Sorry, I've been so absent lately! I've had a lot going on and haven't been online very much. Anyway, here's a new chapter! Hope you enjoy (:
Chapter 37
No blood will spill if we both get out now,
Still it's hard to put the fire out.
~ Battlefield - Lea Michele
"It's absolutely incredible that he found that room though," Lily said, drumming her hands excitedly on her desk. "There's no mention of it in Hogwarts: A History and come on, this is so exciting!"
"Miss Evans?" McGonagall asked with a frown. "If you could tone down the enthusiasm a little please?"
Lily gave the professor a happy nod, which only confused the poor woman more. I tried not to snicker.
"Will you calm down, you obsessive fangirl?" I giggled softly as McGonagall gave us a last disapproving look.
"Who is she fangirling about?" I heard James ask behind us.
I refused to turn around and I saw even Lily's excitement dim a little, although that didn't stop her from gushing.
"Do you think he'll let us use the room for other things?"
"Who is she talking about?" James whispered in a panicked voice. "What room?"
I smirked. "He doesn't own it, Lils."
Lily looked so excited I feared she was about to start clapping her hands in class. "Oh this is glorious indeed. I've always wanted my own library in the castle. It's great. And where did you say it was again?"
I gave her a look. "If you don't remember it from the last three times I told you, I doubt it's going to stick this time."
Lily stuck out her tongue. "Aren't you excited, Nika? Admit you are excited!"
"About a room?"
Lily's smile widened. "Or, you know, maybe you want a taste of the forbidden fruit."
I gasped, scandalized. "Lily," I hissed.
"What on Earth are they talking about?" I heard James mutter angrily.
"I don't know, Prongs. Why don't you ask them?" Remus replied with a hint of annoyance at James' drama.
I didn't really care much about what they were saying, but I can say that I was happy that Sirius found a seat on the other side of the room with Peter.
"Are you going to tell Sirius?" Lily whispered now, but still too loud to keep James from hearing.
"What do I need to tell Sirius exactly?" I muttered, getting a bit annoyed myself. "That I change into a bloody dove every full moon?"
Lily made a face. "No, but you know... Don't you think he'll want to know?"
"If he wants Sirius to know he can tell him himself. I'm not an owl," I sighed.
"Psst, Nika," James whispered, poking me in the side with his quill. "What are you lot talking about?"
I turned around and leaned over heavily on his desk when McGonagall's back was turned, so only he would hear. "Your inescapable death," I replied immediately. "I wonder if I'll scream if I kill someone myself. Something to ponder over," I smiled sweetly, before turning around again.
"Aw, come on, love," James sighed. "You'd miss me if you killed me. You know you would."
"Yes, like the bloody plague," Lily said, rolling her eyes.
"Lily, my lovely blossom, what has gotten you so rallied up? Meeting a new lad tonight? Finally got tired of that Trevor fellow, have you?"
"It's Trey, Potter, as you well know."
"Travis," James acknowledged. "Yeah, I know him. Bit of a dimwit if you ask me."
I saw Lily visibly count to ten in her mind and couldn't help but smile a little. Seemed like I didn't need to kill James Potter at all, Lily would do the job for me if he kept this up.
"Potter, if you don't shut your gap right this instance," Lily said, fuming as she slowly turned around.
"Miss Evans, what on Earth!" McGonagall intervened, before she could properly finish her threat. "What has gotten into you?"
Lily, who instantly flushed, turned back to the front. "I'm sorry, professor," she said softly, her eyes downcast as the class giggled at her expense.
I gave her a gentle smile. She had been acting weird all day and I guess it was just the nerves that made her temper flare, but it wasn't like we could explain to McGonagall what was going on...
"Mr. Potter, this is your doing I presume?"
"You presume falsely, my dearest professor," James said, "I was merely inquiring after dear Trevor."
"Trey," Lily hissed.
"Travis," James nodded.
"I will end you, Potter," Lily whispered so softly that even I had to strain to hear it.
"Calm down, Lils. He's just trying to get on your nerves. You're not thinking clearly."
"Oh," she said, her voice getting louder, "well, I guess he's just my version of bloody Black then!"
Now it was my time to flush as I heard James scream an aww yeah. "She so fancies me," I could hear him tell Remus confidently.
