At lunch time I couldn't escape fast enough. William cornered me with his friends. They shoved me around a bit. They didn't hurt me that day, which was a miracle. Lucas wasn't with them. When they let me go I had my lunch. The day was turning out to be a good day.
I said 'good' day, so it is safe for you to assume that I'd enjoyed my time with Lucas. I was still floating in a bubble because of it, so much so that being shoved by big bulky people back and forth wasn't uncomfortable.
I still couldn't believe what had happened. I'd really thought Lucas was straight. He'd had two girlfriends in the time I'd known him, ever since he became friends with William. He didn't strike me as bisexual.
I daydreamed about the kiss all day. I'd never been kissed like that. I could still remember his lips on mine, moving skillfully. He definitely wasn't a kiss virgin like I was. Truthfully, that was the best time of my life. Moments like that were few and far in between.
My good mood sickened William. He cursed me and called me names. I'd heard all of the names: fag, asshead, dickless shit, assbucket, fartface, dicksucker, dickwagon, buttlicker, smegma licker, ratfuck, teddybear-humper and my favorite; slackjawed cork-thirsty cum-dumpster. He'd even asked me what dildo size I wanted for my birthday. I won't say his words didn't hurt, but they hurt less than the other days. William went as far as asking me why I was smiling. It was a shock to him that I knew how to smile because I didn't do it often. I shrugged and said nothing.
Lucas didn't text me like he said he would- at least not in the time frame I had expected him to. By dinner time that night there still wasn't a text from him. Slowly, but surely, my in-the-clouds feeling was disappearing. What if he had used me?
Of course he had used me. He wanted experience and he'd gotten it. There was nothing Lucas would want with me. I had nothing to give. Sure my mom called me 'cute' but all mothers were programmed to say that about their kids. William told me every day, I was a fucking ugly fucktard!
When I went to my room after dinner, I just collapsed on the bed. I should have seen it coming. I had to hit my bed with my pillow just to make me feel better, better enough to look at my mirror without crying.
I had mixed feelings about what looked at me back. Sometimes I found my oval head, olive skin, blue eyes, pink lips and midnight-black short hair striking. Sometimes I found it dull and uninteresting. How could I not?
My phone beeped on the bed. It was quite unusual for it to do so. I rarely received texts. I went to get it.
WhatsApp message from Lucas T
My eyes widened. Lucas had sent me a message like he said he would. I couldn't allow myself to be happy though. I still felt like I had been used. He wasn't bisexual. He'd wanted experience and I had been the perfect candidate. It had probably been a spur of the moment thing. He'd softened me with his words.
I opened the App and the text.
L: Hey, sorry. I wanted to text you earlier but I've been kind of busy. It's Lucas.
His profile picture was of a dog. I debated whether to answer him or go on with my boring action-less existence. He was still online. I made a decision.
N: Hi. It's fin- I wrote and decided to erase the last part. It was anything but fine.
L: How are you?
N: I'm fine, you?
L: I'm okay. What are you doing?
I wished he would just get to the point. Why did he contact me?
N: Nothing, just sitting in my room.
L: I'm sure you have a million questions for me
Oh I definitely had a million questions for him. First of was- I realized I didn't know what I really wanted to ask him. A part of me wanted to know why he'd kissed me but I was afraid of the answer. I was back on earth, I didn't want to go underground. I didn't want to discover that my idol had feet of clay. I sighed, even though it would hurt, I had to know. It would be better than hoping he was different.
N: Uh, yeah. In the closet I said Basel would think you are gay if he found you with me and you said he wouldn't be far from the truth. What did you mean?
Okay, that wasn't really what I wanted to know, but it was just as important. The answer could potentially eliminate the need for the other question of why me. I waited for a while before he answered. I jumped on my phone when he did.
L: I'm bisexual. It's something I've know for a while now.
And yet he hung out with those homophobes!
L: I know what you are thinking, I'm a hypocrite. When I discovered I like guys I hated myself, so the only way to make me feel better was to be nasty to everyone else. I felt like someone had contaminated me. I know that's a load of bullshit.
First, was the guy psychic? How did he know what I was thinking? I just stared at his message. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was at a loss for words.
