I'd like to dedicate this one shot to my bestest friend ANNIE C: For it is her 2098340830924809432094 birthday today, and I'd like to make it special. cx I'm sorry, it isn't much, but I wrote this last night and made it well....heartfelt. Hence the title for this one shot book. I really hope you like it.
It's choppy, unedited, and not enough info but MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I had half a mind to just trash the whole thing at like 11pm at night, wanting to just restart everything XD
But I didn't. So its.....raw....writing XD DON'T THROW ROCKS AT ME ITS TERRIBLE. *sigh*
Here you go, Annie. I love you with all my heart and soul and mind and - I JUST FREAKIN LOVE YOU MAN MMK. O.O
Never stop being you
-x-
TITLE: What We Could've Been
Annie's POV
"I'll try my best to tell you my story. It's story about a girl...meeting a boy. A story about a beautiful love that was broken so quickly, by something nobody expected."
"And what was that?"
I turned to the man who spoke, a glint of sadness caught in my gaze. "You'll find out soon enough."
-x-
It had all began on a clear day in mid-summer. A day when the wind whisped through the bristles of newly cut grass and when the sun shone so brightly it made your eyes squint and your skin perspire.
I was with him that day.
Hand in hand, side by side, there we were, laying in the grass and pretending that the clouds above our heads were shaped like things from this world. I still remember the vibrance in his eyes that day, the sweet blue that lingered in his irises when they turned to capture my gaze. They were full of life and happiness.
It was that day that he said he loved me.
Looked me straight in the eye, a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and then, "I love you, Annie. You're all I've ever hoped for."
My whole world had stopped spinning, and it was in those moments that I just stared into his eyes, my heart beating like a bird flaps it's wings on first flight. My hand slipped from his, fingers shakily placing themselves upon his slightly stubbled cheek before I had burst forward, my lips soon capturing his.
We'd molded together perfectly, like the whole world had intended for us to be together all along. Soul mates, some of you might've called it.
You know, there was this one myth, one that had really had me thinking. It was said in this myth that Zeus had originally split our human forms in two, leaving us to forever search for our missing halves.
And well, in that moment, I knew I'd found my missing half.
After that day, everything changed.
I remember one time, Louis had gone away on tour for five months, and I'd missed him so terribly, that when I'd finally gotten to the airport I was a complete sobbing mess.
-x-
-FLASHBACK-
I stepped aboard the terminal, my eyes quickly scanning the area quickly for a sight of them. The boys' plane had just landed, and now here I am, still trying to contain the excitement bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.
It was nearing the five minute mark when I finally caught sight of Harry. His eyes widened, he called to his mates and before I knew it I was being attacked into a four sided hug, four boys all clinging onto me, smiling and laughing.
"Harry, Liam, Zayn, Niall!" I giggled, squeezing them all tightly.
"Where's Louis?" I asked amongst the rambling laughter and the rushed chatter. As I spoke, the noise seemed to fade out until it stopped completely, and all four boys were exchanging horrified looks as if they were afraid of something.
"He's..." Niall started, but was soon cut off. For I'd had already shaken them off, my eyes locked on something.
There, in the midst of the crowd, was Louis. Hands dug deep in his pockets, hair tousled to perfection, and that beautiful sheepish grin spread across his pink tinted cheeks. The other people that surrounded him seemed to fade out of my point of view, because the boy that I'd hadn't seen for so long, was standing right in front of me. And the only thing that kept me from embracing that wonderful man and rushing into his arms, was the fact that the long spread of space between them was too great.
"Louis," I breathed softly, the breath whooshing out of my lungs. My sparkling eyes unable to turn away, I slowly, drifted away from the four boys who watched, mesmerised, to get closer. As the gap between me and Louis became merely inches, I froze.
"Hello, Annie." Louis said casually. " 'S been awhile."
I sniffled, tears burning in my eyes. With one final choked sob, I had snapped forward, attaching myself firmly to the boy before me. As I held tightly to Louis, I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me. They brought me closer until I was pressed up against the older man's chest, tucking my head into the crook of Louis' shoulder.
