The Ceremony
"It was a very proper wedding. The bride was elegantly dressed; the two bridesmaids were duly inferior; her father gave her away; her mother stood with salts in her hand, expecting to be agitated; her aunt tried to cry; and the service was impressively read by Dr. Grant."
[Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen]
Whether you were married by banns or licence, in a parish church or a drawing room, the marriage ceremony would be exactly the same. The words were read from the Book of Common Prayer. The same vows have been spoken by couples marrying in England since the 1660s. Alternative vows were not available until the second half of the 20th century.
Wedding parties at this time were smaller and more intimate than those seen later in the Victorian age. The church wouldn't necessarily be packed with distant relations, neighbours and well-wishers. It was quite normal for only the closest family members to attend the ceremony, as happened in 1814, when Jane Austen's niece married at Steventon Church:
"Mr. Lefroy read the service. My father gave his daughter away. The clerk, of course, was there, though I do not particularly remember him, but I am quite sure there was no-one else in the church."
[Caroline Austen's Reminiscences]
The father of the bride would give the bride away to her future husband. If the father was not available a male relative or friend of the family could take his place.
A wedding ring for the bride was a necessary requirement of the service, although it did not have to be gold. The ring could be made of any metal, and didn't even need to fit properly. There have been stories about brass curtain rings being used, or rings borrowed temporarily for the ceremony. Men did not tend to wear wedding rings at this time, and there was no provision in the text for a mutual exchange of rings during the service.
In the early Regency period the wedding dress were the clothes the bride and groom wore to their wedding. The bride's dress did not have to be white, or even new. She often wore her best dress, whatever the colour. The bride may have a new dress for the occasion, but it would be something she could wear again, after the ceremony. At this time upper class young ladies often wore white dresses anyway, either to suggest innocence or wealth. (you needed servants to keep white clothes clean) The earliest mention of "bridal white" was in 1807, although pale blue, pink and silver were also popular colours for brides on their wedding day.
During this time a bride would often wear a bonnet in church. If a veil happened to be attached, it was more to do with the general fashions of the time than as specific bridal wear. Veils went in and out of fashion during the extended Regency period. The first fashion plate I've found that was identified particularly as a bridal dress was from Ackermann's Repository of Arts, in June 1816.
In church the bride may have been attended by one or two bridesmaids, but the idea of half a dozen bridesmaids, all wearing matching dresses, is a Victorian idea. They would also wear one of their Sunday-best dresses, but they would not coordinate their outfits.
The groom would be accompanied by his groomsman, or best man. (the phrase best man dates from about 1785, while groomsman is older)
The wedding had to take place in the presence of two witnesses. These witnesses could be anyone, but were often the siblings, cousins or friends of the couple. However, if no one else was available, it was not unusual for the parish clerk to be a witness.
After the ceremony, the bride, groom, clergyman and two witnesses retired to the vestry to sign the register. The marriage register was a pre-printed book with space for three marriages per page. Each form recorded the name of the bride and groom, their condition (bachelor, spinster, widow or widower) and which parish they belonged to. It also stated whether they were married by banns, licence or special licence and the date of the marriage. The clergyman entered his name, the bride and groom signed (with her maiden name, in the case of the wife) and the witnesses did likewise.
If either bride, groom or any of the witnesses were unable to sign their own name, they could make their mark, which was usually a cross. It was not unknown for an otherwise illiterate bride to learn to write her maiden name, purely so she could sign the marriage register.
The Bride takes her husband's name
"Happy for all her maternal feelings was the day on which Mrs. Bennet got rid of her two most deserving daughters. With what delighted pride she afterwards visited Mrs. Bingley, and talked of Mrs. Darcy, may be guessed"
[Chapter 61, Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen]
English naming traditions meant that, from this point onward, the bride's surname becomes that of her husband. So, for example, at the end of Pride and Prejudice Miss Elizabeth Bennet would become Mrs Darcy. She would not have become Mrs Elizabeth Bennet Darcy, or Mrs Elizabeth Bennet-Darcy.
If there was more than one daughter-in-law within a family, they would be identified by their husbands' names. For example, where there were two brothers called John Smith and Thomas Smith, John's wife would be Mrs Smith, while Thomas' wife would be known as Mrs Thomas Smith. To complicate matters, if John and Thomas' mother were still alive, then she would be the senior Mrs Smith, and the daughters-in-law would be Mrs John Smith and Mrs Thomas Smith.
If the groom had a title, the new wife would be known by her husband's title, except in very rare cases when she had a senior title of her own. Even then, her official surname would change to that of her husband, even if she didn't use it.
The idea of a bride keeping her maiden name in some form was very rare. On the small number of occasions when this happened, it was usually connected to some form of inheritance from the bride's family and would involve the husband taking the wife's surname as a condition of the marriage.
The Wedding Breakfast
"The wedding took place; the bride and bridegroom set off for Kent from the church door, and everybody had as much to say or to hear on the subject as usual."
[Chapter 26, Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen]
If the happy couple were not setting off to their new home immediately after the ceremony, then there would usually be a wedding breakfast. It could be as simple as a sit-down meal for the wedding party, where the guests would also be offered portions of wedding cake.
