Gazing into her father's eyes, she was consumed by nervousness. How could she be so caught up-- so deep into the depths of a dream, to reveal such sensitive details to the man who warned her, on numerous occasion about these situations?
She knew what was next. She knew right then and there that her father wouldn't be on her side, but on the side of his wife, the woman who wants to put her out on the streets. Carlos had strict rules about various things, he did things the way he saw fit, but like most men he had a weakness and that was his wife.
Carlos was once a reprobate, but once he met Lorraine, he change for the better. He has now become the type of husband who agrees with almost anything his wife says just to avoid conflicts and confrontations.
Tamia wanted to scream, cry and beg for his mercy, but she was afraid this would only make matters worst.
Her parents had high hopes for her and Tamia could not overemphasize the way she felt about disappointing them. Being an honor student, she was on the role of getting a full scholarship to the Princeton university. Even though Tamia spent much time procrastinating, she knew how to balance her time between her studies and recreational activities.
To her dad she was seen as a brilliant teenager who spent her time studying, to him she didn't have a social life this was especially evident before she started dating Jariel -- which he thought wasn't a good idea because in his eyes she was still an little girl.
Little did he know that Tamia had split personalities, one reserved for home and the other for school.
"Tammy, what were you dreaming about that caused you to react in such a way? What baby are you talking about?" He questioned.
"Daddy I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me!" Her words began to break. "I. I. I. Didn't mean. Fo. For this to happen, daddy, it was a mistake!" She cried.
"Didn't mean for what to happen? What are you talking about?"
Tamia's crying became hysterical yet again. She wanted to hide her protruding stomach from her dad, but she wasn't sure that was the best idea. With tears cascading down her cheeks, she gingerly projected herself from the bed.
"What the hell is that?" He yelled in utmost shock.
''Lorraine!" He yelled.
"Yes hon!" She answered from the room she shared with her husband.
"Get in here!"
Tamia began to hyperventilate as she heard her mother's footsteps moving closer and closer towards her room.
"Did you know about this?" Carlos asked before Lorraine was completely inside.
"I found out this morning, that's why I was urging you to come home so we could discuss something important. Tamia kept this from us for months on end. I was passing by her bathroom, this morning where I saw her standing with that protruding thing. Needless to say, I was shocked out of my wits!"
With his hands tucked deep inside his pocket and his body leaning against the edge of the door frame, Carlos stared at the two in disbelief.
His mouth hung wide. He tried to speak but his tongue was tied. His expression was grave.
"She needs to find somewhere else to live where she will experience the true harshness of life. Tamia doesn't know what it feels like to be hungry, she doesn't know what its like to have to fend for herself because we ensured that she didn't have to experience these things. But what do we get in return? A baby instead of a high school diploma and now she's forced into motherhood instead of into university- where we worked so hard for her to be. I can't believe she kept this from us, from me, for so long. We used to be able to talk about anything, but now she doesn't even want me around!" Lorraine articulated.
Once more there was silence. Carlos was still positioned against the door frame still in disbelief.
"I'm disappointed in you!" He finally managed to voice before leaving, with his hands still tucked deep into his pocket. Lorraine followed.
*
*
*
Tamia woke up with a severe headache, but somehow in a strange way she felt rejuvenated. As if all that occurred the previous night was just a nightmare that ended as soon as she woke up.
Searching through her closet, Tamia tried to find a suitable outfit for the day. After rummaging through various articles of clothing, she finally found a flowery dress that was given to her by her grandma a few Christmases ago.Tamia loved the dress, but somehow it didn't quite fit, until now.
Making her way towards the kitchen, Tamia made a desperate attempt to find food. Unlike other mornings, the kitchen table was totally empty. Under normal circumstances, she would've woken up to the sweet aroma of her mother's delicious cooking, but this morning her mother was missing in action.
Luckily, the fridge was still stacked. So she poured herself a glass of orange juice.
She felt instantly hungry, and had a craving for mashed potatoes.
As she was about to gather the ingredients to begin her preparation, she heard footsteps approaching. Turning swiftly towards face the direction of the footsteps, she made eye contact with her mom who bore a grave expression.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" She asked.
"I... I... I was just having a mashed potato craving so I decided to...-"
"You decided to what?" She interrupted. "I thought I told that you to get the hell out of my damn house, you're no longer welcomed here so get packing right now!" She shouted.
"Mom please, I need to eat something and where am I supposed to go? Please mom, I will do anything, just let me stay mom... Please, I can't live on the streets it's not healthy for me!"
