Mia’s Message: Hindi ko maalala ang mga nagpapabati. Saka sorry na, makakalimutin ako. Sa dedic list, e, hindi na ako tumatanggap kasi malapit nang matapos ang TBND, e. Ilang chapters na lang. Kaya greetings na lang sa Author’s Note, okay lang ba? Happy reading! :D
--
Copyright © ScribblerMia, 2012
“Stop!” Halos mapatid ang litid ko sa pagsigaw.
Hindi na ako nag-isip nang bigla akong lumabas sa kinatatayuan ko at tumayo ng tuwid habang kuyom ang mga kamao. Matalim ang tinging pinukol ko kay KJ.
Batid ko ang pagkagulat nilang lahat sa biglang pagsulpot ko at pagsigaw.
Iginala ko ang paningin ko sa kanilang lahat. Sila ang literal na nganga talaga.
Alam kong hindi nila ako inaasahang makita sa lugar na ito. Paano nga ba naman maliligaw ang isang CommArts student sa Forestry? Unless may subject akong NASC10, pero wala naman.
“A-astrid.” Gulat na gulat na sabi ni Neiji.
“W-what are you doing here?” Rojan asked.
I ignored them and looked at KJ.
Like others, he wasn’t able to hide the shock on his face. He was about to utter something when I hurriedly ran towards Mike.
Nakabulagta si Mike lupa. Lumuhod ako at dahan-dahan kong inilagay ang ulo niya sa lap ko. Halos hindi niya maimulat ang kaliwang mata. Nagiging violet na rin ang ilang pasa sa mukha niya. May ilang gasgas sa noo niya habang may dugong umaagos sa labi niya.
Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong maiyak sa itsura niya. He looked so weak.
Kinuha ko ang panyo ko sa bulsa at nanginginig na pinunasan ang kanyang mukha.
“A-astrid, w-why are you h-here?” Mike muttered. Hinang-hina ito at napapangiwi. “You s-shouldn’t be h-here.”
“Shut up!” I yelled. Patuloy pa rin ako sa pagpunas sa mukha niya habang patuloy rin ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. Awang-awa ako kay Mike. Halos hindi ko siya makilala sa tindi ng pasa at sugat sa mukha niya. KJ’s punch was hard. He almost broke Mike’s face.
“What are you doing, Mike? What stupidity is this?” Naiiyak na tanong ko.
“I-I…”
“Astrid.” KJ cut Mike’s word.
I ignored him. Patuloy pa rin ako sa pagpunas sa mukha ni Mike.
“Astrid.” He repeated.
“Don’t talk to me.” I said coldly.
“Look. You don’t know anything, okay?” He said sternly.
Biglang nagpanting ang tainga ko sa narinig ko. I looked at him with disgust. “Yes. I don’t know anything!” I exclaimed incredulously. “Now, care to tell me what the hell is happening here?” I asked sarcastically.
“Don’t stress yourself over so much, Astrid.” Neiji said.
“Shut the fuck up, Neiji!”
“Okay, okay. Sorry.” He said, in a defeated tone.
“What insanity is this, huh?” I looked around the members.
They avoided my gaze.
Some bowed.
Others gave me a pity look.
“Astrid.” Sinubukang lumapit ni Zach, but I shot him a deadly glare.
“Don’t come near me. Don’t you dare!” Nanginginig sa galit na sabi ko. “Pare-parehas kayong mga barumbado! Ano ba’ng ginawa sa inyo ng kaibigan ko ha? Bakit pinagtutulungan niyo siyang bugbugin? Ganyan ba talaga kayo kawawalanghiya ha? Wala kayong magawa kung hindi ang mangwalanghiya ng ibang tao? Ano ito? Trip niyo lang mambugbog? Ha?!”
“Nagkakamali ka—“
“Nagkakamali?” I cut Zach’s words. “Ano ‘tong nakita ko? Joke? Role play? Trip trip lang? Give me a break!” Nilibot ko ulit ang paningin ko sa kanilang lahat at tumigil kay Zach. “All of you give me a fucking break! Ano’ng magandang dahilan ang sasabihin niyo ha?” Tinuro ko si Mike. “Ito ba? Ito ba ang pinagkakaabalahan niyo these past days? Ito ba ang campus issues? Ano’ng kinalaman niya sa—“
“Astrid, stop.” KJ said icily.
I looked at him with rage. “Wow. Stop? You want me to stop huh? But you didn’t stop when you punched Mike, right?” I said mockingly. “You’re an asshole. All of you!”
“You know nothing, so shut the fuck up.” Halata ang pigil na galit ni KJ, nakatingin siya sa akin ng seryoso.
“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?! Now answer me, Karl. What the hell is this, and why did you do this to Mike?” I asked spitefully.
Something eerie was going on here.
