That night the clubhouse was in full swing as all the brothers were called in for church and stayed for the party. I had a hunch what they were discussing and I hated the fact the entire club now knew my history, or at least most of it.
After the meeting ended that was when the party had started. And I was thankful that the noise and chaos was going to be the perfect cover for me.
Grabbing my backpack I opened my door to make sure the hallway was clear. With one last glance at the letters on the bed I closed the doors. Mac and Axel would be furious but it was better this way. Easier.
I knew with time any feelings I had for Axel would dissipate and that was a good thing. He liked variety and I refused to be in that type of relationship, not after my childhood. These past two weeks proved that. Sure we talked and not once did we discuss...us. Fuck there wasn't even an us to discuss so I couldn't really be pissed about that. I was thinking my infatuation was one sided.
After I got beat up and then stormed out of the clubhouse, he never came to check up on me, but sent Mac instead. That action spoke louder than any words, I wasn't worth his time. Then a few days later he stormed in after the shootout at the club. I thought once I was here he would man up and things would progress,yeah that didn't happen.
I finally acknowledged that his interest in me was purely a man protecting a woman and nothing more. Sure at first he just wanted in between my legs but once that didn't work out he moved on. But I won't lie that a part of me hoped that Axel and me could give it a shot. Shit when did I start believing in fairytales?
But I liked he man. He was smart and had a wicked sense of humor, at least when he let his guard down. We could talk about nothing for hours and although it was about nothing it was something.
Christ I sound like a hallmark card. I so needed to leave.
As I skirted around the back of the kitchen I quietly skimmed against the wall. The door that looked out over the bar area was wide open, giving me a full view of none other than Axel and some skank together. From the looks of it she was straddling his lap, his pants opened and she was sucking on his neck, they were seconds away from fucking and I didn't want to see that.
Yeah I obviously wouldn't be missed. I ignored the pain that encompassed my chest and pushed to move on.
See Disney totally had it wrong.
The view solidified my decision to run. I didn't need this bullshit when my life was on the line.
Silently closing the door behind me I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew that my car was parked around back and I prayed the key was in the car, if not I could hot wire it if need be. Thank heavens my friend Nix taught me that little technique.
I finally reached my destination and slithered into the car. Luck was on my side when I saw the keys dangling in the ignition. Tossing my bag onto the front seat I started the car and headed towards the gates. I just hoped my plan worked.
The prospect keeping guard approached my window. Recognizing me he reached for his cell.
"Hey Mike right? I need to get to the club fast, Mac is slammed since most of the brothers headed over there. Man when you guys let loose you sure know how to do it."
"Um...I need to..." He fumbled as he unlocked his phone.
"No what you need to do is open the fucking gate before Mac chews my ass out for being late and there is no telling what he will do when he finds out you were the one to hold me up."
The poor prospect's face drained of color as he motioned for the gate to be opened. Thank god he feared Mac like I hoped.
"Straight to the club and no detours."
"You got it Mike and thanks, head on down once your shift is over, first drink is on me."
With a quick wave I drove out of the compound as fast as I could. Thank God the idiot didn't know that Mac was inside the building, sitting right next to Axel. Sending up a quick thank you to whoever was on my side I headed towards to my place.
Ten minutes later I was back on the road.
I figured I would put a few hours in tonight and rest come morning. I needed the miles between me and any remaining SOD...and the Renegades. I had a sick feeling in my stomach that I was making a huge mistake but I ignored it. Axel, Mac and the brothers didn't need to deal with my shit. Hopefully the SOD left them alone once they realized I was gone.
The hotel was cheap, close to the freeway and the type of place that didn't ask questions...everything I needed. The room wasn't too bad and at this point I was so tired it didn't matter. Collapsing on the bed I didn't even bother taking off my shoes as I planned on leaving the second I woke.
But it wasn't my alarm on my phone that had me jumping up, it was the pounding on the door. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was five in the evening, shit I didn't plan on sleeping that long.
Grabbing my Taser from the table I moved to see who was on the other side.
"Dammit Harley open the fucking door. We know you are in there."