"Sit down you, maggot," Remus sighed. I saw him pulling James back into his seat from the corner of my eye.
"Nice comeback," I finally said slowly as McGonagall told James his outburst had cost our House ten points. "But I was not having a go at you, you know."
Lily looked away as her fingers tapped the desk in a steady rhythm. "I know. It just has me rattled, is all."
"We're just going to help him," I breathed softly so only she could hear and laid my hand atop hers so the drumming would stop. So annoying, that. "He's going to help me and we'll go our separate ways again."
Lily bit her lip and shook her head. "It's never that simple, Nika. Especially with that kind of crowd. Once you get in, you're never getting out."
"We aren't joining them, Lils. We aren't joining anything, in fact. We're just... helping," I finished lamely.
"They are at it again," James sighed.
"Honestly, Prongs, if they wanted you to know about it, they would have told you!"
"Well then, Moony, what has gotten your knickers in a twist?"
"My best mate refuses to shut up and I have a headache from Morgana herself," Remus muttered darkly.
I turned around. "Oh, are you okay, Remus? Do you need something to help with the headache? Lily's an absolute star at those spells, you know."
Remus gave me a wan smile. "It's quite alright, Nika. Thanks though."
I nodded. "Not a problem."
"Did you just offer him my services?" Lily asked me with an incredulous look on her face.
I waggled my eyebrows. "Why, you wanna have a go," I said in my best sex voice.
"Oh dear," Lily said faintly, as I heard something drop behind us.
"I can highly recommend the Marauding Snogging," I whispered in her ear so only she could hear. "Simply marvellous, that."
"Did you just brand their snogging skills?" Lily started giggling. "I'll pass though."
"Too bad," I said, if not a bit sadly. My eyes fell on Sirius who was busy communicating through some kind of sign language to James. "There's currently been an opening."
He noticed me watching him and he didn't even miss a beat. He winked, I looked away.
"I could never do that," Lily whispered, softly this time so her words remained just between us. "Besides I don't much fancy grey eyes."
I grinned at that. "No, you like them brown."
"Ye- Stop setting me up with a Marauder, Nika," Lily sat hitting me on my arm softly.
"Miss Schmidt and Miss Evans, final warning," McGonagall called out.
We remained silent for the rest of the class, but were in good spirits.
~*~
"Alright," Lily said, when class ended. "I am going to release my womanly wiles on my lover and will meet you on the seventh floor?"
I nodded. "Sure."
Lily gathered her things and turned to study me seriously. "Do not go in alone." I rolled my eyes.
"What is he going to do that he couldn't do yesterday?" I asked her, ignoring the attentive looks even Remus was giving us now. "You worry too much."
"And you don't worry enough," Lily pointed out. She grabbed my hand when I tried to grab my quill. She squeezed it gently. "I am serious, Nika. Don't go in there without me."
"You are just afraid that I am going to claim the room for my own and that you won't get to make it your special Lily-place."
"That would be a library," Lily grinned, before squeezing my hand one last time. "Are you sure that you don't mind sitting alone at dinner?"
I grabbed my quill and stuffed it in my bag as we made our way to the classroom door. "Lily, I've been eating dinner alone for quite a few years now. I think I'll be able to get through one evening of sitting by my lonesome."
Lily bit her lip worriedly. "But it isn't just today, now is it? I feel horrible for neglecting you so."
I patted her shoulder comfortingly, because that was still better than giving her a hug. Seriously though, enough with the hugs. "Don't worry about it, Lily dear. I'll spend my time wisely."
"Please don't come up with anymore paranoid complot theories as to why everybody is conspiring against you."
I blinked at that. "They're not paranoid complot theories if they're true."
She gave me a look that my argument didn't make any sense and was therefore invalid. I didn't even correct her. "I'll see you later?"
"For Merlin's sake, Lily," I laughed, giving her a little push. "Go ravish your man."
She gave me a wink. "I shall go do that."
"Enjoy," I called out after her and she put her hand in the air to let me know she heard.
I was still chuckling about Lily and her antics - if people only knew how awesome she really was - when I was pulled into a broom closet.
"You have been avoiding me," a voice boomed in my ear.
