Be the one that dated John:
What the fuck was he doing here? How did he even know I was here? How the fuck does he know Cronus? How in the hell did he even get in?
Questions just kept popping into my brain as I was driving Karkat home, well, at Cronus' home. I came to a stop light and turned to the sleeping Karkat next to me. He looked so peaceful, with his eyes closed and his little ears holding back the jet-black hair in his face. His steady breathing, the small twitch his fingers make every now and then.
I turned my attention back to the road and tightened my grip on the wheel. John won't lay a damn finger on Karkat, and if he does, God bless his soul.
You might be wondering why I absolutely despise John Egbert, and I assure you, it is something very understandable.
It is because John Egbert is a two-faced, glasses-wearing, bucktoothed, sinister, blackmailing, evil-doing, un-ironic, apple-juice hating spawn of satan.
You might think that was a little too extreme, you might think John is a saint. Maybe his apperance tells a different story because, well, he looks like someone that would get beat up by an infant, but believe me, John can actually take over satan.
As dramatic as it sounds, I am being completely serious. He will overcome any and every obsticle to get what he wants, and when he does, he will never let it go. In this case, that 'it' is me.
Maybe I lied to Karkat about why John and I ended our 'relationship', but I had a reason to. John may have made it seemed like I cheated on him or something, making himself look like the victum, but you are surely mistaken.
John is the type of person to borrow a pencil from you, chew it up in your face, and have the nerve to give it back, he's the type of person to dangle the last water bottle on Earth in your face while you're dehydrated soul is getting burnt alive. If he had a gun with only two bullets, a serial killer, you, and satan himself in a room, he'd shoot you twice just because he likes the sound of it.
He is a heartless waste of space that deserves no love and no sympathy.
I breathed out in annoyance, just the idea of John being near me made me want to stab myself.
The memories and flashbacks I used to have of me and John never seemed to leave my mind. Sure, he really was my best friend, but you honestly have to be careful with you you befriend. I remember growing up with John, both our mothers were like sisters. Utterly inseprable, resulting in John and I growing up the same way. Utterly inseprable. There were ups and downs, but we stood close, with him being the only child and one of my bro's passing away, we really sort of connected.
I always new he was gay. He didn't even have to tell me, let alone suggest it. We used to pass by this one kid who used to look like me, and he would always tell me he 'fancies' him. I always responded with 'cool', due to the fact that John has an extended vocabulary while I say 'nice' to almost everything.
It was when we turned 8, I noticed things were different, we would hang out with other guys our age, and they talked about 'girls' and how they are somewhat developing boobs early, while John and I just kind of awkwardly sat there, forcing our laughter every time they cracked a joke. We tried to have girlfriends, which resulted in them crying their eyes out because they thought we were dating eachother, the term 'gay' being shot at us occasionally.
Neither of us had one clue what the term 'gay' meant, so we just kind of went along with it, thinking that gay meant smelly or that we were ugly.
We hit 10 years old with girls still having the mindset that we were gay. 6th grade was when we both had our realizations. We were our only friends, we only had eachother because by then we still didn't know what gay meant and everyone would shout it at us as we walked by. We didn't care. We just went with the flow of life.
Up until one morning, John and I were in the same health class, and the teachers were talking about sexuality, gender, age, and race. I remember having to right down examples of these things, but pausing at 'sexuality.' Unsurprisingly, John and I looked at eachother in confusion until one of us gathered enough courage to raise our hand and ask,"What is sexuality?"
I remember the snickers and chuckles of the class, I remember some kid with spikey hair yelling out,"I thought you would know, fags!"
We didn't cry, didn't laugh, just kind of waited for the teachers response. She looked at John and I with a small, sympathetic smile and answered,"Well, it's your sexual prefrence, like lesbian, or gay."
We looked at eachother, still confused both mentally, maybe even sexually. That's when I asked,"What is gay?"
She looked at me and answered,"Well, sweetie, it's when boys like boys."
The class looked at us in disappointment and shock, a few laughters escaped the mouths of girls, and disgusted noises from boys.
We were never the same. We couldn't look at eachother. Play. Laugh. We never walked home together anymore.
Up until he called me over at his house and we played like nothing happened. I remember him pausing 'Mario Karts', turning over to me and telling me if being gay means liking boys, then he was gay, because he liked me. I liked him too without even realising it, so we went out, doing all that couple nonsense.
Then, Karkat moved to my school. I remember my teacher welcoming him in, and he pretty much gave the death-stare to everyone. Everyone was scared of him, except me. I simply admired him. Although John and I were a couple and the only thing that seemed couple-ish to us was holding hands, I wanted to do more, but not with John.
Karkat had many friends, and all of them were absolute freaks, which caught my attention.
We hit 13, which was when things started to get uneasy. John noticed me staring at Karkat many times, scolding me and telling me how that hurt him. Once he found out, John did everything in his power to make Karkat's life a living hell. He sent people to bully him, physically, verbally, and mentally abuse him, even got a bee to sting him. I couldn't do anything, because if I did he told me he would make it worse. I couldn't do that. So, I continued dating him up until I was 14 and he moved away, telling me he'll find me.