"Oh, my sweet Annie," Louis whispered, pulling me back to gaze into my eyes. "How I've missed you so."
-END OF FLASHBACK-
-x-
"It wasn't supposed to just end like that," I sighed, my line of sight cast down at my fingers folded over my lap.
"Elaborate. Tell me more about him." The man said slowly. I started to fidget uncomfortably.
"I don't know.."
"Please, Arian-
"Annie."
"Annie," The man corrected himself, "You must understand. The more you tell me more about him, the more I will be able help you."
I hesitated a moment, my mouth opening around the exact words I wanted to say. My fingers twitched madly, and my tongue rolled over my lips, nervously. A million thoughts burst through my mind furiously, each one arguing a different statement, a different opinion.
That is, until I finally let out a deep sigh and shut off my mind completely, forcing myself to finally look up from my lap. I met eyes with the man before I spoke, and that enough started to make my stomach turn into a nervous flip flop. But still, I somehow managed to find the courage.
"You know, though he didn't know it, Louis was actually a great cook. It was and still is one of my fondest memories, whenever he cooked for me."
-x-
-FLASHBACK-
"BABE!" Louis screamed, his pounding footsteps running down the hall. I scowled and raised the pillow over my head, hiding my face from the inevitable.
"Time to get up! Get up, get up!" Louis sang as he burst into our room. He marched over the carpet towards my side of the bed. In a haze I moaned and flopped over in bed, snuggling into the sheets.
That is, until I felt the blankets violently being ripped from my warm body. A rush of cold air washed over my skin, prickling goosebumps over my surface.
"LOUIS!" I shouted, raising my head from under the pillow and crossing my arms in protest. "Let me sleep," I groaned, falling back onto the sheets while rubbing my sleep hazed eyes.
"But I made you breakfast," I could almost hear the pout in Louis' softly fallen voice. It made me chuckle as I opened my eyes to glare at my boyfriend. He narrowed his eyes right back. "Are you gonna come eat it or shall I go over to Niall's?"
"Fine," I scowled, swinging my legs over the bed to get up. Louis giggled like a little schoolgirl and clapped his hands rapidly as he walked from the room. I stuck my tongue out at his back as he left. Grabbing the blanket from the floor, I swung it around over my shoulders and wrapped it around myself as I shuffled down the hallway after him.
I froze when I took sight of the kitchen, my mouth dropping open. Pancake mix was spilled all over the floor, batter splattered over the counters, piles of dishes toppled in the sink, pots and pans scattered over the stove, it was a mess!
"Louis!" I whined wryly, "Look at what that mess in the kitchen, I am not cleaning that up," I rolled my eyes at my boyfriend's inability to clean up after himself.
"Here, maybe this will make your morning grumpiness disappear," Louis said. He gripped my shoulders and spun me around and I glanced down at the table.
Pancakes, strawberries, bacon, and of course my favorites, donuts were scattered over the table. Louis leaned his chin onto my shoulder, his hands rubbing warmth into my arms.
"HELL YEAH DONU- I mean..interesting choices," I giggled, "thank you, Louis."
He stepped back and hugged my body against his before saying, "You're welcome, babe."
And with that, Louis leaned forward, his arms still wrapped around my waist and arms, and captured my lips with his. His sweet lips tasted of strawberries, as if he'd snuck one before he was supposed to. It made me giggle into the kiss and move so my head was slightly tilted, to better acess his beautiful lips.
That morning we'd spent eating, talking, and just plain being ourselves. It was amazing.
-END OF FLASHBACK-
-x-
"Tell me about him," The man said once I'd finished, leaning forward. "What was his qualities, what was it in him that made you happy?"
I felt the tears sparkle in my eyes, burning at the corners and threatening to spill down my cheeks as I remembered him. He was still so fresh in my mind, as if he'd been at my side this whole time. Sniffling, I shrugged as my words caught in my throat.
