WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT!
"Answer me right now, Ada! Do you love me?"
"W-What?" I squeaked, frozen where I stood.
My blood running cold in my veins, and my face turning a ghostly pale, I slowly twirled around to look at Zayn. He was standing firm, right where my eyes had left him when I turned to go inside. His feet where spaced apart, and his fists were clenched at his sides - his jaw was locked up tight and his eyes were fixed on me, that spark I saw earlier had ignited into a flame and I knew it would only intensify from here.
"You heard me." he asserted, his expression focused and provoking.
"Zayn, I-I" I stuttered, unable to form a coherent sentence.
It had been five years since I last spoke those words to him, and even then he hadn't heard me say them. I always knew that the day would come when I'd have to come clean about my feelings, but I never anticipated that day being so soon. I always imagined that it would be in the distant future, after both of us were happily married to other people and had families of our own, and it would be something to laugh about. I never expected to be put on the spot like this.
"Ada, just answer the question. Do. You. Love me?" Zayn demanded impatiently.
He and I both knew the answer to that. It was just a matter of whether or not I'd admit to it. I felt stuck, really stuck. For the first time since I'd found him again, the possibility of losing him for good had just slapped me in the face. I never thought it would come down to this. I always thought we'd just live with this unrequited love until we died.
"Zayn, I can't. You...you can't just...you can't." I muttered, unable to make any sense of the emotions that were spiraling out of control in my head.
"You can't what, Ada? You can't admit how you feel about me? Is this some kind of pride thing?!" he cried, sucking in a deep breath and taking a few steps towards me.
"No! Y-You don't...you don't understand!" I choked out, trying desperately to buy myself some time to think.
"Then help me to understand! Make me! I want to understand!" he pleaded, taking a few more steps forward and wrapping his fingers tightly around both my arms.
My mind was spinning, and this was all happening way to fast for me to think rationally or even keep up with it. My eyes begged him, as his begged me. He had the look of a wild, unstable, and unpredictable man. It was the same look that I had fallen in love with all those years ago, and it was busting down every last wall I'd built up around myself. Slicing through them as if they were paper.
"I can't make you understand, because I don't even understand!" I blurted out, my chest heaving up and down as silence descended upon us.
Zayn looked startled, like a deer in the headlights. I don't think he'd planned for any of this to happen, but at that moment, he looked truly lost. His grip on my arms stayed as his eyes darted up and down my body, searching for any kind of answer that would make sense, any clue as to what was going on in my head.
"Zayn," I sighed, looking at him with sad eyes. "You know that I have feelings for you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come back. I found you because I wanted to, because I needed to. I needed to know-"
"Ada, I love you." he confessed, bluntly and with an unwavering sense of pride, and a subtle hint of apprehension. He said it like he had never been more sure of anything in his life. And he said it hoping that it would grab my attention, and that is exactly what it did.
I immediately shut up, and even if I'd wanted to, there was no way I could have gone on talking as if he hadn't just said what he did. I knew that this was his last weapon, his atomic bomb, his final stand. I knew that he was giving it absolutely everything he had. And I also knew that I had run out of time to think about it.
This was it. This was where I either went for broke, or folded on a pair of aces. I had to tell him, but I still didn't know if I could. My lips shook as the words tried to pass, but the image of Liam on the floor of Zayn's house clutching his blood soaked fist, and Zayn standing motionless in the doorway flashed in my mind - and I was fighting it with everything I had.
It was now or never.
In one swift motion, I stood up on my toes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pressed my lips to his. This kiss wasn't sexual, or urgent, or desperate in any way. This kiss wasn't driven by lust or fear. This kiss was slow, and gentle, and driven by nothing but my overwhelming love for him. This kiss was how I was answering his question. This kiss was my I love you.
He reacted almost immediately, bringing his hands to either side of my face, letting his thumbs tenderly stroke the outline of my jaw as his lips mimicked mine. We moved in perfect sync with one another as we continued to bask in the moment that had finally come to us. Our lips kissed softly, sweetly, lovingly - no reason to rush, and no need to push further. We were exactly where we wanted to be.
When we pulled away, our lips trembled with the excitement of the moment. He pressed his forehead against mine and tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of my neck, his warm breath fanning across my face - and although it was mid-July, he sent a distinct shiver down the length of my spine.
