The Pendant
~~~~~
I made my way out of the woods dazed and confused, still trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I tried looking for Justin but he was no where to be found, not that I really looked. I mostly just walked around screaming for him, giving up when my throat started to ache.
I eventually started to make my way to the Center thinking maybe he had made his way back there. When I stepped into the clearing, there were only a few bodies scattered about and he wasn't one of them. My face fell slightly and I pouted, disappointed.
I trudged over to one of the white plastic tables and grabbed a red sleeping bag and a pillow and turned to see where I wanted to sleep. My eyes scanned the area before landing on the trees. I gathered my sleeping bag and made my way over to one and started to climb.
In 1945, when the town first declared the Center as a landmark, the people started to make it our own. We added a well in 1950, (that we of course no longer use), benches in 1968, a porch swing in 1975, grills in 1989, and in 2009 we added platforms in the trees. We used them for stargazing and as sleeping grounds on camping trips and Freedom week. We carved memories into them and decorated them with new memorabilia all year long.
I threw my bag onto the platform and pulled myself up, sighing when I saw the sight.
Being the newest and nicest platform, it was less cluttered and probably the safest. It was kind of like a shack, minus three walls and it was much nicer. The back, and only, wall had a medium sized window embedded in complete with a window seal and flower box. A narrow porch wrapped around the back of the platform allowing the people who tended the park to water and weed the flowers, along with the other things people needed to do to flowers.
As you can tell I don't have a green thumb. The last plant I had died because I forget plants needed sunlight and kept it under my desk. Oops.
I walked to the wall and ran my fingers along some of the engravings. The entire thing was decorated with different items ranging from pieces of paper to clothes, with the occasional carvings in it. There was so much, many of the older items were covered by some of the newer things. And it had only been up four years.
I continued along the wall running my fingers over some of the things that nailed up. Everything had a story, and the town being as small as it was, I knew all of them.
Sitting on a little shelf was a doll, with porcelain skin, blushing pink cheeks, and golden brown hair wearing a little white dress with a blue ribbon tied in a bow around her waist. It used to belong to little Lucy Denver, who lived just done the street, she put it up when she turned six saying she was "a big girl and big girls [didn't] play with toys."
Pinned to the wall was a piece of paper with the words "PROMISE CONTRACT" written across the top in big letters. Written at the bottom in ink are two names. Angela Paul and Kevin Samuels. After dating for two years, they had a huge falling out. Apparently Angela caught Kevin cheating and after having an argument with him that ended with her slapping him, she punched the girl, who had still been snug in his bed, in the face. He wrote the contract as a promise to never cheat again, among other things you should never do in a relationship. He took her on a really romantic date and gave it to her along with an expensive promise ring he had been saving for. They both signed the contract and made up, if you know what I mean.
I keep walking, rubbing my fingers gently across the wall. My fingers brushed past Thomas's red baby shirt, a dinosaur themed shirt with the words "HEAR ME ROAR" on it. It shifted and I glimpsed something shining underneath. I stopped dead in my tracks and my mouth went dry as a lump formed in my throat. Was that...? It can't be. I backtracked and lifted the shirt confirming my suspicions. I thought I lost this. How did it get here?
Hanging on a small rusted nail, shining in the moonlight, was a small silver necklace complete with a red ruby cushion cut pendant. I snag the necklace from the nail and gawked at it rubbing my fingers across the hairline crack in the smooth gem, proving it was really mine. I hadn't seen it in so long, and truth to tell, I missed it. Probably because I missed him.
Before he "left," my father gave the necklace to me in a small cushioned velvet box. It was so beautiful and looked so expensive I was scared to put it on. I wasn't nearly good enough to wear it. When I asked him why he had given it to me he said it was a "just because present." That he was giving it to me "just because [I was me]." The minute I put it on it never came off, unless there was a risk it could get wet. I didn't want it to rust. It was an expensive piece of jewelry so that probably would have never happened but I didn't want to risk it.
That was the day before he left. After that he just...stopped coming home. Stopped kissing me goodbye at night before he left for work. Stopped calling me in the morning to see if I was up and ready for school. Stopped leaving cheesy notes on my lunch that said things like "Stay ripe" on my fruit and "Hope your day is easy cheesy" on my grilled cheese. Stopped...everything.
And what made it worse. He planned it. The day he gave me the necklace, as soon as I got from school, we went out. He took me everywhere I wanted and bought me whatever I asked for. He was dragging it out and I didn't even know it. He knew the second that necklace was in my hands he was leaving and never coming back. He knew and he spent an entire "normal" day with me in preparation for it, the entire day acting as if there was nothing wrong. I guess he wanted me to feel like him leaving was not my fault. That I had nothing to do with it and he loved me to death and there was nothing I could do to make him leave.
That's not how I felt.
I went through the five stages of greif and it was emotionally draining.