"He was beautiful. He made me laugh daily....and..and his smile. That damn smile always tore up my insides and made my heart pound in my chest. It lit up like the sun on a cloudy day. He was always so silly, but when it came threats he became so sullen and serious it was scary. And he took care of me when I was sick and never judged me for anything. He was perfect in every way a man can be perfect."
"And you...loved him?"
"With all my heart."
"I see." The man sighed. "Well, Miss Annie, I suppose now it's reached the inevitable. Can you tell me about the incident?"
A terrible feeling bubbled in my gut, nearly making me choke on air. I smiled shakily, looking to the ceiling as I wiped the tears from my eyes. With a final shaking sigh, I slowly nodded.
"It was raining that day."
-x-
-FLASHBACK-
The rain did small pitter patters over the car's windshield. I watched them dropping and streaking onto the glass before being pushed away by the windshield whipers, waving back and forth. Louis was gripping the steering wheel tightly, his lips pursed and eyes narrowed into angry slits as he slowly crawled down the road.
The usual music of his wasn't playing, the usual smile on his face wasn't there, and the usual spark in is eyes had vanished this evening on our way home. And I knew exactly why.
"Louis," I started, trying to calm him, "Please don't be so upset."
"How can I not be," Louis growled, his eyes flashing over with fierceness. I flinched.
"Look, tonight wasn't all that bad! Really!" I smiled, trying to catch his gaze and make that playful look respark in his eyes. But it didn't. He just sighed and reached up to crease his forehead with his fingers.
I don't blame him. Tonight was our anniversary night, and he wanted it to be special. First we'd planned to go out to the very restaurant we'd met at, have a fantastic dinner, and then go see the movie we'd been dying to see since it had come out. Simple, yet elegant.
Yet, our night didn't go to plan at all. First we'd been late for our reservations and had to scramble around the house looking for something decent to wear among the piles of clothes, and then next thing we knew, when we got to the restaurant it was closed. Bright red sign 'CLOSED' taunting us as if it wanted to ruin our special day.
And then when we'd gotten back to the car, ready to just go see the movie, it of course, wouldn't start. By this time we were both kind of upset at the fact that we'd have to eat elsewhere and the car not starting just added onto the list.
We waited nearly an hour and a half for the repairman to come and fix the car, and by that time Louis and I were both starving. So we get in the car, ready to just go see the movie and maybe order some popcorn there to eat, only to find that we'd missed the show. And of course, the movie theater had closed after that showing.
And then, it had started pouring, dampening our moods even further.
So our highlight of the evening had been a few bags of McDonalds and a view of the city parking lot.
And Louis was not happy about it. 5 years together, a long time. And now as I watched him pursing his lips and sighing unhappily it made me sad. So I decided it was time for some well deserved cheering up.
"Hey. How about this. We could go get some icecream cones from that fast food place down the street, maybe pull up into the top of the parking lot building and just look at the city lights!" I suggested, smile upon my face.
Nothing.
"At this point, I'd rather not. Let's just go ho-"
Louis voice cut off in my head, for my eyes widened and my full attention locked forward, at the car that was hurtling our way, headlights bright in my eyes as it's horn screeched. I saw Louis burst out of his melancholy state and snap the driving wheel to the left, tires screeching against the road in an attempt to miss the flying car.
A scream hitched and caught in my throat before the hurtling car smashed right into the windshield, knocking both me and Louis forward.
That was all I remembered, before my whole world went black.
-x-
Sirens.
Cold.
Pain.
I woke up. My eyes fluttered, I groaned as a bright light hit my gaze. Trying to blink back the sleepy fuzz from my eyes, I slowly looked up. Bright red and blue lights flashed. Police cars, ambulance. My eyes widened as my full memory slapped me in the face.
Louis, where's Louis.
I snapped out of my daze and slipped off of the gurney I'd been laid upon.
"Miss, miss! Come back here, you're not well!" A female voice called after me, filled with worry I didn't have time to acknowledge. I ignored it. I needed to find Louis. Where is he.
