Chapter 48: The Beginning
They entered the hotel and it was just as lavish as the lounge across the road. It got Estela wondering what exactly Tom's job was, as he hadn't told her, but judging by how expensive this place must be, he must be doing great things.
When they reached his room on one of the top floors she was lost for words, she didn't think she'd ever seen anything so extravagant.
The carpet was as white as snow as were the walls and ceiling. The furniture was a mixture of greys and blacks and the decorations that put the scene together were nothing short of silver and bronze that reflected the low-hanging candle-lit chandelier hung from the ceiling.
They entered into the sitting room first, where a couple of sofas were sat facing a white marble fireplace with flames that burned a deep cobalt blue. She noticed a few books had been laid down on the coffee table and recognised they were Tom's, but that was the only thing of his she could see, and she wondered how long he was planning on staying here, and when he was leaving again.
Tom took off his coat and offered to take Estela's cloak, but she kept it on to hide the dress underneath and it's revealing cuts that she'd rather him not look at. It wasn't until later she realised just how warm the room actually was, but she pulled the cloak tighter around her nevertheless.
A set of large silver doors caught her attention at the far end of the sitting room, and with lazy a wave of Tom's wand they slid open to reveal the bedroom. He walked in and Estela followed to get a better glimpse of the view before her that had caught her eye immediately. The far end of the bedroom was nothing but glass windows reaching from the floor to the ceiling, giving transparency to the breath-taking view of the city before her.
The night was dark and the scattered buildings outside were alive and bright in the darkness that surrounded them. In all the years she'd lived here she'd never seen the city from this high up, and she could see every inch of the city as the scene seemed to stretched on for miles.
Tom led her over to the sofas before the marble white fireplace with the burning blue flame and gestured for her to take a seat. Her body sank down into the fabric of the seat as though it was made specifically for her.
She glanced at him as he watched her interestedly, and it was the familiar look that told her he was contemplating her, so she contemplated him back. Then a small smirk graced his features as he eyed her up and down.
"What?" she asked.
"You've changed a lot since I last saw you," the way he spoke was suggestive as the words rolled off his tongue like water.
"Well I'm not seventeen anymore."
"I can certainly see that," he replied sleekly, eyeing her once more.
She flushed bright red and she was quite glad that his gaze fell down to the opals around her neck that were just about visible beneath her cloak. His eyes gleamed.
"This secret admirer you spoke of," he began, leaning backwards on the sofa coolly, "Is he still around?"
She squinted, shifting slightly in her seat. "I don't know who sent it." She lied, of course, knowing too well that Tom had sent her the necklace, but he hadn't ever admitted to it.
He let out a breath of amusement at her misinterpretation. "What I mean to say is, are you currently involved with anyone?"
Her brows shot upwards and her lips parted ever so slightly, not just because of his words, but by the look he was giving her. She shook her head, and she took to studying the white carpet beneath her feet as she played with the edge of her cloak awkwardly.
Tom was glad that her gaze fell, as she just about missed the brief look of satisfaction that flashed across his features.
She felt her heart throb violently in her chest but she focused hard on trying to calm it. She wasn't going to let his presence break the barrier she'd spent years building around the pain that had once consumed her.
She didn't know how he could think that, actually. Did he really believe that she could have moved on? He obviously didn't realise that five years wasn't nearly enough to make her feel anything for anyone else. It was him, and it would always be him that she cared for.
Then she realised that she was wondering the same. Had he moved on? Had he found someone else? He was the most handsome man she'd ever seen. He was tall, attractive, charming, and surrounded by a heavy cloud of mystery that lured you in - he had those key components that would make any woman lust after him. She knew he could have almost any woman he wanted. She knew she shouldn't feel jealous - he wasn't hers anymore - and he hadn't been hers for a very long time. But the thought of him with someone else broke her a little.
She'd tried so hard over these years to forget him, to force him out of her mind. She'd forced herself not to care that he was living, getting on with his life, doing great things. But if she didn't care about him, why was seeing him now and thinking about their lost years so painful?
"What about you?" she asked him then, keeping her poise casual but curious as she gave him a small grin. "Has anyone managed to win the heart of the great Tom Riddle?"
He arched a sly brow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lip as he sat straighter. "No one's even come close," he declared, his voice heavy.
She nodded casually, keeping her face expressionless so as not to show the tiny spark of relief that tingled within her.
"Can I ask you something?" she said hesitantly, his smirk faltered as he nodded. "Why didn't you ever write to me?"
She thought of the numerous letters she had sent him over the years, all of which had never received a single reply.
His face darkened as his gaze flicked to the fire, and she recognised the familiar clench of his jaw at once.
He didn't look at her as he spoke, speaking the words as though they were poison on his lips. "Every time I got one of your letters it reminded me you'd gone. That you were miles away from me, living your life, getting on fine, when I was at Hogwarts, stuck in the past, as I clung to your memory."
