Hey guys :D
Song on the side: "Words" by Skylar Grey.
NOT EDITED (yet)!
~ENJOY~
PART 26: Stoned sex theories
Avery's P.O.V.
“I’m Averyyyy,” I slurred.
My heart was pounding as the loud music travelled through my body.
“William,” he laughed pressing me further up against his naked torso.
It was actually the first time I danced with somebody on the bar but it was quite fun.
The barman offered us another round of shots. I was already too drunk but I didn’t exactly mind drinking more. I would end up throwing my life up anyway.
“Cheers,” William said and we drank the shots up.
“You have a pair of beautiful eyes, there,” I commented, still dancing, as I looked into his now blurred emeralds.
“Oh, come here,” he said and smashed his lips on mine.
We didn’t stopped dancing, even though our lips were moving hungrily on each other’s as the music was had taken over our minds and there was more alcohol in our bodies than blood.
I loved that dizziness. It, somehow, made my brain not work properly. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t remember, I couldn’t regret. I was not me. I was not hurt. I was not soulless. I was just a girl having the fun of a lifetime.
And I loved that.
We kept dancing on the bar. William’s hands roamed down my body making me giggle.
An original chick, wasn’t I?
“Come with me,” William whispered to my ear.
I nodded and let him help me get off the bar.
Good thing he grabbed my wrist because I could barely walk.
He led me behind the bar. We slid down against the wall and sat down on the freezing cold ground. I shuddered as the chilly air hit me, given that my skirt barely covered my butt.
That kind of 16-year-old slut…
William shoved his hand in the pocket of his jeans and soon revealed a tiny plastic bag with three or four white pills.
“Want one?” he asked.
“Avery, wake up!” Tristan’s voice called making my eyes snap open.
“What happened?” I asked anxiously and rubbed my eyes.
Now, Tristan was in my bedroom and the way he called my name made me think that my father had found us.
“You were whimpering so… I thought you were having another nightmare…” he explained.
Yes, Tristan didn’t only bring my memories back. He also brought my nightmares back. Asher’s dream catcher didn’t work on me anymore. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to help without him around me.
Or maybe… he was my dream catcher…
I stood up and opened the window feeling the urge to breathe. I went back to my bed and lay back down. I examined his figure. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against my closet. For some reason, he refused to lie down next to me. He was probably giving me some space, which I was thankful for.
“Every piece of my heart… Every piece of my body… Every piece of my soul…” I muttered locking my eyes into his.
“What?” he asked.
“Love… Love doesn’t exist, Will,” I mumbled laughing.
My head was spinning as the pill was making its way into my organism.
“No… No… No…” he said shaking his index finger.
“Love is real, Avery… Meaningful words said without second thought destroy everything…” he added.
“What do you mean?”
“We tend to say things we don’t mean because we know it’s what they want to hear.”
“But we make others happy this way.”
“Right…”
“Do you know what I think? We should not say things we don’t mean but when we love someone or need someone in our lives we should tell them… This way people know we actually want them to be around us…” I muttered not knowing how I managed to find the correct order of the words and create such a big phrase.
“I think you are true…”
“Aha…” I agreed.
“Avery?” Tristan asked.
“Every piece of my heart… Every piece of my body… Every piece of my soul… missed you every single moment after you left…” I murmured.
I knew it was totally irrelevant and it was like three in the morning but I needed to let this out.
“I know the feeling,” he replied looking away.
“Will you tell me what happened to you?”
“No.”
His facial features were cold and full of anger again as he clenched his jaw.
He whimpered lowly pressing his hand against his jaw.
“Is this any better?” I asked.
“Kinda…”
I couldn’t believe that Asher had lost control like that this morning. I mean, yeah, I could partially understand him but snapping at him like that was not exactly the most normal reaction. He seriously needed to learn how to control his anger already.
“Avery, want spend the day together?” he asked still refusing to look at me.
“Tomorrow, you mean?”
“Yup.”
“The day as in… the whole day? Together?” I repeated in shock.
“Yeah, Ave. Forget about the past and pretend that we are just people. No soul-destructive past, no doubtful present and no bleak future. Just the two of us. And the lump inside our stomachs.”
I glanced at my wrist. I couldn’t see my “Asher’s” tattoo in the middle of the complete darkness in my room but I could feel it there.
“Okay,” I mumbled uncertainly and shut my eyes.
But my future didn’t seem bleak when I was with Asher. I wasn’t the girl who would end up hating everyone around her in the process of fixing her soulless self. I could almost picture myself happy. Really happy. Genuinely happy. I could imagine my days being full of smiles, full of a pair of summer sky blue eyes looking at me lovingly and making me hate myself a little less every day.
But you know? I always destroyed what I have done. Like I used to destroy the towers of cards I made when I was younger by blowing, I was now destroying my only chance to feel again.