"Does that answer your question?" I whispered, bringing my eyes to meet his.
He gulped loudly, a nod being all he could manage to give for the moment - and truthfully, that was all I really needed. I didn't him to sob, or to make some long speech about how far we'd come, or to even say thank you. All I needed, all I wanted, was for him to know how I felt - and it was obvious now where I stood.
****
I sucked in a deep breath as I gazed up into the sky. It was a beautiful night. The clouds from last night had long since disappeared, and the town of Bradford being so dark made it the perfect place to star gaze.
Despite how long we'd been lying down, the grass was still cool and crisp against my back, and it still tickled my legs every time a gust of wind blew by. Zayn was sprawled out beside me, staring up into the black sky just as I was, relaxed and blissful.
We'd been watching the stars for hours, silently enjoying each other's company, and probably trying to remember the last time we felt so content. Finally, I heard the grass crunch underneath Zayn as he rolled over to face me.
"Ada." he whispered.
I turned my head over, squinting my eyes as the grass poked into my sensitive skin. Zayn was now lying on his side, his head propped up by his arm, and his white shirt covered in grass stains. Those would be a bitch to clean out.
"You're beautiful. You know that?" he chuckled, his eyes sparkling as my lips spread into a smile.
"You want to know when I first realized I loved you?" he asked, a half smile creeping onto his face.
"When?" I replied with a giggle.
"The first time I realized that I really loved you - I mean, I realized it was more than just an infatuation. It was the night when I first kissed you." I raised my eyebrows in amusement as he continued. "It wasn't the kiss that made me realize it either! It was after the party, when I took you back to my house. I carried you into the house and set you down on the couch. I took care of you and everything. Then Liam came and picked you up. And I knew that I loved you when you closed the door behind you, and I realized that I wanted to be the one taking care of you." he confessed, his eyes falling to look at the ground as he recalled the memory.
"It's funny, because I wanted the very same thing." I admitted, meeting his gaze as he looked back up at me.
The eye contact, combined with our conversation, ignited a feeling in both of us, answered as he slowly crawled over to where I lay and hovered his body just above mine. There was no playing games this time, no beating around the bush, no apprehension. He connected his lips with mine as easily as if we'd been doing it everyday for the last five years.
This kiss wasn't like our earlier one. This one was a kiss of lust, and after allowing our admissions to simmer for awhile, we had built up quite the tension. Our lips moved against each other in a deep and sensual kiss, sparking pleasure all over my body, and drawing reactions that I hadn't felt in years.
My breaths were heavy and shallow as Zayn kissed the path of my jaw, following it up to my ear and then tracing it back down to my neck. Goosebumps erupted all over my body as I felt one of his hands slide up my leg, while the other supported his weight above me, and his lips continued to burn the skin on my neck in the most desirable way.
I had tangled my fingers into his hair and was holding his head down to keep his lips in contact with my neck, and the way he smirked against my skin had me nearly in pieces beneath him. His fingers gently tapped their way up my thigh, pushing my dress up with each move they made. I found myself leviatating my hips upwards slightly, my body begging to be touched by him.
"Someone's eager." he chuckled seductively as he held my hips into the ground.
"Yesss." I whimpered softly, not even caring, because by that point I was beyond playing coy. I'd dreamed of him touching me again since the last time, and any other time I'd welcome a little bit of a tease, but right now I just needed him to pleasure me.
"Don't worry, sweetheart. It won't be long." he whispered in my ear, as I felt my dress being pushed up to my stomach.
The air was cold against my thighs, and even colder against my wet panties. I was glad that I had worn a dress for once in my life, because pants would have made this a little more challenging - and as Zayn's fingers creeped up the inside of my thighs, I knew that was the last thing I would have wanted.
He came to a stop when he reached my underwear, but I could feel his hand hovering so close to me, and I wanted desperately to thrust my hips up to meet him, but he had moved so that his hips were holding mine down. I could do nothing but lie there and accept the torture.
"Okay. I won't tease you anymore." he decided.
I let out a long, choppy groan as his thumb pressed into my clit through my panties. He knew where I needed him to touch me, and I suppose he really wasn't kidding when he said he wouldn't tease anymore.
