A/N: And now we've hit 90 votes. Sorry, I wasn't really trying to get to the 90 but I needed a reason to post another chapter like the day after I just posted the last one. I was close enough to the number to make it easy. Thank you again for all the support. It's going definitely going to be a rollercoaster for these two lovers in the coming chapters.
Please vote and comment as always if you liked this chapter. You might like this chapter, I think. =)
***
“Congratulations, Cassie!”
I looked up from my phone and saw Lynn coming down the hallway, grinning at me.
I grinned back and stopped to look at the paper she handed to me.
“I knew you would be pretty damn awesome,” she said as I scanned the second page where the small column headlined Movers & Shakers listed moves and promotions of different employees.
I was third on the list, labeled as the newest senior business analyst.
I felt a surge of pride.
“Thanks, Lynn,” I told her, handing her back the newsletter. “I guess I have to go now if I don’t want to show up late on my first day at the new role.”
“Alright, I’ll see you later. We should totally celebrate. We can go out for lunch!”
I laughed. “Plan it and message everyone who wants to go. I’m up for it.”
As I continued my way to the office, I got a few more smiles and congratulations from other people—even those I didn’t know very well.
I’d almost forgotten about the newsletter when I came in today.
Last week had been topped with a more complicated weekend and I was still reeling from that.
Despite my misery after Sebastian’s departure on Saturday, dinner with Marcus had been great. We went to a comedy bar and enjoyed the dinner and show. For some reason, we were natural friends. He still flirted but there wasn’t anything more to our time really. We were just two people who liked each other’s company.
It got awkward when a woman he’d dated came up to us and practically threw herself at him while giving me a murderous glare, much to my amusement. I rescued him by sweetening up my smile and snuggling up to him to pretend that we were besotted with each other. The woman had steam coming out of her nose and ears and we found that more entertaining than the stand up comedy show.
He drove me home and I had this silly idea that when I walked into my apartment, Sebastian would be there waiting, demanding to know if I enjoyed my evening with Marcus. The apartment had been empty and instead of relief, I was deeply disappointed.
On Sunday, I went for a very long walk and found myself in front of Sainthill, the old and grandiose Victorian mansion built in the 1920’s by a wealthy British immigrant family and was purchased four years ago by Sebastian as a gift to me to convert into my dream bookstore.
Memories of our disastrous dinner and Sebastian’s proposal flashed in my mind as I stared at the weathered facade. I’d always wondered how things would’ve turned out had I not hesitated and said yes to him that night.
At eighteen, I had been half-thrilled, half-terrified of a life with Sebastian.
I loved the man but I hadn’t been sure I could live the life I knew I would have by his side.
I would that think after four years, the decision would come more easily but I was just as scared and confused as I was at eighteen.
I found the old-fashioned metal key Sebastian had given me on my birthday on my key ring.
I had returned it to him along with everything he’d given me when I left Cobalt Bay that summer but he’d returned it all to me in my dorm at UPenn. It was about twice the size of a regular key but I couldn’t stop myself from carrying it.
I glanced at the shoulder-high wrought iron gate and saw that it was padlocked.
Looking around to make sure no one was coming my way, I climbed up the gate and jumped to the other side of it.
The grounds looked maintained but it didn’t look like any real renovations or updating had been done on it.
I went to the door and tried the key, certain it wasn’t going to do anything.
The new owner probably had everything changed out but I couldn’t resist.
I inserted the key and turned it and at the click of the lock, I gasped in disbelief.
I spent the rest of my Sunday afternoon in the mansion, walking around and noting every interesting detail. It was clean and tidy but still bare of any real furniture or any signs of habitation.
I found myself strolling along the apple orchard just as the sun was setting. There was plenty of fruit on the trees but almost none on the grounds that I suspected someone came in and harvested them. I snacking on one ripe apple before finally sitting down by the fountain in the middle of the garden, letting my gaze wander around the property and the possibilities it held.
I left Sainthill more confused than when I came in.
A part of me believed in the wisdom of living my life apart from Sebastian but another part of me regretted what we’d lost with a few hurtful words. A second chance had come beckoning four years later and suddenly I wanted to just seize it and never look back.
But life wasn’t a fairytale romance and our story was more complicated than that.
I came in early to work with the purpose of seeing Sebastian first thing in the morning.
As to why, I have no idea.
“Hi, Vanessa,” I chirpily greeted the assistant secretary who was by the pantry making a cup of coffee before turning to Dean with a bright smile as I stopped by his desk space. “How are you this morning?”
He smiled shyly. “I’m very well, Ms. Collins. I saw the promotion. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” I beamed at him and glanced at Sebastian’s closed office door. “Is Sebastian in? I was hoping to have a quick word with him.”
“I don’t believe he’d be in until later in the afternoon,” Dean said with a shake of his head. “He’d moved and canceled all his morning appointments. He attended the Cobalt Bay Chamber of Commerce’s recognition dinner on Saturday night. He was awarded Industry Maker of the year, you know, and he said he’d be off the weekend celebrating.”
“Oh.” My mind spun with the information a little bit. “That would explain his meeting with the mayor and his interview with Cobalt Bay Daily.”
Dean smiled and nodded. “Yes. They did a nice, big piece on him which is out today.”
