I really need to stop with the huge gaps between my chapters -.- On a positive note, it is nearly summer and my exams are all over!! woo!!! so that means, probably, I'll be uploading more often :)
Enjoy XD
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Chapter Six
Casper had been staring at the ceiling for a while now. Not that he would have minded much usually; it was an attractive ceiling (it was covered in posters of Hayley Williams) but not even the many faces of his beloved singer could distract him from recent events.
When he reached home in early hours of the morning he all but collapsed on his front lawn, panting for air and dripping with sweat. He took huge gulps of air trying to return back to his normal breathing pace. He’d practically ran through the entire town without stopping. He was dying. How he’d managed to keep going after sixteen years of not doing any serious sport he was surprised he hadn’t gave up on getting as much space from the house as possible two minutes in but here he was.
He groaned and flipped over to his front, elbows propping him up from behind after he’d gotten back to a normal breathing pace. His hair was plastered to his forehead and sweat still hung to it as it was to his clothes. So gross. His faced screwed up in pain as he flexed his leg muscles; worn and exhausted.
He stayed in the garden for a while after that, staring at the faint stars that were overpowering the street lamps, and the moon that was on the brink of becoming full. There was a breeze and it sometimes gave him chills as it started to cool down his body and droplets of perspiration, but it was nice. He took it all in, focusing on this and only this. Nothing else. At all.
When he finally got up his shirt had dried a little, his hair was still plastered to his next and forehead. He unlocked his door and tried (oh god how he tried) to close the door with as little amount of noise as possible- he’d even screwed up his face, bit his middle nail and pushed oh so slowly until there was a soft click and he let out a short breath of relief- but, apparently his mum was related to fucking wolves or something – or the most likely option: listening out for him just in case this sort of thing occurred- because she was soon thumping down the stairs and fussing all over him.
“Casper Dear, why are you in so early? Is something wrong?”
Shit.
How was he supposed to sneak around and keep secrets with a mother like his? I mean seriously, he had made the least bit of noise. It’s like she had superpowers.
“No, mum, just didn’t feel like staying over, you know?” Casper answered, trying to edge his way around her and make his way upstairs.
She wasn’t buying it at all.” Are you sure? “
He couldn’t even imagine what he looked like right now.
“Yes mum. I just wanted to come home and sleep, which is what I am going to do now. Go back to bed.” He was half way up the stairs now and his mum followed him quickly from behind.
“Did you have a fight with someone? Casper, Honey? Did you walk home all by yourself? You know that is dangerous, you should’ve called me.” He almost bolted across the hall to his room and closed the door with slightly more force than necessary shutting it right in his mum’s face. Casper gave a slight wince and screwed up his face and braced himself for what was coming.
Casper heard an intake of breath from the other side of the door,” CASPER IRWIN FAYE, DID YOU JUST DO WHAT I THINK YOU DID.” His mother screeched for the whole goddamn world to hear.
“Oh my God, MUM! I TOLD YOU NOT TO EVER USE MY MIDDLE NAME! EVER!” he retorted back, he hated that stupid name. What in all of all that is holy possessed his parents to stick with that one?
“IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT THEN DON’T DO STUPID THINGS LIKE SLAM THE DOOR IN MY FACE!” and with that he knew his mum had turned to go into her bedroom and slammed it shut.
Way to teach me not to slam doors mum, Casper rolled his eyes. He could faintly hear the voice of his dad through the wall grumbling that the whole street could hear them and he could never get any sleep.
Casper sighed and went to change out of his clothes. They were slightly sticking to his skin in a way that was totally gross and cold.
He passed his mirror to get to his pyjama drawer, froze and did a double take back to the mirror.
Dear God. He looked a fucking mess.
The first thing Casper noticed was his shirt clinging to his chest like a second skin and damp with sweat. The collar hung in a way that it looked like it had been grabbed and stretched, Casper knew that if pulled it over to the right side he would see dark bruises forming on his pale skin and a huge bite mark on his shoulder as he could feel throb. His hair was an absolute riot, sticking up at every angle and the ends glued to his neck and forehead. His lips were bright pink and swollen and his eyes were blown wide, as if they held a sudden realisation, like they’d seen the meaning of life but his brain hadn’t quite caught up yet.
