"Set You Free"
I look out the window with heavy features. I feel horrible because of everything that's happening. My wavering heart led me to this situation and I'm hating myself for it. I shouldn't have developed feelings for him...and I shouldn't have led Kenneth on like that just to weigh my feelings for him...and for Johnny...
Now everything is a mess. My anger for Johnny is still inside me, but the moment I looked into his eyes after I've thrown the berries...the moment his tears fell from them...I can't help but feel so guilty.and God... His children... What have I done?! The pain in their broken voices still echo inside my mind... Their cry as they call for Johnny and look at me with pain and fear in their eyes...it didn't help that Tom embraced me right away and I didn't get to see their faces. I can still imagine their lingering stare and their broken voice...and it suffocates me so much knowing that I hurt both of them with the cruel words I said.
My eyes catch him from walking to the parking as I stand behind the huge glass window of my room in this second level of the hospital. He is carrying his daughter in his arms, her face is leaning on his shoulders and she'd wipe her own tears from time to time. His son is holding his free hand and would sniff and wipe his tears as well as they walk towards the car.
Johnny whispers something to his daughter's ears before he kisses the side of her head, letting go of his son's hand, he grabs the keys from his pocket and opens the car. He sits in a squat position in front of them before he wipes their tears with his hands...then he looks up at my direction.
Feeling all the pain and guilt, I step away and hide myself behind the wall, my tears are continuously falling. How can I be so cruel to say the words I said to him...and to his innocent children...
I feel like going insane and didn't notice that I already begin sobbing out loud until I feel my brother's arms pulling me to his embrace.
"I feel horrible, Tom.., what am I to do...?! What should I do?!" My shaking body is now imprisoned inside Tom's arms but I still feel so bad, I still feel like I'm going insane because I know how much I hurt those innocent angels.
They don't even know me but they sweetly picked up berries for me and wrote me a letter... I don't even know them too and yet, instead of thanking them, I hurt them so much with words even myself would flinch and have a heartbreak if I hear those words...even I won't be able to take it if someone, especially a stranger says those cruel words to me...and I... I broke their fragile little hearts.
~~~
A couple of weeks have passed and I didn't see him again...Johnny was nowhere to be found. Kenneth never visited me again too until one day...
"Hellie..." I jump in surprise as a manly voice calls me and feel as if my heart stopped beating.
"Johnny!" I beam excitedly only to feel sorry both for myself and for Kenneth who is standing by the door now when I looked at his direction. He just smiles faintly and continues to walk towards me. The bruises on his face are less visible now.
"K-Ken..."
"I...just came to say sorry..." He begins as he hands me a bouquet of flowers.
"I'm the one who should be saying sorry, Ken..." I say and he just sits on the chair beside my bed, I notice that he is holding a paperbag but he didn't hand it to me like I expected and instead, he just brings it on the floor.
"It's my fault Hellie. I should've controlled myself."
"Ken..." I reach for his hand only to frown as I notice a gold ring on his ring finger. He looks at me and clears his throat.
"Helena... There are things that you deserve to know..."
"Ken?!"
"Six months ago, you had an accident that left you in a comatause condition..."
"S-stop reminding me about it Ken...I'm tired of that same old story..."
"Hellie, you have to listen to me carefully. I know why you're feeling what you're feeling for Johnny..."
"W-what are you saying?!" I ask in shock as I look at his face.
"Hellie...Johnny is not who you think he is..."
"W-What are you saying?!" I repeat the question and push myself away from him. Kenneth reaches for my hand and I can't help but stare at the ring on his finger.
"I didn't visit you not just because your family won't allow me, Hellie... A lot has happened that you...don't quite remember."
I look at him in disbelief and pulls my hand away from his.
"You didn't visit me because...you still can't stand for us Ken! Don't make it seem like I'm the one to be blamed here! Don't talk as if I'm cheating on you with Johnny!!! He's nothing but a stranger to me! I waited for you! I looked for you right from the moment I woke up!"
"Hellie, calm down..."
"Th-That ring on your finger... I don't remember you having a ring on that finger since you divorced Emma!!! A-Are you..." I gulp and feel as if my insides are turning, making me want to puke as I look at his guilty face.