She swallowed, and this time she couldn't mask her surprise. "You thought I was happy? You thought I was getting on fine?" she asked in disbelief. "How could I be happy when I heard nothing from you? Every time I sent you one of those letters and I didn't get a reply, something inside me shattered. I thought you'd moved on. You were always the strong one, and I was always the one too driven by my emotions," she said, her voice a soft whisper as every word she spoke rattled the cage inside her. "I thought you'd forgotten me."
Their gaze met and at that moment the familiar sensation of her heart skipping beats and her breathing faltering struck her harder than lightning.
"Forgotten you?" he snapped, an almost disgusted look shrouding his expression. "Estela, I spent those five years remembering you."
Her departure was a gradual thing to him, every day she became more faded until one day the memory of her was almost bare, and he had to rely on memory to recapture the image and the details of the way she looked and sounded.
She shook her head as she bit back. "Then why did you make me think that you wanted nothing to do with me? Why did you make it seem like I was nothing but a distraction?"
She saw something snap within him.
"When you left, everything got darker. I could feel nothing. Nothing except the cold that was stabbing at my insides, eating away at whatever it was you once made me feel," his voice was threateningly low as he spoke slowly, forcing her to absorb his every word. "I wanted to do bad things. I wanted to see others suffer. I lost myself in the void of your absence. You left me when I needed you most, Estela. You were the one person who ever gave me a flicker of hope. So when you of all people left, I learned that I could only depend on one person. And that person was me."
"You make it seem like I had a choice," she retorted.
"You did have a choice, Estela!" he spat, his voice rising. "You'd never let anyone get in the way of what you truly wanted. And when you were told you were being shipped off to Norway, you didn't rebel. Not even a little bit. So I knew then that I wasn't what you wanted. Because if I was, you would have fought."
"Do you think I didn't fight? I told my parents over and over that I didn't want to leave - that it wasn't fair nor what was best for me. I was in my final year of school at Hogwarts, I was Head Girl, I was succeeding and I was somewhere I felt comfortable. Do you know that I didn't speak to William for seven months after we had an argument one night about me leaving? Do you know that I cried almost every night? And on top of all of this, something that made everything so much harder was the fact that the person I missed most didn't bother to send me a single letter. If you did - if you'd just have replied to me once - I could have come and visited you. I could have seen you again and maybe things would be different right now. But no, you made me feel like you'd moved on - like you'd forgotten me."
Estela stared off into space for a minute, unable to speak or think as a burning pain ran its way through her body, its flames charring every inch of the flesh they touched.
"I wish everything could go back to the way it was," she said quietly. "Everything was just starting between us when I left. Things were far from perfect, but at least I knew where I belonged; where I wanted to be. And don't you dare say you weren't what I wanted, Tom, because there was nothing I wanted more. And now, I feel like I'm lost in the middle portion of my life - between the past and the future. And it just feels like this part of my life is utterly pointless."
She met his gaze and it was like a clash of steel. And oh Merlin she realised it then. It hit her harder than anything in the world. She was still in love with him. They may have lost years, but time wasn't a factor when it came to how she felt. Time couldn't make her lose all she felt for him. And even though she's caged it up in the deepest parts of her humanity, it had always been there, threatening to break loose.
"Why are you here, Tom?" she asked through heavy breath.
His face calmed. "Can't you believe for one second that I've simply come to pay a visit to my treasured old friend?"
She scoffed. "No, not even for a split-second."
"Very wise," he mused, leaning forwards in his seat and rendering her motionless with a single look. "I've come to finish what we started. I want you to join me, work by my side, just like old times."
She furrowed her brow as she witnessed a hunger in his eyes that longed for something more. She hadn't seen that look in ages, and to see it again was frightening to say the least.
"Elaborate," she said, watching him fixedly.
"I've come to recruit you. I'm gathering followers, but I need someone who knows the ropes. Someone who knows my goals and exactly how to treat them," he paused. "Nobody knows me better than you, Estela, and that's why I want you by my side as I take on the world."
She stared at him. "What do you mean take on the world?" she felt a distant and familiar panic begin to writhe within her.
"You know what I mean. My quest for power has only just begun. And I want you by my side as I become invincible."
Their eyes locked in combat as Estela shook her head. "Do you remember what I told you the day I left? I told you to choose what's right. And you come here, after years of excruciating silence, asking me of all people to watch as you tear down the world along with yourself. Do you even remember what you once felt for me? Do you remember the change inside you that made you want to be different? Or have you been so consumed by your old ways that it's nothing but a distant memory?"
He leaned towards her. "Oh I remember what it felt like. But it's been a long time since I've cared about anything, Estela. And there's a time in every man's life when he has to choose a path. And as a result of that decision, his character is forged. I could have chosen a different path. But I didn't. I went against all you tried to tell me because you weren't there to make me want it."