Well, in the end, I probably deserved it…
“I lifeguard at a local lake and every day an old couple walks in. They hold hands, he sets up her chair for her and stands there. He can’t swim, but every day he stays there to watch. When someone asked why, he said; “I told her I would always watch over her”. He said that 60 years ago. Morning baby girl.”
I opened my eyes and smiled at him.
Tristan knew I adored being woken up by a “Gives Me Hope” story every day.
Actually, when we were kids, he would sneak into my bedroom every Saturday morning and tell me one. I always snapped my eyes open immediately. I didn’t care about sleep anymore; I only wanted to hear the story.
“Thanks,” I told him.
“Anything that makes you smile, baby girl.”
I stood up yawning and headed to the bathroom.
Well, no matter how much I hated it, I couldn’t not notice how my body did not react.
No butterflies, no faster heartbeat, no sweet dizziness.
I had another light speed shower and went back to my room.
I made Tristan bury his face in my pillow and then slipped into a black skirt and a tight black top.
“Ready,” I informed grabbing my combat boots and a jacket.
We soon find ourselves sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee and pretending to eat.
“You still suffer from anemia, don’t you?” I asked him.
“No,” he replied.
“No, my ass. You don’t eat, Tristan.”
“Neither do you.”
“I’m healthy, though.”
“You’re on the verge of anorexia, Avery Danielle McKinnon. Plus, with the amount of blood you lose, I’m curious about how you manage to look healthy,” he said staring at the wall behind me.
“W-What blood?” I mumbled fidgeting.
“Do I look stupid? Your scars are obvious as fuck,” he replied angrily.
“Tristan I-“
“Save it. I won’t tell you to stop cause you’re going to ignore me. All I want to ask is why…”
“I was in the darkness so darkness I became,” I quoted.
“We all listen to Florence and the Machine, Ave, but I still don’t get you…”
“I suffer from major depression, Tristan.”
“You were fine when I left. Broken but fine.”
“Yeah but after Ali’s death…” I murmured filling my stomach twist.
He cringed. “I still cannot believe it…”
“Tell me about it…”
“Maybe it’s all my fault…”
“If there’s someone who should be blamed, that’s only me. If you didn’t have to save me from getting raped they wouldn’t have sent you away…”
“You’re stupid. I loved you more than I could even take. What did you expect me to do?!”
“You should have left…”
He hugged me the most tightly he could.
“I wouldn’t,” he said steadily.
I didn’t reply. We remained silent and I intertwined my fingers in between his so that I could block the memories from that day out of my mind.
Moments like this I thought that should stay as far away from Tristan as possible so that I could forget. I mean, he was my past. I couldn’t set myself free with him around. The problem, though, was that I couldn’t. Leaving Tristan was like leaving Ali. Along with one half of me.
Yeah but leaving Asher means losing your soul forever, Ave. Remember how he made you smile? How he made you happy?
Yes, but still. Apart from Tristan, I wasn’t the best influence for him. I mean, look how he reacted yesterday. All the anger he spent months to hold back was now released again.
Stop beating yourself up, for fuck’s sake. Stop being so weak. Chase happiness for once. You fucking deserve it.
“Tristan, do you think that I deserve to be happy?” I asked.
“Of course, Ave, what kind of a question is this?”
“What would make you happy?”
“Nothing, probably.”
See? I couldn’t leave Tristan. He suffered for me. I couldn’t be that selfish.
About an hour later my cellphone buzzed.
Cora.
I didn’t know if I had to pick it up.
I mean, if I wanted to stay away from Asher I had to stay away from the others, too.
But what if she needed something?
Ugh…!
“Hello?”
“Ave? It’s Cora.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Hey, listen… I know you’re with Tristan now but-“
“I’m not with him,” I stated dryly.
“Not the point. You still care about Ash anyway, don’t you?”
“O-Of course I do…” I heard myself saying.
“Then you should of talk to him. I mean, there’s a big cut on his cheekbone. He went to the club, Avery, I’m sure he did.”
I gulped loudly.
“He did what?!” I shrieked making everyone in the café turn around and look at me.
I mouthed a “Wait” at Tristan and made my way out.
“Why?!” I asked angrily.
Again… Even though Ash was not around he actually made me feel something. It was anger not happiness or something similar to it but still.
“He’s full of rage, Avery.”
“Do you think I should talk to him?”
“Probably… Go find him around 9pm, after practice.”
“Will do…”
“Be careful, though. We both know how he is when he’s too angry.”
I winced but didn’t change my mind. I had to talk to him and after all, it was all my fault.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Bye.”
“Laters.”
I stared blankly at my cellphone for some minutes. What was I supposed to tell him?
“You okay?” Tristan asked behind me.
“Yes but I will have to leave you around nine. I have something very important to do but it won’t take long.”
Hopefully.
“Okay, don’t worry… I want us to go somewhere before that, though.”
“Definitely,” I replied smiling.
He pulled me into a hug.
I didn’t really feel safe but I knew that I didn’t want him to let go.