First, denial. After he left I was optimistic. I didn't believe he was gone. I mean there was no evidence. No note or message, no call or voice-mail, stating he wasn't coming back. There was nothing. So I didn't believe it. I called and texted, hell, I even sent a letter to his mother hoping he was there even when she sent back that he wasn't. I kept hope, even when everyone lost it and kept telling me he was gone. But after a year you start to think, and you stop denying and get angry.
The anger came raw and uncut. I hated everything about him. I needed to erase him from my mind. I didn't want to remember anything about him because the second I did all hell broke lose. But hell broke lose anyway when I went on my rampage. I stole my boy best friend, Julian's, bat and stormed through my house, smashing anything that reminded me of him. Which was basically everything. So, everything got destroyed. Pictures, mirrors, tvs, tables...everything. When I was done, I tore the necklace from my neck and threw it into the forest that surrounded our backyard. When my mom came home from work that night I was in a pile on the ground bawling my eyes out. She thought we had been robbed but when I became hysterical and started to speak she knew that wasn't the case.
The bargaining came during my episode. As I sat bundled in my mothers arms, I tried everything in my power to convince her he was coming back. "Maybe he just went on a business trip and forgot to tell us," "What if he's just building us a new house in that new town we always dreamed of moving to," and "Maybe he's held up across the border and they won't allow him to leave or make any long distance calls." They got pretty out there and they continued until I was eventually lulled to sleep by her rocking and light humming. When I woke up I went straight to the backyard to find my necklace but it was nowhere to be found. It was gone, just like he was.
Depression was a bitch. When the realization that he was gone dawned on me I was crushed. It hit me like a truck speeding on a freeway. But it probably hurt more. I just couldn't believe he would do such a thing. Our family was close and we loved him to pieces and him us. Or at least I thought he did. But if he loved me why would he leave without a word? Without leaving a note? Without me? He told me I was fine being me and that I was worth everything and there was not one person I would ever meet that wouldn't immediately fall for me and love every piece of me and never want to leave. But he did just that. Left. He didn't make me feel loved or special or worth anything. I felt worthless, unworthy, and broken.
It took awhile to come but it finally did and it hurt to do it cause it meant admitting he was never coming back but I did it. Two and a half years later. I accepted it. And in a way if felt good. To finally be clear of the pain of his absence. Of course I still missed him and a small part of me was still angry with him but he was still my dad, and I still loved him no matter how much I hated him. And that would never change.
I never found that necklace so the question still remained, How did it get here?
"It's beautiful," a husky voice said from beside me causing me to jump. I turned, instinctively stuffing the necklace into my back pocket.
"Justin!" I exclaim wiping at my damp eyes. "I've been looking all over for you. Where'd you go?" I said concern etching it's way into my voice.
He studied me a moment before turning and walking toward a blue sleeping bag that was placed next to mine. How long has he been up here?
He sat with his legs up, lied his wrist across his knees palms down and looked in his lap. "I needed to clear my head. Walked out to the lake for a bit. Threw some rocks."
My brows knit together and a sarcastic smirk formed on my lips. "Threw some rocks. Are we in a 70's movie?" He stayed silent. I sighed and ambled over to sit next to him. I looked out at the stars and we both sat in silence. Then my eyes shifted to his freshly bandaged hands. "See you raided the first aid table," I started. When he didn't reply I asked the question that had been scratching at my tongue since he stormed off. "Why'd you react like that?"
I didn't have to say anything more for him to know I was referring to what happened with him and Theo. He completely overreacted and I think I at least deserved an explanation. He sighed and flexed his fingers, "He disrespected you," he shrugged.
"And that means you have to break his nose and knock lose some of his teeth," I said trying to keep calm. Why was he acting like this wasn't a big deal?
He laughed a humorless laugh. "Well what'd you expect me to do 'talk' to him about his 'bad behavior?'" I get angrier as he mocks me. Why is he being so nonchalant about beating a kid into the ground. He practically killed Theo and he was making jokes.
"No but you didn't have to get violent," I shrieked hopping to my feet with inhuman like speed. "There was no reason for you to use his face as your own personal punching bag!"
"He deserved it," he said as if it was so obvious. In a way it was but he still didn't have to let his anger get the best of him. Theo wad perverted and most people had learned to accept that and those who hadn't were learning. Just because someone was acting inappropriate it didn't give someone the right to come along and smash his face in. I agreed sometimes people have to learn by force but what he did to Theo was completely uncalled for. The boy could hardly stand after the beating he took.
"That's all you have to say for yourself." I declared in disbelief. It wasn't a question. "You are freaking impossible." I threw my arms in the air in exasperation and turned on my heels, practically steaming. I stormed to the ladder and started to climb down. This gets his attention.
His head popped up and whipped in my direction. "Where are you going?" I'm halfway down when his head peeks over the top of the platform.
"Anywhere thats not near you," I said when I got to the bottom. I heard him shuffling down the ladder and screamed behind me, "Don't follow me because I honestly want to rip your throat out right now." I didn't hear any further movment as I stormed into the trees.