"I met a girl, Mary!" Freddie beamed over his tea at Mary who sat across from him. She looked up to him, completely uncertain as to his intentions of this conversation. After all, she had now known him for quite some time and her relationship with him was just as unexplainable today as it had been the day she met him.
"Oh?" she replied, not really knowing what else to say. Freddie shook his head happily.
"You've heard me talk about my friend Brian?" he questioned.
"Of course. The tall one." Mary said.
"Yes!" Freddie said ecstatically. "Well, last night he was introduced to a girl half his size and just as dull as him!" Freddie smiled all over.
"Fred! That's a terrible thing to say about your friend!" Mary scolded him.
"I mean it in the most endearing and sincere of ways. You don't understand! Brian can't talk to girls. He's never been able to do that in all the time I've known him. Well, he talked to this one like it was no problem whatsoever!" Freddie beamed to her. Mary gave him a soft smile wondering if she should corner Freddie into a talk about their relationship, which was far from new.
"Freddie...I....I was wondering. Am I...am I ever going to meet any of your friends?" Mary almost regretted asking. Freddie looked up at her like a fox in the headlights. He hadn't thought about this. In fact, Freddie realized that there was a lot he hadn't thought about. Honestly, He had been so very comfortable with Mary and he had enjoyed her company so, it hadn't dawned on him to think of her as more than a friend. Yet, he was conflicted because he already felt like she was more than a friend to him without having had such a discussion. He couldn't possibly introduce Mary to his friends. What the hell would he call her!? He had been so very worried about Brian that he had completely forgotten about himself. He had stopped working on his tea and found himself staring across the table at Mary's soft and delicate features. Freddie cleared his throat.
"I...I suppose it's time you and I had a talk...about us." Freddie said.
Chrissie was in rare form as she sat with Brian over lunch. There had indeed been a spark between the two of them and they had talked endlessly over their official first date. Chrissie could have licked Brian off the floor though she would never admit it out loud. Their conversation ranged from the university, to Chrissie's job, to Brian's thesis, to what they liked and where they lived and the fact that Chrissie had boldly invited him to meet her at the farmers stand at Kensington Market the next day was so very out of character for her. Not only was she inviting him to the farmers stand but by god, they were going to cook...together...at her house. This was Chrissie's dream date and she was enthralled by how smart and articulate Brian was. They stayed at the restaurant Brian had suggested for over three hours. So long in fact, the waitress sent over complimentary shortcake. Chrissie thought Brian had the kindest smile she'd ever seen and it was obvious that neither of them wanted their afternoon to end. So, it didn't. After lunch, Brian invited Chrissie back to his 2nd story rental in the house near the university. He didn't admit it, but he had a nervous wreck about it.
"So, this is where you live?" she asked excitedly, as Brian opened his door for her. His apartment had a slight odor of the couple who lived below him, a rather elderly scent but not to the point of overbearing. The tan plaid carpet, though old, was clean and free of stains and the brown corduroy couch was a terrifying sight because it was barely big enough for Brian, let alone the two of them. There was a chair near the television console that Brian had books piled open and the tiny, yellow tiled kitchen was barely a kitchen. The brown floral curtains hung over the windows had been made by the landlord and had been hanging for some time. Brian, for all practical purposes lived in a studio flat. He didn't have much room and it was evident. Thank god the ceilings were nine footers.
"Yeah. It's not much. It's all I can afford right now and the couple downstairs who own the house are very considerate of the late hours I tend to keep on the weekends. It's why there's a separate entrance. They're so nice, always invitin' me to eat with them." Brian said, smiling at her. Chrissie was enchanted by Brian's adorable flat. The deep brown wooden kitchen table with the orange bowl in the center of it, the paneling behind the couch and the mirror to make the room look larger, the black telephone that sat on the phone directory at the end table beside the couch, and the guitar squished into the corner behind the chair. Though it was their first date, Chrissie found herself rather turned on because this flat was simple and neat: just like Brian. She shook her head as she still stood on the woven rug at the door.
"I...I like it very much. You...you keep it so clean." She breathed out.