Everything was silent.
The wind stopped blowing; not even the trees made a sound.
Several leaves drifted languidly on the ground.
I shivered involuntarily, but not from the cold.
Mike is my friend, and the fact that KJ punched Mike was foolish.
“You don’t have to know. As I have said, stay out of this.” He said unemotionally. He was looking at me, his face blank.
I froze, rooted to the spot. I couldn’t believe what I just heard.
Now playing…
Mess I Made
By: Parachute
Should've kissed you there
I should've held your face
I should've watched those eyes
“W-why are you like that, Karl? Why are you doing this? You want me to stay out of this and let you do this to him? Are you beating him to death?” Hirap na hirap akong sambatin ang bawat salita. Mahal na mahal ko si KJ. Pero hindi ko kayang maatim ang ginawa niya.
KJ was silent.
“This is too much.” I said slowly.
For a second, I saw a mixture of pain and sadness in his eyes. After that, he gave me a blank stare again.
I tried to read what’s on his mind, but I failed.
“Get up. Let’s go.” KJ said, still looking at me.
“No.” I said stubbornly.
“Astrid, stop being hard-headed.”
“Get lost.”
Instead of run in place
I should've called you out
I should've said your name
I should've turned around
I should've looked again
I looked at Mike. “Let’s go. Walang kwenta ang mga tao dito.”
"Argh..." Nakangiwi si Mike habang unti-unting bumabangon.
“No.” Lumapit si KJ. “You aren’t going with him. Let’s go.” Nilahad niya ang kamay niya sa akin.
I stared at him blankly. Right now, I have no time for this idiocy. “I won’t go with you.”
He looked at me like I was crazy. Napahilamos siya sa mukha at muling nilahad ang kamay. “Let’s go.” He said in a deadly tone.
Still void of emotions, I answered, “No.”
But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away
“You’re not serious, are you?” He said through gritted teeth.
“I am damn serious here. Now, stay away from me.” I gave him the coldest stare that I could give.
Now, he was fuming.
I disregarded him. Tinulungan ko si Mike na dahan-dahang tumayo. Simula pa kanina, hindi na siya nagsasalita. Tila wala rin siya sa sarili dahil parang hindi niya na alam ang nangyayari sa paligid dala marahil nang matinding pagkahilo at sakit ng katawan.
“Hey, hey. Slowly.”
“Fuck, it hurts.” Mike hissed.
Inilagay ko ang kaliwang kamay niya sa balikat ko habang hawak ko ang beywang niya. He was heavy, but I didn’t care. All I want was to get out of this place.
Should've held my ground
I could've been redeemed
For every second chance
That changed its mind on me
I should've spoken up
I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame
For all my heart's mistakes
I felt KJ grabbed my left arm. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me." Bakas ang pagmamakaawa sa boses niya. "Stay.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. Tiningnan ko siya.
Hindi ko na naman napigilan ang maiyak. “I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Please.” His eyes were pleading. Mahigpit ang kapit niya sa kamay ko. “Stay with me.”
Inalis ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak.
His eyes widened. He must not have been expecting this to happen.
I bit my lip as I felt my whole body tremble.
But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away
Bigla ring nakabawi sa pagkagulat si Karl at seryosong tiningnan ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawa ang maging blangko ang mukha nang ganoon kabilis. He slowly lowered his hand, clunching it tigthly into a fist. "Is this the choice you’re making?” Inilagay niya ang mga kamay sa bulsa ng kanyang pantalon.
I sighed and nodded. It pained me. It pained me so much that I couldn’t stop these stupid tears from falling.
“Okay, then.” He smiled, a smile that did not reach his eyes.
This is what I fear most.
Karl's lips curled into a cruel smirk.
All hell had broken loose.
I hate to do this but I have to.
I have to save Mike.
I have to get away from all of these bullshits.
I slowly turned my back on him and walked.
And it's you, and it's you
And it's you, and it's you
And it's falling down, as you walk away
And it's on me now, as you go
But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away
Habang akay ko si Mike, patuloy sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko.
Simula kanina hanggang ngayon, hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses akong umiyak. Para bang uminom ako ng isang drum ng tubig at ngayon nila naisipang lumabas galing sa mga mata ko.
Mahapdi na ang mga mata ko.
Nahihirapan na akong huminga sa tindi ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.
And it's falling down, as you walk away
And it's on me now, as you go
But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
I 'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away
And you know what’s the hardest part here?
It’s when I turned my back on the person I love most.
And the worst part?
Is when he did the same.
No looking back.
--
“Ouch. Hey. What was that for?” Reklamo ni Mike habang hawak-hawak ang noo niya.
Tinampal ko kasi ang noo nito habang nakahiga. Kasalukuyan kaming nasa infirmary. Mabuti na lang at may nakita akong jeep kanina at dito na kami dumiretso.
