Chapter Thirty - Alright
"Look, bro," Jamaal sighed, "just go up to her and apologize!"
Khalid tightened his grip on the steering wheel, before taking a sharp turn. He refrained from looking at his best friend, who'd become tired of Khalid's attempts to avoid Sabrina. Khalid suspected that it put Jamaal off because while he was keeping out of Sabrina's way, Jamaal got to see less of Emaan. He smirked at this, rolling down his window and sticking out an arm.
"Why?" He asked, unkindly. "So you can check out Emaan while I'm grovelling for Sabrina's forgiveness?"
At this, the Pakistani boy turned to his friend with a scrutinizing glare. Khalid, after catching a glimpse of it, averted his gaze and kept his eyes on the road. He cut off an shiny black Odyssey in an attempt to catch a green light.
"Oh, I see." Jamaal nodded, just as unkindly. "Apologizing to a girl is beneath you."
Khalid was severely irritated by his response. He may have been known to be quite sexist in the past, treating girls like toys and using them as so. But now, he thought he'd gotten over his habits. Apparently not, he realized, if he felt shame in apologizing to Sabrina. But there was also so much more to it. Why should he apologize? What difference would it make? He would be no closer to convincing his parents to letting him marry her if he did? Besides, if she hated him, she could move on. But even Khalid knew what a great lie he was selling to himself. He knew too much about hate and it wasn't easy to let go that easily.
He remained silent, letting his irritation bubble in the pit of his stomach. Jamaal turned away, gazing out his window, not too happy on being right.
"You know." Jamaal mumbled, his breath fogging up the glass. "You're not the only one who's suffering."
* * *
Khalid hadn't gone back to school since talking to Hiba. He didn't want to face the world right now, didn't want to face Hiba and her startling confession that she had never loved him. He didn't want to face Sabrina either because he was unsure of how they could possibly work out. He was afraid she would move on, after what he'd done. He was afraid she'd decide he wasn't worth all the fuss. He scowled as he forced himself out of bed. The thought of her moving on bothered him greatly.
He felt like a coward for hiding, however. His professors wouldn't miss him but his friends and classmates were bound to note his absence. He wondered what Sabrina thought of him now, refusing to show his face at school. Perhaps she was glad, perhaps she never wanted to see him again, anyway. Khalid's phone rang, lighting up to show that Jamaal was calling.
He answered it with a sigh. "Salaam."
"Wasalaam." Jamaal replied, "Enough of this. I'm picking you up right now. Get ready. You're going to school today I don't care what your excuses are this is just-"
Khalid interrupted him. "Don't bother. I'm coming myself."
Khalid, too, had had enough.
* * *
At school, Khalid didn't look around, didn't talk to anyone and tried, for the life of him, to avoid bumping into Hiba. Or Sabrina. He strode through his classes with a perfect poker face, smirking at his friends' lame jokes and biting back yawns during class time. As lunch arrived, he charged out of the school, opting to eat out. Jamaal followed, pleased to have his friend finally showing his face at school again.
"So, what do you plan on doing about Sabrina?" Jamaal asked, carefully as they got into Khalid's car.
Khalid grimaced at the question. "What makes you think I'm going to do anything?"
Jamaal stared at him. "So that's it then? You're just giving up?"
"Yeah." He shrugged, silencing Jamaal.
Truthfully, Khalid's mind spun with solutions. He could apologize, but then she might reject it. He could forget about her, but he didn't know how to. He could get together with someone else and make Sabrina jealous, but then there would be so much drama. His head pounded as he exited the parking lot, trying to avoid looking at Jamaal who was staring out his window.
"So, where to?" He asked, awkwardly.
Jamaal made a vague noise, and waved a hand.
"Right, McDonald's it is then." Khalid said, smirking.
"I hate that place." Jamaal groaned.
"Well, that's where we're off to if you don't answer my question." Khalid sang in a fake, cheery voice.
"You're so childish, sometimes." Jamaal said, rolling his eyes. "Fine. Lets go to Subway."
It was on the way back to school when Khalid spotted a racing police car, sirens flashing angrily as it sped past them. Jamaal, who was gnawing on a Subway cookie, turned his head and watched it go past, eyebrows raised.
"It totally turned on its sirens to pass the red light." He said, unapprovingly.
That may have been so, for the police car did suspiciously turn off its lights and return to a suitable speed after it had crossed the intersection. But Khalid was busy thinking about something else. His mind was reliving a night where there had been many police cars, flashing lights and cops staring down at him as he shook, Sabrina's blood on his hands.
He dropped Jamaal off school with a quick salaam.
"Hey, where are you going?" Jamaal called after him as he sped off.
He didn't have any time to answer.
* * *
He headed for Vancouver Jail.
He knew from the trials that Osama was being held there and he had to ask him something. It had occurred to him on the way back to school, seeing that police car, and remembering the day that Osama had taken Sabrina. He remembered Reed holding a gun in his face and the loud explosion of a gunshot as Reed's lifeless body fell before him.