He reached under his desk and pulled out a fresh copy of the paper and handed it to me. “Here you go, Ms. Collins. You can keep the copy, I have lots here.”
I tucked the newspaper under my arm and smiled warmly at the secretary. “Thank you, Dean.”
He nodded. “They did a spread on the recognition dinner too. It was quite swanky—all of Cobalt Bay’s important business leaders. I say Mr. Vice’s award is well-deserved. He’s a fearless and innovative leader.”
“I’m with you on that,” I said with a chuckle. “Alright, I’ll probably see him tomorrow then. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Ms. Collins.”
I headed down the hall to the elevator, spreading out the newspaper to look for the featured article.
I was intensely curious all of a sudden, considering he’d asked me to dinner on Saturday night when he was supposed to be receiving his award.
There was an article on Sebastian, detailing his and the company’s accomplishments in the past year with a profile photo of him that didn’t fail to highlight his dark, sinister beauty. It was followed by snapshots of him with the mayor, the governor and even the secretary of commerce. There was one group picture of him with three men with whom he was clearly sharing a good laugh, the sight of them all tall, handsome and sharply dressed very impressive.
The Cobalt Bay Billionaires, of course, as the media dubbed them.
Spread out on the next two full pages was a feature for the dinner and an array of photos of several important attendees. Some were familiar but no one caught my eye quite like the raven-haired woman standing next to Sebastian in one of the photos.
Tall, graceful and elegant in a beautiful aquamarine evening gown, Natalie Henderson was photographed smiling brilliantly at Sebastian who held a champagne glass with one hand and rested another behind Natalie’s waist.
Something heavy and critical that felt very much like my heart plummeted into my stomach and my skin broke out in cold sweat.
Despite the sudden trembling of my hands, I managed to read the caption underneath the photo: Many claim that Sebastian Vice’s new ideas and direction are inspired. Could the lovely Dr. Natalie Henderson be that inspiration?
The newspaper wrinkled in my hand as I folded it and stashed it into my purse.
So much for my reconsiderations this weekend.
Dinner with him? On the same night he’s taking out fuck-buddy number one? What a laugh.
I was so angry that I barely acknowledged people’s congratulations with a smile as I entered the office.
When Dana made a snide remark at me, I nearly murdered her right then and there.
Instead, I grabbed her by the elbow and yanked her towards one of the empty meeting rooms.
“I’m fully aware of the stunt you pulled last Friday, Dana,” I started without preliminaries. “You are already in deep enough trouble that I don’t need to dig your grave for you. But if you continue your childish antics, I will have no choice but to throw you under the bus. Do not cross me again, Dana. Make sure to remember that.”
I walked out the door and left her there with her mouth hanging open.
The only sunshine in my day was the group lunch we went to with Lynn, Gabe, Bradley and several other people from our combined teams. I bought dessert for everyone.
It was during lunch that I got wind of the company barbecue in three weeks. It was apparently a yearly event, an informal gathering of employees at the end of the fiscal year and a sign off on the last of warm weather before winter began, no matter how little of it we actually got on this side of the country. Employees were encouraged to bring a date or a plus one and before I could even think about it, Gabe declared that he was going with me. He just winked at me and I agreed.
If Sebastian was taking up with his oldest bedmate, I could surely go out on a work event with Gabe.
With that idea brightening up the rest of my day, I went about my work until Tamara arrived and told me to move into my new office. It was cozy and simply furnished with a glass wall that overlooked some of the lower parts of the downtown skyline that surrounded the building.
I was sitting down with Bradley and two other junior analysts who are now under my team, Brittany and Pamela, going over some numbers when my office phone rang.
“You came to see me?” Sebastian asked. “I called your cellphone but you weren’t answering.”
“I don’t take it out of my purse when I’m working,” I answered with suppressed annoyance, catching the curious glances of the others. “Like I am right now. I can’t talk.”
“Congratulations on your promotion and new office,” he said as if he didn’t hear me. I could hear his smile on the other line.
My grip on the receiver tightened. “Congratulations on your award. I’m sure you had a grand time at the recognition dinner.”
I nearly groaned when the other analysts’ faces registered my meaning. Of course they would know about Sebastian’s award. Not only was it in the local papers, it was apparently also on the morning news and the company newsletter. I have an unfortunate tendency to blurt out things when riled up.
Silence answered me on the other line and before I could say anything worse, I dropped the phone back into its cradle.
Bradley was the first to break the quiet tension in the room by abruptly returning to our previous topic.
A little over five minutes later, the door to my office swung open and we all looked up to find Sebastian standing by the doorway, his expression hard and unreadable.
He glanced at my desk and found the folded newspaper sitting on top of a pile of folders and he quickly walked in and snatched it up.
“Three-thirty, my office,” he said stiffly, rolling up the newspaper and gripping it so tight his arm slightly shook. “I’ll be waiting, Cassandra.”
“I can’t,” I said shortly. “I have a conference call and a few other meetings for the rest of the day. Isn’t that right, Bradley?”
Caught off guard, the poor guy blinked up at Sebastian nervously before glancing down at his clipboard. “Uh, yes. The rest of your afternoon is full.”
Sebastian didn’t say anything but the way his nostrils flared slightly gave me a pretty good idea of his frustration.
“Let me know when you’re free,” he said before striding out of the room.
