Chapter 44: A Time for Truth
Tom's face emerged from the depths of the swirling Pensieve, tiny droplets of the smoke-like water dripping from his face as it dried almost instantly. A grave silence encompassed the Common Room like a thick blanket, not a single sound to be heard but the gentle drips of the liquid and the distant movement from within the Black Lake that surrounded them. Tom's face was set as he stared forwards, his hands holding onto the edge of the basin so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.
"Well?" Asked Astrea keenly from behind him. "What did you see?"
Tom didn't even flinch at her words. He grabbed the vial that had contained Cayra's memories and squeezed it so tightly in his hand that the glass shattered, the sharp edges piercing the palm of his hand, but he didn't even wince. The Death Eaters exchanged unsure glances and Abraxas stepped forwards.
"What is she up to, my Lord?" It was as though a newfound confidence had swept over him as he spoke, holding himself high and proud.
Slowly, Tom turned to face Malfoy, whose eyes were glimmering brightly with anticipation. Riddle's face was cold and glaring, and Malfoy gulped as his body slackened under his gaze.
"My Lord?" He asked feebly.
"I don't know what she's up to, Malfoy," he growled dangerously, closing the space between them in one intimidating step. "Because you haven't retrieved the full memory!" He bellowed, his voice echoing around the large stone chamber.
Malfoy blinked. His eyes darted sideways to his fellow Death Eaters pleadingly, but they'd already begun backing away into the shadows. His lips were now a shade of white that matched his face and his hands were shaking. His forehead began to shine in nervousness as he opened his mouth to apologise, but Tom pushed past him with a harsh thud and paced the room.
"Dumbledore's given her a task - an extremely important one -" he growled under his breath, as his followers watched him cautiously. "And it has something to do with me. This is nothing like I had anticipated. I must know." His gaze shot towards his Death Eaters who jumped at his abruptness. "Find her." He demanded.
Malfoy stepped forwards immediately and Tom looked at him with daggers of utter disgust. "You've failed me one too many times now, Abraxas. I need someone who will perform the task I give them without failure. Avery, Astrea," he called, and Astrea Black perked up at once. "Bring her to me."
***
Estela walked lazily up the stairs to the Girls' Dormitory, a sheepish smile on her face as her heart still foolishly fluttered in her chest at the mere thought of his words. She felt so girlish and she hated it - but for a boy with such a cold heart and soul, he made her feel warmer than a blazing fire.
She sighed heavily as she opened the door to her dorm, forcing herself to return to normal and try her best to forget about Riddle, or else she knew she'd never stop smiling, but as she walked in, she didn't even have to try to forget about him.
"Estela!" Eve Meadows exclaimed. "We found her like this, we don't know what's wrong with her."
Estela's body froze at the sight of Cayra. She was sprawled out across the wooden floor, her entire form looking limp and unresponsive. She was surrounded by a group of girls including Eve and Meredith Fox, who were fanning her and patting her forehead with a damp cloth.
Estela rushed over to her and fell to her knees by her side. She was breathing, but her usually lively, flushed face was pale and dull, with an almost grey hue. Her hands were curled up into tight fists and her hair stuck to her face in a layer of sweat.
"Cayra!" Estela attempted, shaking her body gently. "Cayra, wake up!" No response. "Cayra, please, it's Estela, wake up!"
The group of girls surrounding her body all let out a gasp, jumping backwards in fright as Cayra's eyes shot open, darting around the room wildly like a cornered beast, her chest rising up and down rapidly as she heaved and gasped for breath. She seemed lost and distraught and her wild eyes continued to dart back and forth before they fixed on Estela.
Her usually soft voice was reduced to a hoarse whisper as the words escaped her lips between heaved breaths. "He knows!" She panted. "He knows everything!"
Estela never got a chance to ask what she meant, because without another word, Cayra fell back onto the floor where she had been laying with a thud, and was as still as she had been once more. As she did so, her hand uncurled and Estela spotted a note. She picked it up.
'I told you I'd find out what you're up to. I thought you would have learnt by now not to lie to me.