Caroline Austen, a niece of Jane Austen, described the wedding breakfast that followed her sister's wedding in 1814:
"The breakfast was such as best breakfasts then were: some variety of bread, hot rolls, buttered toast; tongue or ham and eggs. The addition of chocolate at one end of the table, and the wedding cake in the middle, marked the speciality of the day."
According to a cookery book from 1822, a traditional wedding cake, or "bride-cake" was a standard rich fruit cake recipe, with the addition of an extra pound of raisins, covered in plain icing.
It was believed at this time that if an unmarried person passed a piece of wedding cake (wrapped in paper) through the ring of the recently wedded bride, and put it under their pillow, they would dream of the person they were going to marry.
A wealthy landowner, newly married, might throw a party on his estate so his workers and tenants could join in the celebrations, and where there would be food and music laid on for lively dancing. House servants would celebrate the marriage of a family member later in the evening, with some wedding cake and a bowl of punch in the servant's hall.
The Honeymoon
"Immediately after the ceremony was performed, Mr. and Mrs. Ludgate went down in the hoy to Margate, to spend their honeymoon in style. Their honeymoon, alas! could not be prolonged beyond the usual bounds. Even the joys of Margate could not be eternal, and the day came too soon when our happy pair were obliged to think of returning home."
[Out of Debt, Out of Danger, Popular Tales, Vol. 1, by Maria Edgeworth]
Depending on the circumstances of the couple, after they were married they could go on a short trip or honeymoon. They would stay for a couple of weeks at the sea-side, in the Lake District, or at a spa town like Harrogate or Bath. The idea of a foreign holiday would be less than appealing when the countries of Europe spent most of this period at war with each other.
A gentleman of leisure might take his new wife to visit relatives who had not attended the wedding. If his property was some distance away then she would start her honeymoon by becoming acquainted with her new home, such as in this snippet of news from November 1813:
"Lord Thurlow's marriage with Miss Bolton the actress took place on Saturday last at St Martin's church. Immediately after the ceremony the happy pair drove off to his lordship's seat in Sussex to spend the honeymoon."
[The Edinburgh Annual Register]
Unlike modern honeymoons, it was not uncommon for the bride to take a sister or a friend with her for company.
However, for poorer couples, a honeymoon was not an option, because they would have business or work to attend to the next day. Many poorer people married on a Sunday, because it was their only day off work.
Bride Visits
These were formal visits of ceremony, made by the local neighbours to a newly married young woman. If she was remaining in the locality, she might expect to start receiving bride visits from her neighbours soon after her wedding:
"Next morning, agreeably to the etiquette of the place, several ladies, and one ingenious young gentleman, with a glorious epithalamium in his pocket, called to pay their congratulatory visits. They found the bride, like the very wife described by king Solomon, not sitting up in idle state, as brides have been wont to do, but thriftily commencing the honey moon, setting her household in order."
However, if the young bride would be leaving her family home and moving some distance away to her new husband's house, she would visit her neighbours in the week before her wedding, to bid them a formal farewell. Shortly after she arrived at her husband's estate she would also welcome his neighbours, who would wish to offer every courtesy of a visit to the new bride.
This happens in Jane Austen's "Emma", when Mr. Elton brings his new wife back to Highbury:
"Mrs. Elton was first seen at church: but though devotion might be interrupted, curiosity could not be satisfied by a bride in a pew, and it must be left for the visits in form which were then to be paid, to settle whether she were very pretty indeed, or only rather pretty, or not pretty at all."
Announcing the News
"I suppose you have heard of it; indeed, you must have seen it in the papers. It was in the Times and the Courier, I know; though it was not put in as it ought to be. It was only said, "Lately, George Wickham, Esq. to Miss Lydia Bennet," without there being a syllable said of her father, or the place where she lived, or any thing. It was my brother Gardiner's drawing up too, and I wonder how he came to make such an awkward business of it."
[Pride & Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
In the higher levels of society it was expected that a marriage announcement would appear in at least one newspaper, whether local or national. As Jane Austen wrote to her niece in 1814:
"...Mrs. Heathcote and Miss Bigg are just leaving her. The latter writes me word that Miss Blackford is married, but I have never seen it in the papers, and one may as well be single if the wedding is not to be in print."
Newspapers of the time would print details of "Marriages", along with death notices, and occasionally births. Here is a typical entry from the Morning Chronicle of 10th October 1812:
"Married: On Monday, September 28th, the Honourable and Reverend Alfred Harris, second son to the Earl of Malmesbury, at Stokesley, to Miss Maria Markham, fourth daughter to the Very Rev. the Dean of York."
Other publications also printed wedding announcements, like this one from the monthly ladies' magazine, La Belle Assemblee, from May 1819:
"At St George's church, Hanover Square, Earl Temple, to Lady Campbell, eldest daughter of the Earl and Countess of Breadalbane. The noble peer gave the lady away; and his youngest daughter officiated as the principal bride-maid. The bride wore a superb dress, composed of Brussels lace, and looked interesting and lovely."
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[Image: "Off for the Honeymoon", by Frederick Morgan [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons]