Chapter five:
“What’s with the face?” Ryan asked. He was wearing his cute vest and some skinnies. It seemed like he didn’t bother with his hair today because it was awfully messy, but some way, it was cute.
“Nothing I just thought..” I partially said. I looked straight down at both our feet.
“Thought what?” Ryan asked.
“That you weren’t talking to me,” I said in a low whisper.
Ryan didn’t reply for a moment. But then he replied, “Well here I am! Talking to you!” he said as he tried to pick my face up with his finger. His face was a few inches away from mine. He was partly bending down and tried to look into my eyes. Damn it! Did he just come down here to have another make out scene? “Look.. I got to talk to you.. Do you think you can get out of the house?” He asked as I regained eye contact.
I took a deep breath and nodded. I entered the house to find mom looking out the window of what we were doing. “MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?” I practically yelled at my mom.
She kept looking from the window, “I have to see what you kids are doing these days! For all I know you and Ryan could have been kissing!!” she told me, surprisingly calm. My eyes widened. She still didn’t know about what happened yesterday. But I knew if I did tell her, she would forbid me to ever set foot in Ryan’s house ever again. And I wasn’t going to risk that.
“N-no! Ryan and I are just friends!!! Either way! I’m going for a walk with Ryan!” I told her, shaking my head, and exiting back outside.
Ryan bit his lip. “You ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah. Um no Brendon?” I asked. It was strange to just hang out with just Ryan. It would have been strange to even hang out with just Brendon. I was used to being with both of them at the same time.
Ryan shook his head, “No, I have to talk to you about yesterday and a lot of other crap..” Ryan replied. I knew exactly what he was talking about when he said ‘other crap’ He was going to tell me about his father. Finally. I nodded my head as a reply. “Ugh yeah. So I need to um, well we need to go some place private,” he told me and he took my wrist and began to lead me some place.
We went a little passed the neighborhood. We headed to a pretty peaceful place. I had only seen it a few times. When we drove up here for the first time and when we bike ride sometimes. I’d always tell Ryan how beautiful I thought it was. We sat right underneath the huge oak tree.
“Soo..” I said after the long silence. Ryan wasn’t really good or ready to be talking about this. I noticed.
“Ok. Well. I’m going to share something really personal with you. And I don’t want you to tell anyoneabout this!! The only real person who really knows about this is Brendon, Spencer, and Jon,” Ryan told me. I began to nod, “Ok. Well the guy you saw yesterday was my father. He’s really, strange. Well not strange! He was actually in the Navy for a long time. I’m not really sure why, but I guess he was pretty pissed on how he was treated there. So he began to drink to swallow his feelings and memories away,” he looked at me and stopped to see whether he was listening, I was staring right at him the whole time.
“Well he swallowed everything away. He’s not good about talking about stuff. Him and mom split a long time ago because of this problem. I barley ever see her anymore because she has a ‘better’ family and life. She left my dad and I behind. Either way! Back to my father. He’s an alcoholic,” Ryan stopped again to see my face reaction. I didn’t change anything at all. I already knew. I was in no surprise. So Ryan continued, “Well, he’s been like that for awhile. He’s abusive at time. He thinks of me as a disappointment. Well that’s how I see it,” Ryan said, whispering the last two sentence. I couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it. I was attacked Ryan with a hug.
“Ryan your not a disappointment! Not to me, not to anyone else!!” I told him as I stuffed my head into his chest. Ryan hugged me closer while rubbing my back at the same time.
“Man this feels nice…” Ryan whispered into my ear.
“What does?” I asked, looking up from his chest. Man was he trying to do a hit move on me?
“I haven’t been hugged like this in a long time,” Ryan told me. I smiled at him, and brought our hug closer. We were so close to almost squeezing each other. He smelled like fresh laundered clothes.
I kind of forgot he was telling a story since we were together so much.. I pulled my head back, gave him some space, and said, “Keep going..” I wasn’t sure what Ryan was thinking. He was staring right at me. I took his hand and held it.
He smiled in return, and continued, “Well about yesterday. I have no idea what was going around in his head. He was telling me to kiss a girl who wasn’t even my girlfriend! But having he hadn’t seen a girl in the house with me for a while. He took his suspensions and went a head with them without another thought. I’m sorry that I kissed you. Its just.. Like I wanted to kiss you, its just not like that w-” I kissed Ryan. I leaned closer and just pushed his lips to mine. That was when I knew he did have feelings for me. “way…” Ryan finished as our lips grew apart. He looked at me with his innocent eyes. No smile, no expression.
Shit! I was wrong. He had NO feelings. His face showed nothing. He FELT nothing. Damn Emma your so fucking dumb! Ryan then got up and began to walk away. “RYAN I'M SORRY!” I called out to him.
Ryan left with a run.
Everything was not as how I expected to be, FML.
I could feel my eyes getting teary. So I shut them shut tight, and leaned against the tree. Trying to figure out what happened. Yes, a few tears did escape me. But was this going to be how it was to like Ryan Ross? To be receiving mixed messages. Was I even worthy enough?
I began to hear panting coming from someone. I opened my eyes to find Ryan breathing heavy right in front of me. He was holding a notebook and his guitar. Bending down, hands on his thighs, his face facing the floor. He sat down right next to me, still panting, and laid his head on my shoulder.
“D-don’t c-cry. I-I’m h-h-here,” he said as he stayed in that position for a while. He then looked right at me. His face right in front of mine. He wiped a tear from my eye and choose a page from his notebook and sat crisscross apple sauce on the ground, across of me, and began to sing. The song he wrote for me. His voice was so soothing, it was calm. You just had to love it.
As he finished, he looked at me, and said, “Ugh, yesterday Brendon told me that I should tell you everything about my dad and everything,” he sighed and looked at the pretty green grass.
“Ryan you know that if you don’t want to tell me. You don’t have to,” I said as I looked at his dress shoes. He was so weird. One day he’ll pull off the scene attitude. Then the next he’ll be all old 70’s guy.
“N-no. I want to. And I kind of have to..” Ryan replied. He was whispering.
“Why do you have to?” I asked as I popped my head up at him.
“Ugh.. Do you want to hear another song?? I have like a bunch..” Ryan said as he brought his book up to his face, hesitating. The only problem about that, was that the book was upside down.
“Ryan don’t change the subject!!” I told him as I crossed my arms, grimacing.
Ryan slightly set the book down from his face and looked at me with concern, “What makes you think that?” he asked.
“For one thing! The books upside down!!” I told them. I pointed at the book.
He looked at the book, then looked at me like I was crazy, and “No it isn’t!” he told me.
“Yeah so! Look at the front cover!” I told him, a side of annoyance in my voice.
He flipped the book to the front cover. He began to blush of embarrassment. “Oh.. Well when I first got it. I accidentally wrote in it backwards…” Ryan said.
“Sure..” I replied. I slightly rolled my eyes.
“I’m not lying! Look!” he pushed the book over to me. I opened it . And Ryan was right.
“Oh..” I replied. I could feel my face flushing with embarrassment. “S-sorry..” I handed him back his notebook and I kept my head down.
Before I knew it. I was tackled on the floor. Ryan began to hug me like crazy. His forehead was right on top of mine. I couldn’t help but ask, “Ryan what are you doing?”
He looked at me as if I were crazy, “If we’re going to date shouldn’t we at least get used to this attack hugs?” he asked.
I pushed him off me, “Dating??”