-R'
She was on her feet in a flash. She could physically feel the blood draining from her veins as she realised what had happened.
Whatever it is you and Dumbledore are up to, I'm going to find out.
Tom knew. He had warned her on countless occasions yet she had done nothing to try to hide her secret because she was naïve enough to believe he could never find out. She never anticipated he'd want the information this badly.
Her throat was as dry as a bone as she attempted to swallow, but all she managed to swallow was whatever happiness she had felt when she'd walked up those stairs. Now, all that was left was a hollow emptiness and a cage full of fear with rattling bars.
Her mind was completely frozen, but her feet began backing away of their own accord - away from the sight before her - away from everything. Eve and Meredith were watching her uncertainly as her back came in contact with the wooden door behind her that slammed into her spine. She didn't even wince as the pain shot through her back. She didn't know what to do. She just knew that she needed to go. Somewhere. Anywhere. If he knew, she was ruined. If he knew, everything was over. If he knew, she was dead.
"Get her to the Hospital Wing," she just about managed to say to the girls, before her legs began to carry her to the only place she knew she'd be safe: Dumbledore's office.
She tried to be as quiet as she could as she raced through the corridors, but failed horribly. Her heavy breaths, pounding heart and echoing footsteps gave her location away easily, but her mind was so out of focus that she couldn't even begin to figure out how to conceal herself.
She had never been so distraught. Everything seemed to be closing in on her as she felt the corridor becoming narrower and narrower the farther she went. Blood pounded in the back of her head with each step. It was too much. It was over.
Then her thoughts returned to what they'd done to Cayra. Had they tortured her? Looked into her mind? Extracted her memories? It had obviously been one of his Death Eaters, because Tom had been with Estela for most of the evening. Sharing a genuine moment together, she thought, but now wondered if it was all an act. Had it merely been a way to get her out of the way? A diversion? Had any of his words been real?
She felt weak and unstable. Her heart rate rocketed, and she could feel her pulse all over - hammering in her throat, thundering in her head, her heart smashing madly against her ribcage. All her senses were so strung tight, like an elastic band pulled to near breaking point.
Maybe Cayra had managed to resist? Maybe he didn't know everything, or was she still being naïve and too optimistic by thinking that? Why did he have to find out this way? Any other way than this would have been better. She should have been the one to tell him. She should have been the one to explain. Now he would think that everything had been a lie, that it was all a game to succeed in her task. When it truly wasn't. It had been at first, but now there were no words to describe how she felt for him - how pleased she was that he'd been making progress. Now everything would go back to the way it was. There was no hope for him if he'd seen those memories.
She turned the corner that led to Dumbledore's office, his door a glimmer of hope and safety in the black sea of hopelessness and fear that was crashing in on her. It seemed so far away no matter how quickly she walked. Why is it that when you need something desperately, it always find a way to distance its self?
The cube. She should have retrieved the small, golden cube of safety that Dumbledore had given her should she ever be in trouble. But it was safely wrapped up in her trunk back in Ravenclaw Tower. But she knew she couldn't go back now; it was too late. She knew they'd be coming for her. She should have used the cube... She should have used it.
She was almost there, just a few more steps, then nothing. A freezing sensation hit her squarely in the back as her body slowly caved inwards, unable to move no matter how much she attempted to lash out and escape. She was on the ground, unable to move or look around as the black sea consumed her and she drowned in its depths.
***
A soft moan escaped her lips as she felt a throbbing pain in her head. She couldn't muster the strength to open her eyes. She suddenly became aware of the hard surface on which she was laying, a material akin to wood poking into her ribs and back. She opened her eyes slowly, and they fixed on the high ceiling above her - black with nothing but a single hanging iron chandelier with softly lit candles.
She didn't move a muscle as she adjusted to her surroundings, her mind still fuzzy and confused, but as she noticed the soft emerald glow of the room, her memories flooded back to her.
