Chapter four:
A week later passed and the guys and I became pretty closer. They told me more about their band Panic At The Disco, and that their other band mates are in vacation so that I couldn’t see them practice live for awhile. But I heard Ryan and Brendon sing and play instruments. Man! Brendon knows how to play A LOT of instruments! We all began to hang out every day. Whether it was at Brendon’s , Ryan’s, or I’s home, or just around the neighborhood. We were having fun. We shared stupid secret that we never told anyone else! I found out that about the “medicine” that Ryan was talking about was that, Brendon had ADHD and he had to take medicine every day to calm himself. But Ryan still didn’t tell me at all about his dad.
I kept annoying Brendon about it. But he still had his excuse, “He’ll tell you when he’s ready!” and crap. But Brendon also told me, “I’ll tell Ryan to talk to you about it! He’ll give in sometime!” he told me a few days ago.
“But why doesn’t he want to tell me??” I asked. I was getting pretty annoyed. Ryan, one of my two friends. Wouldn’t tell me something I deeply desired. But I understand that he need time to think of how he’s going to say it! But don’t you think a week long enough?
“Well.. Its hard to explain.. Ryan doesn’t really.. well.. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it’s the part on how Ryan doesn’t want you to treat him differently. And that, this isn’t an easy subject to talk about. It’s not like asking a favorite color. It’s more complex than that. He has to find a way to ease into the conversation and tell you in a way that you would really understand. But when he does tell you!! Don’t go in tears! You’ll make Ryan feel even more like crap!” Brendon told me. That was exactly what he told me just a few days ago. It left me stuck. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t feel any different of Ryan because of his father. Maybe it was more complex than that. There was probably something going on with him and his dad that was way to difficult to talk about within a weeks friendship.
But here we are now. Sitting in Ryan’s living room watching ‘That Regular Show.’ We all laughed as the stupid stuff happened. But it was just to darn funny. I was sitting in the middle of Ryan and Brendon. That was when we heard the door open.
“Shit..” Ryan said under his breath. I looked at him confused.
“Who is that?” I asked.
A man with a blond petite women began to walk passed the living room, “Ryan don’t bother us!” he called out. He looked our way and stopped. He began to come closer to us. He must have been Ryan’s father. He looked a lot like him. “Well Ryan you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!” He called out. I could smell the strong alcohol coming from his breath.
“Dad.. She’s-” Ryan began.
“Well don’t be rude!! Put your arm around her!!” He yelled out. He was smiling at his son. Like he was proud or something.
“She’s n-” Ryan began again.
“GOD DAMN IT! SON DO IT!” The man yelled. He made me flinch. Ryan couldn’t handle it. So he quickly swung his arm around me. “Good. Good! Now son get closer!! You both are like a mile away from each other!” He said. I heard Ryan sigh. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. But I helped Ryan. I got closer and so did he. We weren’t even that far apart. “Ok perfect!!! Now kiss her,” Man his dad was asking for way to much!
“Dad she’s NOT-” Ryan snapped at his father. But his father seemed to be getting mad.
“BE A FUCKING MAN! FOR ONCE!!” he yelled out.
“I AM a man!!” Ryan yelled back. He was grinding his teeth.
“WRITING LOVE SONGS IN YOUR ROOM IS NOT BEING A MAN!” his father snapped his attention back to me, “I bet his latest song is about you! Brown hair and green eyes!”
“Dad shut it!” Ryan was grinding his teeth for his father to be quiet. I felt myself blushing. Ryan wrote a song about me? Sweet. But at the same time it was awfully uncomfortable.
“THEN FUCKING KISS HER! YOU WRITE A SONG ABOUT HER! THEN YOU KISS HER! PROVE YOU’RE A MAN! PROVE YOU LOVE HER!” Ryan’s father yelled. It was getting awkward. I admit. I might have been developing feelings for Ryan. But I didn’t think that this is how our relationship could start. Or even fall apart.
Ryan sighed and then looked straight into my eyes. He gave me a ‘I’m sorry’ look on his eyes. He was taking to long. I didn’t want his father to keep yelling at him. So I leaned closer and kissed him myself. We soon broke apart. It was a short peck on the lips. It was bliss. I could feel my heart racing. I could even feel Ryan’s. But his was probably from his father being all crazy.
“Ryan that wasn’t a real kiss! That was a “I’m not interested,” kiss!! Now kiss her like you love her!” he told Ryan in a ‘matter of fact’ voice.
Ryan needed help. And if I didn’t help, then he was going to be in trouble. Ryan gave me his “sorry” eyes again, he leaned over for a kiss, and I couldn’t help but resist, and so I leaned in closer. Our lips touched and this kiss was much longer. It was more passionate. Ryan’s cold hand touched my face as my hand laid on his chest. I wasn’t sure whether Ryan was really doing this for his dad, or if he really did want to kiss me. But I knew that this was a time when everything change. My ‘small’ feelings for Ryan went higher. If he did really write a song about me, then I know that his did to. After a good minute we broke apart. I could feel myself blushing a little. While I caught Ryan smirking a little.
