After Amy had come down from having a shower we stopped talking about the intruder and Piper, Melinda and Amy focused on making something for us to eat. While they were in the kitchen I was in the living room with the boys, pacing back and forth in front of them. They were sitting on the couch while I tried to think of a way to break things to my best friend.
I could feel power radiating and I didn't know who it belonged to. I rubbed my face with my hands and suddenly realised that rain hadn't been forecasted for today. I halted my pacing as I realised Amy must be controlling it. Wow we really did need to train her, whether it was to help us with the demons after us or not, she needed to gain control of her powers. I turned to Wyatt and grimaced knowing this would be hard for the both of us as I figured out the first step to helping her control her powers. She needed to know we were here for her, including Wyatt.
"Wyatt we have a problem" I started and saw him twitch with worry and I smiled as I instantly knew why he had reacted like that.
"Don't worry I'm not in trouble but Amy is. She's manipulating the weather again, that's why it's raining. So I need you to do something for her" I said, knowing he would probably do anything for her or me except what I was going to ask. I bit my lip and sent him what I needed him to do through the bond.
You need to tell her how you feel I thought and saw him tense. Then he shook his head.
"You don't understand she's feeling lonely. Like no one gives a damn about her anymore. She knows I care but that's not enough" I said.
And I know she feels the same way about you. I can show you if you want me to I said and saw him deliberating.
"Okay then show me" he said looking smug and lifted an eyebrow. Well I will prove him wrong. He obviously doesn't believe me. I bit my lip.
"Lila I don't think it's a good idea" Chris said as he saw me hesitate.
By this time Leo had also joined the others in the kitchen to help with the preparation, as he must've thought we needed to talk. He's really good at understanding, I'd need to give him a big hug later.
"I'll be fine, but it may not work" I replied and saw Wyatt's eyes bug out of his head as he understood. Chris stood up shaking his head.
"Lila don't do it. Not again" he said but it was too late, I'd already made my way through her mind barriers and now her feelings were engulfing me. Crap her feelings are too much. I can't breathe.
Her feelings hit me fully and made me double over. Hate. Loneliness. Love. Mostly love. Love that she held for her mom. Love that she had for her dad even if he was useless. And more importantly the love she held for Wyatt. I gripped onto it and sent it him as though it was me that was feeling this love for him. He gasped once it hit him and I knew that he felt Amy's feelings for him. They were so powerful. Even more powerful than the feelings I held for Josh and I knew they were strong, especially seeing as how long I had liked him for. But with Josh I only liked him, whereas Amy truly did love Wyatt.
But there was more. She was lonely. She knew we were here for her but that wasn't the same, she needed her mom. She needed her dad, and the only way that would happen was for him to get over his grief and see that it wasn't just him who had lost her.
The second most powerful feeling though was hate. She hated the world. How dare it be so cruel. Why did it have to take her mom away? She hated the demons so badly that she wanted to hunt down every last one and kill them. Well at least I didn't have to worry about her not wanting to train. But the last one I felt stopped me in my tracks and made my eyes water like they never had before. She hated me. Me because I hadn't found out from the beginning that she was a witch and if she had known she could've helped. Me because my powers were supposedly so great but I didn't stop her mom dying. And me because my life was so perfect now, nine years after losing my mom. I had the Halliwells, I had a family. Whereas hers would never be the same again. My body began to twitch. I didn't know why.
Why was she blaming me? How could I have known that her mom was going to die? If I had known I would've done everything I could that was within my power. I wouldn't want anyone to lose their mom because I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I did, especially Amy. My body jerked and I felt solid ground under me. I knew then that this was a side effect. Being able to understand people and feel their emotions after reading their minds was a gift from all my elements, including spirit and so I had to tap into spirit as well to be able to read minds. The bonds were different since they relied on my power from all of the element as well as the boys' power to keep it going. That's what the bond fed off to give it the energy to keep going. My body jerked again and I heard noise. It was like static noise that you hear when a television is first turned on.