“Whew,” Pamela said after the door closed. She let out a nervous laugh as we all glanced at her.
“Sorry but he’s just so intimidating,” she said with an apologetic smile, her cheeks pinkening. “And he seemed kind of mad.”
The look Bradley gave me was meaningful and I sighed loudly. “He’s not mad at any of you, don’t worry.”
“I hope he’s not mad at you,” Brittany said with a concerned frown. “He looked like he was going to bark at all of us to get out of your office.”
I couldn’t resist a smile. “Relax, his bark is worse than his bite.”
“So it’s true then that you’re dating him?” Pamela asked with wide eyes. “Are you having a tiff?”
Bradley choked on the coffee he was sipping and he glared at Pamela. “For heaven’s sake, girl, what’s with the ambush interview?”
Pamela shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile. “I was just curious. People have mentioned it. He’s never dated anyone in the company so everyone’s interested.”
I groaned softly and shook my head. “No, Pam, I’m not dating him. We’re just old friends. That’s all.”
And with that, I forced our conversation back to our meeting.
After work, I hurried home and changed into my running clothes and spent half an hour orbiting around the streets with music playing from my clip-on mp3 player.
Sweaty and slightly more relaxed, I filled the tub and sank in for a nice, long bath, taking in the soft lavender smell of the bathroom, listening to the Phantom of the Opera sound track and sipping a glass of red wine.
At the sound of a strained voice, my eyes flew open and set directly on Sebastian who stood in the doorway, still in his three-piece suit, looking very hungry.
I flushed all the way down to my toes at the realization that I was quite naked under the water save the emerald necklace but I made no attempt at modesty.
Let him suffer.
“I know you own this place and all but I think I’ll need to have the locks changed out,” I said in a mildly exasperated voice. “You can’t just waltz in here unannounced and uninvited.”
“Don’t doubt that I can break down doors, Cassandra,” he answered silkily, his eyes dark green and narrowed as I shifted in the tub and caused the top swell of my breasts to surface over the water. “This would’ve been long over had you not kicked me out of your office or answered at least one of the thirty-seven calls I made to your cellphone.”
I snorted. “You’re not very subtle.”
Downing the rest of my wine, I set down the glass and reached for the remote control to lower the music volume. “Alright, what is it that you’re so keen to talk to me about you just had to barge in on my very relaxing bath?”
“Why were you looking for me this morning?”
I smiled wryly. “I don’t actually remember anymore.”
His jaw clenched tightly. “Dean gave you a copy of the Daily. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Was that what made you angry?”
“Angry?” I raised a brow and laughed. “You got a prestigious award, The Vice Group is well-admired, you rubbed elbows with very powerful people. What’s there to be angry about?”
“Damn it, Cassandra,” he snapped. “Don’t play games with me. If you’re angry about the picture with Natalie, don’t be. I’ve already called the Daily and gave the editor an earful about their careless speculation.”
He looked so furious I almost believed him.
“I don’t really care one way or another,” I said as I reached for a towel and rose from the tub.
Sebastian sucked in a sharp breath as his gaze trailed down my dripping, naked body.
He’d seen me naked many, many times before that there was no point in modesty. Besides, I felt like torturing him a little bit.
I wrapped the towel around me, pulled the drain and stepped out of the tub, walking to the shower to turn it on.
“Natalie and I didn’t come to the party together,” he explained in a raspy voice as if he was having difficulty speaking. “I came alone.”
I dropped the towel on the floor and stepped into the shower stall, soaking up the warm water and closing my eyes briefly at the relief. I knew Sebastian was still watching me through the opaque glass door but I didn’t take long to rinse.
He had a towel waiting when I stepped out.
“You’re so lovely,” he whispered as he wrapped the towel around me, his arms gently pulling me against him. It was hard to miss his rampant erection. “The memory of your body doesn’t justify reality.”
I smirked and pulled away from him. “I stopped eating butterscotch cookies and I lost a bit of baby fat. I’d be surprised if all that wasn’t on your report about me.”
I turned away to pat myself dry before slipping on my ultra-soft, powder blue terry cloth robe.
“I asked you to dinner on Saturday but you declined,” he said as he leaned against a wall behind me, watching me through the mirror as I ran a comb through my damp hair.
I lifted a brow. “You said dinner. You didn’t say what kind of dinner.”
“Would it have made a difference if I’d given you the details? You were already dead-set on going out with Aldridge,” he said bitterly.
I turned around to face him, my arms crossing over my chest. “And did you purposefully plan not to tell me the details so that when we showed up together, I wouldn’t be able to do anything but be your date because everyone is watching? Did you plan to force me into the role that way after I’ve made it explicitly clear that we’re not going to date each other for six months?”
His expression darkened. “I wish I could take credit for such cunning but I’m afraid my only excuse was that it was a special night and I wanted to share it with you.”
“Oh, please. You didn’t look like you were sorely missing me while you were flirting Natalie out of her dress,” I spat out, marching past him and striding into my softly-lit bedroom to find some clothes.
He followed right behind me, grabbing my elbow and turning me around to face him.
“Natalie’s a friend, that’s all,” he insisted. “What happened four years ago was not her fault. I’m to blame for that.”
“You?” I scoffed. “I thought I was to be blamed for that—refusing your proposal and all. I sent you straight to her, didn’t I?”