“So, what are we gonna go now?” I asked.
He didn’t reply. He just grabbed my hand and started running.
I always loved that about Tristan. He was full of surprises. You never knew what to expect when he started running. In the past, he used to be my little piece of freedom.
We kept running until we reached the dock.
“What are we doing here?” I asked and he pointed at a modern, white boat.
“But it’s February! What if it the air gets too strong and creates waves great for surfers?”
“We die,” he replied.
I immediately regretted every time Ali and I made him watch ‘The notebook’ even though he tried tried to choke himself with popcorn in the process.
I stared into his ocean blue eyes for some minutes.
It was not like I was afraid of dying. Death used to be the only thing I wanted three months ago and right now it only seemed funny. Not natural, just funny. Death was my frenemy after all. Now, though, I didn’t want to die. It was all thanks to Asher but I really didn’t want to die.
“Okay,” I choked out feeling my neck burning.
“Are you scared?” he provoked taking some steps towards me so that our faces were inches away.
“Never have been, never will be,” I replied coldly.
He jumped in the boat and helped me in.
He took his place on front of the steering wheel while I lay down at the head of the boat inhaling deeply so that the freezing cold air could fill me up.
I finally felt like I was breathing, like there was enough oxygen around me.
“Do you feel like swimming?” he asked about half an hour later.
“Yes…” I breathed.
He came next to me and helped me stand up.
“Let’s do it, then,” he suggested.
“I don’t think so,” I murmured.
“Why not?” he asked.
“My cuts…” I replied avoiding eye-contact.
“Oh, okay, let’s go back then, shall we?”
“Y-Yeah…”
As I looked around I realized the coast was nowhere to be seen.
“Well, you know, screw this,” I said and stripped out of my clothes before jumping in the freezing cold water only in my underwear.
Moments like this I wished I could stay underwater forever.
Tristan’s arms were soon wrapped around me. His chest warmed me up and for the first time after his arrival he actually made my body quiver under his touch and my stomach stir happily.
I wanted this to last for a lifetime. I wanted to stay there forever.
“Tristan,” I breathed.
“You feel it too,” he mumbled.
I freed my body from his arms and went underwater so that I could that the dark water could swallow me up for some moments. For some reason I loved how I could see nothing in the ocean. Everything was a mystery…
“Ave?” Tristan’s voice called.
I slowly went back to the surface and after removing some salty water, I opened my eyes and faced him.
“We should get back. It will be dark soon and there’s something we need to do before you go… wherever you have to go.”
I nodded and we got on the boat again.
We stayed in the cabin for some minutes so that we could dry our bodies and hair and then we got dressed and he drove us back to the dock.
“So, what’s next?” I asked as he helped me get off the boat.
“Something we did a lot when we were young only in a different way,” he replied.
“How I love it when ignorance is less confusing than your answer…”
“Just follow me, skittle-babe.”
Well, calling me ‘skittle-babe’ meant that he was about to talk to me, right?
Maybe.
He got in a small green truck and I jumped in the passenger’s seat.
He drove us to a field we used to visit a lot when we were younger.
When I realized what he had in mind, I couldn’t help the smile which crawled to my lips.
We used to come here, lie down on the dirty ground and talk endlessly about our future lives, our dreams, our fears. Everything. It was like a place for confessions to us. I mean, he brought me here to tell me he was in love with me.
In love…
With me…
Damn these words!
He turned the engine off and we climbed in the back. We lay down side by side and looked up at the dark sky.
There were no clouds and some stars were clearly visible… Beauty and magic.
“My soul,” he mumbled lowly.
“What?” I asked still looking at the sky.
“Those years I was away… They were torturing my soul…”
I remained silent holding back the tears which wouldn’t come anyway…
“At the beginning I managed to deal with it… I fought against it, I even dreamt of you sometimes telling me I’m a fighter like you did when I argued with your father… One day, though, I just woke up and realized I was empty,” he trailed off.
“Empty…” I repeated.
“Soulless. Lifeless. Worthless.”
Soulless?
Lifeless?
Worthless?
But… Tristan was always three words for me.
Strength. Love. Inspiration.
He was always the one who gave Ali the strength she needed to go on. What did they do to him?
“You’re an angel,” I mumbled truthfully.
“I am fucking dead inside.”
I rolled over so that I was lying on top of him.
“You’re still my love, my strength and my inspiration, Tristan. It will take time but you’re gonna be okay…”
“Like Ali?”
I ignored the stub at my stomach.
“No… Because you’re not going to leave.”
“How do you know?”
“You wouldn’t leave knowing that I need you.”
He stared into my eyes understanding I was right.
“You’re an angel like that,” I whispered and then did the only thing that felt right.
I pressed my lips against his.
~*~
Hmmm...
In case you don't remember... William is the waiter from the bar where Avery met Asher's friends for the first time :)
THANKS FOR READING!
COMMENT
&
VOTE
<3