A lump grew in her throat as she looked around, remembering being hit squarely in the back with a spell that rendered her unmoving. She knew exactly where she was, and she could hear the soft crackling of the fireplace and noticed the many bookshelves that lined the walls of the Room of Requirement. She knew he had to be around. He was here, somewhere. She stayed still for a while, pretending to be unconscious as her mind tried to think of a way out, and hoped she could delay whatever was to come for a little bit longer.
"Get up." Was all that she heard from the darkness and her heart started hammering.
She hesitated, and slowly rose from where she lay, and that's where she saw him. Standing with his back to her by the fireplace, the distance between them feeling like a barrier of safety but also a distance of longing that pained her deeply.
"Tom-" she began, but she was stopped immediately as his voice rang out, as toxic as a dead man's lullaby, his back still facing her as though he couldn't even stand to look at her.
"Tell me what you're up to," he demanded, his words rolling of his tongue like acid. "Tell me about your task and why it involves me."
Her heart skipped a beat. He didn't know. She could explain. But would he understand? She couldn't find the right words to explain her task without making it seem like it was all an act. Or was it a test? Did he actually know everything and was just challenging her?
She sighed heavily as she mulled over her words. "The first day of school last year, Dumbledore called me to his office," she began as softly as she could, the fact that she couldn't see the look on Tom's face unnerved her. "He gave me a task that I've been working on to this very day. To help you - change you - save you from a terrible fate. Dumbledore's travelled to the future, Tom, and in that future the world is in chaos. I've seen it too. I've seen what will become of the Wizarding World if you don't change your ways. I've seen what will become of you. You become a monster. A killer. And it was my job to make sure that never happened."
He didn't move. "So all this time you've been using me?" he snarled maliciously over his shoulder. "Playing me like a pawn in your own game. Lying to me through your teeth about all you felt and all you desired."
"No!" she wheezed. "Everything I said was true. At the beginning it was all a game, I admit, but after working with you for over a year - seeing you change and adapt to the things you hated most - it became real. Learning that you were just a misunderstood human like anyone else, Tom, I never thought it would happen - two people who are so different in so many ways - but I feel things for you that I've never felt for anyone else." She said, her voice unwillingly starting to quaver.
He turned on her, his handsome face marred by a look of incandescent hate and fury, his eyes blazing in an icy rage.
"I told you what would happen if you betrayed me. I warned you of the consequences you would face if you ever lied to me. And here you are, pleading your innocence, acting as though all you said was real in order to save your own worthless skin," his voice fiery and deep as he bared his teeth. "The problem with you, Estela, is that you think I won't hurt you. You think you're too valuable - that you mean too much - but now I want you to know that you mean nothing to me."
His words were as cruel as his voice and his expression as they hit her where it hurt most. He was glaring at her as though he wanted to rip her to shreds with his bare hands.
She could see how much this hurt him. She could see it in his eyes and the way he looked at her with pure disappointment. She never knew she had the power to hurt him, only that he possessed the power to hurt her. But here he was, Tom Riddle who had put his trust in one other person, only to think it was all fake. Tom Riddle who had exposed his weaknesses and true desires. Tom Riddle who had fallen for the girl who was saving him from the dark. Tom Riddle who would never trust another soul ever again.
"It was all real, Tom! All of it! Every single word I said was true. Let me explain-" she pleaded, stepping towards him, but the way he glared at her stopped her in her tracks as he warned her not to speak another word.
"I don't want to hear any more of your lies."
She huffed. "So what are you going to do, then, Tom? Has the time finally come for you to break me?" her voice was as cold as ice as she spoke. "Your long awaited moment to show me your might has finally arrived, hasn't it? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be broken."
"I can assure you the logistics of breaking you are very easy," he spat.
"If you were going to do it, you would have done it by now."
His lip curled in an impatient disgust. "I seem to have miscalculated the extent of your ignorance. You really should try not to talk so much. You'll sound far less stupid that way," he snarled emotionlessly.
"Do it then," she shot at him. "Show me how cruel you can be."
She didn't care anymore. But deep down, she hoped he wouldn't. She could still see the disappointed pain flash in his eyes as he stared at the only person who knew who he truly was. The only person who had cared for him enough to make him care back.