"Oh! so suddenly you know what is and what isn't healthy for you, huh? When you were out having sex with God knows who on that expensive cruise, was that healthy? When you broke poor Jariel's heart stupidly, was that healthy?!" She paused then continued. "That guy was crazy about you and you broke his heart. Does he even know you're pregnant?"
Tamia wanted to respond but lacked courage.
"You're a damn disgrace, you need to leave!"
"You know what mom, I'll leave your damn house! You don't care about me all you think about is yourself and money. I'm your only child and all you do is make me feel like trash. I know I've made mistakes, but everyone deserves a second chan...-" she struggled to complete her sentence, but she was prevented by the ball that had formed into her throat.
"What's all this commotion about, it's Saturday morning can't I get some peace and quiet in this house?" Carlos shouted as he entered the kitchen.
"Tell it to your daughter over there, when she leaves we'll regain our peace!" Replied Lorraine indifferently.
"Lorraine, are you insane? This is the time of her life that she needs you the most and you are planning on throwing her out? Have you lost your mind?" Carlos belted.
"So you are supporting her? You were the one who spoilt her in the first place. She spent fifty fucking thousand dollars of our money on a cruise and now she's bearing a child without a father. Carlos, I don't have any more money to waste on this... " she replied gesturing towards Tamia, with a grimace.
"Are you hearing yourself, our daughter needs you and all you can think about is money? I can't believe you! You waste more than that amount of money per month buying God knows what!"
"Fuck you, Carlos, she isn't staying here I don't care what you have to say. She has to learn to be more responsible!"
"You are such a..." Carlos was about to loose his sanity, but he exercise self-control. "I can't believe how selfish you're acting! She's your only child and you're treating her like this?"
"Carlos shut the hell up!" She shouted, cutting him off. "Whatever you have to say, save it! She can go stay with your mother I'm sure she is well au fiat in the area!" She scoffed before leaving the kitchen.
"Daddy I'm sorry..." Tamia coughed while using her hands to cover her face.
"It's okay, everything will be fine!" He replied, pouring himself a glass of water and staring through the window.
"How can you say that dad? I don't want to live with your parents, they live like Amish people. They have no technology, they have a house filled with thousands of cats and dogs and the house is old and creepy. Daddy please, it's so far away from here, I won't be able to see my friends!"
Carlos didn't respond but he too left the kitchen.
About half an hour later, Lorraine emerged, bearing a suitcase and another bag, after setting them down in a corner she went back upstairs then returned with yet another suite case. In disbelief Tamia watched as she struggled to get them outside on the front porch. She felt as if she was dreaming. It was very difficult for her to accept that her mother would be treating her this way.
"Carlos?! Carlos! Come get these into the car and drop your daughter off at your parents! I can't stand her being here another minute!" She spoke with scorn.
After a few minutes Carlos, finally came, grabbed his keys then gestured for Tamia to follow him. However, being the stubborn person she was, she had no intentions of moving.
As Carlos was about to open the car trunk he realized that Tamia wasn't following him, shaking his head, he stepped towards her.
"Tamia don't make this any harder than it already is, lets go right now!" He stated firmly.
Turning her attention towards him she spoke. "So you're really going to allow her put me out like this without even trying to stop her?! You're such a coward you always allow her to walk all over you...-"
"Shut the hell up right now!" Carlos yelled cutting her off.
Tamia didn't want to upset her father any further, so finally she decided to leave. Stopping midway she turned her attention towards her mother. "I hate you, I promise you will regret this!"
Without waiting for her response Tamia hustled towards the vehicle. Cascading into the passenger seat she closed her eyes, trying her best to hold back the tears that were already building up in the back of her eyes.
Carlos went in the car and started the engine without uttering a word to her.
As she reflected on previous events she was overcome with rage, as she remembered how her mother reacted. The way she made it seem as if she was taking sides with Jariel. Though Tamia could admit that he was a great guy, she didn't feel that the way her mother reacted was justifiable. In all honesty, it was expected that Lorraine wouldn't be pleased to learn that her teenager daughter, had ventured into a secret escapee which led to her pregnancy. Though this is understandable, treating her daughter as if she was an outcast was rather baffling.
This also accounted for one of the reasons why Tamia found it so difficult to break the news to her parents. Lorraine's judgmental character has gained her a fair share of enemies both males and female.