"Thanks. It's small I know. It's too small really. I have so much stuff. My bedroom is actually much larger." Brian paused a moment because his heart was about to stop. "I...I don't mean...I'm...I'm not..." he breathed out nervously as sweat formed on his forehead. "I'm not suggesting that we...I'm just...sharing that..."
"it's...bigger....than...than your living room." Chrissie added, still unable to wipe the stupid smile from her face.
"Yes!" Brian exhaled, utterly relieved that this conversation hadn't completely gone to hell in a hand basket. "Yes! You are precisely right. It's bigger. It's bigger than this room." Brian shook his head nervously hoping to god Chrissie wouldn't think he was implying anything. "Do um...do you want somethin' to drink? I've got..." Brian opened his refrigerator. He was mortified at the sight inside. He had one thing in his fridge: milk. "Never mind. I only have milk. I'm not going to offer you milk." He laughed at himself even though he wanted to jump out the window on account of his embarrassment.
"It's alright. I'd love some water though." Chrissie said, trying to smooth this over.
"Okay. Hey, I have a turntable. It's in the telly console. Would you like to listen to something?" Brian asked her. Chrissie would have said yes to anything in this moment.
From Autumn in Kensington
"What you need is a little publicity. Some flyers or something. I could help get the word around... If we could get a picture of the four of you..."
"How much would it cost?"...
I nervously wrapped my fingers on the table as the phone rang. A voice on the other end finally answered. "Hey." I said, choking a little on my cigarette.
"Hello, Lydia. I haven't heard from you." the voice said. I ignored the statement.
"I...I need a favor...from you." I said. There was a short laugh on the other end of the phone.
"A favor?"
"Not that kind of favor, Sebastian. Shut up and listen. I....I need you to...I need some photographs done." I said, fearing how this conversation would go. I hadn't talked to Sebastian for at least two months. I had severed all contact with him in order to be the textbook definition of a good girlfriend. "No. No not of me. My boyfriend's band...they...they need some publicity photos. They don't have any kind of promotion." I explained. Sebastian gave me another chuckle.
"Of course I'll do it." He said, knowing that's exactly what the favor was for which I was asking. I have to say that I was relieved that he was willing to do it. I sighed audibly.
"Okay how about..." Sebastian cut me off.
"It's going to cost you, Lydia." He said. I was silent. The truth was, I knew it was going to cost me. It was just shocking to hear it out loud. I swallowed hard as I heard my front door open. "Yeah...I gotta' go." I said to Sebastian, hanging up the phone quickly. "Hey, whatcha' got there?" I asked, standing up from the couch quickly and trying not to seem anxious as Roger came through my doorway with his hands full of two grocery bags and a huge smile plastered on his face. He kissed me quickly before passing me up for the kitchen table.
"It's like this, Lyd. You're always doin' stuff for me like...lettin' me eat all your food. Makin' stuff for me all the time and...this time? I am makin' lunch for you all by myself. You're not gonna' help me. I'm probably gonna' swear...a lot but that's the risk I'm willin' to take." Roger said happily. I smiled at his truly sweet gesture but didn't say anything for a moment.
"Um...I...I need to go to the gallery for a bit." I exhaled nervously. "Do...do you mind?" I bit my lower lip.
"No! No of course not! If you need to go, go. Just tell me when you're comin' back and I'll have all this ready, yeah?" Roger told me with confidence that he could actually do this. I wasn't sure what had gotten into him today. Sure we had a great night Friday night but he was...he was almost childlike. I couldn't understand why the hell he wanted to do something so very kind for me. I think this was his attempt to be romantic but in eyeing the bag I could tell his idea of romance was frozen fish sticks, a melon, wild rice and whiskey. I had to smile because I desperately wanted to stay right here and watch him swear at that melon as he tried to cut it apart. I swallowed hard as I had done earlier and shook my head.
"Okay. Okay, sure. I'll uh...I'll call when I'm headed back?" I said, leaning in to kiss him before I left. Roger agreed and I then slipped out the door. I hurried to my lift as quickly as I could. I wasn't headed to the gallery.