I cringed. "If you are going to talk in my ear, then do it softly, Sirius." How did he even manage to seduce the knickers off me when he was halfway to shouting? Seriously, this boy was going to be my undoing, wasn't he?
My headstone would probably read: "Here lies she, slain by Sirius Black's demonically seductive voice. May she forevermore remain hot and bothered." Ugh.
"Sorry, dove," Sirius whispered, kissing the soft spot behind my ear. My eyes crossed and my head automatically moved to the side to give him better access. Thank Merlin and Morgana both that I managed to keep the moan inside, because how embarrassing would that have been?
Especially since I wasn't even supposed to give in to his heavenly kisses.
His lips moved to my collarbone and I sighed happily.
Oh crap. I turned around and pushed him away from me. I blinked rapidly as I tried to keep my mind in order.
"Dove?"
Don't 'dove' me, dear Merlin. "Sirius, look..."
"Why have you been avoiding me all day?"
"I haven't been avoiding you per se," I said slowly. "We don't talk during the day otherwise either, remember?"
Sirius' stormy eyes studied my face intently, as if it held the secrets to the universe. Okay, so maybe I was prone to a little wishful thinking to keep me from doing what I was about to do, but psh. As if anyone else would act any differently in this situation. I was about to dump Sirius Black, for Morgana's tears! If that didn't say anything about my mental instability, then I have no clue what to tell you.
"No, we don't," he acknowledged softly. The back of his fingers caressed my left cheek, leaving a trail of fire behind. "But this is different."
I bit my lip and concentrated on how he wronged me. That cleared my head a little at least. "Are you or are you not an Animagus?"
He blinked a couple of times and let his hand fall beside his body. "Who told you that?"
"Are you, Sirius?" My voice sounded monotonous even to my own ears.
"I need to know who told you that. If anybody finds out-"
He couldn't even bring it in himself to actually grant me a response? To man up to how he had manipulated me? This was so typical!
In that moment I was deliriously happy that I hadn't pushed him against the wall and ravished him as I had first wanted. "Nobody will find out, Sirius, because I will not utter a word about it and I doubt that the person who told me would care enough to spread the rumour."
"Who was it?" Sirius frowned.
I shook my head. "No, you don't get to ask any more questions," I said, poking him in the chest as I did so. My anger was rising and so was my boldness. "You change into a dog, true?"
"My dove," he started, but I interrupted him.
"True?" I narrowed my eyes and my voice became so soft that I knew I was close to my cooking point. Volcano Nicole was about to burst and Sirius Orion Black, aka SOB, was going to be left sobbing if he kept it up. Hehe, pun.
My lips twitched a little, but I forced them down in a frown. No time to laugh at my own bad jokes right now.
"True," he sighed deeply. He tried to catch one of my hands, but I took a step backward so my back touched the door.
I looked away from him and tried to hold on to my anger to keep the looming sadness at bay. I would break if I let it consume me, I knew I would. My head may be strong, but my heart wasn't.
It would completely wash me away. "Sirius," I said softly, "I can't see you any longer."
He let out a short disbelieving laugh. "What? Because I'm an Animagus?"
I shook my head. "Because you used my feelings for you, again, to help yourself."
"That's ridiculous, Nika," he said slowly. "You are completely blowing things out of proportion. I wouldn't abuse you like that, I wouldn't."
And again with the lying. "Right," I laughed sarcastically, "because you haven't before. Just drop it, Sirius. It's done." I grabbed the door handle before I lost my courage and left him there.
I almost fell over a seventh year student. "Sorry," I mumbled.
"Not a problem, lass."
I hurried along and sat down all the way at the back of the Gryffindor table for dinner. I wondered what happened when you ran out of tears to shed.
My vision was blurry, but no tears fell on the wooden table before me.
Would the agony inside me just keep on growing? Would my sadness cut that much deeper if I didn't find an outlet?
I couldn't help but remember a quote Lily once told me a couple of years back from a Muggle fairytale. We hadn't spoken much back then, but she had been muttering it to herself in her bed one night and it always kind of stuck.
"But a mermaid has no tears and therefore she suffers so much more."
I had never met a mermaid before, but I didn't doubt it for a minute that this statement could very well be true. After all how could you cry if water was already surrounding you, threatening to drown you?