A large crowd filled with policemen and paramedics made my heart sink to my stomach, giving me sick chills. Slowly, I pattered my feet towards the crowd and pushed myself through, ignoring the paramedics strong protests to stay back.
It only took me two seconds to see him.
Stretched out on a gurney, grey eyes distant, cold, unfeeling, face paling and losing it's pinkish tint. Arm hung loosely over the side of the gurney, lips slightly parted and blue with the cold.
What contrasted with that pale color of his skin, urked my mind the most. It was a liquid, red liquid. Blood.
"Louis.." I breathed, tears burning in my eyes. I quickly ran up to the stretcher, my hand capturing his cold one. The contact of his skin sent shivers up my spine. "Oh baby, don't, don't do this please," I cried, my face scrunching up as tears inevitably blurred my vision. "We were only getting started."
He didn't move. He didn't say a word. Just lay there, emotionless. "Louis.." I whispered, voice cracking, "I love you..." My mind traveled back to the very first day he told me he loved me. Happiness, life in his eyes. Smile on his face. "You're e-everything I ever hoped for," I breathed, "you can't leave me now, Louis! WAKE UP!"
"Come along ma'am," A hefty voice appeared behind me.
"Louis! LOUIS!" I screamed, trying to fight the strong pairs of arms that wrapped around me, tugging me away from my whole life.
"LOUIS!!" I sobbed, tears now streaking down my cheeks. My arms reached out to him, only wanting to be held and told that this was just a joke. A harmless joke. I prayed to god he'd cough, take a deep breath and glance my way but it never happened.
"Ma........STAY..." Blurred voices rang in my ears, warning me about something I couldn't comprehend. I couldn't function, my Louis was there, dead, lifeless, no longer here with me.
To think that Louis would no longer make me laugh, brighten up my day, sing to me when I got scared, actually hurt the inside of me. The fact that I'd no longer be loved, I'd no longer have anything to love, to hold, to cherish for all of my life struck me in that moment.
And it broke my heart.
-END OF FLASHBACK-
-x-
"I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Annie," The man said, scritching something onto his pad of paper with a pen. He looked up over the rim of his glasses and nodded simply. "And...it was said the cause of the crash was a drunk?"
I slowly nodded, tears pouring down my cheeks. Because of one man's night of reckless fun and stupid decisions, Louis had disappeared from my life completely.
"I'm sorry. Really, I am. Remember, I'm only here to help you over your loss."
"I'm nothing without him," I whispered, trailing off into my sentences into little nothings as I stared at nothing in particular. His face haunted my vision.
"Miss Annie, please. I'm here to make you well again. You aren't well," The man said, worry etched over his features as he leaned forward over his desk. He removed his glasses and sighed.
"Well, at least try to make you well again." He said, stacking his piles of papers and tapping them on the desk to straighten them out.
"I know," I breathed. "I know."
"If there is anything I can do-"
"Can I go home now?" I asked suddenly, looking up to stare him in the eye. "I think I've had just about enough story telling for now."
The man sighed, looked me over, and with a slow nod I was out of my seat in an instant.
"Wait, Annie come here a second." The man said, pausing to step forward. "Promise me you won't hurt yourself. Please. Not today."
Upon his words I felt pain surge through my arms. I could feel the cuts surging into me, taunting me. Do it again, they said. It'll ease the pain, make you feel better.
...No. Not again. Not this time. For Louis.
With a simple nod, I replied, "Promise."
"Good. That's a wonderful start, Annie. See you next session. Don't be late."
And with that, I exited the room, slowly shut the therapy office door shut, and blinked back the tears threatening to burn in my eyes.
My heart broke all over again that day. Not just over Louis, but for me as well. Because I'd been brave enough to step up to the plate, to admit I had a problem, and to actually get help for it.
This is only the beginning, in my steps to getting better.
----
I'M SORRY ITS SO FREAKIN LONG AND SAD AND BLEHHHHHHHH I WOULD'VE MADE IT SO MUCH BETTER AND *sighhh*
SORRY ITS SO LATE ANNEH, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT
Love from,
xMissRainy (AKA: Your bish, Hannah)