Chrissie laughed as she and Brian sat in his floor with his entire record collection spread out before them. Brian had been talking about each and every one of them while they listened their way through nearly half of what was spread out in the floor. "I really like this one." She said, examining the gatefold of one of The Who albums. What neither Brian or Chrissie realized is that they had completely lost track of time. A mid morning brunch had turned into an entire afternoon. Brian wanted to talk about every song and Chrissie was more than willing to listen.
"Does all this noise bother the couple that lives downstairs?" she asked.
"No. They can't even hear me walk around up here. It's very well soundproofed. I can't even hear when the wife downstairs has her card parties. I only know they happen on Thursday nights." Brian explained.
"Oh my. My mum used to have card parties a lot. She doesn't so much anymore because she works so much." Chrissie said, not even realizing that her shoulder was pressed into Brian's arm. It was those moments like this in early that made your heart flutter and ask yourself a hundred times over 'we just touched arms! Did that mean to happen!? Was this an accident? Was it on purpose? Did he mean to lean that way?' Chrissie's heart raced every time Brian leaned toward her. She found herself examining him too closely. "Sss...so um...is...are....what's goin' on with your hair?" Chrissie asked. Brian looked at her and couldn't help but laugh.
"Um...I have no idea. See, okay. My mum has naturally very curly hair and I used to wear it shorter than this but it didn't work out. I think I'm gonna' let it grow a little past my neck, you know? I think maybe to my shoulder. It kind of has a mind of it's own sometimes." He told her.
"I like it and I think that's a good idea. Is that picture your parents?" Chrissie asked, nodding to a picture that sat on the telly console." Brian reached up for it and handed it over.
"Yes, This is mum and dad." He said, using this as a perfect excuse to move closer to her.
"Oh my god. You look exactly like your dad. Of course, it's so obvious you got your mums hair." Chrissie laughed yet again as Brian told her a little about his parents.
I was met with a most gorgeous smile at the door. "Lydia. It's been a while." Sebastian said, opening his door wider.
"I need to talk to you. I don't have any time to waste. I need you to shoot my boyfriend's band this week. I need it done soon and..." I looked around Sebastian's flat only to realize that many of his things were in boxes. "Wh...why is all this stuff in boxes?" I asked spinning around and looking to Sebastian, who was now leaning against his closed door. He unfolded his arms from his chest and moved toward me.
"I'm going to New York at the end of the month. Taking my finals early. I've been accepted at New York University. You should much consider going with me, Lydia. Think about it. I'll be a photographer by day. You work in the chic galleries of Greenwich Village. Lydia, I'm going to meet Andy Warhol. Your gallery career coupled with your finance knowledge will take off. You live with me. We rent a warehouse loft and..." I was infuriated. I stopped his dreamy offer of New York City, a place I had always dreamt of seeing.
"No! No! You...you can't do this! You just can't fuckin' do this Sebastian! I get my life movin' on the right track after you and....and then you come shit on it with all your promises of New York! NO! You can't fuckin' control me anymore. Not anymore Sebastian." I practically screamed at him. "I'm in a relationship! I am in a fuckin' relationship for the first time since I met you! And you are not gonna' ruin this for me!" I paused and swallowed in anger. "Go! Got to New York. Forget you've ever known me. I...I desperately need you erased from my life....Sebastian. I am here....for one final favor and I'm...I'm....I'm willing to pay for it." My voice shuddered because I already knew where this was headed. "You do a shoot for my boyfriend and his band. You have to swear to me that you will act as if you and I have no history together. If anyone asks, my story is that you and I made out once and that's it. Sebastian, I am fuckin' serious. You cannot imply anythin'." I said as sternly as I could. I had never stood up to Sebastian before. This was a first for me. I was not going to back down or cave in to him.
"I'll do the shoot and I'll do the right way. You know that, mi amour. But Lydia, what has happened to you? Why are you taking it so seriously? Do you love him? This man...with no future...do you love him?" Sebastian taunted me in his heavy Italian accent.
"No, I don't fuckin' love 'im but it's not your damn business. Let's get this over with and you give me what I'm owed. And you listen to me....you cannot provoke him. You do the shoot and you leave him and his friends alone. They're my fuckin' friends now." I said through gritted teeth. He smiled at me, pushing my hair behind my ears and capturing my soul with his deep brown eyes.
