It's now been nearly a year since Holden and I have discovered we are mates, nearly year of heartache and pain, feeling his pleasure and emotions towards other girls. My friends have noticed something was wrong from day one, but I never told them, I haven't told anybody about mine and Holden's arrangement, but I hope that changes once we graduate this year, hopefully I will finally become his mate.
"What are thinking about?" Amber asked looking at me from the shot gun seat, I turn to face her, she had dyed her hair a golden blonde for her sophmore year, it has certainly gotten her more attention, more than I liked, not because I was jealous, but she was my little sister.
"Nothing, just drama, you know, the usual" she smiled, after Zayn guys at our school started to notice Amber as dateable, and do-able, she hasn't lost it yet, that much I know, but I'm worried about the day she finally does, I mean, the first time sucks, it hurts and it's awkward everything you don't want it to be, it's the third or fourth time that things start to get better. For me, I lost count, I've had sex with Holden so many times just to satisfy him, sometimes I think the fact that we're mates is the only thing that stops me from rejecting him. Watching other mated couples in unbearable, how defensive and protective he is over her, how he doesn't look at anybody else and everything he does is for her, he would protect her no matter what and no matter how many times Holden says it, I just can't believe him even though I know he's telling the truth.
"Are we going to get out of the car now?" she giggled, looking around at the bare parking lot, I must have really zoned out, "We've already received weekend detention" she sighed opening up her door. I stepped out to, wishing I had worn something warmer, something other than my short navy blue dress and leather jacket, my legs were freezing in my hightop converses.
Inside the school heaters made the hallway nice and warm, I parted with Amber at the office and I headed to my homeroom. Walking in I got the attention of everyone in the class, something I was used to but still didn't like,
"Ah, Miss Dexter, nice of you to grace us with your presence. Take a slip and sit down" I walked over to the detention tray and pulled out a slip I would have to have the office lady sign at the end of the day. Mr Ruben was really cracking down on us, probably because exams are only a couple months away and none of us can afford to miss any time off school. Moving to my usual spot, Cooper sat with Holden at the back and Taylor was beside me, we had become pretty good friends, seeing as none of my friends are in my homeroom, he was all I had to talk to. I found out that he had come from Australia, and moved back here with his parents after his mom caught his dad cheating and they decided to get back together and work things out. Only to have his mom die in an animal attack.. He drives a motorbike and is a boxer, he was quite cute for a human and he had the attention of all the human girls, they actually think they'll have a chance with him, instead of wasting all their efforts on Holden and Cooper.
"Don't worry, I got one too" Taylor leaned over and whispered, showing me his slip, I smiled,
"Looks like we're going to be detention buddies" I heard Holden growl under his breath, not loud enough for humans to hear, but I heard and it irritated me.
"Why were you late?" he asked,
"Lost track of time, you?"
he smiled "I had to walk, my bike got confiscated by my dad when I broke curfew" I almost couldn't contain my laughter,
"Oh you badass" I giggled, getting dirty looks from Mr Ruben and Holden. "If you need a lift home this afternoon, I can drop you home" I turned to face him, his brown eyes, sandy curled hair and tanned skin, I could tell he had muscles underneath his hooded jacket. Suddenly I found myself fantasizing about what it would be like to see him, all of him, but quickly snapped myself out of it.
"That'd be awesome" he smiled at me and I could tell he was imagining just what I had been imagining about him, it brought a blush to my lips, Holden was getting even more agitated by the minute.
When the bell went Holden pulled me into the small janitors closet like he had done so many times before.
"What do think you're doing?" he growled at me, flicking the light on, his green eyes were no longer beautiful and calm, they were sharp and angry,
"I was trying to walk to first period" he gritted his teeth and moved closer and I found myself hitting the cold brick wall,
"I meant with Simmons" he growled,
"Why do you care?" I pushed Holden away from me,
"I see the way he looks at you" Holdens voice became soft,
"News Flash, nearly every guy looks at me one way or another" surely he realized that.
"I don't want you to drive him home" my look turned dangerous I could see it in his eyes,
"You don't get to tell me what to do, I'm not breaking any of your rules. So i'm going to drive Taylor home and there is nothing you can do to stop me" I growled and burst out of the janitors closet.
Holden was missing for the rest of the day, I didn't see him at lunch, sitting with Micky, Quinn, Lianna, Alexis, Jeremy and Taylor they took my mind off him which I really needed, I don't think I've laughed that much in a long time, I certainly never get to joke with Holden, he's too serious and the only time we spend together is when we're having sex and I always feel ashamed afterwards that I leave straight away. I didn't want to upset him and seeing how upset he was in the closet has had my wolf in a broody mood all day, so I made a mental note to go an talk to him.
Amber got a lift home with one of her friends like she always does, so it was just me and Taylor in an awkward silence as we rounded corners and went over bridges to get to his house on the far side of town. His house was simple and quaint, a little girl was playing in the front yard who looked a lot like Taylor and a man was watching her from the door way,
"That's my dad" he said when he caught me staring. "You want to come in?" he asked, red rising in his cheeks, I felt bad for him,
"I would love to, but my mom has me running arends for her. So some other time?" I felt bad lying to him like that, but I don't even tell my bestfriend that I go to see Holden, I wasn't going to tell him that.