I gripped onto the steering wheel more, making my hands turn red. Why the hell do you think Karkat doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend? He's scared. I can see it.
Scared of getting hurt.
Maybe we have more in common than I thought.
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Be the one who is not asleep:
As I was lying in Dave's car, and I wasn't quite asleep. I could hear his mumbling, his angry breathes, the many sighs he took. I couldn't hear quite well, yet I heard the name 'John' come up.
While he was telling me the story, I didn't feel it, well, the story he was telling me. Something about the way he said it, the way he magically started crying. I get that this may sound ridiculous, but I needed an honest answer.
I mean, I'm not interested in what he wants to say! No! I am just curious to why he feels that he has to lie.
What are you hiding, Strider?
Why are you lying?
This drive seems longer than it should be, I then noticed it looks like we made a stop at a random street, and Strider wasn't in here.
Wait, he's not in here!
I shot up and looked around to see if I can find him anywhere.
Wait, I think I see him!
He's standing at some door infront of a white house, wait, he's talking to someone.
Hold the phone, is he talking to John? Yeah, that's John alright, that little bitch. Dave looks like he's threatening him, John looks so innocent and baby-ish, maybe even offended. John put his arms around-wait. Why the hell is he touching Dave like that? Why isn't Dave pushing him back? Their faces inched closer and-FUCK I CAN'T WATCH THIS.
I punched the driver's seat with all this hatred and disappointment I was feeling for John, and especially Dave. How could he do that! How can you just magically forgive someone who hurt you! How can he do that..to me? I thought..Oh, please, Karkat get over yourself Dave is only talking to you for entertainment. You mean nothing to him, just like he means nothing to you.
But still, how could he just...do that?
I dared to look back at them, and I saw Dave approaching the car. I went back to the sleeping position I was in and closed my eyes, it took all the power I had in my body to restrain myself from bitch-slapping Dave right on the face. It physically hurt me to just look at him, to simply imagine Dave and John together made me sick to my stomach.
I heard the car door open and move a little, he started the car and closed the door as I felt us backing up. I thought I was actually developing feelings for him, I thought I was confused but now that I know how much this affected me, I know for sure that I feel something towards him. I've never felt this way towards anyone, not even Gamzee.
Yet, it is clearly the inevitable truth that he doesn't like me back. There is no way around it. He likes John, and who knows if one day they'll go back to old times.
John has more things to offer than me, and I'm somewhat okay with that.
Yes, I like Dave, a lot actually, but there is no way I have a chance. Zero chance.
I snapped back into reality when I felt someone tapping my shoulder, was I asleep? No, but I'm a horrible actor and will probably give up the fact that I wasn't actually asleep.
I slowly got up, rubbing my eyes with a small amount of hope that he wouldn't notice I was faking.
I felt his eyes on my as he whispered,"Hey, we're home. Well, you're home."
I couldn't look at him. I can't.
"THANKS FOR THE RIDE."
I opened the car and got out, quickly walking towards the door to get as far away from him as possible.
I sped to the front door and shakily got out the keys, I was in so much panic I almost ran into the door when I opened it.
Right when I closed the door the unholy scent of alcohol and nicotine filled my lungs as the music being played almost popped my eardrums. I walked down the hall to be greeted with hot, sweaty bodies grinding against eachother as I tried to find a way to get passed these freaks.
There was no way to get through, leaving me with only one option, the one I was trying to avoid.
I have to go through these party-goers.
I took a deep breath, which was a bad idea considering the stench, and rammed the crowd.
I was pushed, stepped on, high-fived, 'accidentally' touched in places I'd rather not mention, and much more.
In other words, I pretty much went to a party and had the full experience in less than 10 minutes.
Besides the fact that I literally went through hell about 3 minutes ago, the thought of John and Dave didn't escape my mind, leaving me , again, with only one option.
I drink my problems away.
I pushed and shoved my way to the table where I set up all the alcohol and grabbed three bottles. It didn't matter who saw me, for fucks sake everyone was drunk and/ or high out of their minds. I walked to the stairs and again, pushed everyone. There was no room here, it's a miracle I was barely able to breathe in here.
I finally made it to the roof, where there was absolutely no one, most likely because no one in their intoxicated minds could find their way over here.
I put down the bottles I had down and sat on the floor, leaning on the rails of the roof.
One part of me is telling me to drink my life away and possibly jump off the roof into the inevitable death I have been waiting for all my life.
Another part of me is telling me to go to sleep because I'm being completely ridiculous, which sounds ridiculous itself.
And the other part of me is just slowly and painfully rotting physically and emotionally.
What does that mean?
It means I am in-fucking-love with someone who I despise more than the human race itself.
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I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I AM SO EXCITED WHERE THIS IS GOING :)
I WILL UPDATE WAY MORE NOW!