Chapter 1 - "You look lonely."
There's something undeniably comforting about dating your best friend. You know everything about them, you trust them, and it's obvious they care about you. Communication is never an issue and the physical side of the relationship has an exciting edge to it, a sense of being forbidden, yet still feeling natural and easy.
But then there's the romantic aspect—the need to make a special effort when you didn't before and not become complacent. Gossiping is rife around school with everyone speculating about how long something had been going on for, who made the first move, or why it had taken so long for such an obvious relationship to form.
When Matt and I got together, after being best friends for seven years, there was a buzz around the school. Everyone loved a piece of gossip, and this was no exception. Some people found it insanely romantic, others debated whether we were together just for convenience.
"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Jess asked me.
"Positive."
As my best friend headed off to buy herself some dessert, I turned my gaze to Matt's table. He was talking to his friends, laughing about something. Every now and then, his eyes would flicker in my direction but he remained in his seat. If you didn't know we were dating, then you wouldn't automatically assume it. Matt and I spent hardly any time together in school. While disappointing sometimes, I tried not to let it bother me; the time we spent out of school was good enough—great, in fact—and I was determined not to become one of those girls who constantly ditched her friends for a boy.
"You look lonely." Sam, an old friend, took a seat next to me.
"Jess just went for some dessert," I explained. "What's up?"
"Nothing's up. I just want your company. Is that so hard to believe?" He shot me a wink. "Seriously though, Smith. Long time, no speak. Did you watch the final?"
"Of course."
"Who did you want to win?"
"Nadal, obviously."
He snorted. "Djokovic all the way."
"Are you saying that because he won? Or did you actually support him?"
"I actually supported him!" he exclaimed, pretending to be hurt. "You think so little of me."
For the next few minutes, Sam and I dissected the game, debating whether skill or stamina was more important for a Wimbledon final.
"You and I should have a game someday," Sam then suggested.
"I don't think so." I shot him a small smile, not fancying my chances against his tall frame and obvious strength.
"Why not? You used to play all the time. You were brilliant if I remember correctly."
"I'm not so brilliant anymore. I haven't played much recently. My fitness is probably shocking, too."
"I had high hopes for you to be the next big thing," he said in an earnest tone, even though I could tell he was joking.
"Well, there's still hope yet," I said dryly.
As Sam replied, my attention was diverted elsewhere. Seeing that I was occupied, Jess had headed over to her boyfriend, Alex. When he saw her approach, Alex stood up. She'd suddenly become the only thing important to him at that moment and the rest of the diner might as well have not existed. She smiled up at him and he wrapped an arm around her waist, bending to kiss her lips in greeting. To an observer, the pair appeared madly in love. However when questioned on it, Jess was very flippant about her relationship with Alex. She didn't like going into detail and just said they were enjoying themselves.
It was far from a fling, though. They'd been dating a year, only a little longer than Matt and me. Plus, before Alex, Jess was very anti-dating. She said boys would just distract her from her work—and school was very important to Jess. Therefore, everyone knew things were serious between them. Jess' nonchalance was fooling no one.
After spending the remainder of the lunch break together, Sam walked me to class. I'd never been an overly chatty person, being more of an introvert than an extrovert, but Sam made up for that with his non-stop nattering. It wasn't that he intimidated me—we'd been friends for a long time and he was very easy to talk to—but sometimes it was nice to just listen rather than talk.
"What have you got?" he asked.
"French."
"Oh, Bonjour and all that."
My lips twitched in amusement. "I'll see you later."
He ruffled my hair affectionately and then continued down the corridor, every step oozing with confidence. For a moment, I felt a pang of jealousy. I'd give anything to be that confident and self-assured, yet it just came naturally to Sam. He was well-liked, lovable even, and always had something interesting to say. Part of my shyness definitely stemmed from insecurities and a fear that nobody would find me remotely interesting. It was one of the reasons Matt and I went so well together; after being friends for years, there was no need to worry about having to impress him. He was my first boyfriend, and pretty much the first boy who'd been properly interested in me. It worked out well for both us. Really well.
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The afternoon passed slowly. My thoughts were already on tomorrow afternoon, which I'd be spending with Matt. Though it sometimes bothered me that we didn't see each other much at school, in a way it made the time we spent alone much better; I appreciated it more. And while I sometimes doubted Matt's affection for me at school, I never doubted it when we were alone. He hung onto my every word and kissed me like his life depended on it. Even though we never normally went out on dates together, spending time alone in his room gave us a chance to just concentrate on ourselves.
