Haley picked me up to go to the party at exactly 7 o'clock as promised. She was dressed in a long, black, maxi skirt with a white crop top to match. Hey hair was in long brown curls down her back, and she had the perfect smoky eye look to her makeup. Haley was very confident with herself and had no problem exposing her stomach whenever she felt like it. You couldn't catch me dead wearing that outfit.
Haley couldn't stop talking the entire car ride to the party. It was clear that she was excited and was probably trying to avoid giving me the chance to change my mind and ask her to turn the car around.
"This party is going to be so much fun! I am so happy you came out tonight, I really think it will help you so much Faith, you'll see," she exclaimed. Haley glanced over at me before continuing, "you don't have a curfew tonight right?" she asked.
"Haley, do you not remember the conditions I made before agreeing to this idea? We are only staying for a couple of hours." I looked at Haley with as hard of an expression as I could, emphasizing how serious I was about these conditions.
"I know, I know," she said. "I'm just thinking in advance. You never know, you could have the time of your life and want to stay longer! I am just making sure that I don't have to have you home by a certain time if that is the case"
"I honestly doubt that will happen," I said. Haley just shrugged, bouncing in her seat to the music playing through her stereo system.
It was only a fifteen minutes car ride to Jacob Harold's house, but it felt like a lifetime. I tried so hard to focus on keeping my anxiety at bay and not to let myself get too overwhelmed. I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the idea that I was about to be in a house full of the people who stare at me all day long. That I was about to be surrounded by the same people that whispered as I walked down the hallways at school, as though I couldn't see that they were talking about me right in front of my face. My mom might have died, but that didn't make me blind or deaf.
I knew tonight was going to be a struggle, but I also knew that I needed to suck it up for Haley. She had been so supportive through everything the past three months and I couldn't take that for granted. No matter how much I was dreading this night, it made me happy to see Haley so excited.
When we got to the party, I couldn't believe how many people were crowding the front lawn. It was clear that this party did not only consist of the kids in our junior class, or even the kids that consisted of our entire high school. Given that Austin was a small town, our high school population was small, and this party was not.
As we walked up to the party, all I could smell was the awful scent of alcohol. Some people were already clearly drunk, even though the party had barley started. Henry, one of our high school's football stars, if that's what you want to call him, came stumbling over the Haley immediately.
"Haley! You came!" He yelled, spilling the beer in his hand has he stumbled into Haley's shoulder.
"Yeah," Haley said, a look of pure disgust crossed her face. "I think the party is already over for you bud." Haley pushed Henry's arm off of her shoulder, pushing past him and grabbing my hand to pull me along with her.
Jacob's house was big, a lot bigger than my family's home. It was at least three stories and had big white pillars across the entire front of it. As Haley and I walked into the foyer, a big chandelier hung our heads. There was a massive staircase that ran up the right wall, leading up to the second floor. It was the perfect house to fit as many teenagers that had shown up to this party. The place was packed with people, smelled like smoke and alcohol, with music blasting at full volume.
Healey led us to the back of the house, towards the kitchen, saying hi to every person that we passed, some who I didn't even recognize.
"Who are all of these people?" I yelled to her.
"Some graduated already and others are from the university in the town over. I got there sometimes for a party here or there," she shrugged, clearly thinking it was no big deal.
When we reached the kitchen, Haley immediately went to grab us some drinks. I admired the room we were in, awed by how beautiful of a kitchen it was. The counters consisted of pure marble, and all of the appliances were stainless steel. Jacob's refrigerator even looked as though it had a touch screen on the front of it. I couldn't possibly imagine what that would be used for.
Haley handed me a drink and took a sip of her own. As I went to take a sip, I immediately smelt the alcohol mixed with soda. I glared at her.
"What?" she asked.
"I said if we came here there would be no drinking. You agreed to the conditions I made Haley," I said in a stern voice. She rolled her eyes.