“Goddamn it, Cassandra! It was one, awful, horrible mistake. Will you hold it over my head forever?”
“I will if you keep throwing it in my face!” I shot back, trembling in anger. I shoved him off but his grip tightened and he yanked me close to him.
I pulled back my other free arm and pounded on his shoulder with my fist but he barely noticed as he crushed me against him and captured my mouth with his.
Seeing no other way to fight him back but through the kiss, I punished him right back as he ravaged my mouth.
I bit his lower lip hard and sucked it into my mouth, my tongue tracing its bottom curve.
He growled in response and fisted my hair, his large body pinning me down as we stumbled into my bed.
Fever coursed through my veins even as the cool air in the bedroom touched my skin after Sebastian pulled off my robe. He paused and gazed at me me with molten heat in his eyes and I groaned and yanked him down by the shoulders.
Our kisses were rough and frantic, our arms and limbs tangled together as we furiously worked to free Sebastian of his clothes.
His mouth was all over me, moist lips and tongue leaving a trail of sexual destruction in their wake as they feasted on every inch of my skin—my neck, shoulders, breasts, stomach, thighs, back of my knees and ankles.
I cried out when he kissed me between my legs, the exploration of his mouth, tongue and fingers urgent but sensual.
“Sebastian, please!”
Without wasting a second, he rose over me.
I gripped his shoulders as he surged deep inside me and I gasped out in both slight discomfort and unspeakable pleasure.
It’s been years but my body had come alive and I was as familiar with it as I was of Sebastian’s.
As John Keats once wrote, touch has a memory.
“God, you’re so tight,” he murmured unsteadily as he slowly pushed himself deeper, his mouth pressing soft kisses against my cheek as if to soothe me. “Hold on, darling. Hold on to me.”
Anchoring him down with my arms wrapped around his neck, I gave myself up to the sensations as he started a rhythm, my hips meeting his every thrust.
For an endless moment, we lost ourselves in the reunion of our bodies, desperate for that closeness and sweet release.
I gasped out his name as my orgasm rocked through me, my fingers digging into the hard muscles of his back.
“Cassandra,” Sebastian growled helplessly as he plunged in deep one last time, shuddering as liquid warmth filled me.
He sagged against me and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close, loving the weight of his body against mine.
Once our heartbeats slowed, he rolled over to his side, taking me with him, my head tucked under his chin as he held me close.
Sated and exhausted all of a sudden, I heard him murmur my name before I drifted off to sleep.
For the first time in a long time, I had sweet dreams.
***
I could blame it on the wine but it was only one glass after all.
It was hardly capable of causing me one night of insanity, much less a series of mind-blowing sex that lasted until three in the morning.
We woke up starving after our second round and we hit up the kitchen and made some nachos which we shared along with a bottle of beer.
Reality had started to sink in on me after the meal but before I could start thinking clearly, Sebastian threw me over his shoulder and proceeded to make love to me on the couch, tangled in the pale gray cashmere wrap I’d left draped over it. I was tired and sore but I barely protested when Sebastian later carried me back into bed and slowly brought me to another toe-curling orgasm.
When my alarm sounded off at seven, I groggily climbed over Sebastian’s naked chest to slap the thing off and he conveniently pulled me up on top of him, his sandpapery jaw brushing against my neck as he kissed me softly there.
“Good morning,” he murmured, reaching up and pushing my hair away from my face.
“Good morning,” I murmured back, rubbing the heel of my palm against my eye as I yawned.
I gazed down at him, my heart fluttering, a smile tugging on my lips.
Damn the guy for being so irresistibly and wickedly hot.
His dark, wavy hair was mussed up, his jaw peppered with day-old stubble, his green eyes alight with a smile and deep satisfaction, his lips curved in sensual invitation, his upper body hard and rippling with lean muscles.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” I teased, reaching out to trail my fingers along his shoulders, lightly brushing past that scar under his right collar bone that despite marring his physical perfection, intrigued with the dangerous edges of his darker side. “Or in my case, the reason for my sore private parts.”
A low laugh rumbled through his chest and he affectionally slapped one cheek of my bare buttocks. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one feeling the physical effects of last night. Come here.”
He pulled me down and kissed me deeply and I couldn’t help but kiss him back.
I had a mind to set Sebastian straight and tell him that last night couldn’t ever happen again but I couldn’t find it in me to object to something that felt so amazingly good.
We were adults, right?
Doesn’t mean that just because we have good sex, amazing sex, we’ve pledged ourselves to each other till death do us part. We both wanted and needed it—what would be the harm in it?
“I’ll get us both to work and we can have breakfast brought in,” he said as he got up and carried me to the bathroom. “Come on, let’s clean up.”
I cranked the shower on and stepped into the stall once the water was warm enough, moving to a corner to give Sebastian room to join me.
We washed each other and managed enough restraint not to start having sex right then and there.
I gave him a spare, new toothbrush and I secretly thrilled at the sight of him slipping it casually into the cup that held my own toothbrush as if they both belonged there together.
God, I’m such a romantic moron.
“Are you going to wear the same clothes to work?” I asked as I tiptoed to my closet to get dressed.
“I always have a couple of clean sets in the office. I can change there,” he answered as he pulled on his pants and started buttoning up his shirt.