“NOW THAT’S A KISS! Good Ryan! Your getting better every day! You make me proud! Good job son!!” His father said and he grabbed the blondes hand and they headed for the room in the corner. Ryan then took his arm off around me as he heard the door close.
“T-th-thanks!” was all Ryan said. I couldn’t dare look at him. But from his voice. I could tell he was smiling,
The door imminently opened and Ryan swooshed his hand around me again. “Almost forgot !!” His father said as he went through to the table and went through a box. “Hey son! Catch!” he threw the box over to Ryan. Ryan caught it, “For when you need it!!” he called out and ran back to the room. I grabbed the box over from Ryan. He was speechless. It was a box of condoms. Oh my god. His son is fifteen and he’s accepting that Ryan having sex at this age. Ryan kept his arm around me. Probably in case that if his father came back.
I threw the box over to Brendon. And we all focused on the TV. We all didwant to talk about what just happened… But that conversation was going to be saved for another time. A time when his father wasn’t at all around. A time when we were conferable talking about it. We all focused our attention to the TV. But then we heard strange noises coming from the room around the corner.
“I think it’s best if I go..” I said as I got up. I began to head for the front door.
“We’ll walk you home,” Brendon said. Him and Ryan got up and we all walked outside.
We got to the sidewalk before Ryan’s dad came out, “RYAN HOLD HER HAND!!!” he shrieked from the front door. Ryan then grabbed my hand and made me lock it.
The walk to my home was all in silence. We all were thinking. Whether what we were going to do. If we’ll hang out again. And even on what just happened. Well that’s what I was thinking. Ryan and I completely forgot that we were locking hands, that by the time they left me at my house, we separated.
“See ya tomorrow,” Brendon whispered as he left me in my door step.
“Yeah. See ya..” Ryan whispered. Not keeping eye contact. He was staring at his shoes. I simply nodded. Ok, good. We all were still friends. Great.
I turned around, and just stood there for a minute. I knew Ryan and Brendon didn’t move at all. We stayed in silence for another moment. But then I opened the front door with my key and entered the house.
I paused as I was locking the door. I didn’t really understand what my feelings were. I was happy, excited, worried, scared, surprised, and so many more. What was going to happen after this? Was I going to have to be Ryan’s fake girlfriend every time his father was around? Or was Ryan going to ask me out and I’ll be his real girlfriend? Was I even going to say yes to his asking?
“Honey are you ok?” I turned my head and there was my mom. Standing a few feet behind me, watching me as I stood there, with a another cup of tea in her hand.
I sighed a little, “Ugh, yeah, I guess,” I said as I locked the door, and ran up the stairs. I entered my room and flopped on my bed. I closed my eyes and thought. Did I even like Ryan? Did he even like me? What was Brendon going to think of this?
Right as I thought of all of this, I felt my phone vibrate. Brendon. 'Hey! How you holding up?'he texted.
'Fine, wbu?' I texted him back.
'Pretty good. I just got back home.' Brendon said.
I had a weird feeling to ask him about Ryan, I didn’t want to sound weird or like I had developed feeling for him.. But I wanted to know, I didn’t have the nerve to text Ryan.. 'Umm.. is Ryan with you? And how’s he holding up?'I texted
It took him awhile to reply. I sat on my bed, looking back at my phone several times. 'He’s at his house. He’s fine and he told me to tell you that he’s sorry..' Brendon replied. Before I replied I got another text from Brendon, ‘Look, before you ask her out you got to talk to her about what just happened! And you have to tell her about your dad..’
‘What??’ I replied. Was Brendon texting Ryan? Was Ryan going to ask me out?? A shiver went through my body. Was I ready for Ryan to ask me out?
“Whoops! I meant to send that to someone else…” Brendon replied. This conversation became awkward.
“Who were you trying to send that to??” I texted Brendon. Brendon was taking way to long to reply, well a minute. But I was so anxious. “Bren! Don’t ignore me! Please!!’ I texted Brendon. I sighed. I stared at my ceiling, everything was so awkward. Maybe moving to Las Vegas was a mistake. Well it’s a lot better than living in Los Angeles. I looked over to my clock, six twenty five, man.
I was getting tired. My eyes were fluttering. I kept them closed, but opened them quickly. I did it several more times. … the tiredness won..
***
The next day I wasn’t at all sure what to do. I would usually hang out with Brendon and Ryan. But now I didn’t want to ask and bother them.
“No Ryan and Brendon today?” My mom asked as I walked down the stairs. I had gotten ready and skipped breakfast. But just as I was going to reply. There was a knock on the door. “I’ll get it,” Mom whispered as she answered the door. “Yes.. I’ll get her right now,” Mom told the person right outside. She looked straight at me, “It’s for you!” and she got out of my way and left for the living room.
I thought on who it could be. I knew it was going to be Brendon! Ryan must have still been pretty shocked from what happened yesterday. But I don’t blame him. I opened the door with a huge grin. But of course.. It wasn’t Brendon, it was Ryan. My smiled began to fade away slowly…