I went cold. All feeling ceased to exist. My heart hurt. Maybe it was my fault. It was my fault that Chris got hurt. It was my fault that his girlfriend was evil. I knew yet I didn't tell him because he wouldn't have believed me. If only I had, maybe he wouldn't be hurting so much about it. If only he understood what was going through my mind. I'm positive that he probably hates me for it but just pretends that he cares about me. It's my fault why the whole family feel the need to protect me because I'm a burden. And maybe it was my fault why Amy's mom was killed. We believed that everything happened for a reason. Well maybe it was my fault. Perhaps Cathy had died so that I could teach Amy how to be a witch. Maybe if I had never made friends with her then this wouldn't be happening.
Things went black. Maybe now spirit had killed me for overusing it. At least it would be better than facing Amy and her hate. She will never blame me because now I'm dead. Now I won't ever have to worry about turning into that monster from my dream, and having to deal with the demons.
But what about Wyatt and Chris and Melinda something whispered around me. A female voice coaxing me to think. I didn't want to think.
You can't abandon them. Think how sad they will be when you're gone and who will look after Chris if he starts to get depressed again. If you die you will break your promise to them, because you will no longer be there to support them the voice said around me. Echoing in my ears. My heart swelled. I couldn't leave them. They would need me. I couldn't let them face the demons on their own. What if I'm needed to fill in the Charmed Ones if one of them gets hurt? It will be my fault then if they join me here. I couldn't let that happen. No one else will die for me. Amy will just have to hate me for the rest of my life.
Chris, I need a lifeline I sent to him, hoping that it reached him somehow since I wasn't sure if I was actually dead and therefore wasn't sure if my bonds existed with the boys. This was the phrase we had agreed to send to each other if we were in really big trouble. Trouble that we couldn't get out of on our own. I wouldn't be able to get out of the dark without help. I needed Chris or Wyatt, and if it fried my powers even more by sending them this plea so be it, at least I will be there for them.
Things happened slowly then. First the black receded and I was left feeling weightless. Then my hearing returned and I heard Melinda sobbing and felt someone holding me. Tears dripping on my face.
"Lila. If you can hear me Wyatt and I need to tell you something. You are not to blame for any of those things. You're not a burden to anyone. My parents love you like you're a fourth child. Melinda and Wyatt love you like you're their sister. I love you as well okay, and you're not to blame. I understand why you didn't tell me. We were young and I was dumb and you thought you were protecting me. But we are here for each other now. I'm here for you now. This time you need me more than I need you" he said. If I was awake, or whatever, I could've hugged him so hard.
"Hey sis it's Mel. Please don't leave us. Who am I gonna talk to 'bout that cute guy in my class. I don't particularly want to talk to Wyatt or Chris about him. How awkward would that be?" she said and heard her chuckle slightly even though there was no emotion behind her laugh. She called me sis. That's the first time she's ever called me sis. Gosh I couldn't leave her now.
"Lila-Rose, you're not to blame for Cathy's death either, no matter what Amy thinks. You ever heard the saying we take it out on the ones we love. That's all Amy's doing, but she still needs you no matter what she feels. We all need you" Wyatt said and I heard Amy sob when he was saying this.
"Lila I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it" Amy said.
The pressure on my body was released and so was the weight that had took hold of my heart. I don't know why I had thought they hated me anyway. I can understand if Amy did but why did I doubt Chris, Wyatt and Melinda? They are right, I may be a pain but a family loves each other and looks out for one another. All through this though my body hadn't stopped twitching and I didn't know how to stop. But I tried to ignore it and focused on opening my eyes to see my family. I needed them to know I was okay and I needed to see their faces.