He was talking to Jennison on the phone when I left him in the bedroom to fix up my drying hair into a simple, loose bun, pinned with a dainty, flower-shaped silver clip.
I was popping my vitamins when I froze, realizing all of a sudden that in all four times Sebastian and I had sex, he’d come inside me, without any physical protection and without me being on any kind of birth control.
I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me.
I swallowed against the hard lump in my throat, forcing myself to count days in my mind.
I relaxed a little bit once I determined I was at a safe time in the month but I was still uneasy.
A baby was the last thing we needed thrown on top of our big pile of complications.
“Jennison will pick us up in twenty minutes,” Sebastian said as he walked into the bathroom, shrugging on his jacket and raking a hand through his damp, unruly hair. “I told him to bring us some breakfast from Pattsie’s. They have the most amazing croissants in the city. You’ll love them.”
“That sounds great,” I said absently as I peered at the mirror while dabbing some lip balm on and patting my cheeks to even out the finishing powder I’d brushed on. “It will sound even better with fresh, hot coffee.”
He grinned and stood behind me, his hands perching on either side of my waist. “Yes, that’s a given. What do you want for lunch? We can go out somewhere. I’ll clear my afternoon—”
“Sebastian, don’t,” I interrupted sharply—too sharply—that I winced when I saw the flash of doubt that was quickly followed by hurt on his expression.
“Are you going to stand here and tell me that last night was a mistake? All four times of it?” he asked quietly, his eyes narrowed.
“No! I mean, last night shouldn’t have happened but I wouldn’t call it a mistake,” I answered, turning around to face him. “It was... fantastic. Amazing, actually.”
He said nothing, just waiting with a dark expression on his face.
I clasped my hands together awkwardly. “I won’t be a hypocrite and say I would never do it again with you but it doesn’t change things between us—at least not the rules.”
His lips pressed into a tight line as his brows furrowed in thought. “So you and I can have all the sex we want but we still can’t date.”
“We both physically want each other, there’s no denying that, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have issues to work out first before we take this another step further,” I insisted, frustrated as to why this was so difficult to explain.
A cold, sardonic smile curved on his mouth. “So while you rail at me for using women for sex, you brush off my desire to fully commit to you and instead offer yourself up as another in my long list of willing women who are just in for a bit of bed sport.”
I blanched at his candid statement, furious at the fact that he had a point and at him for making it and throwing it in my face.
“I’m perfectly agreeable if you decide not to grace my bed—or my couch—ever again,” I said stiffly. “Last night wasn’t exactly my idea.”
“Oh, it wasn’t?” he asked, arching a brow. “You didn’t have it in mind when you stood naked and dripping wet in front of me last night?”
My cheeks burned but I refused to cower. “Please remember that you barged into my bathroom uninvited. If I decided to punish you a little bit for it, it’s because you asked for it.”
“Was it for barging into your bathroom or for having been photographed with Natalie at the recognition dinner?”
My fists clenched and it took all of my restraint not to throw a punch at him. “You go too far, Sebastian.”
“No, you go too far with your games, Cassandra,” he snapped, blazing mad, his green eyes flashing. “You tell us to stay away from each other and see other people. I can’t stand to see and know that you’re with other men while you get mad at me when I’m with other women. When we’re together, we either can’t keep our hands off each other or we can’t stop bickering about being together. What does that tell you?”
My chin thrust up defiantly. “It tells me that just like four years ago, I can’t make sensible, logical decisions where you’re concerned which is why I need to stay far away from you!”
He threw his hands up in the air, laughing harshly. “Why do you have to overanalyze everything? Why do you always have to be sensible and logical about every goddamned thing? You read romance novels! Did they live happily ever after because it was sensible and logical?”
“And that’s the difference between my life and fiction!” I retorted, tears streaming down my face. “I once let myself believe it was a fairytale. I got carried away and ended up shattered to pieces. Do you know how it feels like? To be powerless against a force that you can’t live without while it’s hellbent on your destruction?”
His eyes glittered with emotion. “Of course, I do! I’m bloody crazy in love with you, aren’t I?”
I paused, my breath hitching, my heart beating wildly against my chest.
He’s still in love with me.
“For four years, I survived on the hope that you would’ve forgiven me with time and distance,” he went on, raking a hand through his hair, pacing briskly around the room. “You told me that day on campus that someday the pain and anger will fade but that until then you had to hold yourself together. That to be with me was going to hurt you more. So I stayed away. And while your pain and anger may have faded and your feelings for me cooled, I went to sleep and woke up with you in my mind every bloody day. I told myself I had to stop and for a time, I tried. I tried to get back to the way I had lived my life before you but nothing felt right anymore.”
He stopped and looked at me, his face taut, his jaw clenched. “So I decided to be honest with myself. There is no one else for me, Cassandra, and I had hoped that seeing each other again, being with each other again, will make you realize the same thing. But with each time you draw me near, you also push me right back away from you and I don’t know what to make of it. Am I fighting a losing battle or is there hope after all that you may want this as much as I do?”
I swallowed hard, blinking through the tears.
He took a step closer, his eyes darkening, not with anger but with fear. “I never asked you because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear your answer but do you even still love me, Cassandra?”