"Relax. Please relax. I will not interfere with this...this whatever you call it. I will do a most pleasing shoot for you. Don't worry. Anything you wish to have printed will be done. I'll never say no to what you want, Lydia." He pressed his lips into my neck and I could feel his hands on my stomach. My stomach flipped in sickness and nerves.
"I want you to mail me the coke." I choked out, fighting my tears. I didn't get an answer but I did feel him unbutton my trousers. "Do you hear me!?" I growled at him.
"I will mail the coke. But for now, I want you to remove your trousers. Oh, and Lydia? You're still too thin." He said. I sniffed as I felt a teardrop on my cheek.
"They call you professor?" Chrissie asked, perplexed and feeling hot all over as Brian had explained all of his classes to her and told her all about his fabulous grad assistant, Erin. He blushed a little.
"Well, yes. Actually. Since I don't yet have my Ph.D, my appropriate title is Professor May to my students." Brian explained. Chrissie was speechless as she stared at Brian for approximately the nineteenth time today.
"My god! I can't believe you have a title like Professor. That's so....so..." Chrissie realized that she couldn't finish the sentence because she was choking on her own dry mouth. And so she chugged down the rest of the water in her glass as her mind raced. Once she finally came up for air she had completely lost her train of thought. "Oh Professor....what a big record collection you have." She finally said. Brian thought for sure he would pass out in the floor in this moment because the pretty girl holding his copy of Herman's Hermits had just called him Professor.
"Uh..." Brian started, realizing his sweater were about to suffocate him. "the better to....to....is...it....hot in here?" he asked of her, still convinced he were going to pass out. Chrissie breathed in deeply.
"Tremendously..." she said in a desperate sigh. "Do...you mind if I refill this water?" she asked politely. Brian shook his head.
"No. Not...not at all. In fact, I'll do it for you. You don't have to." He said, wanting to stick his head in the sink.
"Thank you...Professor." Chrissie added with a stupid smile. It only made Brian's heart pound faster in his chest.
I stood on the front sidewalk of Sebastian's building and lit a cigarette with my shaky hand. I couldn't think straight and at this moment I couldn't even decide how to get back to my flat. All I knew is that I needed to get back there immediately. I needed to get out of the hell I was in and back to the safety of Roger. I worked hard on my cigarette and decided to walk to the bus stop as fast as I could. Once on the bus, I wept silent tears the entire route to the stop nearest to my building. I had managed to call Roger from Sebastian's before fleeing his building in a mad panic. I know neither how I held it together on the phone nor how I pulled off a perfectly constructed lie. I got off at the nearby stop and ran to my building. I was out of breath as I opened one of the double doors and panted miserably on the red carpet that covered the marble. I had to pull myself together before going any farther which also meant wiping off my tear-streaked face. A few of the residents' in my building gave me a funny look as I tried to gain my composure. I choked on my own air as I nervously tried to breathe deeper. After what seemed like an eternity and a half, I caught my breath, and felt my heart slow a little. I pushed the up button on the lift and waited for it to descend to me. It didn't take me long to step foot inside and punch the button to my floor.
Nausea replaced my breathlessness as I awaited the doors to spit me out. I thought certain I would throw up before I made it to the door of my flat...and I was right. Thank god there was a trashcan just outside the doors of the lift because the bell dinged on my floor and anything that had been left in my stomach just came back up. I was grateful there had been a bag in the canister and that custodians emptied these each night. Otherwise, this would be unpleasant in the morning. I shook as I clung to the sides of the chrome bin, heaving two more times. I breathed heavily as I prepared to make my way to my flat. I didn't know what had become of me. I had just fucked my ex-boyfriend. I was in an relationship with a man who was in my flat at this very moment thinking I was coming home the gallery. Inside those walls was man who was trying to make my life better. I so desperately wanted him in it. Sebastian was right about one thing: I was different. I was different in that I wanted nothing more than to try. I wanted to try to be the girlfriend to Roger that I had never dreamt of being to anyone else. I wiped my mouth off and stared at my door from a distance. Yes, I fucked my ex but I got the shoot didn't I?