Chapter 18. The Feelings
"So what are the things you want in a guy? I mean, what type of guys would you want to have as boyfriend?" Yes, another set of interview. Only this time from Brian. They're really siblings.
"Seriously? Why are you asking me this now?"
His smile was gone. "You can't really be that naïve, can you?"
"I'm sorry," I said not getting what he's up to.
He sighed in defeat. "We'll, uh, never mind."
I frowned at his behaviour and went back to working. But not a minute later he asked again. "So just answer my question."
"What question?"
"Seriously?" he asked.
I laughed. "Okay, so we're just running in circles."
He also laughed a little. "Yeah, anyway, my question was what type of guy do you like?"
"Oh. Well, I haven't really thought about it." Yep, to be honest, I wasn't the type of girl who thinks of those things. Because love just comes to you in a mysterious way. He may not be your ideal guy, but you still fall for him.
"Really? Well, that's...new."
I shrugged. "What are you up to, anyway?" I asked.
"I'm just wondering if I can be qualified as you're boyfriend." Boy, that was too fast.
I guffawed unexpectedly. I meant, really? "What did you say?" I asked in between my laughter.
"I'm serious. The first time I saw you, I knew there was something in you that makes you someone special..."
My eyebrow shot up in interest but I remained speechless. And I couldn't believe what he said at the same time. Then I sized him up if he's telling the truth or not. Was he for real? 'Coz I'm not really the type of girl he'd want to mess with.
"You don't believe me, don't you?" he asked when I couldn't utter a single word.
I shook my head while his jaw dropped.
I smiled. "I just couldn't believe what you're saying."
"Why? It's not impossible. Jaz, I like you. Look at you – you're beautiful, you look gorgeous, witty and easy and fun-to-be-with. You're not one of those girls who swoon when I pass by—"
I chuckled. "Okay, I think that's enough. You know what, you're the first guy to ever compliment me like that and the first guy to have confessed to me personally." Yeah, because I'd never had someone who would come up to me and say they like me. I didn't know if it's just me or what but I thought the guys back home didn't have the backbone to confess their feelings for me. I'll only know it from our common friends or from other people. Or maybe, they didn't really have feelings for me at all. How sad. "So, I thank you for that, Brian," I continued with utmost sincerity.
He shrugged it off and then..."Really? What happened to the guys around if I'm the first one?"
"You don't really know me back then, Brian." Wait, did I just say that? So what was I now, huh?
"What do you mean?"
"Hm? Nothing."
He waved it off quickly. "Okay. But uhm, can I ask you out on a date sometime?" he asked.
"Wow. That was fast," I said half-convinced.
"There's no point in delaying when eventually I'll ask you out one of these days."
I was impressed. Well, I'm just a girl, okay? "Point taken."
"So how about Friday night?" he continued surprising me genuinely.
Huh! "Seriously? You were really serious?" I asked almost laughing. I just can't believe how fast he's acting right now. "Well, let me think about it. But don't expect that much." I told him smiling. A girl's has to have her fun sometimes.
SUMMER GREAT ESCAPE
"So my brother asked you out on a date?" Anna asked during lunch. "That fast, huh?"
"Couldn't agree more," I told her. I was glad we have the same thoughts.
"So do you like my brother?" she asked which caught me off guard.
I couldn't say anything at first. Maybe it won't hurt her if I tell her the truth, right?
"Well, it's not like your brother is not likeable or something, but..." I couldn't find the right words.
"Yeah, I know, you don't like him," she finished for me. I looked at her and found her smiling at me. "It's only been two days since you met him and I don't expect you to like him in such short span of time." Wow, good thing she understood. I didn't make a mistake when I decided to be nice to her. "Besides, I know you already like someone." Or maybe not... Just kidding.
"Who? Alex? What makes you think I like him?" I was just curious at how she knew and I didn't.
She grinned. "You can learn a lot of things through observation. You want an example?" she dared.
And of course, I accepted it. "Sure." It's just that I was a bit confident that I'm going to prove her wrong.