“Of course, I love you, you idiot!” I shot back, trembling. “Why do you think it’s so difficult for me to stay away?”
And just like that, Sebastian pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard.
He dragged in a deep breath as he pulled away, touching his forehead against mine. “I know how difficult it is to stay away when you love someone so much, Cassandra. I had four years of practice which is a bloody miracle considering what an impatient man I am.”
I smiled through my tears, unable to deny the irony of his statement.
He smiled back, cupping each side of my face. “I can’t promise that things will be perfect but at least if you’re there to keep me in tow, I can stay on the path. I don’t want to screw this up, Cassandra. I don’t want to lose you again.”
I bit my lower lip. “And I don’t want to get my heart broken all over again. It’s easy to lose my head over you and that’s what scares me about this. I’m not denying how I feel for you but I need time to be absolutely sure that I’m ready for this. I don’t want to run like I did four years ago.”
I spied the flash of pain in his eyes before they briefly closed and my heart constricted.
My hands clutched his sleeves and I pressed against him. “Sebastian, please. This isn’t about the rules any longer. This is about me being ready for what you’re asking from me. I never thought I’d ever have to go through this again. I had been resigned a long time ago to the idea that you would never be a part of my life ever again.”
“Alright, Cassandra,” he murmured, pressing his lips between my brows. “I’ve waited four years. What’s a little bit more.”
He pulled back a little bit to gaze down at me. “You’ll have to dump the rules, though. If you’re serious about giving yourself a chance to consider our relationship, you can’t be distracted by other men.”
I sighed. “I agree with you. So far, dating other men has been an epic fail for me anyway.”
“Only because you’re meant for just one man,” he said with a smile. “Come with me to the company barbecue. I want us to attend together.”
I cringed. “Um, I can’t.”
His brows rose. “And why not?”
I pulled away and walked to grab some tissue to dab the tear stains off my face. Thank God I didn’t wear mascara except on special occasions. “Gabe had already asked me and I said yes. We had an audience when I said yes so I don’t really want to embarrass him by taking my answer back.”
Sebastian scowled. “Let me talk to him.”
“Sebastian, no,” I protested, giving him a stern look. “We’re just attending the barbecue together—there’s nothing more to it. We’re not dating or anything. I’m not even attracted to Gabe in that way.”
“I’m not so sure about his side of that statement,” he retorted. “He’s been following you around like a dog.”
I tried to fight a grin. “Um, I’m pretty sure that would be you.”
I laughed when he scowled even more and I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Come on, don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. Everyone knows we’re just friends. Besides, you’re probably going to be busy sitting with all the big bosses anyway. I’d like to hang out with my work friends.”
His reluctance was hard to miss but he eventually sighed loudly and nodded. “Fine, then. But I’d like something in return for letting you off the hook on this.”
“What?”
“I want you to give me your answer at the barbecue,” he said, his green eyes glinting with hope and eagerness. “That gives you three weeks to consider your decision.”
Three weeks.
That was about almost as long as Sebastian had been back in my life.
So much had happened recently that it was hard to believe it’s only been over two weeks since Sebastian and I crossed paths. Would three weeks be really enough to determine my answer?
“Deal,” I said, extending my hand to shake on it.
He grinned and took my hand, kissing the back of it. “Thank you. Now, come on. Jennison’s probably already here.”
***
Although we were still technically not dating, life started to form a routine in the following days.
Sebastian promptly showed up at my office at five-thirty every day to walk with me to the front entrance where Jennison would be waiting for us. We would either go out for dinner or stay in at my apartment if we felt like cooking. The night would always conclude with steamy, playful sex before we would drift off to sleep in each other’s arms.
In the morning, we would shower and breakfast together and Sebastian would change into the clean clothes Jennison had given him to take the night before. I was starting to collect bits and pieces of his wardrobe in my closet.
When we arrived at work, Sebastian would walk me to my office unless I absolutely pestered him not to. I still ate lunch with my work friends as Sebastian often had business lunch meetings but he would always clear a portion of his afternoon for my coffee break. He’d come by to pick me up and we’d go for coffee or sit out at the roof deck garden.
It was hard for people not to notice but at this point, I was beyond caring.
I started out uncomfortable at the idea of people speculating all kinds of things but I was so happy I couldn’t manage to be bothered.
If this was life with Sebastian in the real world, I’d take it in a heartbeat.
Our lives flowed together so smoothly the last four years might as well have never happened.
It was middle of the second week when he told me he had to fly to Singapore for a business trip. He was going to be gone for a number of days.
It took a lot of will power not to pout and whine about it or beg him to stay. When he asked me to accompany him, I bit down on my tongue to keep from blurting out yes, knowing that I had responsibilities here.
The first day he was gone, I felt his absence sharply—like you would an ulcer that bothered you all day. He called at least twice a day and we would email each other constantly throughout the day.
It was when he was gone that I went to Emma, who already had a pretty good idea about my complicated arrangement with Sebastian, and attempted to get her to straighten me out.
“Don’t tell me you came here so I could tell you what to do,” she said, looking at me meaningfully. “All I know about you and Sebastian is from what you’ve told me and what little I’ve seen between the two of you. Only the two of you fully understand the truth of your situation.”
I sighed. “The truth is complicated.”
Emma pursed her lips in thought. “Well, tell me then what the simple parts are of your large, complicated truth.”