Casper groaned into his hands and parked his ass on his bed and leaned over his legs and groaned some more. If that wasn’t enough evidence for what had happened he didn’t know what was. It was supposed to be a stupid game! It was supposed to feel entirely gross, something he could handle. Not something so incredibly amazing that he felt that he just wanted to do it again and again. Something he wished that had lasted longer...
Casper gave a slight whimper and shook his hair in frustration. Stupid James. He was obviously under the influence of peer pressure and alcohol.
Yeah. That was it. He was slightly tipsy; he didn’t have full control of himself.
Yeah, especially when his tongue slipped- SHUT UP! SHUT UP! He smacked his head, trying to erase whatever his brain was trying to tell him. It was just a game and he was drunk, James was probably drunk too, it was a party right? Who wasn’t drunk? Certainly not him, that was for sure. Casper gave off a slightly manic laugh out loud to the darkness in his room before flopping down onto his bed.
And here he was; staring at the ceiling for god knows how long.
He had kissed a guy. He had liked kissing a guy.
Not just any guy. The one he hated with every fibre of his being and he had liked it. Loved it even. And it had felt just... right, in every way possible and honestly, that scared Casper. It scared Casper more than anything he’d ever experienced.
Was he gay?
He couldn’t be. He knew he liked girls.
Then why?
Casper decided that there was no way he was going to get answers with alcohol still in his system and the fact that it was almost four in the morning. He pulled back his covers and wrapped himself in them like a cocoon, like he could just block out the rest of the world.
At least he didn’t have to face James and the rest till Monday. As long as he didn’t leave his front door as James had the tendency to pop up whenever he did as if he had installed some sort of censor just to annoy and creep him out.
It would be fine, everybody would have forgotten about it by Monday and everything would be back to normal.
Casper fell asleep for the second time that morning with a conflicted frown between his brows.
~*~
Casper spent the rest of the weekend moping around the house and sighing. He tried to stay away from all source of communication and hide behind the closet door in the hall whenever there was a knock on the door and forced his mum to answer it; twice it had been charity people, then one of his neighbours moaning about the new bins and there schedule, then a parcel delivery.
His mum had her suspicions that something was up but after his episode with the door she was absolutely certain of it. But like her son, she had a stubborn streak and refused to speak with him until he apologised. At least, she would try and not speak with him for a while to show that her feelings were hurt but Wendy Faye was known to forget more than she forgave.
And even if she wanted to try and talk Casper out of saying what had happened she never got the chance to. He spent most of his time cooped up in his room listening to that horrible shrieking that kids liked to call music these days and didn’t come out unless he was hungry and then quickly scampered back before she could get a word in.
Casper knew he could never ever tell his mother about what happened.
Never.
And it hurt that he couldn’t because he usually told her everything and he liked that, he liked that he was one of those rare teenagers that actually enjoyed talking to their mums and not answering questions with one word or vaguely, they always had big long conversations about everything.
Sure, his mum was over protective and nosey most the time but that was probably why Casper was so open with her in the first place. And when Casper’s music taste dramatically changed a few years back and he started wearing make-up and painting his nails she had been taken back, maybe a little worried, but supportive. Even when he dyed his fringe and she almost had a heart attack when he walked into the house the next day – he had purposely stayed with Darla the night before trying to make more time before he dropped the anchor- and shouted at him for an hour and a bit but in the end she accepted it and even said “it brings out the blue in your eyes” and that was that.
It was just- would she be supportive of what her son had done and what he could have done if he hadn’t been dragged away from it? She would be ashamed and she wouldn’t be able to look at him in the same way ever again. So, he couldn’t tell her. Not ever.
Especially when Casper himself didn’t even understand what exactly what was going on with him, what he identified as, what the kiss meant?
Problems in Casper’s life were just piling up one by one.
~8~
On Monday morning, Casper was shitting bricks.
He had been ready for at least an hour now. He’d woken at the early hour of six, panicked and sweating, even though he hadn’t gotten to sleep till late. He had lain there for a couple minutes then realised he just wasn’t going to get back to sleep and made his way to the bathroom for a shower.