"Did you get back together while I was unconscious?!" I finally ask and he stares at me with guilt in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Hellie...It isn't Emma... I'm married to..." He says and I suddenly lose control and hit him on the face.
"You, idiot!!! How can you do this to me?!"
"Helena...please calm down. I know you wouldn't understand but you have to listen to what I have to say... This is for your own good..."
"For my own good?! You!!! You arse almost fucked me on this bed two weeks ago!!! It may be true that I led you on! But still, you were married!!! You are married...!" I'm crying so hard now feeling like a fool, feeling so stupid.
"You deserve all of Johnny's punches!!! You moron!!! How can you do this to me?! I loved you Ken!!! I loved you!!! I dropped out of the University for you! I disobeyed my parents and accepted the hatred of the whole society because of you!!!" All the hurt I kept to nyself ever since I gave up half of my life just just to be with Ken come rushing down in me now. I wasted so much for him, I gave up so much for him...and now, he's telling me he's married?! He got married while I was unconcsious! He was cheating while I was struggling for my own life in this hospital!
He's crying now as well but I can't believe his tears anymore. I shouldn't have loved him! God! I hurt Johnny and his children so much because of him.
"The cruel words I said to his children!!! Oh God!!! How could you do this Ken?!"
"Hellie please...please...that's why I'm here. You have to know who he is... Johnny..."
"Shut up!!! Get out!!! Get out!!!"
"Hellie, please!!! Johnny, he is not your therapist!!! He is not a therapist or a nurse!!! He planned all of this!!!" He screams shaking my shoulders until I am looking at his face.
"Helena...listen... Remember the film Nightmare on Elm Street?!"
"What are you saying?! Why on bloody Earth should I remember that film?! Get out before I kill you!!!" I throw the bouquet of flowers to his face and immediately cup my head as I feel the sharp pain starting to blur my vision again. Ken immediately holds me and I just push him away as I reach for the buzzer.
"Get out!!!" I scream and the nurses immediately rush towards us.
"Get him out!!!" I cry and I feel Trish embracing me as she calms me down.
"Calm down Helena... P-please get Mr. Branagh out..."
"Helena, try to remember who Johnny is!!!" He screams for one last time and I feel myself fall inside Trish's arms.
"W-where is Johnny?" I ask her and she just looks away.
"Where's Johnny Trish?! He's my therapist isn't he?! Why isn't he here?!" I see her motioning another nurse and even before I can react, they injected a tranquilizer to me and I pass out immediately.
~~~
"Go to mommy, dada... I'll be fine... Nana is here..." Nelle speaks softly and coughs afterwards. Her fever has gone down but her colds is still making her weak. I tuck her in and wrap her in my arms as I gently tap her hips so she can fall asleep easier.
"Maybe mom is looking for you now, dada...nana said she didn't mean to be bad...Billy and I know that... Mom is an angel..."
"Sleep now baby..." I whisper through her hair before kissing the top of her head.
Nellie, my little girl has been battling flu for weeks now. She's past the critical point and we got discharged from the hospital now but she's still a little weak and she still coughs from time to time.
"You can bring mommy back, right Dada?" She asks as she embraces me closer and hides her face on my chest.
"Yes baby... I'll bring back mommy no matter what." I whisper and she finally closes her eyes and sleeps.
I checked on the twins before I walk out of the room leaving them with their nana. Just last night, I received a message from Trish telling me that Helena was looking for me. I don't wanna hope anymore but I need to know what she's up to now...and I need to see her. The previous weeks of not seeing her and completely focusing on our children has been so tough. Seeing her face might do me good.
I am clearing my throat as I stare at her back facing me. She slowly turns around and stares at my face with no emotion in her eyes.
"Don't you owe me an apology, Mr. Depp?!" She asks coldly as she walks towards the bed and opens the cupboard of the sidetable.
"I believe it is you, who owe me and my children an apology, Ms. Bonham Carter... I was merely doing my job as your therapist and as an employee of this hospital."
"Cut the act, Johnny... I know who you are..." She says and clenches her jaws.