Shit...Axel. How the fuck did they find me so fast. Unlocking the door I opened it and stepped aside. Axel and Mac both stormed through checking their surroundings.
"I am fine...what the fuck do you both want?"
"What the fuck is your problem running off like that? You are under our protection and we can't fucking protect you if you keep skipping' town."
"Dammit Axel, I didn't ask for your protection or your help. Why can't you leave me the fuck alone? I have survived the last eight years fine on my own, I don't need you."
"Maybe because you have finally found people that give a damn about you, did you ever think of that?"
"I wrote you..."
"Fuck your Dear John letters...I don't want your gratitude I want you safe. Why is that so fucking hard for you to understand?"
"Maybe because I don't believe you. Sure I know Mac cares, hell he has been more of a father to me in these last months than my own ever was...but you, yeah I find that hard to believe. I am done being messed with."
"That's bullshit, you are just running scared. Grow the fuck up! And think of someone besides yourself for once."
"Of course I am scared, hell I have spent every day since my father was murdered living in fear. I know that if Hunter got his hands on me again, I would beg for death. So don't you dare stand there an act like you even understand one iota of what the fuck I live with on a daily basis, I don't need to add your shit into the mix."
I was so pissed, how dare he barge in here and judge me. He didn't wake up nights screaming from nightmares, past experiences. He didn't constantly look over his shoulder wondering if today was the day that you would return back to hell.
Mac tried to soothe me but for once it wasn't working. His comforting touch did nothing in calming me down.
"I give a damn...more than you know."
"Oh really. Did you give a damn when Misty, Bridget and Peggy were stuffing their breasts in your face last week? Or how about last night when your sweet butt was making her way down your chest to give you a blow job. Did you give a damn when you came in her mouth? Take your words and shove them up your ass Axel, like I said before I don't need your shit. Now get the fuck out of my hotel room and leave me the fuck alone."
Guilt graced his face as he stood there letting my words sink in. But then it was replaced with something else...something I didn't understand, nor did I want to.
"Mac – get out."
"Axel, man..."
"I said get out. You know that I would never lay a finger on her."
Sighing he turned. The door slammed as Mac stomped out, swearing the whole way. Axel's eyes never once left mine the entire time, when the door was finally closed he slowly made is way towards me.
"Now let's get a few things straight. I am a free man and can fuck who ever I want, but that doesn't mean that I did. Yes I admit that I flaunted those girls in front of you for two reasons. One because my ego took a hit when you turned me down and the second because I didn't want to drag you into my world. You were an innocent in more ways than one."
He finally stopped once he had my back up against the wall and his arms caging me in. "After a few kisses I knew that you were inexperienced and I have certain tastes...I like to fuck and fuck hard. That day Mac showed up you backed away from me, nothing but fear in your eyes, I knew then I had to leave you alone. I did what I did to protect you from me as messed up as that sounds."
Did the man really not see how turned on I was that day? I was afraid but not of him, but of having sex and him seeing me naked. If Mac didn't show up I was prepared to go that final step.
"I have tried to stay away and forget you but you keep popping up. It is driving me crazy that I cannot get you out of my fucking mind. When you ran from the room last night, it took three guys to hold me back from running after you. So don't tell me I don't give a fuck, because I do."
"And the other woman..."
"Yes some of them yes, I fucked them but not all of them and definitely not last night. I won't lie, if the prospect didn't come in and see Mac I would have, I needed the distraction. That was all they were, nothing but distractions."
"Yeah and remember that I also grew up in a club and I also know that those distraction never go away. I will not stand by and allow any guy I am with to so easily replace me. I have spent my life alone and I fucking deserve someone to love me all the way, not only when it is convenient. So you can take your distractions and shove them up your ass. Now get the fuck out!"
Pushing him off me I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I was so tired of excuses. I deserved more dammit. Was that too much to ask? Just one guy, one fucking guy to look at me and love me completely. Its not like I expected him to drop to my knees from day one, but I did at least expect him to keep it in his pants while we figured things out.
I was not worthless and dammit I deserved to be treated with love and respect. Not be dicked around all in the name of "Protecting me."
Protecting me...what a crock of shit.