It was there he realised what day it was and almost slipped on the bath’s floor from the sudden spread of terror that overtook him and clung to the wall and breathing deep while the hot water ran down his back. His hickeys were faded but his bite mark still clearly visible but scabbing over. It was the longest shower Casper had probably taken in his life and it was only round about seven when he got out.
By then, he was just so done that he couldn’t even be bothered trying to fix his hair like he usually did and let in dry itself, or even outline his eyes in his trusty eyeliner because he felt just fed up. He spent the rest of the time biting his nails. He had bitten his nails so much that he had accidently broke through the skin and they were now slightly red and crusted with dry blood.
He wasn’t waiting on him. Nope, not at all. He just didn’t want to go into school too early and look like he actually cared, that’s all.
“I do hope you feel better today, honey.” Casper’s mum came into the living room, wrapping her arm around him and gave a kiss on his forehead.
Monday and Thursdays were the only mornings, besides the weekends, that he saw his mum. She worked at some office job and usually left an hour or so before Casper’s alarm went off. Casper hardly ever saw either of his parents in the mornings on school days. His dad was a lorry driver and worked night shift so was usually sleeping until Casper came home. He didn’t mind it much. He’d grown used to it.
“Yeah, thanks mum.” Casper tried to give her a reassuring smile but he himself wasn’t sure of what would become of today, surely everyone, even outside of his small circle of friends had heard of Logan’s by now and that included those he couldn’t even bare to listen to never mind talk to. And then there was James...
Oh fuck.
He would probably give him even more shit that usual and there would be that whole “just because you are attracted to me” thing again that he had favoured little more than half a year ago but it had pissed off Casper more than words could convey because it was the exact time his so-called friends started the whole “Casper and James forever” thing. They used to say he was only overreacting to James because he really did fancy him and he was in denial when really it was just Casper being Casper.
Plus James just got on his nerves – if that wasn’t obvious. But he’d always have a way of saying the right thing that got under Casper’s skin and Casper’s only retaliation was to lash out and it had always been that way; right from the beginning.
Suddenly there was that familiar rap of the door.
“Let’s go, Princess. School is awaiting your faggot arse.”
Casper froze.
“Pleasant as always,” his mother sighed in a tired tone but a smile on her face and gave Casper another kiss on his forehead before exiting the hall to the kitchen. For all she knew, everything was fine.
Another knock. This time it was louder.” What you doing in there? Kissing yourself in the mirror again? Move!”
Casper did, stumbling a little as he snatched his jacket and bag. He grabbed his keys from the table and made his way to the hall. He made his way to the front door and with shaking hands he opened it wide to a beaming James.
His hair was now bright red, Casper glared at it like it was offending him. He’d kind of liked the blue. The red made him look dangerous, menacing.
“Thought I was going to have to wait out here forever,” he gave out a laugh, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Well you look more shit than usual.”
Casper stared at him in absolute disbelief. What was he up to?
James wavered a little under Casper gazed, his facade falling slightly until he brought it back up again.
“Like what you see? I’m sorry, but I am way out of your league.” He smirked
He was acting like nothing had happened. Like that kiss was meaningless and everything was normal. Like Casper hadn’t just been freaking the fuck out the whole weekend, not considering if everything in his life was maybe a little wrong or missing something.
He was being his normal douche-self.
There was a slight twinge in his chest, as if this hurt Casper... which didn’t make sense because he hated him, why would he be upset that nothing had changed? He should be relieved; he didn’t have to worry about a thing.
With this Casper took in a deep breath and made his face into what he thought was his usual scowl. “As if.” And Casper turned, closed the door, shoved past James and began to walk down the street.
Casper didn’t see the look on James’ face as he left him behind, a face that showed that tiny bit of hope beginning to crack and in turn James didn’t see that Casper looked as if he would burst into tears but stubbornly holding them back in confusion to why they were coming at all.
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Ahaha, so I guess this chapter wasn't as satifiying as the last... but look, Mama Faye was introduced! And Casper's second name! Woo progress!!
To be honest I have no idea where I am going from here but lets just hope it is going to be good...
If I have made a mistake or if something doesn't make sense to you PLEASE tell me and I shall fix it!
Hoping to upload next chapter about a weeks time >< Thank you for reading!