"You like that?" he asked, applying a little more pressure to my sensitive nub.
"Yesss." I hissed, attempting to move against his finger.
"How about this?" he said with a grin as his hand slithered into my panties and dragged a cold finger across my warm, moist core. A loud, animalistic moan escaped my mouth as he slowly circled my clit with my own liquids.
"I knew you would." he bragged.
"Zayn." I moaned. His fingers warmed up quickly as they continued to circle my clit, dipping down occassionally to collect more of my juices. I was beginning to feel the tension building in my abdomen as he continued his rhythm; up, circle, down, up, circle.
It was electrifying, tantalizing, absolutely wild. He didn't miss a beat, even when he pushed one of his long fingers inside me, hooking it as he entered, and earning the most inhuman sound from me yet. His finger curled in a "come here" motion, lightly grazing my g-spot every single time - meanwhile, his thumb continued the work on my clit.
It was the most delicious combination of sensations. His finger, which had began moving slowly, was now pupming feriously inside of me, repeatedly htting exactly where I needed it to, while his thumb simaltaneously massaged my clit. The faster he moved, the tighter the knot in my stomach clenched, that much closer he moved me to my demise.
By now, I was panting loudly, my legs had closed around his arm so tight that even if he wanted to move he wouldn't have been able to. I looked down to see his arm thrashing wildly in between my legs, and my body humping it to increase the friction that I loved so very much.
I knew I was close. I was coming undone, falling apart, crumbling beneath him. I was a hot mess, my hair matted to my forehead by sweat, my chest heaving up and down, and the love of my life with his finger buried so deep inside me that it threatened to get stuck.
"Z-Zayn I'm so c-close." I warned, falling back onto the ground and gripping onto the grass for dear life.
"I know. It's okay. Come for me, baby. Come for me."
His command was all the push I needed to send me hurdling over the edge feet first. In an instant, the knot in my gut exploded, sending my body into the most earth shattering orgasm I'd had in over five years. My eyes rolled back in my head, my hands tore the grass from the ground, and his name passed from my lips over again in a moment of pure and total euphoria.
With one final convulsion, my body began to slow down, jerking every few seconds as the high wore off and faded away. The air around us was thick with desire, and although there was only one thing that could completely satisfy us, this was more than good enough for the moment.
Zayn rolled off of me and pulled my dress back down as I lay limp in the grass, the inside of my thighs soaking wet, my pulse racing, and my breaths fast and uneven. I felt so exhausted and spent. I didn't want to move, and it took all the strength I had to even turn my head towards him. He wore a triumphant smile on his face as he looked me up and down.
"I always wondered if I could get you off with just my fingers." he said with a laugh.
"Well...now...you know." I replied, out of my breath, my fingers just barely squeezing onto the grass again.
"Zayn, I...don't know...if I can keep...my eyes...open." I panted, feeling suddenly as though my eyelids weighed a thousand pounds.
"You don't have to sweetheart. It's okay. I'm right here." he spoke to me, scooting over beside me and running his fingers through my knotted hair.
My breathing and heart rate started to even out and my eyelids began to droop. I felt his fingers tickle my scalp as they parted my hair, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so safe and relaxed. It had to have been the last time I was with Liam, because up until now, not even Zayn had made me feel safe. I guess that's how I knew this was real, and it was right, and we were ready. I guess that's how I knew that I really and truly loved Zayn.
"I love you, Ada." he whispered to me as my mind shut down for the first time in so long.
A/N: So...are you guys freaking out? BECAUSE I AM!!!! Who actually thought (not just hoped) that this chapter would turn out good?! I am seriously so excited to hear from you guys on this one! I'm expecting some pretty colorful comments, so don't disappoint me! :D
I just want to tell you guys that with everything going on in my life right now, writing this story really makes me forget about it all for a little while. It has once again become my escape from the real world, and I have been pouring everything I've got into writing this story lately. It is now 4am and I didn't even notice because I was just so focused on finishing this chapter tonight! So it means so much to me that you guys are still reading! Ya'll are the best! So much love! <3
P.S. I'm not very skilled at writing sexual scenes, so don't tear me apart, okay? Be nice :)