"Ok, i'll see you tomorrow" I nodded, sticking around just long enough to see him scoop the little girl in his arms and have her squeal from him tickling her, I was surprised when she waved me goodbye but found it some what charming and comforting.
It took a little bit longer than planned to get to Holdens, I just hope he wasn't out training with Cooper or one of the other guys, I hate turning up to his house and him not being there, I get so uncomfortable. Getting out of the car all the weres outside the house stopped their chatter, and just stared, not unusual but some of the looks they were giving me made me start to worry, what did they know that I didn't? I made my way inside, going around all the corners until I came to the stairs,
"Lily" I turn to see Luna June coming out of her husbands study, bowing my head in respect I don't look up until she tells me too, "is Holden expecting you?" she asked,
"No, Luna, we had a falling out at school and I wanted to come and rectify the problem" she glanced anxiously upstairs and my worry turned to anxiousness. "May I go see him?" I asked, I knew she heard the anxiousness in my voice, she knew I was more than a regular fuck to Holden, that he felt something for me but she didn't know I was his mate. Giving a sigh of defeat, she nodded and I took to the stairs two at a time, reaching the top I came face to face with Cooper, his brown eyes looking at me in surprise,
"You might not want to see Holden right now" he said glancing at the stairs that led to the top floor which had been transformed into Holden's little apartment.
"Why not?" he knew I had caught him, that he couldn't lie,
"He has a girl up there" what else is new, I rolled my eyes,
"It's not the first time I've walked in on him with a girl, whether he's screwing her or not. I need to talk to him" I went to step around Cooper but he just stepped in my way again,
"You really don't want to go up there" he said, nervousness flouded his voice and I knew I had to see for myself,
"Move, Cooper" I said and pushed passed him. Racing up the small stairs, I got to the apartment and I heard sex groans,
"Holden I need to talk to-" but my words caught in my throat when I saw just who he was fucking, lying underneath him, fully naked, was Blonde haired tanned skin Amber. My baby sister, he went as far as to fuck my little sister. Amber gasped in shock and tried to hide her naked body from me and Holden looked like he just got caught committing a murder, he had signed his own death warrant.
"You bastard" I whispered, but I knew he heard,
"Lily, it's not what it looks like" he was going to play that card was he?
"Don't fucking speak. For a whole fucking year I let you sleep with hundreds of girls and I went by silently even though it broke my heart but this has crushed my heart into nothing" Amber looked from Holden to me, Holden had slid off her and was trying to pull his pants on. Finally it clicked for her, her face looked sick with horror, jumping off the bed and grabbing her clothes,
"You mother fucker" she yelled at him, but I just turned and ran, leaving Amber and Holden behind, passing Coopers sadened eyes, and his mothers pitying looks. Hearing my name being yelled out by Holden but I didn't stop,
"Lily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know" Amber pleaded to me, tears in her eyes, but I was too angry, too heartbroken, my wolf urged me to run to Holden and forgive him, his wolf was her mate but I wouldn't do it, not this time, that was the last straw, I can't take it anymore. I looked passed her to Holden who came sprinting towards me,
"Lily, Baby, i'm sorry, please don't go" he begged, the wolves outside came closer to watch. I refused to let the tears spill from my eyes.
"Go to hell Holden. I want nothing more to do with you" I yelled at him and his face looked the most hurt I had ever seen it, but I refused to let it affect me,
"Baby, please, don't do this" he stepped closer so I stepped forward, mustering all the courage I had left inside of me.
"I, Lily Dexter, reject you, Holden Knight, as my mate, from this day forth I abjure you"
No, Take it back. my wolf pleaded with me, but I would not. Holden looked like he had seen a ghost, his face went white as I saw my words take affect, my wolf was crying inside me, scratching at my insides to reconsider but I wouldn't, I couldn't. All the werewolves around me stood in mock horror as they realise what I was all along, his mate and what he had put me through. Even Cooper looked shocked by my sudden decision, I looked at Amber who just stood there, her top lamely done up and her boots hanging from her hands.
"Drive her home, Cooper" I said and he nodded, while Amber gave me a look of disbelief,
"Lily I'm sorry" she cried but I couldn't even look at her. Holden made no attempt at stopping me which hurt even more, he just stared at me, his green eyes filled with so much hurt it pained me to the point I was about to keel over but I managed to draw my eyes away from him and get in my car, flooring it so I was going the max speed. Now I allowed the tears to come and they came and came for days, I hadn't talked to Amber in a week, I went to school with a cool facade but when I got home the tears came again. Whenever he tried to talk to me I just surrounded myself with humans and my friends who found out what had been going on between us and made sure he couldn't get to me, but Alexis was upset I never told her anything but didn't push it seeing how fragile I had become.
When summer arrived I managed to stay away from Holden, going through the seperation period wolves go through when they reject their mate. But not matter how far away I got, I could still feel him, his thoughts always pointed towards me and where I am. My thoughts always on him, it doesn't get easier with time or seperation, the connection is still there, I can still feel him, his pain, his pleasure as he tries to get rid of the hurt. He shouldn't have treated me like that, like my heart was a toy, it just wasn't right and he'll see just how wrong he'd been.