The ride home consisted of me switching stations from and trying really hard to forget that I wanted to Will in the middle of nowhere, well not nowhere exactly but a girls first time with her boyfriend should be amazing and romantic. That was not cool Blake. How will you get rid of this feeling. At some point I started scrolling through my phone looking at nothing, just trying to make myself busy.
"Hey," Will called out, I hadn't realised we had reached home. I was too zoned out in my world of worry. "You are beautiful, very beautiful to me. I can't wait to have you in all ways but I want it to be..."
"Can we stop talking about that." I couldn't take another reminder of what I had been trying. "Call me when you're home." I went for the door but his hand held me back. Not forcefully in a hurtful way but in a way to show he doesn't want me to leave yet and just like in queue my body and everything obeyed as I straightened myself. I wasn't mad just deep almost hitting the bottom of the embarrassment pool.
"I am sorry," how he cupped my chin and made me look into his deep sexy eyes was hard for me to trace it. "I really am Blake." i felt his sorry when he kissed me. A light kiss that made me melt.
"It is ok, it ain't your fault." I managed to speak when he pulled away. It wasn't his fault but damn if this was a way to make him act like that then I should do this more often. "I am sorry Will." he kissed me again, then kissed me lightly on my forehead.
The lights in the living room was on, it is odd since by thus time Cindy is usually asleep. I peeked at my phone to see if I had missed a call but there was none. I opened the front door hopping for the best but preparing for the worst. If it is Cindy, ignore her.
"Where had you been?" I am greeted with Cindy's high voice standing up at my entrance in the room joined by Tom. "What time is it?" She sounds mad.
I looked at the wall clock above their heads. "Eleven thirty." I shrugged.
"Tom do you believe this, she thinks it is ok," she turned to me. " You can't be leaving this house without saying where you are going and coming back when ever you want." she pulled away from Tom's hand on her shoulder and stepped closer to me.
"I was picked up and dropped back." honestly I didn't get. The big deal but still I kept my voice low.
"She thinks it's okay to go out with that Holders guy. Will is not good for you young lady." her finger was pointed at me. Is she seriously telling me what to do. Breathe Blake, breathe.
"Now go upstairs." I walked upstairs just to avoid drama because my blood felt like it was boiling. "This is my house and you follow my rules. I am not Laura, I have rules."
Oh no she didn't go there. Like a volcano erupted I spun on my spot"Listen up you monster, I don't and never wished to be here. This is the last place I want to be right now. I can't stand with your too miss goody shoes that is a fake. You won't tell me who is good and who is not. I make those mistakes and I learn from them. It is all me nothing to do with you.. "
" Blake.. " Tom's voice was louder than I have ever heard in my life. I can't believe he is taking her side.
" There is one thing you are right about, you are not my mother." I ran to my room banging the door with Tom calling behind me. I didn't want to cry once I had laid on my bed but the tears couldn't stop from spilling out. It was like someone had opened up all the years of pain I had felt. I cried at what Tom did, how he left mum and I, how he chose to defend Cindy instead of me. I cried at the memory of my mother. I miss her. I want her to hug me. To hold me.
I didn't know how long I cried for but I remembered what I had promised mum and stopped. Maybe I should avoid them more often. Why isn't Judy here when I needed her.
I needed some water. I tip toed down the hallway still in my shoes avoiding to wake anyone up. I heard low voices coming from the kitchen, I couldn't make out who they were so I moved closer careful than before.
"Laura messed up Clare's life so don't tell me to go easy on her." the mention of my mother's name made me more curious.
"But Cindy, she is just a child. She has no idea what is going on. She is the innocent one here." Tom seemed more cautious thn Cindy with his tone.
"A kid my foot Tom, it is about time she found out what her mother did."
"Stop it Cindy, I won't let you talk about Laura like that." Tom rose his voice.
"Find out what? " I couldn't take the way they spoke about my mom like she was a thug or something. " What do I need to know? " I looked from Tom to Cindy.
" Yes Tom, tell her." her white flowy dress rose up a bit when she held placed both her hands on the counter turning to Tom.
I saw hurt on Tom's face and denial.
"If you won't tell her then I will. I will let her know how much damage her mum did to my twin sister." I have always known Cindy was the she devil but the look in her eyes then made her look even worse. "Well, your mother and my sister Claire were collage roommates when she was in the USA. They became friends so fast and being honest I never liked Claire. They went for a trip in New York where Clare met Tom and..." Tom cut her short and I had never been glad. "What she needs the truth."
"Not now Cindy."
"I thought so." she looked at me before continuing, "Well your mother stole Tom from my pregnant twin sister and that made my sister loose it. She got into drugs after she gave birth and she got into an accident going to get her fix. Unfortunately she died and her daughter Georgia didn't but do you know what the price the innocent girl had to pay?" tears were flowing non stop. I wasn't believing my ears. This explains a lot. Like why Tom left. Why Cindy hates me. "She suffers from permanent brain damage and that's what we do after every two weeks. We go to see her."
"Is this true. Please tell me it's not." I looked at Tom to say that that this is not true. His silence was loud enough. He never loved me or my mother. Why am I miles away from mom. I need. Her now more than before. I need air, I have to get some air or I will go insane. I feel like the walls are caving in on me.
"Where are you going? " Cindy's annoying voice came after me and stopping wasn't an option for me. All I knew I needed some air.