Naka-upo ako sa tabi ng kama ni Mike. Hindi naman malala ang inabot niya. Ang sabi ng doktor ay kailangan lang daw nitong uminom ng pain reliever at magpahinga. He will spend his night here.
“Ouch? Gusto mo isa pa?” I scowled.
“No. Bakit ka ba nananakit? Hindi pa nga magaling ang mga pasa ko, e.”
“Gusto mong dagdagan ko ha?” Banta ko.
“Chill. Joke lang.” He smiled.
I sighed. “What happened out there?” I asked gravely.
He turned serious. “I don’t know.”
Tinampal ko ulit ang noo niya.
“Ouch. Tangina, Astrid. Masakit na ha!” He glared.
“And now you’re cursing.”
He sighed. “Sorry.” He pouted. “Ang sakit naman kasi, e. Kanina ka pa, e. Maawa ka naman sa pasyente. Grabe ka talaga.”
“Tigilan mo ako sa pagpapa-cute mo diyan, Cole Michael Martinez, ha.”
“Wow. Galit ka na niyan? Full name ko na ang ginamit mo, e.”
“Shut up!”
“Nagtatanong tapos shut up daw. Ang labo,” he hissed.
“What did you say?”
“Wala. Ang sabi ko ang ganda mo.”
“Pakyu ka. Tigilan mo ako ng mga katangahan mo diyan ha. Hindi ako nakikipagbiruan.”
“Sorry na. Ang grumpy mo naman.”
“Grumpy?!” I yelled. “You don’t know what I am feeling right now. So to save your butt, if I were you, I would answer all the questions thrown at me.”
He avoided my gaze. “Fine. What do you want to know?” Nilaro-laro niya ang benda sa may kanang kamay niya.
“What are you doing there with them?” I asked seriously.
“They brought me there.” He said sulkily.
“Why?”
He looked bored. “I was going to my next class when three of their members came beside me. Tapos hinawakan nila ang mga braso ko at sinabing sumama raw ako sa kanila.”
“Bakit daw?”
“May mga itatanong daw sila.”
“Like?”
Mike shifted uncomfortably in bed. “Do I really have to answer all your questions? Look, I don’t remember some of them because I was so dizzy and tired, okay?” He said, annoyed.
“Answer me.” I glared at him.
“Hindi ko rin alam kung ano’ng ibig nilang sabihin kasi wala naman akong alam doon. Malay ko naman ng frat issues nila. Out ako doon dahil una sa lahat, hindi naman nila ako ka-frat. What do I care about their problems. Stop asking me. Hindi ko na maalala ang mga tanong nila dahil naalog na yata ang utak ko sa tindi ng suntok ng Karl na iyon.”
"Impossible."
"You heard me."
"But that's hard to believe. Pinagbibintangan ka ba nila?"
"Napagkamalan lang na ako ang may kasalanan. Baka akala nila ako ang nang-trip sa kanila."
"Ano raw ginawa?"
He sighed, frustrated. "I don't know, okay?"
"Napakawalang kwenta mong kausap!"
"I know."
"Wala akong napala sa'yo, hayop ka!"
"Wala nga akong maalala. Ikaw kaya ang suntukin ng ilang beses kung hindi ka mabungaw!"
"Tanga ka kasi. Sa dinami dami ng taong pakalat-kalat sa campus, ikaw pa ang napagbintangan!"
"Sila ang tanga dahil sila ang nagkamali ng taong binugbog at tinanong!"
I gritted my teeth. I swear, kung wala ito sa hospital bed, ako na ang bumugbog sa taong ito. "Do you know them?"
"No."
“E bakit ikaw ang bigla na lang tinanong? Tapos nasuntok ka pa ng boyfriend ko.” Bigla akong nalungkot, knowing na boyfriend ko ang nanakit sa kaibigan ko. I winced at the word "boyfriend." Mukhang malabo na yata. Pero saka ko na iisipin iyan. Saka na ako magda-drama pagdating sa bahay namin.
“Rephrase, that stupid boyfriend of yours. I don’t know what their problem is. They’re pathetic. I don’t know what they’re talking about. They must have mistaken me for someone else.”
Napaisip ako. Pwede nga bang magkamali sina KJ ng taong tinanong? Pero kailangan pa ba nilang manakit para lang paaminin ang isang tao? Wow lang. Daig pa nila ang interrogation ng NBI.
“Pero bakit naman sinaktan ka pa nila?” I asked, confused.
Biglang tumalim ang tingin ni Mike. “Because they’re stupid, and they are fucking cowards.”
“What? Pero hindi ko maimagine na magagawa nina KJ iyon. Mukhang matindi ang galit nila sa taong may kasalanan sa kanila. At dahil ikaw ang napagbintangan, ikaw ang nakatikim ng galit nila. They hurt you.” I said gravely.
