I pressed myself up against the wall. I couldn't breathe. My vision blurred. Was Liam the only one who knew? Harry had seemed so optimistic! He couldn't have known.
My eyes were swimming and I tiptoed back to my room and threw myself over my bed. I brought my pillow up to my face and sobbed. Leaving? In two days? How could he be going so early? And not tell me! I felt like an outsider, like I didn't even know the actual Louis. He had betrayed me...
"Saby!" I heard Harry whisper and knock on my door. I ignored him, but he didn't leave. He opened the door in nothing but boxers and a T-shirt.
I laughed through my tears and said, "Harry I told you to put on some clothes!"
He looked down at himself. "But these ARE clothes. See? They are made from clothing? Now what did you hear?"
I took a breath and wondered if Louis could hear me crying. And suddenly, I couldn't control my actions. I leapt from the bed and marched into the room where Louis had been talking with Liam. He looked up in surprise, probably wondering why I was red-faced and exasperated. Tears welled up in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.
"Saby," Louis said, standing up. "I thought you were-"
"Going to bed? No. Actually, I got a little distracted by something you said."
"Sabrina, you don't understand-"
"For the last time my name is Saby! And I don't know how you can even talk to me!" He took a friendly step towards me, and without meaning to, I shoved him away. He stumbled slightly, but stayed on his feet. I continued to shout. "So that's it! You're just going to leave? And you never even told me! And you know what? The sad part is it barely even hurts! I have been through so much already that I pretty much KNEW this would happen! Good things never happened to me, and suddenly you were here! I thought maybe if there are other guys like you that maybe I might have a chance at life! But you're just like the rest. You lie, you cheat, and you NEVER actually love girls like me."
"Are you crazy?!" He shouted.
The room went silent. Niall and Zayn were staring at me, confused and groggy-eyed. Louis' face was red and his chest moved up and down rapidly. If a pin dropped on the other side of the world, I swear I would've been able to hear it. Harry and Liam stared at us in disbelief, probably wondering how such a good night was turning out to be one of the worst in history.
I glared back at him and spoke quietly. "I may be crazy, Louis. But I guarantee you that I'm not crazy enough to keep on loving you. I'm done."
His expression looked hurt, and somehow it made me smile. I walked back to my room to gather my things and he followed.
"Saby, I love you."
"Yea I sure as hell can see that now!"
"Please," he said. His tone was desperate. "We can work this out. I will do whatever it takes not to leave you."
I stuffed a couple things into a plastic bag and straightened up, looking him full in the face. "Yea Louis? And what happens after that?"
"I don't know!"
My face was burning so much I felt feverish. I eyed him up and down, furious with the world. Quietly, I spoke.
"Why didn't you tell me..."
He awkwardly raked his fingers through his hair and licked his lips, breathless. "I thought I could avoid it."
"And why," I started to say, inching closer to him, "do you have to go?"
He bit his lip. "I just don't belong here."
"Why not?"
"It's not my kind of place. I need to be home."
I sighed. I knew there was something he was keeping to himself. How could I trust him? What I would have to say was going to take a lot of courage.
"Alright," I said. "It was nothing. We were just friends, and that's all we ever will be."
Disappointed, Louis stormed from the room, pulling on his hair and cursing. He pushed open the door to find Harry backing away as if he had his ear pressed right up against the door the whole time. Louis bumped his shoulder against his and didn't even look him in the eye. Harry smiled sympathetically when Louis was out of sight.
"Do you want a ride?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Thanks, Harry. But I can walk."
"No," he said. I was surprised at how stern a person who joked around so much could sound. "It's dark and who knows where that freaky kid is."
I flinched. "Lionel?"
He nodded. "If the police still haven't found him, you should be more careful."
"No, I shouldn't. I don't care what happens to me. My life has been destined to suck."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Zayn!" He yelled.
A zombified Zayn walked over slowly, yawning the whole way. "Yea?"
"Can you give Saby a ride?"
Zayn perked up a little. "Yea, sure."
"Thanks, but I don't want-"
"I insist." Zayn interrupted.
I lowered my eyes in defeat and let Zayn lead me out of the room. He exchanged a nervous glance with harry, who was now taking off his shirt again. I couldn't help but stare at the dim light leaking from the bottom of Louis' door. That would probably be the last time I'd ever see him in person.
Zayn and I walked down the hall in silence. His keys jingled in his pocket with each lazy step he took.
"Are we taking the bus?" I asked.
He snickered. "Well, that's all we have really. We've already taken back the rentals so there's nothing else to travel in."
I nodded, trying to ease my mind away from Louis. It had been stupid to fall for him so fast. I was being stupid like usual. I should've known that I'd be feeling this way again. It was like my heart had been put in a freezer, so numb that I couldn't feel the real pain of leaving him.
The sky above had clouded over, threatening to downpour any second. Zayn opened the door for me and I slid into the passenger seat. He got in and shut the door tight just as rain started to pound against the windshield.
"Brilliant," he mumbled.
"You really didn't have to do this Zayn."
He shrugged and pulled the bus out of the parking lot. "But I did."
Somehow, I managed a smile. My brain was whirring. "Thanks."
He smiled lazily. "No problem."
I stayed silent for a little while longer, watching the rain drops slide down my window. I couldn't believe I'd never see Louis again. What would things even be like in school? Everyone must know my mishap with Lionel and I'd never live that one down. They would mock me worse than ever before, and that was without mentioning Louis. Since every girl in my grade was in love with him, I wouldn't put it past them to lock me up somewhere and shoot me. Not that I'd mind dying at all. Anything was better than this. I turned my attention back to Zayn.
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Do you ever wish you were someone else?"
Zayn snorted. "Not really. I love my life. Although sometimes I wish I could go back and change things. I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but at times I wish some of the others hadn't become famous. Take Harry and Louis for example. They started out as best friends but because of the gay rumours, they aren't as close as they used to be. It breaks my heart to know that people have changed them that much. They used to be inseparable."
I frowned. I used to call all of them gay. But I didn't realize how much it could hurt. Harry hadn't even heard that Louis was leaving before Liam. I didn't even know they had been so close. I almost couldn't believe it.
"That's horrible," I said. "But the people who say those things just don't know you. They're jealous."
He shrugged again. "Maybe, maybe not. It still hurts when the world thinks of you as something you're not."
I understood. "Misunderstanding was the worst thing in the world."
"Definitely."
I pursed my lips and looked at him with sad eyes. "Will I ever see him again?"
Zayn didn't say anything for a while. Then finally he looked at me sideways, his kaleidoscope eyes shining with sympathy.
"Do you want me to be honest?"
I shook my head. "I know the answer anyway."
It broke my heart.