"Remember our first day here?" she asked to which I nodded. "He was wiping your sweat and you were stunned at what he did. And there was this expression in your eyes that you love what he's doing."
My mouth fell agape. How the hell did she read my eyes? Creepy. Maybe she just read it wrong and was bluffing. "You got it all wrong," I said. "I was just surprised at what he did."
She giggled not buying what I just said. "Yeah, right. Well how about those times when you always stare at him when he's not looking," she said. "Don't you ever deny it because I saw it several times!" she added with a threatening tone.
I can't believe this! Why was she observing me the whole time? I felt like bursting with embarrassment at her revelation. "Are you sure it's me you're looking at and not some random girl who happens to be drooling at him?"
"I'm betting my life on it!" she said. "C'mon, why are you in such denial? Alex is not that bad, you know." I know right?
"You know what creeps me out if ever it's true that I like him?" I asked and she shook her head. "It's because you know those things and I don't. You are creepy, don't you know that?"
"It's just because you don't recognize your feelings for him," she reasoned out.
"I don't have feelings for him," I insisted but why do I feel like I'm lying? "Besides, if ever that's true, he might just laugh at me for that weakness. He'd known me to be that tough girl who has never broken down. Falling in love is weakness," I concluded.
"It's not weakness, Jaz! It's a normal feeling felt by human being. And you're a human being after all – unless of course you recognize yourself as monkey which by the way, as far as I know falls in love. You develop feelings too. You can't help it when your heart starts beating."
"My heart is beating ever since I came out of this world," I pointed out lamely. "I've seen my friends break down and cry because of such thing, Anna. And I never wanted to undergo the same thing."
"Nobody can escape that fate, you know that."
"How do you know so much about this when you're only 15?" I asked trying to shift the topic.
"I told you – observation does its magic," she sounded really proud.
"Whatever, I'm still not buying."
"Why? Are you scared he won't like you back?"
"No, I've told you already." It didn't really bother me if he won't like me back. I was just worried he'd make fun of me. And then he'll tell me I might be on drugs and anything under the heat of the sun. How would that make me feel? It's like he'll be insulting me. It's like he'll be stepping on my feelings. And that's the last thing I'd want to happen.
Besides! I have no feelings for him...period!
"Look, Jaz. Just acknowledge those feelings and go with the flow. It's okay if you don't want him to know. That's why we have such things as crushes, right?"
"I've already had crushes before and it's not even close to what I'm feeling right now..." And it was too late to realize what just came out of my mouth. Oops. I didn't just say that, did I?
She stopped short and absorbed what I'd just say. Her eyes grew wide at the instant it dawn on her.
"NO!" I said first taking it back. "Forget I said that!" I exclaimed still shocked at what I said.
"So you really do like him..." she pondered ignoring me. Persistent kid.
"No way. It was just a momentary lapse of my brain," I said covering it up. Damn, what did I just say? This is so ridiculous. Why would I like Alex?
"Exactly! It wasn't your brain working but your heart," she said smiling from ear to ear. I scowled at her and she laughed.
"Oh, you're just overanalysing things, Anna."
"Whatever, Jaz. I know there will come a time you'll realize I'm right. And that time would be later," she gave me a lopsided grin.
SUMMER GREAT ESCAPE
"Do you want anything?" I heard Brian asked Jaz when he found her restless somewhere. I just happen to pass by.
"No, thank you," she refused. Wait, since when did she refuse politely? This just kept me confused over time.
"Is there something bothering you?" he asked. "If it's about the date," he paused giving Jaz time to answer. What date? They're going out on a date? That fast?
"No...it's not about the date," she sounded like she was about to laugh. "Don't give yourself such credit," Jaz said and I wanted to laugh at how calm she said those. She's really the cold, soulless girl every guy would avoid.
"Ouch," Brian muttered loudly. And I heard Jaz laugh. Damn, I saw her laughing with him earlier this morning and all I wanted that time was to punch him in the face.
"Seriously, what's wrong?" Brian tried once more.
"Nothing important," Jaz answered.