"Oh, I will be cruel to you, Estela Markorp. It will stop your breath how cruel I can be," he spoke in a voice so dangerously low it would have made her body freeze up if she wasn't so angry.
"Enough," she finally snapped, and he curled his lip at her in a confused disgust. "I will not let you treat me like I'm less than you. You think it's just a matter of you hurting me. But I will hurt you too, Tom, even if I don't want to. I already know how deep the feeling of betrayal is seeping down within you. I'm not the girl you think I am. I've tried to explain myself, but you refuse to listen. If you want to become a monster, then fine. If you want to waste all your talent and potential on getting a bit of power, then do it. I don't care. But someday you're going to remember this conversation and wish that you'd paid attention."
His lips formed a line so thin that they almost disappeared as his eyes widened in a deadly rage, his jaw clenched so hard she was afraid it might snap.
"I'm going to give you one more chance, Tom. One more chance to let me explain. And if you don't want to listen, then I'll leave. I'll never bother you again."
He shook his head, his black waves falling into his face. "Leave," he commanded, and her heart sank. "Before I change my mind." And he turned his back without another glance in her direction.
Her lip trembled, looking at him pleadingly as though she was silently willing him to turn around - to listen - just for a moment so she could tell him everything. But the look in his eyes as he turned his back on her told her not to, and it also told her that if she stayed there a moment too long, he wouldn't hesitate to hurt her.
***
Weeks passed since their last encounter. They hadn't exchanged a single word, and not even a glance. They had become quite skilled at avoiding each other, too, with the exception of their lessons and duties as Head Students, but they were times where they both pretended as though one another didn't exist.
She had met with Dumbledore since then too, but he didn't know that Tom was aware of the task. Estela simply told him that she couldn't do it anymore. That she was giving up. That there was no point in her trying to change someone who would never look at her the same way again.
Disappointment didn't even begin to describe what Dumbledore had felt. It stretched far, far beyond that. He had urged her to continue, assuring her that she could overcome whatever obstacle she was faced with. But Estela knew it wasn't possible. Tom would never speak to her again.
Estela had distanced herself from everyone since her final encounter with Tom. Cayra and Anthony had tried desperately to help her, asking her over and over what happened, but she didn't respond. She kept herself to herself. She had learnt an important lesson over the past few weeks: everyone will hurt you if you let them in. And right now, she was hurting more than she could have ever anticipated, and she didn't think that pain would ever go away.
***
Weeks later, as the months turned colder and the nights fell earlier, Estela was alone in the library. The rain was hitting hard on the windows as dark clouds gathered in the grey skies overhead. In the distance, the soft rumble of thunder shook the air, following a quick and glowing flash of lightning.
She had begun to focus her entire time on her studies. Just like before. Before she'd been given her task, before she got closer to Cayra and Anthony. She was back to square one again: the girl who had no one to turn to. The girl who had nobody to rely on but herself.
The library was silent, with the exception of Estela's quill scribbling on her parchment and the librarian turning a page of her book every so often. Then the library door opened with a creak, and in came Riddle: tall and authoritative as he entered. Estela dropped her gaze before their eyes met, and her heart started to give off that annoying feeling again as though it wanted to escape from her chest and give into the pull of magnetism that drew her to Tom. She hated it.
It remained like that for about an hour: nobody except Tom, Estela and the librarian, who were all absorbed in their own things, ignoring one another dutifully.
She dared to look at him, just for a moment, and took him in for the first time in months. She wished she hadn't, because the feeling that swept over her as she did so made her never want to look away. She was disgusted by how much she longed for him. How much emptier she felt now that she meant nothing to him. She was surprised that he hadn't somehow reclaimed the Opal necklace he had given her. The part of his soul that was a symbol of how much he used to care.
Another flash of lightning illuminated the dark room, obscuring her vision for a second, and when the light died down, she saw that Riddle was looking at her, too. A wave of electric force so strong ran through her veins as their eyes locked, only very briefly, before Estela dropped her gaze. She kept her face calm and collected as she willed her mind to focus on the words written on her parchment. But nothing could subdue the way her breathing and heart-rate changed from that one moment of connection. The first time they'd so much as acknowledged each other in months. And it was too much for her.