"What are you doing this weekend?" Kat asked me as we headed to our lockers after the final bell. "Fancy going out tomorrow evening? We could stay local or head into London?"
Kat was the third member of our little friendship group. Thinking back, it was strange that we'd all become such close friends because we couldn't really be much more different from one another. While Jess was hard-working and studious, Kat was carefree and rebellious. While Jess hated talking about her relationship, Kat loved bragging about her various hook-ups. Somehow, though, it worked for us.
"I think I'm seeing Matt," I told her, shooting an apologetic smile in her direction. "Sorry."
She shrugged. "No worries. Any gossip from Sam at lunch?"
"Not really. We were talking about the tennis."
"Is it true that he went on a date at the weekend?"
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "I didn't hear that. I can ask him about it, though. I hope he did. He deserves it."
"Still got a soft spot?" she teased.
I smiled. "No. He's just a nice guy who deserves a nice girl."
"Well, question him about it, and then relay the gossip back to me. See you on Monday."
"Okay." I leant to give her a quick hug. "Sorry again about tomorrow."
"No worries. Have a nice time with Matt."
I'd opened my mouth to apologise again when my name was shouted. "Hey, Smith!" Sam called from further down the corridor. I glanced over my shoulder. "I'll book the court for Sunday!"
"I'm busy Sunday," I called back, turning back to my locker and shoving the key in.
"Yeah, busy playing tennis with me," he said, his voice coming from closer this time. "I'll text you to arrange a time."
And before I could argue, he'd walked off. I growled under my breath and started loading books into my bag, already trying to think of an excuse that I could use to get out of tennis.
"What are you doing with Sam on Sunday?" Matt joined me at my locker and touched my back gently to get my attention.
"He wants to play tennis," I said dismissively.
"Is that what you were talking about at lunch?" Matt asked. "You seemed pretty cosy."
It wasn't the first time that Matt had made a comment about me getting cosy with another guy. He definitely had a jealous streak, but I quite liked that. It showed that he cared about me and that he was bothered that other guys might be trying to steal my attention.
Refusing to rise to the bait, I just shrugged. "Yeah. Apparently I looked lonely and he felt sorry for me."
That was supposed to be a bit of a dig at Matt, pointing out how a different guy, who wasn't my boyfriend, was the one feeling sorry for me when I looked lonely. Despite his comments about me looking cosy with Sam, he never actually came over to me. If he wasn't bold enough to do that, then I was going to refuse to get into an argument about it.
"Felt sorry for you? More like he's still in love with you," Matt said bitterly.
I sighed, rolling my eyes. "He's not in love with me, Matt. We're just friends. You know, it really hurts that you can't trust me."
His gaze softened. "I do trust you, Iz. Honestly, I do. It's him I don't trust. Everyone knows how much of a flirt he can be."
"Sam and I have been friends for years and he's never tried anything on with me. He knows I'm with you, and a decent person wouldn't try to sabotage their friend's relationship."
Matt simply shrugged again and looked away down the corridor. He apparently didn't have anything to add, yet didn't look completely consoled either.
"Anyway, Katrina told me he had a date at the weekend," I added, hoping that would convince him.
Matt snorted. "Sam? A date?"
"Why is that so hard to believe?"
"Sorry, I forgot he was all cool now."
I bit my tongue, holding back my retort. In the last few months or so, Matt's best friend had moved away, and he'd therefore become friendly with a different group of lads: the cool lads—Sam's friends. He had no right to judge Sam when he was trying so hard to fit in with the same people.
"Are we still on for tomorrow?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Yeah, think so," Matt replied vaguely.
That didn't fill me with confidence. He had a terrible habit of cancelling at the last minute. Most of the time he didn't even provide me with an excuse.
"Good." I smiled, shutting my locker door. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."
I stood on my tiptoes in order to reach to kiss his lips. It was a brief kiss, but there was a time when Matt was uncomfortable with PDA in school, so at least it was progress. He squeezed my hand, shot me a smile, and then headed off to his car. I sighed to myself as I watched him walk away. He wasn't even going to offer to walk me out of school.
Sometimes it was like we weren't in a relationship; it was almost as though we were stuck somewhere between being friends and being a couple. The lines were very blurred and the only thing that tended to differentiate the two was our physical relationship. Maybe Matt thought it would be weird to go from our casual friendship to a romantic relationship. I could understand that to a certain extent in school since people were used to seeing us as friends and it's always a juicy piece of gossip when two friends get together, but we'd been together nearly a year now. People were over it. We were just a normal couple; or at least that's what I wanted.
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