N: That's interesting to now.
L: Yeah, it's quite something.
N: Do William and the others know?
L: What do you think? I can't tell them that. I can't do it yet.
I was ready to ask him the second question.
N: About Captain America, how did you know?
L: Your underwear *cheeky grin*
N: You could see my underwear? Do you have some special eyesight?
L: Lol. No, sometimes I wish I had. I couldn't see your underwear then, but I've seen it a couple of times. I just guessed.
My cheeks became flushed. For the second time I wondered if the conversation was happening in my head.
N: When did you see my underwear?
L: There's no way to say it without sounding like a pervert *closed eyes emoticon*
N: Now I seriously want to know.
L: I check you out a lot lately, especially when you come downstairs when I'm with William at your house. Your shirt is always raised somehow.
I thought I was blushing before, so I don't know what I was doing after Lucas's last message. My face must have been as red as a tomato or the red in Captain America's suit.
It seemed safe to ask the next question.
N: Have you been with a guy before?
I was chickening out. There was something important I wanted to know. I knew the delay wasn't really going to help but I needed to compose myself somehow. I wasn't ready.
L: No
Okay, it was now or never.
N: Why me?
Lucas T: Last seen at 8: 35, my screen flashed. He was no longer online. I knew he'd read my message. He'd chosen not to reply. I felt like the dumbest person on earth. I let my head fall on the bed and took a deep breath. Why did this sting so bad?
My phone beeped.
L: Because I like you. I've liked you for a while, went as far as visiting your house a lot hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I've been too chicken to tell you, but I saw you today when you passed by the class I was in. I wasn't planning on kissing you. I just wanted to spend time with you.
I felt butterflies in my stomach. It was a terrifying and wonderful feeling. I had already thought Lucas didn't like me and there he was, saying he liked me. I was bubbling with joy threatening to explode. I calmed myself down. My brother and his friends were known to play tricks on me, that's how they got to embarrass me in public. Would they go as far as making Lucas kiss me?
N: You seem like a nice guy. If this is some kind of a sick joke, be nice and just tell me.
The reply was lightning-fast.
L: It's not a joke.
N: It seems too good to be true.
L: I know. But I'm not joking. I really like you and I enjoyed our kiss. I kissed you Nick, not once but twice. If you think this is a joke, what do you think I stand to benefit?
He was making sense, but it was still shocking.
N: I don't know. Maybe William put you up to this. He's always going on and on about how no one likes me. Maybe he's making you pretend so I can be deluded into thinking someone likes me only to be brought back onto earth by the shattering discovery that it had only been an act.
L: I would never participate in that. I genuinely like you Nick. I guess I'm going to spend a great deal of time trying to convince you that.
I was conflicted. Was I going to walk into a trap with open eyes? On the other hand, what if he really did like me? He would be the first person to, and not only that, I liked him too. I could be throwing something potentially beautiful away.
N: I just can't believe you. I'm not even sure I'm talking to the real Lucas right now.
I waited for a while before Lucas sent something. It was a picture. I waited for it to download. When it was done, I could see it clearly. The picture was of him lying on the bed with his hair beautifully messy. He had his hand next to his face. On the palm was written, "Hi Nick".
I looked at the picture for a while. Messy hair or not, he was handsome beyond words.
Okay, I was talking to him, but still...
N: I like you too
When I typed the words I knew I meant them. I really liked Lucas. I don't know what made me decide to start believing him.
L: Really?
N: Yeah *smiley face* I only faced my brother's wrath by coming down because of you.
There was no turning back after that. If this was some trap, I had fallen hook, line and sinker. But it felt good.
L: *Grin* Can I call you? I'd love to hear you say it.
WhatsApp was sort of safe. He couldn't see my facial expressions and I couldn't see his. He couldn't see my hesitancy and I couldn't see him. A phone call was different. Though he wouldn't see me, he would hear the silence, strained words, the hesitancy; the shyness...was I ready for that?
N: Yes
Looks like I was. My phone rang only seconds later.
I answered. "Hi"
"Hey", I heard Lucas's somewhat excited voice. He sounded a bit different over the phone, but I knew it was him.
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