"Come on faith. One drink won't kill you." As I attempted to argue, Haley just shrugged and walked out to the living room where the party was the loudest, and most crowded. I put my drink on a counter that we walked by. Clearly I was going to end up being the designated driver for the night.
As we walked into the living room, I lost Haley in the crowd. I stood on my tiptoes, trying to see over the dozens of heads blocking my view. I began to feel the panic rise in my chest. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my lungs from seizing. When I finally spotted Haley, she was dancing with a guy I didn't recognize in the middle of the floor, which had been converted into a dance floor.
As my heart rate began to increase, and my chest began to feel heavy, I started to mentally panic. I could feel myself giving into the anxiety, the feeling that has become all too common in my life.
Not here, not now.
I decided to leave the main party, and quickly made my exit. As I went the back door, which led to a patio surrounding a large in ground pool, I took a deep breath. Surprisingly, there were many people in the back yard. There were a few couples, scattered here and there throughout the outskirts of the yard. They were making out and were obviously not interested in the girl who just ran outside in a panic.
I put my hands on my knees, taking a deep breath and trying to even out my breaths. Although it was cool outside, I didn't feel cold. I felt as though my chest was on fire and I began to sweat. Walking over to the pool, I took off my shoes and socks. As I sat on the ground and dipped my feet into the cold, water, I started to feel some relief. Closing my eyes, I lifted my face up to the sky, allowing the cold evening breeze to cool off the sweat beginning to show on my forehead.
I knew that sitting outside by myself, was not what Haley had planned for me tonight. She wanted me to engage with the party, talk to people and drink. She wanted me to have a good time, laugh and be happy again. Although she had all of the right intentions, her hopes were not realistic. One party was not going to "cure" me of how I have felt since my mom died. It was not going to help the constant anxiety felt, but only made it worse. I was thankful that Haley was distracted by the stranger she was dancing with, instead of trying to further convince me to "have fun".
" Hey." As I sat with my eyes still closed, and my face directed up to the stars, I heard a deep voice appear next to me.
I hadn't even heard someone walk up, too focused on keeping my anxiety at by. Slightly jumping at the shock of hearing him, I looked up to see a large silhouette of a guy standing above me. Once I let my eyes adjust to the lights surrounding his head, I got a better, more clear look at who the voice had come from.
Ash Bannerman.
Ash was standing above me, his short black hair being rustled by the passing breeze, and his bright blue eyes staring directly at mine.
Ash was known as the asshole in the school. He didn't have many friends that I knew of and he generally kept to himself, which I am sure people were thankful for. When Ash did make himself known, it was usually to make so smartass remark or instigate one of the guys on the football team. He was the kind of kid to cheat on tests and ask to copy your homework, not trying to hide his lack of interest in school in the slightest.
Even with his unpleasant demeanor, girls at Austin High School gushed over this kid and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why. It wasn't uncommon to see a girl trying to get Ash's attention in the hallway or being too quick to offer their homework for him to copy every morning. Ash usually ignored most of the girls, unless he was benefitting from their presence of course. The only thing I have ever been thankful for when it comes to him, was that he was one of the only people at our school who didn't stare at me in the hallway or whisper behind my back about my mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even know about the crash, he most likely didn't care to notice.
I sighed, not wanting to engage in a conversation at all and not sure why Ash was even going out of his way to talk to me in the first place.
"What do you want?" it came out with a little more attitude than I initially intended, but I wasn't in the mood to talk to him and I could already smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Oh come on babe, you know your glad to see me."
"Cocky much? Your drunk Ash, go home." I turned my attention back to the pool, making it clear the conversation was to end there, but it didn't. Instead, Ash attempted to sit down next to me, almost falling into the pool in the process.
I rolled my eyes, moving myself over so he wasn't sitting against my arms. When he finally managed to sit down, he stuck his feet into the pool, with his sneakers still attached to his feet.
"I know you." He started, "you're that Faith Anderson girl." I wasn't surprised that Ash knew who I was, given we had been to the same schools and in the same classes since first grade, but it instantly annoyed me with the way he said it. 'That girl'.