I did what I usually do walk. I didn't care where I was was walking to or run. I hadn't walked far when a car pulled over a few feet from me. I usually pray and this will be the second time I have prayed even harder for it not to be a serial killer. My eyes were blurred from the crying that I didn't notice Chris getting out from the car and calling my name.
"What are you doing alone and looking like this?" his questions were like a hit again because this time the cries were accompanied by light sobs. "Do you want me to take you home?"
"No, please not there."
"Have you called Judy?"
"No." he was leading me to his car. He punched something on his phone and I assumed he was texting Will.
We arrived at their gate and found Will outside. He parked inside with Will behind. He opened my door before I did and pulled he in for a hug. Well, that didn't help at all because my tears poured more.
"Shush baby, tell me what's wrong."
"Can we not talk about it now."
"Take this." Chris handed me a glass of water once we were inside and my sobs had subsided. I gave him a thank you nod before washing down the saltiness in my throat. "You can spend the night if you don't want to go home." he took the other seat beside me, Will hadn't let go of me the whole time.
"No it's ok, I don't want to get your parents all worked up and all." I looked over to Will who was now rubbing his thumb in circles on my back.
"They are not around, you could sleep in the guest room or.. "he peeked over to Will, " in with Will."
"She will sleep with me." his reply was the one that stated you have no say in it and honestly I liked it.
"Can I go to bed? please." I put the glass down after a few more sips. "Chris can you text Judy for me and tell her where I am." Will held out his hand and led us out of the kitchen that resembled Cindy's but it had evidence of children in the house. The fridge had paintings of six year olds, the twins. The lighting was a bit darker due to the chandelier hanging high. The floor was black marble unlike Cindy's white one with steel finish to everything. The cabinets were wood and warm. Everything was warm and welcoming.
I had never been to the Kellers and as much as it was my first time here and in tears I couldn't stop noticing how beautiful the place is. Will led us to the back to the pool area. I wanted to sleep not to hang by the pool.
"I sleep in the pool house." he sensed my stillness.
The place was small but enough for a guy like him. He had a mini fridge with a sizable bed. His black carpet matched his covers and bathroom door. There was a desk that held a few books with his desk top, on the side was an acoustic black guitar. The closet door was open revealing his black and gray array of t-shirts and jeans. I stepped in the small space holding my hands on my chest still in my clothes from the date. Will hugged me once he had closed the door. The tight warm hug was all I needed. He pulled away and sat me on his bed. He pulled my clothes out leaving me in my underwear mean while his eyes never left mine. He went over to his closet and pulled a gray sweatshirt. He helped me in it. We got under the warm covers where he pulled me close to his bare chest and jeans covered body. My face was to his chest and hands held close to me. I was surprised at how comfortable I was. In that moment I felt alright, I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. I felt safe being where I was.
Hours past with his hand around me and breath still the same, it had not reduced or increased, he is awake. Guilt swept over me as I am the one who is keeping him awake. "Will, I am fine. You can sleep." he squeezed me even tighter to him letting out a heavy breath.
"No you are not."
"I really am." I tried to convince myself out loud and it didn't work. No one will be alright after finding out that they have a sister who is permanently brain damaged and that her dad intended to marry another woman before their mother. This was too much for a poor motherless child who is miles away from home.
"When my mother died I had to stay with my dad." Will's voice cut through the darkness pulling me away from my thoughts. "He was a drunkard with bad gambling debts. We were ok, the first two years that is. On my thirteenth birthday my friends and I decided we are going to have a small stupid games party at my house. Everyone around knew him as a drunkard, a harmless one in that matter but that night... "he took in a deep breath and I had an idea of where this was heading but I tried to tell myself that I was in it way over my head. " he came home drunk, threw my friends out and sent me to my room after a few curses at me and my dead mother. When I had slept, I was woken up with a punch on my back. His excuse was that he called me and I didn't answer. Since then it was easy to hit me until he ran out of excuses. It was bad, he broke my hand and I had a few black eyes to school."
"Why are you telling me this." I cut him off.
"Just so you know that you are not alone in issues that hurt. Mine was physical... "he tensed and stiffened before continuing, " unless he hit you. Did he hit you Blake? " he sat up so fast with anger threatening to overpower the darkness in the room.
" No Will.... "I quickly put my hand on his back to reassure him that it wasn't physical at all. " If it was going to be physical I think I was the one who could have been raining some blows on Cindy."
I felt his body relax under my palm but not completely, it's like he isn't buying it but choosing to. "I just found out that I have a step sister." he turned lifted his head from his palms to look at me. The moon that was out helped with seeing some of his reactions. "And Cindy is not the mother instead its her twin sister who was friends with my mom. Tom was dating her before my mom and left her for my mom when she was pregnant. Cindy is pining everything on my mom like it was her fault. Tom is the one on the wrong here." Tears were stinging my eyes. I felt Will's huge hands on mine rubbing slowly. "The sad part is that she also blames my mom for her sister's death and her daughter's brain damage." I struggled and managed to find Will's eyes in the moonlight room without tears spilling out. Well, what Will has gone through can't be compared to mine. "I know it ain't as bad as yours but the fact that someone is blaming the sweetest person in the world of screwing someone else's life and that person is your harmless mother then it hurts Will, it really does."
This is new, no tears. At all.
"I totally understand your pain Lakke." he moved up and gave a tight hug. His scent filling every inch of my small nose trills.
He pulled us back under the covers and slept took over me as if it was waiting for me to just share my issues with him.