Gritting my teeth I focused on the heat of the bodies surrounding me and tried to take the heat into my own body as I realised I was twitching because I was cold, as well as the side effects of spirit. I was stupid trying to use it when it was already nonexistent, why did I believe that I could? The one body that drew my attention was holding my right hand. I could feel their warmth so I focused on that person by drawing energy from them. The gasp told me that it was working and I could also tell from the feel of their hand in mine and the heat from their body, that this person was Chris.
I searched inside myself for the thread that would connect me to him and saw that the thread was vibrant in every single colour. From red, to yellow, to green, to pink and even black. Oh no not again. Then I felt a twang and saw that Wyatt was trying to reverse his bond with me so that instead of me feeling him, he could feel me and send me what I would need. I saw that his thread was a bright honey colour, telling me he was very worried.
"Chris" a female voice called out his name. A hand stroked my hair.
"I'm here Lila. I'm right by your side" he said, and I then realised that it had been me that had called to him.
Then I felt a surge of power taking control of my body. It was energising but it didn't stop the twitching. Whatever it was it gave me enough energy to open my eyes. When I did I saw Chris looming over me. He smiled and his head dropped to my chest when I opened my eyes. I could tell he was doing this because he was relieved. The power kept on coming, making me frown. I turned my head to where I could feel it radiating and saw that it was coming form Wyatt. He hadn't seen me open my eyes because his were closed in concentration, but I could see how hard it was for him as the boys never usually reversed the bond. The bond did work both ways but I had been bonded to them, making it easier for me to feel what they were feeling. If Chris and Wyatt wanted to feel what I was feeling they had to concentrate more.
"Wyatt, stop" I croaked. My voice thick as it hadn't been used in a while since I blacked out. His eyes opened and the power calmed before starting again as he concentrated on me.
"Chris stop him now. He's gonna tire himself out" I said my throat losing it's croak slightly. Chris picked his head off my chest and looked at his brother, before realising what was happening.
"Wyatt she's fine. You need to stop otherwise her body won't repair itself properly" Chris said even though we all knew that he was lying. Wyatt shook his head and gritted his teeth. I knew that if he didn't stop he would give me too much of his power, and I wasn't supposed to harbour such enormous amounts of Charmed power. Even when I was filling in for one I only tapped into the power a little bit, just enough to help with the vanquish and the reason I could do that was because of my bonds with Wyatt and Chris. These bonds meant that I had access to their collective Charmed power.
Using the energy I was being given I heaved myself up onto my elbows. Chris fluttered around me before putting his hands under my back and lifting me up even further. I nodded my thanks, feeling out of breath before I touched Wyatt's arm, as he was kneeling beside me, and focused really hard. I used his power against him and zapped him. He jolted and frowned at me before closing his eyes and trying again. After a few seconds of being unsuccessful he realised that the shock I had given him had turned things back to normal, meaning he could no longer send me power. He glared at me.
"Why did you do that?" he said sharply. I breathed out as I slumped against Chris. Luckily he caught me before he fell under my weight.
"Because I'm not a Charmed one. I'm not supposed to harbour that much power. It could fry my system even more. Wow I sound like a computer" I said and chuckled throatily at the end and felt Chris bury his head into my shoulder. "-besides it was pointless you doing that. It's what happens to me when I'm emotional" I said shrugging and felt Chris jolt and lift his head away from my shoulder.
"Lila no matter how emotional you are you've never fainted. You know you almost died. I couldn't feel you for a moment. Then all your thoughts rushed over me and I realised that you were having a moment of self doubt. Now I know why you freak out when that happens to me" he grinned, trying to lighten the mood and I weakly smiled at him, having no energy to do anything else.
Chris' arms wound their way around my the bottom of my ribcage just as my body started convulsing again. I grabbed his arms and held onto him.
"Oh my good giddy aunt" I said not wanting to swear. My muscles were aching from all the twitching. I felt Chris nod behind me and Wyatt rushed to his side to help prop me up against the sofa. They both put their arms around my shoulders to hold me up, even though I cold keep myself up using the sofa behind me.