Somebody then called Brian, which I was guessing to be Anna, so he excused himself. "Sister calling. Be back later, okay?" Brian said and Jaz must have nodded because I heard Brian's footsteps walking away.
I took the opportunity and showed myself. "So, if it isn't the blushing girl," I said. I noticed how her cheeks turned red. Don't tell me she's blushing for that guy?
"H-hey. It's you," she stammered. And she stammered for heaven's sake! And it was because of that guy. Why did I feel like chasing him and drowning him in the nearest pool?
I sat beside her on the grass. "So since when did you stammer?" I asked.
"I did?" she asked not really looking at me.
"You sounded guilty. Seriously, do you like that guy?" Damn, my mouth was burning because of those words.
"H-Huh?" Finally, she looked at me surprised at my question. "Who?"
I shook my head trying to play it cool when I knew it's killing me. "So is that why you told them we're just friends because you want him to know you're single and available?" I asked referring to our first day in the resort.
Her expression turned sour. She looked at me pissed. "Don't you have anything better things to say?"
I admitted I wasn't expecting that. What crime did I ever do?
"Get a life, Alex and leave me alone," she harshly said. What was this all about, anyway? Was she having a PMS? Girls.
I had no choice but to get up on my feet and leave her alone. I didn't want to provoke her any further. She'll clear her head soon and hopefully talk to me when she sees me next time. She won't last that long. In the meantime, I've got some massive thinking to do and I wanted to be alone as well.
SUMMER GREAT ESCAPE
"What's eating you?" Anna asked when I dropped my body on the bed. I just can't accept Alex just blurted those words out. I can't help but think he's thinking of me that low. That I needed to declare I was single and available for Brian to know. God! That was not my intention at all! Was that why he had that grim expression?
"It's Alex," I admitted. I figured out there's no point in denying all these to her. She's gonna figure it out sooner if not later.
"What's with him?" she asked and I told her everything that happened earlier. I had to keep my voice low as the other occupants might hear me. They're soundly sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up with my nonsense problem.
I told her the reason why I was restless and it was because I was thinking of what she'd told me about me liking Alex. I blushed because he was there. I blushed just by his presence to my horror and for crying out loud. Maybe because I was thinking about him all day and he had to show himself right then and there. I stammered because I was afraid he'd find out why the hell I'm blushing. Get my points here?
"Yeah, I get your point," she said.
The worst part was he didn't show himself for the entire evening. He didn't have his dinner even! Wasn't he even hungry at all? Where did he go? I just want to say sorry or whatever I'd do just to make him understand I was not that pissed.
I was just disappointed because I didn't even see a hint in his face that he's worried that I like Brian. See? He didn't like me at all!
"So you want to know if he likes you too?" she asked with this evil grin of hers.
"I can't help it but...yes."
"It's normal, I promise," she assured me. And then her face lit up. "Do you want my help to find it out?"
Oh no. What's she gonna do this time?
She might have read my expression because she said. "It's gonna be harmless, okay?"
I sighed. "Fine, but don't you involve me in this."
"Yeah, yeah sure." And we both lapsed into silence.
I can't believe this was happening to me. How in the world did I fall for my nemesis? I thought it's gonna be impossible and it's gonna be the end of the world – I always tell our classmates that. As Anna was not the first and only person who've pushed me into liking Alex. All of them convinced me that I liked Alex and I was just good in hiding it. And those fights of ours were just my defense mechanisms.
Well to be honest, I didn't really like Alex before. I promise! I knew my friends were just teasing me and all. I told them it's not possible for me to fall for him because all I ever felt for him was...it wasn't exactly hatred...just annoyance. But look at me now, eating all those I'd said. Surprisingly though, it didn't hurt my pride or whatsoever. Ugh, I don't know what's happening with the Earth's revolution. Maybe it has turned back around.
Focusing on this side of Alex – you know, with all the caring and sweet things he'd done for me – might have triggered these feelings of mine. After all, I was just a human being and I was incapable of controlling my hypothalamus.
End of SUMMER GREAT ESCAPE Chapter 18.