"Yeah, I am that girl. And you're Ash Bannerman, the biggest jack ass in the school." I replied, venom seeping out of my voice. I wondered if he even noticed or if he was too drunk to care.
"Or you could call me the Bangerman." I rolled my eyes. Was this guy serious? It amazed me that someone could be so cocky, rude and oblivious all at the same time.
"I'd rather not thanks."
I began to get up, ready to leave the pool and get away from Ash as quickly as possible. At that moment I would have liked to simply get up and leave the party. I needed to find Haley.
"Hey, where are you going?" Ash drunkenly put his arm around my shoulder, pushing me back down and preventing me from standing up. "I was only joking." He said, I could hear the slight slur in Ash's voice, compliments of the alcohol he had consumed. "I think you're pretty Faith, why haven't I talked to you before?"
"Ash your so drunk right now." I shrugged his arm off of my shoulder, and leaned away from him.
"But you are," he continued. "I have always thought that about you."
I sighed, wanting more than anything to be out of this conversation.
"Faith?!" I heard Haley calling my name from the patio.
"Over here." I called back, getting up and putting my shoes back on. Ash appeared to try to get up and follow my lead, but gave up when he almost fell into the pool once more. I walked over to Haley, as she stood by the patio door, leaving Ash by the pool.
Haley looked at me and then looked over to where I was just sitting next to Ash. I could see the smile began to creep onto her face.
Before I could say anything Haley said, "So, you and Ash huh?" she said wiggling her eyebrows. I gave her a grossed out look.
"Seriously Haley?"
"What?" she asked. "He's hot." I gave her a horrified look. "Hey, he is. Other wise all the girls in school wouldn't be trying to get him." she said. "But why was he talking to you?" I was taken aback by the way Haley questioned me. It was insulting for her to suggest that Ash talking to me was surprising, as though it was unheard of. Was I really that bad of a person to talk to?
"Because he's freaking drunk Haley," I snapped. If Haley noticed how annoyed I was she didn't show it.
"He may be drunk, but he's a hot drunk." she said, looking over at him again. Ash was now lying sideways by the pool. His head was on the ground, his feet, shoes and all still dangling in the pools water.
"If you think he's so hot then why don't you go talk to him?" I asked.
"No that's ok. I'm letting this one have you." Haley turned back towards me and winked.
"You are unbelievable." I said, before pushing past Haley. I needed to get away from the whole scenario.
"You know I'm right." She continued, following me back into the house and towards the front door.
"Whatever Haley. Can we please get out of here now?"
"Fine. But you're driving. I think I had one too many drinks to be able to drive straight," she said.
"And this would be the reason why I said no drinking." I knew that this was going to happen, but I couldn't help but still feel annoyed by the whole situation. I was begged to come to a party that I didn't want to go to, and once we got there Haley immediately grabbed a drink and left me alone. I know I was a big girl and could handle myself, but I couldn't push the bitter feeling away.
"Hey your still sober so stop your complaining and lets go." I followed Haley, as she swerved through the crowed house full of drunken teens, and finally out to her car.
"Aw leaving already beautiful?" I turned around to see Ash standing in the doorway of Jake Harold's house. His feet and shoes were soaked, and he had probably just tracked mud all throughout the house.
"Go home Ash." I said, turning back to the car and unlocking the doors.
"Na, I think I'm going to go find me a pretty lady, unless you would like to join me." He stood on the steps with a confident grim on his face.
"Yeah, you wish." I replied. "Haley lets go." I said, pushing her to get into the passenger seat of the car. I closed her door and walked over to the driver's side. As I opened the door to get in, Ash continued.
"Fine then I will go find someone else. Your loss." Ash had a look of annoyance on his face as he stumbled back up the stairs, still holding his half spilled beer in his hands.
"You have fun with that Ash." I replied. I climbed into the car, started then engine and drove off down the road. Away from the party, and way from Ash.