"Edward Scissorhands... The nightmare on Elm Street... You were so good as an actor...you almost made me fall..." She pauses and closes her eyes tightly.
"Helena..." I feel my heart beats fast hearing her out. Can it be possible that she can remember now? Then she looks at me with disgust in her eyes and I lose all the hope inside me. This has all gone out of proportion now.
"What's in it for you? You acted and made me believe that you're a therapist... You made my mom and brothers carry on with your plan to deceive me...why?" She asks and tears start to well up in her eyes.
"What did I do that you had to lie straight to my face, huh?! Why... Why did you have to make me believe and feel things for you?! Why?!" She throws the CDs she got from the cupboard to my chest and begins crying.
"Why do I have to feel sorry and guilty for all your lies?! Those kids!!! Are they actors too?! What TV show is this, Johnny?! What kind of prank is this, huh?!"
"Stop it, Helena..."
"No!!! You stop!!! What have I done to you?! Why did you do this?! You deceived me! Everyone deceived me on making me believe that you are my therapist! I deceived myself falling for your drama! Your wife, your children! What is true Johnny?!"
"Helena..." I walk closer to her and try reaching for her arms but she just pushes me as she sways.
"Do you know how stupid I am feeling right now, huh?! I feel so useless!!! I feel so brainless!!! There's a hole in my head and any time I would fall down into that hole not even knowing why!!! Not knowing what the hell is happening!!! I don't know you, and you made me feel so bad for making me believe in all your lies!!! What have I done to you, Johnny?! What have I done for you to play with my emotions like this?! What did I do to you?!" She begins hitting my chest harder...and harder.
"I hate you!!! I hope I just died!!! Why are you doing this to me?! Why am I feeling this pain and hurt whenever I look at you?! Why?!!!"
"Don't say that!!! You have no idea how hard it was for me...you have no idea how my children are suffering now!!!" I begin shaking her as she starts getting hysterical. Then she slaps me hard on the face.
"Why should I care about you like this?! You lied to me!!! You played with my emotions! You ruined me, Johnny!!! I hate you!!! I don't wanna see you again! So just... Just get out!!!" She screams whilst hitting my chest again, her nails are scratching me everywhere as she gets more hysterical.
"You can't do this to me... You can't just push me out of your life Helena..."
"You are nothing to me!!! You deceived and toyed me, Johnny!!! You're hurting me!!! What right do you have to decide if I can push you out or not?! You are nothing to me!!! You are nothing to me...so why..."
She cries, her shoulders are shaking as she struggles to free her wrists from my grip.
"What did I do for you to do this to me?! Why can't I get you out of my mind?! Why am I feeling so guilty everytime you look into my eyes?! When it was you who's been deceiving me with your lies?! Why?!" She hits me hard on the face again and I feel the blood starts to draw from the side of my lips because of the impact.
"You made me believe that you care...you deceived me Johnny...what did I do to you...?!" Her shoulders remain shaking as her chest heaves up and down and she sobs. God! I want to just wrap her in my arms and take the pain away but I can't...
"Please tell me why..." She speaks weakly, the top of her head is leaning on the center of my chest as I hold her wrists in my hands again.
"Tell me... So I can understand why you're killing me this way..."she continues and I feel my own heart shatters into million pieces again. Is that what I have been doing to her all this time? I looked at her and waited for her to look up to me...
"I lost my wife in that accident..." I finally say as tears start to fall down my eyes just looking at her, crying her heart out silently because of so much pain. This is all too much now... For her fragile heart...for me and for our children. She's supposed to be healing...nothing else. But she's dying in front of me every minute now.
I can't be pushed away like this anymore... I can't afford to lose her this way because of the hatred she's feeling towards me now... And I can't let myself neglect the needs of our children...
I was supposed to relive her feelings for me but this is what we got into... Helena looks worse because of everything...and the twins... God, they are starting to get traumatized because of everything. Looking up and letting the threads of tears fall down to my neck, I decided to continue.
"We were in the same accident Helena... That's the truth..." I say and her hands fall on her side as she shakes her head.