"Why do you think that you can't change things in your life now because of the decisions you've made in the past? It's never too late to do the right thing, Tom."
A twitch of his lips. "Then join me. Show me all that the world has to offer. Start where you left off. And if you succeed - if you manage to change me - I'll never again look towards the darkness."
Shock held her by the throat, its fingers digging into her skin. She couldn't breathe.
"Come," he implored, his voice a low thunder as those icy eyes attempted to reel her in. "Come with me, Estela, and I will give you everything you've ever wanted."
She shook her head as much as she could, for her body had lost the ability to move as she was pinned to her seat by his compelling gaze. "I can't," she said ever so faintly, the words barely audible.
"Don't be a fool, Estela," he said in a low tone, his voice deep and full of warning. "I know how much you want to return to your old life. I can see how much you miss it." He paused. "And I can see how much you miss me by the way you stand and the way you look at me like I'm the only thing you've ever wanted. You still care for me as much as you did five years ago."
She couldn't move. She could hardly process his words as he looked right through her as though her every thought was as clear to him as an open book.
"A year was all we had," he whispered, "and we wasted it. Imagine what we could do with all the time the future holds." He etched towards her and he was so close she would touch him if she lifted her hand. "We would have been good together if only we had more time. So now I'm offering you that time. As long as you want."
He smiled slowly, his lips stretching across his face enticingly as though that smile was the weapon of persuasion and he knew exactly how to wield it.
"So now the question is whether you want me enough to take the risk. To leave your new life behind and come back to where it all started."
She swallowed hard, and there wasn't a thing on earth, in heaven, or in hell that could have stopped her from saying yes.
So she agreed, and the smile he gave her was diabolical as he got up, towering even higher than he once had.
They stood facing each other as he continued to smile at her in a way that made her wanted to run away from him and never leave his side at the same time.
"You've made the right choice, Estela," he whispered as he brushed his fingers along the opals of the necklace ever so slightly and looked at her almost possessively. "I'll give you everything you've ever wanted and more, all those secret desires you don't want to admit."
He was offering her a life in the world she'd left behind. And how could she say no to that?
But even though time may not have changed how she felt about him, it had certainly changed him. He was different. She could see it in the way he spoke, the way he chose each word carefully, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it. She saw it in the way he stood, taller and prouder than ever, as though he ruled the world and nothing could tear him down. And the way he looked at her, not in the way he once had, but in a way that told her he wanted her. That he wanted her desperately, but not in the way she wanted him. No, she could see it in his smile and in his very essence that he wanted her for something much deeper than what he was letting on.
She was the one person who knew the source of Tom's power and invincibility. She was the one person who could destroy him as quickly as she could save him. And the key to that was hanging around her neck that very minute.
Tom had played the game well. Very well. He knew exactly how to play her. He was an expert at where to push and where to pull. He knew how to rattle the cage inside her and release the flood that had been building up, higher and higher.
But he had said that if she could change him, he wouldn't look towards the darkness again. And she'd already done it once. She'd made him feel things he'd never experienced. She'd made herself the thing he'd desired most. And she knew those feelings were still there somewhere, though they may not be as prominent as her own. But Tom had always been good at guarding himself, and it seems he'd become even better. But if she'd already managed to change him once, then there was no reason why she couldn't do it again.
So she went with him. Back to the place where it all began. Back to the place their story started.
But little did she know that her old home wasn't what it once was, the person she cared for most wasn't who he claimed to be, and going back was going to be the biggest mistake of her life.
But she'd already said yes. And everything was going change.
Author's Notes: Hello, lovely readers!
I don't know if you can tell but there's a lot more left for this story, which leads me on to a little announcement...
I'm going to be writing a sequel to Modification!
So this is where the first book will end, with Tom and Estela returning to the UK, where Estela will be shocked to find that everything has changed, including the boy she thought she knew so well. And things are far worse than she anticipated. So she'll be faced with the task of changing him again, trying to tear him away from his newfound power when all he craves is more.
I'm really excited to start writing it, but I don't know when that will be, so please don't expect it to be posted any time too soon because I need to plan it all out first!
Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed the last chapter of Modification, and as always (and for the final time on this book) please let me know what you think!
Also, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what might happen in the sequel, that would be really interesting!
I'm also wondering, since the first book is over, if any of you might ever re-read this story? It would be really amazing if you did, and I was thinking of planning like a read-along before the first few chapters of the sequel are posted, where anyone who wants to reread it can do so together!
And now I just want to say a really quick but HUGE thank you to every single one of you who has read Modification over the three years I've been writing it. It's truly been an incredible journey, and I'm so so so grateful to you all!
I will be publishing a final author's note shortly just to thank you all in more depth, but I just wanted to say it here quickly as well.
So as always, thank you so much for reading, voting and commenting, and until next time, nox.