“Astrid.” Mike held my hands. He looked at me straight in the eyes. “That boyfriend of yours is not a saint, you know. All of them are bastards. They are capable of hurting others because…”
I bit my lip and waited for his answer.
“…they’re frat men.”
--
I can’t believe he did that. I just can’t.
How could he do that to me?
How could he just walk away like nothing happened?
Why did he give me the cold shoulder?
I wiped my tears away.
Nakahiga ako sa kama ko at nakatingin sa kisame. Masyadong maraming nangyari ngayong araw na ito. Pagod na pagod ako. Ineexpect ko na na hindi niya ako isasabay pauwi dahil sa nangyari kanina. I have no choice but to go home alone Pitiful, I know.
I sighed.
Oo nga pala. Kahit pa gaano ka-gwapo, ka-sweet, at ka-cool ni KJ, hindi ko naisip na frat man pa rin siya. At alang-alang sa samahan nila, tulong-tulong silang gawin ang mga bagay bagay at harapin ito. Hindi nila iiwan ang isa’t-isa. At kaakibat noon ay ang mga sikretong sila lang ang nakakaalam at sila lang ang pwede at gustong magresolba.
Baka nga…baka nga mas mahalaga pa ang frat ni KJ keysa sa akin, e.
I can’t blame him though.
I know how much he cares for the Cryptic Warriors. Kung tutuusin, parang kapatid na talaga ang turing nila sa isa’t-isa.
Naupo ako sa kama at niyapos si Spongebob.
I suddenly remembered what happened earlier.
Somehow, I felt guilty.
However, whenever I think of what he did, I can’t help but to be furious.
It was stupid, unreasonable, and again, stupid! Ano ba namang problema nila kay Mike? Bakit nila pinagtulungan? Ang dami-dami nila, nag-iisa lang si Mike.
They are all cowards. I really really hate—
I heard my phone rings and immediately answered it.
“Hello.” I answered lazily.
“Sister!” Philip said excitedly.
“Aray ko ha! Muntik nang mabasag ang eardrum ko sa sigaw na iyan ha. OA lang?” Nakasimangot kong sabi.
“Someone’s cantankerous,” said Cess.
“Someone’s infuriated,” Kaye added.
“Sige lang, ipamukha niyo lang na CommArts kayo. Kayo na, kayo na talaga ang mayayabang to the nth power to infinity plus one hundred.” Philip shrieked.
“Oh my God. What’s this? Conference call?” Tanong ko.
“Hindi, te. One-on-one call tayo, kaya tayo apat.” Cess said sarcastically.
“Bubonic Plague much, sister?” Philip asked.
“Buntis iyan. Delayed, e.” Kaye laughed.
“Bitches.” I muttered. “So, what’s up? Why the sudden call?”
“Chika?” Excited na tanong ni Philip.
“Chika? You left me! I hate you all! Bakit hindi kayo pumasok? You didn’t know what happened to me. You didn’t know how scared I was. You haven’t witnessed the incident earlier. I was so—“
“Hep, hep, hep! Awat muna. Sandali lang, isa-isa. Dahan-dahan. Paki-ayos naman ang pagsasasalita, sister.” Awat ni Cess.
“Chill. Relax ka muna. Hinga ng malalim.” Kaye said.
I did what she instructed.
“Fire away,” sabay-sabay nilang sabi.
At nagsimula na akong sabihin sa kanila ang lahat ng nangyari ngayong araw.
After thirty minutes of non-stop talking, they kept silent.
After a minute, I heard their gasps and together they uttered, “ Holy…”
“…Shit” I continued.
“Oh my God. I don’t know what to say.” Philip said solemnly. Nai-imagine ko na na napapailing ito. Animated kasi itong makipag-usap. Kahit nasa cellphone or telephone lang ang usapan, i-expect mong may hand gestures pa ang baklang ito na parang kaharap niya lang ang kausap.
“So…” Tila nag-aalinlangang sabi ni Cess.
“Ano’ng balak mo, sister? Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayon?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m confused. I’m hurt. I’m disappointed. That freak didn’t even explain what happened! I gave him a chance. I wanted to hear him out, but unfortunately, he kept mum…” I trailed off. I felt my tears fell again.
“Sister…,” sabay-sabay nilang sabi.
I smiled bitterly. Pinilit kong pasiglahin ang boses ko. “See you tomorrow, guys. I really need to sleep. I’m tired.”
“Wait, Astrid—“
“Bukas na lang. Good night.” I pressed the end call button.
Kinuha ko ang Spongebob kong unan at doon, humagulgol ako ng iyak.
“You told me you wouldn’t hurt me, but you did. I’m so fucking hurt that this hurt is killing me.”