I stopped toying with my piece of Emma’s home-made apple pie and looked up at her strange request.
“He loves me,” I started, staring off into the distance as I deconstructed the bits and parts of our relationship. “I love him. We were crazy in love once upon a time—enough that he wanted to marry me and enough that it took me years to get over the pain when we broke up. He wants us to admit to our feelings and be together again officially. It’s very tempting but I’m so scared that everything will fall apart again like it did before. But somehow, I’m also terrified of the prospect of going about my life like I did before we crossed paths again. He’s been gone four days and I’m slowly losing my mind. And in a week and a half, I have to be able to sort out my issues so I can give him an answer. The problem is, I already know that answer. I’m just afraid to give it.”
The clang of Emma’s fork dropping into her plate snapped me out of my musings and I glanced back at her.
She was looking at me with a half-understanding, half-amused expression on her face, should a look for such emotion exist.
“What?” I prodded when she didn’t say anything.
“I’m not really sure what the problem here is,” she said, smiling. “For one, you just highlighted all the things that actually mattered to you about your situation—you didn’t mention how Sebastian managed your life in the last four years maybe because you didn’t really care about it that much. You didn’t mention that he’d gone and slept with another woman after you broke up because you’re probably already over that. You didn’t mention that he’s your boss and that it really bothers you because maybe it doesn’t really bother you all that much. You didn’t mention that you want your independence because maybe it’s not worth to you as much as a life with Sebastian is.”
I opened my mouth to protest but she held up a hand, clearly not done yet.
“You pointed out how much you loved each other and how you still do because maybe that’s what makes all the difference. You pointed out how tempting it is to give in to Sebastian because it’s easy to give in to what you already want. You said you’re scared because the things that hurt the worst are those that mean the most. But no matter how scared you are, living without him is scarier and maybe that alone should make the answer obvious. Now that you have him again, you shake your head and wonder how you managed the last four years without him. Going back to that is almost inconceivable to you. You’re worried about your deadline not because you don’t know what to tell him but because you do and it would mean complete surrender to the one thing that could make you truly happy which also means it’s the one thing that could hurt you the most.”
I opened my mouth again but found nothing I could say. There was absolutely nothing.
Emma set down her plate and reached forward to squeeze my hand. “Cassie, you’re my dearest friend. I want you to be happy. And I know you’ve been burned once but your life will forever stay on a standstill if you don’t learn to take risks with your heart again. You have to be prepared to lose something if you hope to gain anything.”
I could only take a deep breath and nod in agreement.
Emma smiled. “And when you’re mulling this over later, remember, that if Sebastian loves you as much as you love him, you can hurt him just as much as he can hurt you.”
The talk with Emma definitely made me realize several things. She had been clever in making me candidly confess my thoughts and picking at them. It made it easier to understand how I felt with her pointing things out to me. It was hard to read between the lines when you were part of the story.
Later that Saturday night, I had just drifted off to sleep when I stirred at the sudden weight that dipped into my bed.
“Sebastian,” I murmured sleepily as I snuggled against the large, warm body that slipped under the sheets and aligned itself behind me.
“I’m home, baby,” he whispered, his lips brushing my ear, his arm slipping over my stomach.
I smiled and laid my hand over his.
Since that night, things shifted.
I made my decision.
That day after his arrival, we spent hours in bed, catching up, of course, before we slipped out to go for a walk and get some dinner.
In that last week before the barbecue, I started smiling indulgently whenever people mentioned or asked me about Sebastian. I no longer offered the occasional defensive protests. I never openly admitted anything but people seemed to get it anyway. Even Gabe asked me if I still wanted to go with him to the barbecue. I’d laughed and told him that of course we would still go. He’d looked amused and made me promise that this wasn’t going to cost him his job.
Sebastian and I had been spotted a few times walking up or out of the building holding hands. It was purely unintentional. It was as if we were instinctively drawn to touch each other before realizing that there were people about. Some people commented at how we both seemed to be smiling a whole damn lot lately. Even Tamara told me that if it made me glow this much, to hell with office rumors.
We even went to dinner with Emma and Ty, much to the surprise of the two, and despite the previous animosity between the two men, they managed to get along splendidly that night. I wasn’t sure if Sebastian was ready to expand his newfound congeniality but it helped that Marcus was away to Monaco for three weeks.
Everything was going great until the Thursday before the barbecue that weekend—the day before his thirty-fourth birthday.
Apparently, not a lot of people knew about it. I only knew because he’d told me once that summer. He didn’t seem very fond of the date, actually. I know a lot of people resent the idea of getting old but I didn’t think Sebastian’s disdain for it was related to that.
Since I’d missed four of his birthdays, I decided to do something special—nothing in the same caliber as his birthday surprises to me that year I turned eighteen—but something meaningful to him.
When my mother realized she was dying, she’d given me a box that held a few, precious items belonging to James Collins, the man who had loved her and given her and her fatherless daughter his name. He had died when I was still a baby that I barely remembered him, so any mementos from him I cherished dearly.
From that box, I’ve already used the tortoise shell glasses when I got prescription lenses.