Another twang and this time it was Chris reversing the bond. I knew that because the zap I had given Wyatt meant that he wouldn't be able to reverse the bond again for a few hours. My body eased off but my muscles still hurt. Sighing in relief, I leaned against Wyatt for warmth just as Chris started to convulse. I frowned in confusion. What was happening? It took me a few moments before my eyes widened once I realised that he had absorbed the side effect.
"Oh Chris why did you do that?" I said gathering him into my arms so that his head nestled in my chest while his arms grabbed a hold of my left arm that was around his front, and my right was behind him supporting him. I didn't try reversing the bond as I knew my power wouldn't support it. My powers weren't strong enough to perform the task of putting the bond back to normal, especially after having to reverse my bond with Wyatt and obviously the fact that I'd fried my powers again meant that I had the bare minimum power needed to sustain my end of the bond. I knew with experience that it goes back to normal after about six hours, but that had only happened once. Chris shuddered again, his fingers digging into my arms due to his pain. I buried my face in his hair, breathing in the scent of his shampoo that smelt strangely like pine cones. Hopefully the fit would pass soon. Well now I knew how my family felt when this happened, it was horrible watching Chris have to go through this.
Finally the fit subsided and his fingers released their grip slightly. His head lifted and he looked me in the eye.
"Wyatt can you go get him a glass of water please?" I asked without looking away from Chris. I heard Wyatt shuffle as he got up from the floor. I stroked Chris' hair away from his head.
"I dunno how you can do this every time you try something new with your powers Lila. It's horrible" he whispered. I rested my chin on his head when he looked down at the floor.
"I know it is. Why did you transfer it to yourself? Are you suicidal?" I asked him. I wasn't joking when I asked him this. Just like I wasn't supposed to harbour to much Charmed power, Chris probably wouldn't be able to handle much of mine, especially if he accidentally transferred my demonic power.
"You needed help Lila. I don't think your body could've taken anymore" he said and I felt his shoulders lift slightly. I breathed out. God I love him, as well as the other Halliwells of course. Then I suddenly felt my heart go out to him and swell to twice its size. I wanted to keep him in my arms and never let him go. I wanted to keep him safe. I wanted him to be mine.
Wait what? Backtrack there Lila, get rid of that thought, you're not thinking straight. The side effect must've messed with your mind.
Luckily Wyatt returned right at that moment with the glass of water I had asked him to get. Chris took it from his brother and gulped it down. I cleared my throat.
"Okay then big guy let's get you to bed, you can't stay here it's not comfortable enough" I said and felt in Chris' body that he agreed with me.
"Do you think both of your bodies could handle me orbing you?" Wyatt asked. We both nodded just as Wyatt knelt in front of us placing a hand on my left arm, and a hand on Chris' right arm.
My legs left the ground and I was flying, holding Chris tightly to myself. I actually felt us go through the floorboards which made my stomach churn.
Finally my legs landed on something soft and I saw that we were in Wyatt and Chris' room. Wow it had been a long time since I was last on Chris' bed as I hardly came into their room. Today had been the first time in about two months.
"I will go outside and let you guys get changed" I said and they nodded. I got off the bed and walked to the door before opening it and hurrying to my room next door.
When I walked in I saw that Melinda and Amy were there.
"Have you already eaten?" I asked them and they nodded.
"Mom left some food for you and the guys in the oven for later if you're hungry" Melinda said and I nodded before heading to my bed and stripping off my clothes. I threw on a random piece of nightwear before turning back to the girls.
"I'll probably be sleeping with the guys tonight so you can have my bed if you want Amy" I said and she nodded. "-night girls" I said as I walked out of the bedroom with a chorus of "Goodnight" following me out.
When I got to the door leading into Wyatt and Chris' room I saw that it was slightly ajar. I couldn't hear any movement behind it so I quietly walked in and what I saw made me smile.