"The accident you were in, the accident that left you in coma...that was the same accident that cost me my wife's life..." I don't wanna lie to her but I can't directly tell her all the truth as well...She can't take that... Looking at her now, I know Hellie won't be able to take the truth if I tell her now that she's my wife...and that I lost her when she lost her memories...she may have gone better physically but her emotions are at the critical point now. She seems like she'd blow up any minute is she doesn't get answers, and still blow up if she gets too much answers...
"She was in the same condition as you were for months since the accident. My children, they aren't actors. They are two innocent angels yearning for their mother's love..."
"Y-you're lying...! You're lying!!!"
With heavy features, I took my clothes off and her eyes immediately grow wide looking at the huge scar across my chest.
"She was in coma...
My children and I waited for months until she could open her eyes and survive, just like your mom and brothers waited for you as well..." My tears fall looking at her crying as she listens while staring at the huge scar on my chest.
"That day...that exact moment when you woke up, that is the same moment my children lost their mother...and I...lost my wife... It's so ironic... You lived while we...we lost her." Right now I can't look at her face anymore, all that's inside my heart and mind now is the pain I am feeling in my heart as I speak of that tragic event... As I speak of my wife...the version of this woman in front of me that we lost in that tragedy. The version of her that she has erased in her own memories.
"We lost her when you lived, Helena... All because of that one ill-fated night... My children lost a loving mother, they lost their bestfriend...and I...
I lost the love of my life..."
I looked at her face finally and saw her still staring at my chest, her eyes were dilated and tears just keep on falling from them.
"I took care of you ever since you woke up because that is what I was supposed to do for my wife if we didn't lose her. Somehow, I believed that her soul still lies within you...that her heart is beating inside of you...
We were, after all in that same accident Helena... You and I survived...
But my wife..." I feel myself shaking as I cry in despair. This is the only moment that I am finally accepting the truth, that I lost her in that accident for real... I lost my wife in that exact moment that this nineteen year old version of herself woke up not having any memory of me and of our children.
"I took care of you and treated you in the same manner that I would've treated her because I was hoping that somehow...
She'll live inside you. But I was wrong...
And you're right...
My wife is dead...my children's mother will not return no matter how much berries they pick up for her. I just...
I just couldn't accept the fact that she left us." My knuckles are cracking as I hold my hands in a tight fist then I continue.
"I couldn't accept that she left me alone to care for our twins...I've always thought that she'll never forget the promises she made, the vows that she'll never leave and that she'll always love us..." Helena's legs suddenly gives in and she falls on the floor. Her eyes were so lost as she stares at nowhere.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry if I hurt you Helena... I am really sorry to cause you all this pain trying to revive my wife IN you..." I lean down and gently grab her by the shoulders to lift her up again. With shaking hands, I cup her face and wipe the tears on them.
"Please...tell me again... Tell me again and I'll never bother you anymore... Tell me so I can help myself on staying away." I say and she looks at me weakly, huge crystals of fresh tears fall from her eyes again as she purses her shaking lips.
"Tell me now and I'll get on living for our children... Tell me so I can move on..." I shakily reach for her face for one last time and wipe the tears from her eyes again. Not minding my own that keeps on falling down to the ripped part of my heart.
"Just tell me and I'll set you free...baby..."
I say and she just weakly looks into my eyes while holding her breath.
Her whole body is trembling and even before she can pull out any word as she opens her mouth, Helena's dilated eyes roll up at the same time her weak body falls against my chest and she lost consciousness.
(A/N: Johnny just had no choice but to let her go now... This has been too much for Helena to handle...as well as for the twins... You can tell me what you think... Don't hesitate to leave a comment cause they help me greatly on developing this story. I'm on a hurry to finish this because I'll be busy starting next week so I'm speed typing so I can post chapters as much as possible. I just hope that you can give me some insight as well.
And oh!!! Thank you very much to all the good readers who are supporting me with their votes and comments! You make me really happy and inspired!) Deppsrelatives emma_bellatrix @boredoneday bellatrixlestrange48 meggymoo31 @gabichuichooseyou
If you can help me promote the story to your Helenaist and Depphead friends too, that would be great! But really, your votes and comments mean a lot to me! Thank you! Thank you!