Another peculiar but fascinating item from that small collection was a vintage, Rolex pocket watch in wonderful condition—the gold body smooth and polished, the mechanism working perfectly. It struck me as peculiar at first because it wasn’t a cheap watch and my parents were far from being affluent. On the back of the watch was a small engraving of the initials J.C. which were of course, my father’s. The cover was engraved with a scene of a large ship sailing across the ocean.
I brought it to a local watch maker and had him check and restore the watch to its former splendor which didn’t take much.
Inside the cover, I had a simple line engraved on it: Forever is how long I will love you.-Cassandra
I had placed it in a small, hand-carved wooden jewelry box lined with black velvet.
I kept it hidden along with the bursting desire to throw my arms around Sebastian and tell him that yes, four years only served to strengthen what we could not escape—our love—battered yet stubbornly fighting against all odds.
Days ago, I was scared of everything but now I suddenly wanted it all.
We were at my apartment that Thursday night, snuggling in the couch while we enjoyed our late night cup of tea, when he got the call.
He glanced at his phone, his brows knitting, his face darkening with some unidentifiable emotion.
“Excuse me,” he murmured as he set down his cup and walked to the narrow French doors that led to my small balcony. He had closed the doors behind him that the most I could hear was his muffled voice.
I worried that it was bad news from work but I stayed put in the couch, trying to ignore the uneasiness that stirred in my gut.
I’ve only ever seen that look on Sebastian’s face once—when he accused me of making excuses when I didn’t answer his proposal of marriage, when he told me to either marry him or get out of his life.
It was a look full of old pain and betrayal and unspeakable anger.
I looked up when the French doors suddenly opened and Sebastian strode in, grabbing his jacket and shrugging it on. That same look was now intensified on his face.
I abruptly got up. “Where are you going?”
“I have something to attend to,” he said gruffly, grabbing his shoes and slipping them on. He still hadn’t looked at me. “I may be gone for a bit.”
My temper flared. “Sebastian, what’s wrong? Where are you going?”
He finally raised his green eyes to me and I had the cold realization that I was looking at the face of a complete stranger—this was not the Sebastian I knew and loved.
“Nowhere that is of your concern,” was his curt reply as he got up and headed for the door.
I hurried after him, appalled and bewildered by his demeanor. “Sebastian! What the hell is going on?”
He paused by the door, grabbing my shoulder roughly. “I’ll take care of it, Cassandra. Leave it. I have to go.”
Before I could say anything, he was out the door and down the hallway, hopping into the elevator.
I sucked in a long, deep breath, trying to steady my nerves, feeling like I’d just been dealt an emotional tornado.
I ran to the guest bedroom that had a window overlooking a portion of the street in front of the apartment and spotted Sebastian running out to the waiting Bentley.
It sped away before the door even closed.
What the hell?
I reminded myself to have faith—to trust—even if I hardly recognized the man who came back into the room after that phone call.
I messaged him a few times, asking how he was and when he was coming back but there hadn’t been a single reply. I finally called but it immediately went to voicemail.
I slept very little that night.
In the morning of Sebastian’s birthday, my bed was still empty and my phone devoid of any new messages from him.
I became angry.
I understood that we were technically still not together but would it have hurt him to type a short reply just to say he’s okay?
I dressed for work and went about my day, distracted and out of sorts.
Bradley noticed but wisely didn’t say anything.
When the day was done, I still haven’t heard anything from Sebastian.
I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
I looked through my contacts list and found Jennison’s number. I’ve had it along with all of Sebastian’s numbers since that summer. I’ve not once looked them up in the last four years but I never managed to delete them either. Sebastian wasn’t going to be happy about this but I dialed Jennison’s number.
“Yes, Cassandra?” he answered. Apparently, he didn’t delete my number either.
“Where’s Sebastian and when is he coming back?” I demanded before I could filter myself. “It’s his birthday today and I have no clue where to find him.”
“Sebastian is currently handling a situation,” was Jennison’s flat, evasive reply.
“What situation?” I asked in exasperation. “Why the hell did he walk out in the middle of the night last night without so much an explanation? He hasn’t answered any of my calls or messages.”
There was a pause on the other line.
“It’s probably best that you wait until Sebastian comes back to ask your questions. I’m afraid that’s all I can give you for now, Cassandra,” the body guard answered in all seriousness. “I have to go.”
“Jennison, wait—”
I stared at my cellphone, stunned to realize that he’d just hung up on me.
Jennison was one of the few people who had in-depth knowledge of my relationship with Sebastian. He had even once counseled me after the messed up proposal dinner. If he was being tight-lipped now, he had very good reason to be—a reason neither he nor Sebastian would tell me.
I was in a foul mood but I got dressed anyway.
I put on an emerald green dress and did my hair.
Despite the sense of impending doom, I grabbed my gift and took a cab to the seaside restaurant where I had rented the private dining room at the end of its long dock for tonight’s dinner. I had emailed, texted and left Sebastian a message where and when to meet me but the evening stretched on with no sign of him.
I finally ordered food and ate alone, ignoring the pity on the waiter’s face as he brought me back several glasses of wine and a variety of cocktails.
I paid for everything and took a cab home, climbing into the tub in my dress, crying until I passed out.
***
So, what do you think? Was Cassandra weak to have given in? And just when things seem to be working out, this couple hits a snag again? What do you think called Sebastian away? Vote and comment so we can move on to the next chapter! =)
XOXO - Ninya
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