Both of the boys were on Chris' bed. Chris himself was tucked under the covers and another wave had hit him causing him to shudder. He grabbed a hold of Wyatt's hand. The same way I had took hold of Chris' hand earlier to offer him comfort. I shut the door behind me and sat on the bed next to Chris. They both moved over and I sat on the covers, putting my arm around the back of Chris' head so that I was leaning over him.
His eyes opened and he smiled slightly when he saw I was there before he grabbed onto my hand, holding tightly as if the only thing keeping him alive was holding my hand. Just before his eyes closed I saw them start to water and knew he was in pain. I had become accustomed to the pain that came with having side effects over the years, so much so that I usually didn't feel anything. But this was the first time Chris had taken the side effect fully into himself and because of this his body was trying to reject it.
"Wyatt you can go if you want. Your mom left some food in the oven" I said looking at him. He met my eyes and nodded but made no move to go, and I knew we were in this together. The three of us. Bonded in spirit as well as physically while Chris held onto us both.
"Chris, let me take it back into myself now. I can cope, my body doesn't hurt" I said to him as the shudder slowed. His jaw clenched and he shook his head. I huffed in frustration. Why did he have to be so damn stubborn?
You're the same you know. Just as stubborn as him Wyatt's voice said in my head. I frowned but ignored him.
Thankfully the side effects seemed to be calming down slightly and the shudders grew less frequent until finally Chris found that he no longer needed to hold his brother's hand. Wow that sounds weird thinking that. Even so he still held onto mine.
In the end I managed to convince Wyatt to go downstairs and have something to eat. He agreed as I promised I wouldn't leave Chris, not even to go to the toilet. When he went Chris cleared his throat.
"Thank you" he whispered, so quietly that I had to lean down for him to whisper again into my ear.
"What for?" I asked him and he coughed.
"For being here for me" I rolled my eyes.
"I will always be here for you, even when we're old and wrinkly" I replied and heard him laugh lightly.
We stayed like that in silence for a while until the door opened and Wyatt walked in with a tray.
"I brought you some snacks up" he said and I smiled in gratitude just as my stomach grumbled. I blushed knowing that Chris would be annoyed that I'd skipped dinner to stay with him. Wyatt put the tray down on the bedside table next to me and flicked the lamp on so we could see. I shuffled around so that I could see what was on the tray.
"It wasn't what was cooked but I thought it would be okay" Wyatt explained and I nodded. At the moment anything was welcome.
"Chris are you hungry?" I asked him.
"Yeah. What's there?" he asked and I looked closer at what was on the plate.
"Err, two chicken wraps. Two chocolate bars. Two packets of chips and two small bottles of cola" I said, my stomach grumbling as I said what was in front of me.
"Yeah pass me one of each" he said and I felt the bed shift as he adjusted his position. I did as he said and gave him the plates so he wouldn't have to hold everything while I ate everything one after the other, before taking a big gulp of the drink.
As usual I finished before him and settled into the pillows behind me while I waited for him to finish. It didn't take long for Chris to eat all of the food I gave him though and I was soon taking the plate and bottle off him and putting it back onto the side table, before flicking off the light. Plunging the bedroom into a grey light as the sun went down.
"Are you staying the night?" he asked me softly. I turned my head and saw that he was watching me. Shrugging I replied, "If you want me to" he nodded and shifted before lifting his covers up. I slid underneath and lay next to him, feeling the heat from his body. He moved, causing us to end up pressed up against each other. I didn't mind, it was quite comforting.
I heard Wyatt's breathing from his bed by the door, since Chris had the bed beneath the window and I could tell that he wasn't asleep. He probably knew that we weren't as well but nothing was said between us. Chris shifted next to me and I turned my head to see that he had turned onto his side and was looking at me. My hand was pressed against his stomach, though I didn't move it. I liked the feel of the rise and fall of his stomach against my hand.