It made her want to run over to him and resume from where they'd left it - before the fight - before he found out about her task. But she knew it was impossible.
Wasn't it?
A note flew into the library through the door and whizzed around the top of the bookshelves briefly, before it landed on the librarian's desk softly, who read it.
Estela thought if she could convince him of the truth, assure him that all she'd said and felt was real, maybe there was a chance. Maybe, just maybe, he missed her as much as she missed him. Was that a possibility?
A tapping on her shoulder snapped her out of her thoughts as the librarian stood over her, looking down at her over her cat-like spectacles.
"Headmaster Dippet would like to see you immediately," she whispered.
Estela nodded blankly and gathered her things as she left the library, being sure not to look at Tom, who didn't so much as lift his head to look at her as she left.
***
As she came to the Headmaster's door, her mind was back to the subject of Tom. It may be a hopeless notion, she probably couldn't convince him of the truth, but she still had time. Surely she still had time. Stories like this one weren't meant to end badly.
She knocked on the door and opened it to see Headmaster Dippet smiling kindly at her from behind his desk, but she ignored him as her gaze fell on the warm faces of Grace and William.
"What are you doing here?" she asked as a smile stretched its way across her lips. She couldn't explain how much she was glad to see them. She sped over to them, her smile growing as they pulled her into a tight hug.
"We have something to tell you," Grace said softly, running a hand through Estela's dark hair as she gazed down at her lovingly. "Sit down."
Estela's smile faded a bit, she had no idea what to expect. What did they need to tell her that required them to come all the way here? What was so important that it couldn't be said in a letter?
Dippet watched in silence as the three of them sat down, Grace and William smiling at Estela excitedly as she waited with bated breath.
"Remember when we told you we had some exciting news for you?" William began, his eyes wrinkling in the corners as he grinned. "Well, we didn't want to tell you before you began school - we thought it might distract you from your studies - and you were so overjoyed at becoming Head Girl. So we waited until now to tell you." He said, casting Grace a sideways glance.
In unison they spoke the words that caused Estela's insides to freeze over: "We're moving."
She blinked. And she blinked again as her mouth fell open slightly, her eyes shooting from Grace to William to see if this was some kind of joke.
"Moving?" she asked. "Where?"
"Norway," William said slowly, he seemed worried about her disappointed expression. "The European Magical Defence Sector have been monitoring my work on stopping Grindelwald for some time, and have offered me the position of Senior Defence Minister in the fight against him."
"Norway?" she repeated a little too loudly. "You'll be so far away!"
Her parents eyed each other warily. Grace furrowed her brow but spoke softly. "We won't be far away, Estela, dear. You're coming with us."
Her mouth fell open. "What? I can't! What about school? I'm - I'm in my last year! I'm Head Girl! I can't leave!"
Grace frowned. "We've organised a place for you at Durmsrtang Institute, they're happy to accept you into their school with your current grades, and have assured us that the curriculum won't differ too much."
Estela didn't know what to say. She couldn't leave! Hogwarts was more than a home to her! It was the only place she felt connected to who she was. And then it hit her, that if she moved she would never see Cayra or Anthony. Or Tom. Her throat became try as the world around her seemed to stop.
Time. She thought she had more of it. She took it for granted too much. It turns out she didn't have time. Perhaps stories like this were meant to end badly, after all.
Author's Notes: Hello, lovely readers, I hope you're all well!
Here's the much anticipated next chapter, and I really hope you enjoy!
Thanks for all your comments and votes on the last chapter, I'm glad it had the effect that it did.
Please let me know what you think of this chapter, you know I love hearing your thoughts!
Also, if you have any questions, just ask!
I'm just letting you know that there are about three chapters left of Modification until it's over: And I'm going to leave you a hint that two of them will take place in the future... So tell me what you think about that!
As always, thanks for reading, voting and commenting, and until next time, nox.