do you desire women who will make your life difficult?’
‘I cannot choose with whom I fall in love with,' he said, simply. I love you, is that not sufficient?’
She smiled at him sympathetically, ‘Love means many different things to different people Guy. For me it means that the happiness of the person I love is more important than my own ... could you say the same? That if I asked you to walk away from Vasey, to relinquish Locksley Manor in order to make my life bearable, you would do it?’
He said nothing. He could not, for at this exact moment, he did not know what he would or would not relinquish for her sake. Something which he did not understand had him by the neck.
‘I think you mistake love for possession,’ she said flatly as she sat back with her hands in her lap.
Guy was quiet for a while, not moving. Then he reached over and took hold of her hand and brought it to his mouth.
She thought he was merely meaning to kiss her hand and take his leave of her, she thought that she had made progress with him. Instead he turned her hand over and kissed the inside of her wrist.
‘No, please ...’ she began.
He lifted his head, ‘And what about passion in all that Katherine?’ he half growled at her, ‘All those fine words, but what about when there is passion between two people as there is between us?’
‘It is not enough,’ she said and then reddened as she realised how that sounded.
He smiled at her and his eyes took on a look of warmth that she had not previously seen. ‘So you do feel passion for me then Katherine?’
‘No, I ... I did not mean that, I meant passion is ... passion is ... well it is not in itself sufficient. If people are incompatible in other ways, passion alone cannot work miracles. There has to be respect and tenderness and, well, love.’
‘I feel all those things for you, Katherine,’ he said softly.
‘But I do not feel them for you.’ She was as kind as she could be.
‘In time you could perhaps?’
She shook her head, ‘I cannot see how. Either I should have to change the things I hold precious, or you would.’
He just nodded at her comment, and was quiet, continuing to look down at her hand. Then he looked up at her and the hunger for her blazed so much in his eyes it made her heart thump.
It was a few seconds before she realised that he had resumed speaking.
‘Perhaps you underestimate passion because you have not felt it as I feel it now. You do not understand what it can make you do. How the mere thought of lying in someone’ arms can make you lose all reason, hazard everything to make it possible; suffer rejection and humiliation over and over again for the merest chance of a kiss.’
Katherine suddenly felt immense pity for him, and Guy must have seen the changed look in her eyes because he reached up his hand and rubbed his thumb slowly along her mouth. Involuntarily she let out a gasp. His hand moved to the side of her face and he leant forward to kiss her.
Oh God, she thought, ‘I do not know what to do ... I should move from him now.’ Instead, without being aware that she was doing so, she started to lean towards him. His hand felt both comforting and exciting on her skin; she could almost taste his lips, the promise of the warmth they would offer her. The sense that she was on the edge of something dangerous intoxicated her.
Suddenly there was a crash as the door swung open and hit the wall. Guy leapt to his feet.
‘Oh sorry, ‘said Vasey, standing in the doorway, ‘have I disturbed you?
He strode into the room looking from Katherine to Guy with a leer on his face.
Vasey should have dropped down dead from the look of venom that Guy gave him, but he didn't, he simply plonked his backside down on a table and pursed his lips.
Katherine had remained seated with her eyes firmly fixed upon the floor. Her heart was hammering and she felt intense shame for the way in which she had almost, almost responded to Guy.
‘I expect you are wondering why I am here, aren't you?’ Vasey asked.
Neither Guy nor Katherine spoke, so Vasey plunged on.
‘Well now, I have just heard some interesting gossip and I wanted to ask Katherine all about it.’
Katherine's heart, that had begun to quieten, suddenly started hammering in once again. She knew sufficient of Vasey to be aware that she did not like the tone of his voice.
Guy also knew that tone well, it was the chummy 'everything is fine between us' one that came just before he turned nasty and attacked. Guy looked uneasily at Katherine.
Vasey smiled and paused dramatically and then said, in a silkily smooth voice, ‘Katherine, tell me, do you know the punishment for aiding outlaws?’