Staring into his eyes I saw them water and he placed a hand on my shoulder. Just like he had yesterday night he rubbed circles on my arm to soothe me. Though I believed I should've been comforting him. I smiled at him but he stared at me. I moved my hand away but he placed his own over mine. His eyelids started to droop and I rubbed circles on the back of his hand. He soon fell asleep.
I, however, found it hard to fall asleep tonight, considering it had been a long day. I lay awake watching Chris and listening to Wyatt's heavy breathing while I thought. It was comforting except when Wyatt started tossing and turning and murmuring in his sleep. I frowned feeling slightly worried. Wyatt never had bad dreams so what was bothering him?
So for the first time without consent, I decided to peer into his thoughts to see what was troubling him. I shivered slightly as I entered his thoughts which was different to what usually happened but I'd never invaded the boy's thoughts while they slept and I always had permission, unless they were projecting their thoughts to me without knowing, but hearing those thoughts was accidental.
I surfaced in his dream. An observer but not a participant. I saw the dream versions of Chris, Wyatt, Melinda, Amy, Josh and myself. In the dream we were in the attic with Wyatt standing in front of Amy and his sister. Josh was sitting on the floor in a circle of white chalk, with Chris and I kneeling outside. Or at least the dream me was kneeling, I was actually on the red sofa that was kept in the attic. Chris' arm was wrapped protectively around my shoulders and I was sobbing into my hands.
"Tell them they're wrong" I said and no one answered. I looked up at Josh. "-tell them they're wrong" I said, venom in my voice. Josh looked into my eyes with no guilt and I saw them flash black before returning to their normal brown colour.
"I can't do that" he snarled causing me to sob harder.
"How dare you do that Josh. She trusted you and you betrayed her. Why?" Chris said. I could tell he would've ripped Josh's head off there and then had he not been holding onto me. Josh shrugged.
"I'm evil. We have no loyalties" he snarled, his lip curling back and I sobbed harder. I vaguely heard Melinda, Wyatt and Amy saying a spell but the image was wavering.
"No!" I sobbed just as Josh went up in flames.
From my place on the sofa I jumped. Why would Wyatt be dreaming about vanquishing Josh? Sure I knew that my family were protective of me but surely he didn't view Josh as that much of a threat? Oh well I will never understand boys and their competitive side.
Just then the image started to waver and I found myself sitting on nothing. Just floating in white nothingness. I quickly pulled out of Wyatt's mind to find that he was stirring. I landed back in my body, lying next to Chris as Wyatt jolted up in bed.
"Lila? What the heck?" he whispered as he sat up. I moved slowly so as not to wake the sleeping Chris beside me.
"What's up?" I whispered back and Wyatt made a noise that sounded like a growl.
"You know what. Why were you spying on my dream?" he asked icily.
"You were tossing and turning and I looked to see what was bothering you seeing as how you've never had bad dreams before. Why did you dream about vanquishing my boyfriend?" I explained and Wyatt flopped against his pillows but didn't say anything.
"Because I don't trust him. There's something about him that has me feeling uneasy" he replied finally and I frowned at him.
"Why? Because you feel protective of me?" I huffed. The covers rustled as Wyatt moved around.
"There's that and the fact that I don't like the way he looks at people, including you. It's like he's a lion and you're his prey. It's hard to explain but I think you should dump him, he's not right for you" I exhaled heavily in frustration.
"Why is it that I'm never allowed to be happy? Every time I become fascinated by someone you all start saying that you don't trust them" I whispered loudly causing Chris to murmur and turn over.
"You are allowed to be happy but I can't help that I feel a sudden uneasiness whenever I'm around him" Wyatt replied, after Chris had settled down again.
"Whatever Wyatt. See you in the morning" I said angrily not bothering to keep my voice down as I turned onto my side and ignored him.
He tried to make me understand but each time he asked me something I didn't reply. He gave up in the end and soon fell asleep.
I drifted off soon after, but it was a troubled sleep.