Picture of Nate over there ----------------------------->
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I'd decided enough was enough. If I wanted to live a life that centred around what I wanted, and not other people, why was I suffering through Psychedelic Disadvantage? I didn't like the band. I really didn't like William. So what was the point?
The band just didn't stand for what I wanted. Not just William, but David and Taylor too, were only in it for the money and fame that becoming famous could bring. That wasn't what music meant to me, so why did I keep on trying to fit in with them, keep on changing things I wanted so I could carry on with them?
It was three weeks after the disaster performance at Smithy's and the guys had nursed their hurt feelings after I had scoffed at them and not turned up for the rehearsal. They were back to normal. The songs were stereotypical, the shed still too perfect and William still...William.
So, enough was enough.
I wasn't sure how to break it to them - harshly, get it over and done with? Softly, ease the blow? In the end, I just wanted it finished. I couldn't stand the band anymore. And the poster offering an audition with Kick the Crown still teased me every time I went to Amor Musicis. However, their audition date crept closer, and I knew the time was catching up with me.
I had looked up Kick the Crown on the internet, and like what I saw. As in, really liked it. The lead singer, a guy named Nate, sang with an intensity and passion that you only really heard when listening to an old band. The guitarist, Freddie, played the most complicated pieces without breaking a sweat, and the drummer, Chris, thumped out beats that reverberated through the ears and soul of the listener.
Its safe to say I was a fan. A big one. I wanted that place in the band, I wanted to help them make music - music that seemed to have meaning with every word, every chord. I wanted it bad.
So when I walked into the shed on the morning of the Kick the Crown auditions, I knew I was almost out of time. If I didn't do it now, it would be too late to even try for the band I had accumulated a new love for. Time to take the initiative and end it. And then start over again and actually like it.
I breathed deeply on my way there. I would end it with Psychedelic Disadvantage, then go across town to where the auditions were taking place and try out. Simple.
"Hey guys," I said awkwardly as I entered the shed. Alicia grinned from her place on the sofa and the guys mumbled hellos.
William was speaking, as usual. "So I was think we could maybe go through There, There again? We need to spruce it up a bit, and I was thinking we could also-"
"I need to talk to you guys," I cut off his tirade.
David frowned at me. "What's up?" He asked.
"Erm, I'm leaving." I said, bluntly.
"Where you going?" William asked, obliviously.
I rolled my eyes. "Nowhere. I meant, I'm leaving the band."
William blinked, but David and Taylor shrugged at each other. "What?" I snapped at them. "You don't care?"
"No," Taylor said. "We just knew this was coming."
"What do you mean?"
"Come on, Lyra. We knew you hated the band from the moment you heard us first play. You tried to make us how you wanted, gave up, and now you're moving on. Its OK." David said.
I stared at him. "Right." I said finally. "So you don't mind that I'm ditching you guys?"
Taylor shook his head. "If you're not happy, why stay?"
William suddenly sputtered back to life. "Wait a minute! You're our lead singer, and you're just leaving?!"
I nodded.
"But....but..." He stammered. "That's not fair!"
I shrugged. "This band just isn't for me, William. Sorry."
"What do you mean, it isn't you?!" He exploded.
"I mean, your songs have no meaning or soul, you're an arrogant idiot and I'm glad to be rid of it." I shot, narrowing my eyes.
"Will," Alicia said, "Calm down."
"Guys, I think you should leave," William said. "Lyra and I need to have a talk."
I sighed. "This really isn't that big of a deal, William. Stop over reacting."
"Guys, get out." He said.
Alicia smiled sadly, but exited with David. Taylor hung back to say, "Don't be so childish, Will." But then followed them out.
I raised my eyebrows. "Well?"
William sauntered over to lean against the sofa next to me. "I think I know why you're so keen to go, Lyra."
I frowned. "Because I hate the band and it isn't what I want?"
"Because you're worried."
"About what?" I asked, incredulously.
"About your attraction for me."
I choked on air. "Excuse me?!"
"Come on, Lyra, we both know it. You just want to be close to me, all the time." He leaned forwards towards my face, his gaze flickering to my lips. I leaned away. "And that's fine. "
I scowled and stepped back. "I really don't see you that way. And now I'm going to go." I said, striding to the exit. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I stared at him, not liking the way this was heading.
He was right in my face as he said, "Don't lie." And then he crashed his lips too mine, painfully. I squirmed and tried to escaped, but his hands were on my back, trapping me. I wriggled, pushing on his chest with my hands, but he didn't seem to notice.
In the end, I bit his lip. Hard.
"OW!" He yelled. "What was that for?"
I slapped in the face so hard my hand tingled. "You sick jerk."
"Lyra-"
"No, listen." I cut him off, wiping my mouth on the edge of my shirt. "You ever try that again on any other girl, I will find you and cut off your hands." I said, blindly, sputtering the first threat that entered my head.
"That was disgusting, assumptive and just plain wrong." I ended, pushing him backwards.
He fell onto the sofa. "You know you want me, Lyra."
I leaned over him. "The only place I want you is in a hole in the ground far, far away from any kind of civilisation."
He scowled. "Stop over reacting. You know you liked it."
I stood on his foot. Good thing I was wearing heeled boots, otherwise I wouldn't have had the satisfaction of seeing him wince in pain. "Have a nice life."
I started to walk to the door, feeling intense hatred and anger bubbling underneath my skin.
"You kissed me back," He shouted accusingly from the sofa.
I did nothing but stick my middle finger up at him as I left the shed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I was still so angry when I arrived at the shabby music hall where the auditions were taking place for Kick the Crown. I joined a queue of other girls around my age, some a little older, at the door.
Thinking of William made me shake. How sick could one boy possibly be? I scowled heavily at the pavement. What an idiot. He took my first kiss, I thought madly. No. I would not count that as my first kiss, I would always count that as an act of violent, aggressive, stupidity enforced by an arrogant, angry, pent-up, idiotic, stupid, clueless, heartless piece of all-over-
"Its open!" Someone squealed behind me.
I looked to the front of the queue and saw that the doors were now open, and the line was starting to file in through them.
I couldn't process how important this moment was, because I was still so mad at William. He better hope I never catch him again.
I entered the hall, and saw that there was a circle of around twenty five stools set in a wide circle in the middle of the hall. There was no one else in the room. As everyone took a seat on a stool, it became clear that there was almost exactly the right number of chairs for the number of girls - there were just three seats left empty.
When we were all sat down, three men entered the room. I recognised them immediately - Nate, Chris and Freddie. They sat down in the three spare seats, and then Chris spoke to us.
"I'm Chris." He said. "And I drum for Kick the Crown. This is Freddie, our guitarist, and Nate, our lead vocalist and bass. Now, this isn't going to be like the usual kind of band audition."
The other girls frowned around themselves, but I was rubbing my lips again. It was like I could still feel William's mouth invading them again. His face swam in front of my eyes and I clenched my fists.
"So what we want you to do is, one by one, stand in the middle of the circle and sing a song of your choice. No music. Just your voice. We'll be watching you all. But before you sing, we want you to tell us the first thought that entered your mind when you heard of Kick the Crown." Chris continued.
I grinned. This actually sounded fun.
"Right. Lets begin." Chris pointed at a red headed girl wearing a short denim skirt and bows in her hair. "You first," He said. "Then the lady to your right, and so on."
This would mean I would be singing about halfway through.
The girl gulped, and then walked into the middle of the circle. "I'm Brittany," She said. "The first thing that I thought when I found you guys out is that you're really hot." She pointed at Nate, who stared uncaring. She then proceeded to sing Starships by Nikki Minaj. I almost covered my ears.
She wasn't that bad a singer, but focused too much on sounding like what she should sound like, not what would suit her voice better. And lets face it: Nikki Minaj? Really?
The next few girls were of the same variety. Then there was a petite girl who belted out some Tina Turner - she was brilliant, I really enjoyed listening to her. A few more of the nondescript. Then a young woman who sang David Bowie just a little off tune - but props for knowing the legend, at least. A girl who sang an orchestral song so beautifully that I got shivers. Then I was up.
I was still pent up with burning anger and hatred, and it was this kind of moment when those were not the ideal emotions to be feeling. I breathed deeply, and turned to the band members.
I huffed, trying to shake off the feeling of William's lips. "The first thing I thought of when I heard about Kick the Crown was that you-" I pointed to Freddie. "-have the same name as my hero."
I tried once more to clear my head. Then I realised that I hadn't planned a song to sing. Since I was angry, a faster song would be better - I had the emotion to go with it.
Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
I began the song, closing my eyes and finding that I didn't have search hard for the desperate, hard edged emotion I needed to accompany the song.
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?
I felt a kind of release in being able to finally sing something that I wanted, the way I wanted to. This was what I had been missing for so long.
Its always tease tease tease
You're happy when I'm on my knees
One day is fine, next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
It didn't sound the same without the trademark Spanish lyrics, but I made it work because I had to. All my hatred for William made the song sound rawer than normal, but I loved it.
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
This indecisions bugging me
If you don't want me, set me free
Exactly whom I'm supposed to be
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
Come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow?
I let myself go, I felt freer than I ever had when I sang. The days of cliché Seasons of Love type songs were behind me, as were the awful over-played rock songs. I was finally comfortable with singing in front of people, comfortable with singing what I wanted to.
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
When I finished, I opened my eyes again. They met instantly with Nate's, and I felt an intense shiver run down my spine.
"Can we ask you a few questions?" Freddie asked.
I blinked at him. They had said the same thing to some of the more notably good singers of the group. "Um, sure."
"What honestly made you choose that song?" Chris asked.
I shrugged. "I didn't plan any song to sing. I..uh, well something happened before I came here that made me angry. So I sang that because it seemed to fit, kind of." I admitted.
"Have you ever been in a band before?" Freddie questioned, stretching his legs before him.
I nodded. "Ah, yeah. I actually quit with them this morning. They were a desperate attempt to practise music but it was...Well, it was awful."
"Why?" asked Freddie.
"Because they had no soul in their music." I said truthfully.
"Why do you sing?" Nate asked, speaking for the first time. His voice was low, raspy. The kind that indicated a good singer. I fought back another shiver.
"Because I can't not sing." I answered him.
They thanked me and I sat back down. A few more singers went up, and some of them were really good, but no one else got asked any questions. Eyes were fixed on me, some of them the other girls, but most notably, Nate's.
When everyone had sang, Chris stood, thanked us all again and then indicated the door. It was clear that the auditions were over. "Can Lyra and Hayley remain behind, please?"
The other girls slumped a little, before trooping out of the door. I stayed in my seat, trying to disguise the fact that fireworks were exploding in my tummy - did this mean I was a contender for the band? I hoped so. I wanted the place more than anything, but Hayley was one of the other brilliant singers that had raised goosebumps on my arms. This made my heart sink just a little.
Hayley was the picture of rock. Her hair was blonde, in a short, pixie cut. Her eyes were rimmed with purple eye liner, and she was wearing fishnet tights with a black dress and combat boots.
I glanced at my Ziggy Stardust T-shirt, my black floaty skirt and purple Docs, the leather jacket draped on the back of my chair. My hair was pulled into a loose, wavy bun and I wore minimal make up. I hoped it would do.
Despite her appearance, Hayley gave me a small, nervous smile. I grinned back.
The band were in the middle of the circle. Nate stepped forward, "Basically, you didn't suck as bad as the rest of them."
Hayley looked a little taken aback at his bluntness, but I worked on keeping my face neutral.
Chris said, "We want you to sing a duet. You need to make it sound good enough to sell as a record, but also make it clear that you're competing for a spot in our band."
Freddie nodded. I noticed that he was the quietest of the group, that Chris seemed to take charge a little more, and that Nate was very...surly.
"We'll give you five minutes to decide on a song." Chris said, and they all sat back down on three of the empty seats.
Hayley and I met each other in the middle of the circle. "Um, hi." I said.
She smiled. "Hi. So what were you thinking?" Her voice was calm, but I could see the excitement and competition in her eyes. It was probably the same look in mine.
I thought for a moment. "Shall we give them a classic?"
"Definitely. Bowie?"
"And Queen?" I added.
"Under Pressure?" She said, raising an eyebrow. "Good choice. I sing better in lower notes, so can I take Bowie?"
I grinned. "I think I'd work better with Mercury anyway."
We smiled at each other, and then I said, "Wait." I turned to the band. "Sorry, but can we have music this time?"
Nate raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because the song we want to sing will sound better with it, and it'll help me take it more seriously, and because I want it." I said, seeing Hayley nod next to me.
Chris frowned. "I don't see why not."
Nate scowled. "Chris-"
"We need to see how they sound with us anyway, Nate. Let it go."
They brought in their instruments and set up. Hayley and I waited on the chairs for about half an hour while they tuned the guitars and made sure the pedals were positioned right. Turns out that Nate was really fussy about how tuned his guitar was.
Eventually, we go to sing.
Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
We sang the beginning together, and I noticed that Hayley and I actually sounded quite good together.
Splits a family in two I sang, waiting while Hayley sang the next line. Puts people on streets She sang.
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da - that's o.k. I sang, feeling the familiar challenge of singing Freddie Mercury. I loved it.
It's the terror of knowing
What the world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.k.
Hayley closed her eyes while she sang, which looked pretty impressive, I have to say. I, on the other hand, looked at the band, trying to get them to feel the same love for the song that I did.
Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
I sang the same words I must have sung a million times before, but this time it was different. This time, something might come from the song, something that might change the rest of my life. I hoped it wasn't too melodramatic to be thinking like that, that it wouldn't jinx me.
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Hayley sounded good. Too good. I knew I would have to hit the next, supremely high, difficult note spot on if I wanted to truly compete against her.
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
The note was hard, and I had to really try the hardest I ever had. Underneath it, Hayley sang, Love love love love love before singing, Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking,
I burst in with the next line, feeling the euphoria of singing such a beautiful song take over my voice, Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
Hayley glanced at me as she began the next verse, 'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
We finished the song together, And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
I smiled at the stars as we sang that last word, Pressure.
Breathing deeply, I turned to Hayley. "Wow." I said. "You were amazing!"
"No - that note! You were just fantastic!" She said, and we both laughed.
Nate stood. "Yeah, we're all just brilliant. You can go now, we'll contact you soon on the phone numbers you left at the door."
I frowned at him. "Well, alrighty then."
Hayley shrugged. "Bye." She said, before walking out of the hall. Her steps echoed.
I looked at the band again, feeling the familiar pang of desperation. I wanted to join them - to make music with them. But all I could do now was wait, I thought, as I was on my way back to the hotel. And wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And wait.
This was going to be such a long wait.
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OMG, I love this chapter. Seriously, I couldn't wait to introduce the members of Kick the Crown. (Don't ask why I called the band that - I dreamed them up. Like, a dream as in, I was asleep and it popped in my head. My imagination works wonders sometimes.)
I hope you're all liking reading it as much as I'm loving writing it!
XMX