What he couldn't remember was Osama's face when he'd shot Reed. He couldn't remember why and he wished he could have seen a glimpse of Osama's expression. Because he had to know why he shot Reed. He had to know why he was allowed to live that night.
Vancouver Jail was a morbid-looking building, and Khalid supposed, as an institution for keeping murderers and rapists, it had every right to be. He entered, filled out paperwork, tapped his foot through the security checks and finally found himself in a waiting area. Since phones weren't allowed in this part of the building, he fiddled his fingers and watched the clock.
Finally, someone came up to him and explained that he would be having a non-contact visit with Osama. This meant he would be communicating with him behind glass. Khalid guessed they took extra precaution with inmates who'd committed murder. Suddenly, he was filled with nervousness and irritation. This was the guy who'd kidnapped Sabrina, after all.
When Khalid entered the small room, his eyes immediately fell upon a person clad in a drab orange jumpsuit. Osama looked different, his eyes devoid of any emotion. He looked tired and pale and as Khalid sat down before him, Osama's eyes wavered and Khalid wondered if it was just the glass separating them.
"I was expecting you." Osama told him, his voice sounded weird through the vent in the glass.
Khalid was hit with a weird movie vibe. Prisoners in movies usually said that kind of thing. What did that make Khalid? The hero or the douche who got killed in the end?
"Uh, okay." Khalid said. "I just wanted to talk to you."
Osama faked surprise. "No way. And here I thought you'd come to throw me a surprise birthday party!"
Khalid scowled at him and then blinked. "Why, is it your birthday?" He shook his head. "Wait, no, I dont care about that."
"Well, hurry up then. Ask me why I shot Reed." Osama yawned.
Khalid stilled. "If you already knew I was going to ask you that, then why don't you just go on and answer it?"
"It's really boring here. Let me have my fun."
"Okay...so?"
"How is she, by the way?" Osama asked, ignoring him. "Sabrina, I mean. Understandably, I wouldn't know."
"She's fine." Khalid snapped, irritation sparking in his chest. "She would be even more fine if you hadn't kidnapped her."
"You're right." Osama said darkly. "I wouldn't be here either."
They fell silent, watching each other warily. Khalid wondered if he was stupid to come here, seeing that Osama was bitter and seemed to be unwilling to make their conversation an easy one. Why did it matter anyway, if Osama had shot Reed and saved his life? It had happened and the consequences were being seen to and it was all over.
Once, someone had told Khalid that healing a wound meant to refrain from touching it. But this was an injury that Khalid wanted to rip open and look inside of.
"I thought it would make up for my actions." Osama interrupted his thoughts, his eyes faraway. "I thought if I was going to die that night, I would make sure no one else would."
Khalid listened, struck. A shiver ran down his spine, and the silent room was suddenly filled with an echoing scream. Khalid could almost hear Sabrina's breath fading and he was filled with the fear he had felt that night. He thought she would die. He thought he would die, too.
Osama's eyes were still glassy and unfocused. "I knew I was wrong. I knew I made a mistake. I never wanted to kill people. I never wanted anyone to die."
His eyes snapped to Khalid's then, alert. "Why should he get away with it, taking lives? I killed him to wipe that bastard's smile off his face. So he could never feel pleasure in hurting anyone again. I killed him because I'm sick of seeing the world fall to people who enjoy seeing it do so."
Khalid was frozen in place, Osama's words hitting him in the gut. He understood him perfectly. He'd known Reed, known how his sick, demented mind worked. The guy was bent on making the world as broken as he was.
He didn't know how silent the room had become until an alarm beeped. They were given half an hour to visit inmates and thirty minutes was up. He stood, unsure of how to part with this man who had almost had Sabrina killed yet had saved them both.
"Tell me there's a happy ending." Osama said suddenly. "Tell me you're gonna marry her or something and everything I did wasn't in vain. Tell me everything is alright."
Khalid's chest hurt because he wasn't sure, wasn't able to tell Osama that everything was so much more complicated now. But if Khalid had been convinced of anything during this visit, it was that he'd opened his wound and peered inside. And that he had been given the chance to close it.
"It's not." He replied, turning to the door. "But it will be."
Khalid walked out the door, his mind on one thing: redemption. He would apologize to Sabrina. Not to be forgiven. Not to have the chance to be with her again. Not to make everything right in the world. But because he was alive and that was all that mattered to him right now.
The rest would unfold. And in'sha'Allah, it would be alright.
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Oh my, look at this slightly-longer-chapter-than-the-previous-chapters I have written. Your welcome. Just kidding. Thank you all for your support and comments. It continues to keep me going :)
Do you think Sabrina will forgive him? DO YOU THINK I COULD GET A HUG BECAUSE IM SICK AND I CANT FEEL MY NOSE?