As Tamia glanced at her father, who was fully focused on the road ahead she assessed his expression. It was clouded by a grimace. She wanted to apologize again for causing him so much pain and embarrassment, but she didn't want to upset him. Turning her attention back to the road, she leaned her hand against the window then rested her head against it.
*
*
*
As Tamia emerged from the vehicle, she came in contact with the depressing reality. Her grandparent's house was even more run down than she had imagined. The walls at the side of the house was beginning to strip, the chain link fence which was used as a makeshift gate was also broken down. There were old pans, beer cans and other garbage all over the front yard, which was covered in grass except for a narrow drive way.
As they made their way towards the front porch, which creaked as they stepped onto it, the board which made the flooring were also beginning to separate, Tamia fought to accept the harsh reality that she was about to live in such a place.
"Mamma!" Carlos yelled.
"Hello, who is that? Is it my son!"she responded.
Elizabeth emerged from the adjoining room with a wide grin, she had a half done knit work in her hand.
She hugged Carlos then Tamia.
Elizabeth had a puzzled expression as soon as she saw the luggage. "What happened? Did that wife of yours throw you out? I warned you about her you know Carlos so...-"
"Mom!" Carlos replied softly. "I'm fine, but Tamia will be staying here for awhile, is that okay with you?"
"Of course!" She responded enthusiastically. "My grandchildren are always welcomed, but why will she be stating here? What happened?"
There was silence. They both wanted to respond, but couldn't find the right words.
Assessing their expression, Elizabeth was puzzled by their sudden lost of tongue. "Is anyone going to answer me!" She asked.
Still no response.
"Uh!" She gasped, with her hands covering her mouth, she tried to restrain herself as she saw Tamia's protruding belly bump.
"Let's go inside!" She stated as soon as she recovered from a state of disbelief.
As soon as they entered the living room area a musty odor perfumed the air. The room was surprisingly clean, but somehow it didn't come across as fresh, but more like something mixed with dust and animal fur.
"Hungry?" She asked.
Tamia nodded, but Carlos shook his head.
"Here!" Elizabeth stated as she handed her a dish of mashed potatoes. Tamia couldn't wait, she dug in instantly.
"Take time child, you make it seem as if you haven't seen food in your life." She stated.
"I'm sorry Nana I'm just very hungry that's all..."
"It's Ok, you're eating for two and all so I understand!" She responded casually.
"I'll get going okay?!" Carlos interrupted. "Mom I'll send someone to clean this place for you next week, it's a mess!"
"Okay my son, Edward was planning on getting it repaired, but the poor man can hardly find time to scratch his head!"
Carlos stepped out without responding, nor bidding goodbye to Tamia.
"How could this happen Nanna, I don't want to have this baby anymore!" Stated Tamia as soon as her father was no longer in sight.
"It's a bit too late for that don't you think? We all make mistakes sometimes, but the best thing about a mistake is not the fact that we make them, but the way we deal with them which determines the outcome of the situation!"
Tamia stepped towards her grandma, wrapping her arms around her she finally felt a bit of hope. She knew that no matter what her grandmother would always be there for her. "I love you Nana!" She whispered.
"I love you too my child!" She responded giving Tamia a peck on the cheek.
"Where is grandpa?" She asked trying to change the subject.
"I think he is at the hardware, why? Do you need something?" Asked nanna.
"No, I just miss him that's all. Can you give me his number?"
"Ha ha!" Nana chuckled. "I'm sorry child, but we don't have a telephone here anymore. Besides, there isn't any cell service here, we communicate the old fashion way of sending letters in the post... Child the only reason I have that refrigerator over there is to preserve my insulin injection for my diabetes..."
"What? You communicate by sending letters? Nanna this is 2015, technology has gotten so revolutionized that's a thing of the past. You have no neighbors in close proximity, so what if something happens to grandpa at the store. How'd you know?"
"Be positive, but I'm sure if anything happens they'll be able to find their way here... I humbly wait for the mail man to come at least once a week. I actually look forward to it. Darling I'm fine with what I have I'm satisfied, all I need is my Edward and my animals and I'm content..." She stated maintaining a smile.
"But don't you just want to speak to your other family members sometimes?" She asked
"What for, if I want them I'll write a letter!"
Tamia was dumbfounded. She was now very much positive that she couldn't survive in this hell hole for not even as much as a month. Her first thought was to find an apartment, but her parents hadn't given her any money. Luckily, she had some saving, however, she couldn't quite rely on that seen as though her mom was the holder of the account.
Taking a deep breath she tried to prepare herself for the road ahead.
****